Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the gay community


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the gay community Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/14/2007 9:18:47 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberchicdoll

Its not the youth that make the opinions here, the youth embraces different.   Its those in charge of things, who are usually in the 55 plus age group and who never go out after dark and drive well insured volvos and have never visited a sex shop(this is said tongue in cheek but i think we all know the types). 


I hate to say this, but young people are just as judgmental as old people.  Throw in the fact that young people are more likely to be forced to live with other young people they aren't related to for economic reasons (i.e. roommates, housemates, etc) you'll find that any deviation can mean becoming ostracized for any number of things as CuriousLord pointed out.

The older we get, the better our chances of having at least the economic freedom to live where and how we wish.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to cyberchicdoll)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/14/2007 9:57:32 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3
Are you citing a state court decision about a heterosexual relationship that only applies to a limited employment practice as some basis for suggesting homosexuality somehow applies?  Lawyers and judges cite cases all the time, that doesn't make any precedence whatsoever and certainly not national precedence.

The Lawerence decision if read in its entirety makes it very clear the Supremes are steering clear of the homosexuality issue.  Hell when does this current Court ever not avoid ongoing debates?

Edited to add: while this debate is interesting, it has nothing to do with the OP's questions, so let's let it rest, shall we?


It's at the heart of the OP's question--that's why I'm talking about it.  The question is whether homosexuality is more socially oprobrious than BDSM--who is further in the closet? 

My claim is that homosexuality is much more accpetable than BDSM intimacy, because (homo)sexuality is still sexuality--BDSM, in the SM and BD parts, is not merely or solely sexual/inimate in the way our society defines such.  Much of what we do is explicitly illegal, and other parts implicitly illegal, because they are prima facie indistinguishable from violence--the consent which we see as the grounds for seeing this conduct as acceptable, relational and ethical is generally not recognized.

Homosexuality however, is implicitly protected conduct because of he 14th amendment.  You are right that the decision is not about homosexuality--you are clearly a better critical thinker than our "anal sex" friend who confuses a complaint with an opinion.  the decision is about how far the state can intrude in private lives, and extends the penumbra of rights we enjoy.  Because of this, whether there is a law or not saying "You can't fire anyone for sucking dick" or "You can't fire someone for shacking up with someone," the fact is, outside the one exception of the US military, in America, you can't fire someone for sucking dick, or liking the same sex, or shacking up with someone else.  The Hobbs vs Pender decision doesn't set a precedent--it recognizes the Garner precednet.  See, the SCOTUS makes a decision, like "Laws about private sexual matters like sodomy violate the 14th amendment," and then lower courts like the state court, go "Oh, so that sets a precedent I apply here."

Homosexuality, outside of military service, can't be the locus of state action, and so what our brilliant,  "I'LL GO WITH WHAT DER LAW PERFERFESSOR WROTE!"said is intensely, mind-numbingly wrong. 

We have more work to do in homosexual rights, but the Garner decision made a huge stride forward for all people, gay, straight and in between, by taking the state out of the bedroom.  You can't be fired for having hot, man on man sex.

But you can be arrested, fired and put in jail for tying up and whipping your leather boi.


Actually dc's comments were correct and stated politely as usual.  You will find many of mine on this forum are not.  I am the one that has something to learn from dc, as do you as your personal slams on dc were clearly innapropriate as was the "anal sex" comment. 

Actually the law was rather clear on privacy before Hardwick, it just seemed to make some exception where sensabilities were offended, you know...conservative bullshit made bad caselaw.  So in essence I guess the Lawerence decision may be some headway for homosexuality in that it actually said no this is and has always been the law and Hardwick was wrong.  However, as I stated before, Lawerence is not really about homosexuality and the court makes it very clear they are not going there at all.  Then again, homosexuality, gay marriage, abortion...when does the court ever actually attempt to do anything other than run from these issues?  Given the current makeup of the Supremes, I'm fairly certain we don't want them to decide it anyway as it would be some unworkable conservative compromise.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/14/2007 10:09:23 AM >


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/14/2007 9:58:42 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
most of the bdsmers in the closet are in punishment

Master

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/14/2007 10:02:09 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: downkitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

From Lambda Legal's employment-issues page:

[T]o this day, workplace concerns remain the number one topic for our Help Desk callers. In Lambda Legal's 2005 Workplace Fairness Survey, 39 percent of gay and lesbian workers reported experiencing some form of harassment or discrimination in the past five years.


