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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 1:43:31 PM   
shootingstar67


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Joined: 10/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez


quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

People in this life have the same issues/preferences then anyone else. So no, this life the people are not any different in how they see physical beauty. Some does not matter at all, for some it matters more then anything to a big detriment and for most it is part of the overall compatibility but not quite something we could tangibly describe.




Yeah. Maybe the people who are saying that tend to generalize more. It is just I have heard from people who said the lifestyle helped them accept their phyical flaws because a perfect body tended to matter less. Actually I read it on the web somewhere. And then a second generation slave who used to be my mentor kept saying that too.


People in this life are like most others and for some that means taking qualities/preferences that they like about themselves and making them nobler through fancier words or theories that this life can offer up. At the same time minimalize things they do not like about themselves the same way.

I think though most of this happens to anyone it is that they found their best path to travel and a bit of over romanticizing happens, very natural thing to do. It is classic human behavior of wanting to feel special/better then others.




Yes now that I think of it she used alot of "better then thou" terms like "wanna be" and " true sub/slave/dom" etc

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 2:30:01 PM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps not for "play experience" but D/s relationships are like others when it comes to attraction.  I have to be attracted to those I am in a relationship with. 

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Vanilla Explained! - 11/6/2007 2:37:24 PM   
LillithWithin


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline 		Many thanks for that link -- I'd been wondering who'd decided I was vanilla.


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RE: Vanilla Explained! - 11/6/2007 2:45:05 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		If looks mattered to a person before they got into D/s BDSM then it's not likely to change that much because they found it.
Same goes the other way if looks were secondary tertiary or further down the list before then after they will remain about the same.
The only thing that changes is that one additional parameter gets measured and placed somewhere on the priority list of attributes.

Short answer finding BDSM and D/s does not usually change a person's depth of character.

(in reply to LillithWithin)
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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 2:49:31 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		i wanted to add to what i said previously, in that if i were to be looking for an actual relationship (rather than extra-part time players to interact with my current relationship) then looks and attraction would be much more important to me than on a casual basis.

The attraction has to be there on a physical level for me....

Still, if i were to ever find myself without my Master for whatever reason, i'd take a man i was less physically attracted to who was Dom than a vanilla one with all the qualities that i dig physically.


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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 2:51:03 PM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline 		To quote my role model, Miss Piggy:

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”

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RE: Vanilla Explained! - 11/6/2007 2:52:26 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

If looks mattered to a person before they got into D/s BDSM then it's not likely to change that much because they found it.
Same goes the other way if looks were secondary tertiary or further down the list before then after they will remain about the same.
The only thing that changes is that one additional parameter gets measured and placed somewhere on the priority list of attributes.

Short answer finding BDSM and D/s does not usually change a person's depth of character.


But a person can still have depth of charachter-and not be physically attracted to some sorts.

I wish people would quit defining sexual chemistry as "shallow". It comes across as sour grapes.

It just is.

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 2:53:41 PM   
RRafe


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Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLegs

To quote my role model, Miss Piggy:

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”


That's just mean. Quit reminding me of my Dolcett fantasy for Miss Piggy.

< Message edited by RRafe -- 11/6/2007 2:54:09 PM >

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 2:58:27 PM   
MasterJBK


Posts: 89
Joined: 3/7/2005
Status: offline 		intelligence matters to me first and foremost then looks. b/c you can look good and be a complete brain dead human being (we all know someone like this). looks only matters to people who are more interested in sex and i am speaking for myself. that is why i look for intelligence first and looks second.

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RE: Vanilla Explained! - 11/6/2007 3:03:00 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Wow you got shallowness out of that? hmmmmmmmm.

I avoided the word shallow because it was not the right word.
Character and integrity means that the spoken values and the displayed values match up well.
However maybe the underlying meanings make depth of character in this case infers shallowness?

As for sour graps, I think your own mind is seeing things reflected.

BDSM or D/s is not likely to change much about a person's values.
If physical beauty was #1 or #662486364196 on their list of values before they found the lifestyle, then it's likely to shift maybe one place up or down at the most.

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RE: Vanilla Explained! - 11/6/2007 3:06:35 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

Wow you got shallowness out of that? hmmmmmmmm.

I avoided the word shallow because it was not the right word.
Character and integrity means that the spoken values and the displayed values match up well.
However maybe the underlying meanings make depth of character in this case infers shallowness?

As for sour graps, I think your own mind is seeing things reflected.

BDSM or D/s is not likely to change much about a person's values.
If physical beauty was #1 or #662486364196 on their list of values before they found the lifestyle, then it's likely to shift maybe one place up or down at the most.



You only matched my point. The underlying person is what they are. But prefferences in attraction seem to be subjective. If you wish to see the sour grapes-you have only to go look at a "fat chicks" thread. I doubt you will find much of ME reflected there-but enough vinegar to clean out an average city sewer IS.

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:18:59 PM   
wisteriaV


Posts: 438
Joined: 3/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hmm. I'm not BoDerek by any concept of the imagination, nor am I a candidate for Abdul the tent maker. I'm me and the one thing that attracts me to a person is their intellect. Outer looks fade, tits sag, pussy lips get wrinkly,dicks need viagara..but the mind and heart and soul of a person shines brighter over time..it only improves.

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:24:59 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		No, I don't date fuglies!


Just kidding.  Attraction to someone is wrapped up in so much more than just their literal physical appearance.  For example, I'm not attracted to a guy I see in a magazine, period.  I might catagorize him as good-looking, but attraction is not there.  If I see him in person, get to observe the way he walks and interacts with the world, there's possibility for attraction.  When I first started talking to my Dominant through CM, I thought he looked creepy in his pictures and was worried he'd be um...not attractive.   Then we met and I was pleasantly suprised because there was a lot of attraction and chemistry from the get go.

If I'm going to spend the time tying someone up or some kind of s&m-ish art, I will make sure it is someone good-looking and someone who is alright with pictures being taken.


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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:27:21 PM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wisteriaV

Hmm. I'm not BoDerek by any concept of the imagination, nor am I a candidate for Abdul the tent maker. I'm me and the one thing that attracts me to a person is their intellect. Outer looks fade, tits sag, pussy lips get wrinkly,dicks need viagara..but the mind and heart and soul of a person shines brighter over time..it only improves.


This guy? He is cute. Is he extremely picky?

http://www.buddysbroads.com/abdul.cfm

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:34:20 PM   
shootingstar67


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline 		waaaaahhhhh this thead made me drop my ice cream cone!!! 

oh wait..thats a good thing! I graduated!!!! YAAA

I find situations like this would be more focused on looks.  If the same guys that turned me down here had the opportunity to work with me or live next door then they would find themselves attracted. I am sure about this

< Message edited by shootingstar67 -- 11/6/2007 3:35:48 PM >

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:39:40 PM   
Leonardo


Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline 		It is said that "you can't judge a book by its cover", but publishers generally spend tons of money on the cover.

However, generally, it is also said that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" so if he be holding you chances are to him you have beauty.

Different folks are attracted to different folks.

(in reply to shootingstar67)
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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:53:59 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67
I heard a rumor. I heard that  while pulchritude is extremely important to the vanilla male, it is less important to the D/s male. Do you think this is generally true?
How true do you think this is for you?  .... would you pursue an average looking female over a beautiful one less who is less combatible with you (or not interested) and if so would you end up valuing her/loving her less because of her appearence?


From a female's stand point, looks in D/s have the same importance that they do in vanilla relationships; at least as far as I'm concerned they do. They matter, but I look at the whole package. For me, it comes down to compatability in all areas - sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual, personality, values, moral, ethics, etc.

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:55:52 PM   
InkedMaster


Posts: 342
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Personally chemistry does it for me, the right combination of looks, personality, humor, kink and ambitions. So let's see if I could have a drop dead gorgeous woman but no kink what-so-ever? Not gonna happen, or, if I could have a woman that would meet and even exceed all my kink but she looked like she fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every motherfucking branch on the way down? Not gonna happen either. So do I settle for in between a lil of this a lil of that and live with it? Nope, I don't settle, all or nothing and thankfully I was rewarded with a slave that in my eyes is drop dead gorgeous and meets and exceeds all my kink. I don't see the question as do looks matter less in D/s as I see what are you as an individual willing to put forth in an effort to find your hearts desire, and it takes an effort, it is work, it doesn't happen overnight and when it finally does it'll fall in your lap when least expecting it. Some people are willing to settle, I'm not.

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 3:56:20 PM   
interestedfemale


Posts: 18
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		This answer comes from both myself and my Master. Looks tend to be shallow, compatible seems to work for both of us. WE/we both have been married, both have had quite a few relationships in and out of lifestyle. Bending to what "Society" and "Media" deems attractive.  And WE/we both feel the same way. WE/we are not models but not so ugly that you cross the street either......lol.....
But WE/we both agree on the personality, compatibility, and commonality in bed.......works.......both in the vanilla and of course in the BDSM lifestyle.
Again for some people, looks are part of the compatibility.....for us........vanity goes along with that society/media look......kinda stuffs you into a mold.....or makes you rigid. Master says he is attracted by attitude and personality, all too often, the body that possesses what the media tells we should desire comes with an attitude and personality that is made up of the same card board that the attractive picture is glued too....... 
Again everything works different for different people, this is just our opinion.......it works for US/us........

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RE: Do looks matter less in D/s? - 11/6/2007 4:03:59 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez


quote:

ORIGINAL: shootingstar67

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

People in this life have the same issues/preferences then anyone else. So no, this life the people are not any different in how they see physical beauty. Some does not matter at all, for some it matters more then anything to a big detriment and for most it is part of the overall compatibility but not quite something we could tangibly describe.




Yeah. Maybe the people who are saying that tend to generalize more. It is just I have heard from people who said the lifestyle helped them accept their phyical flaws because a perfect body tended to matter less. Actually I read it on the web somewhere. And then a second generation slave who used to be my mentor kept saying that too.


People in this life are like most others and for some that means taking qualities/preferences that they like about themselves and making them nobler through fancier words or theories that this life can offer up. At the same time minimalize things they do not like about themselves the same way.

I think though most of this happens to anyone it is that they found their best path to travel and a bit of over romanticizing happens, very natural thing to do. It is classic human behavior of wanting to feel special/better then others.




Add to that,that many in places like this live in a fantasy world-where everyone should be acceptable as desirable and wonderful-no matter what.

Then assholes like me come along and spoil it all-by refusing to be disingenuous.


I think also there is a tendency among both kinky and non kinky folk to try to lump all "BDSMers" together and to try to make them a single group to be judged as such. I like to imagine that lifestylers are more gracious and accepting of others because they have found a way to embrace and accept themselves but i have found no more enlightened people among kinky folk than i have found among those plain old vanillas.  For some the D/s lifestyle will become a path to personal growth but i find the people i respect the most in the lifestyle or not are those who do not go around with a "better than thou" attitude. The wisest people are those who know that they still have much to learn.

Except of course my Master...he's God!  

_____________________________

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"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 40
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