Do you have any information on the number of 'people' who admitted to being harassed?  Is the number of homosexual people being harrassed higher, lower, even with the number of people in general being harassed?  The last sexual harassement training I attended cited something like 40% of women admitting to being harassed in some form or another.  I've never really researched this, so I admit I may not be in the loop, but I was under the impression that people in general are treated like shit in the workforce. I was not aware that is was significantly different if you were homosexual rather than a woman, or black or Mormon or 'insert minority of your choice here.'

My other question would be, what happens when they file a complaint?  Are their concerns being addressed?  People will be bullies if allowed, or at least a percentage will be.  Do corporations back up their harassement laws?  I really don't know so am genuinely asking.  I havent worked for a large corporation in a long time.  I do know that as a full-charge bookkeeper, one of my duties is cleaning toilets.  It doesn't bother me, but I know many women in my field that would condsider that discrimination.

Respectfully,

Amy




Amy, the problem is filing a complaint means outting themselves officially.  While they are not a protected class and subject to arbitrary personal judgments based on orientation, that's not either easy or a good idea.  Women are a protected class.  One cannot be fired for being female (if it can be proven, which is always the problem with discrimination and harassment suits of a nonovert manner).  Sexual harassment does not extend to classification by orientation, although clearly any comments about one's sexual life might be harassment including orientation.  Comparing females and gays is a nonstarter legally.  One is recognized by the law to be a valid class with rights and protections, the other is not in any form.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to downkitty)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/14/2007 4:33:41 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Do you have any information on the number of 'people' who admitted to being harassed?  Is the number of homosexual people being harrassed higher, lower, even with the number of people in general being harassed?


I don't have numbers, alas, though I've been Googling madly to find them. Fwiw, the Lambda Legal site said they get "thousands" of calls, and that workplace issues are the number one topic. 

quote:

I was under the impression that people in general are treated like shit in the workforce.


Sad to say, you're probably right.

quote:

I was not aware that is was significantly different if you were homosexual rather than a woman, or black or Mormon or 'insert minority of your choice here.'


I imagine each group faces distinct and serious challenges. It would also depend on the makeup of any particular workplace. I should stress, as I did in an earlier post, that I'm not claiming that gays and lesbians are more trod upon than everyone else, and I try to stay away from what I call competitive oppression. I'm simply saying that the employment situation for gays and lesbians is not as rosy as some posts made it sound.

quote:

My other question would be, what happens when they file a complaint?  Are their concerns being addressed? 


I'm guessing that varies with where the complaint is filed: the company, an EEOC, the courts. The Lambda site did say that many folks don't go the legal route because they can't afford the $5,000 to $25,000 retainer an employment lawyer would want.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to downkitty)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/15/2007 11:54:08 AM   
cyberchicdoll


Posts: 21
Joined: 10/18/2007
Status: offline
MystressDream ty for sharing a reality that i have seen time and time again. ignorence of the city  fathers stopping a lifstyle out let.  Did any of the city council visit the club was things going on explained i bet they were.  If it isnt in the heart to understand then people wont understand.  I can offer nothing more than my heart felt wishes that your club suceeds and goes on  i would like to keep in touch and learn how it goes. your comment about it being political is so true what does any one else think.
IS BEING LIFESTYLE THE NEW GAY IN POLITICAL CIRCLES ARE WE JUST ANOTHER WAY TO WIN AN ELECTION TO HAVE AN OPINION ON SOMETHING THE GENERAL VOTERS KNOW NOTHING ABOIUT?

Thank you again for some good postings.  The legal position in the U.S.A concerning being gay is different than it is in the U.K., so ty for telling me some things i didnt know. 

The position on the psychalogical side in the U.K sadism and masochism were only taken off the list of things you could be commited for in the 80's(please correct me if i have the decade wrong) being a massochist is still on the statutes as a thing you can advised to get treatment for as i have been offered that treatment as a pain slut and a serious edge play fan. By my x husband at that lol. 

_____________________________

The more i learn the more ignorant i realise i am, educating myself every day lol

(in reply to MystressDream)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/15/2007 12:35:40 PM   
feralangel


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline
Hi, i'm new but happen to be bisexual so I can speak from a little prespective on this issue.  Three years ago if you had asked me I was straight. 

One thing that I don't think was mentioned is that sexuality is a little harder for some of us to hide then bdsm activities.  Bdsm really never comes up at work.  However,  people talk about who they are dating at work, especially if you work in a place where the same people have been there awhile.  Also, everyone goes out to the christmas party and invites their significant others.  I recently found myself last Valentines day having a date with a girl i'd been dating for 6 months and was really excited about it.  Everyone else was going out after work and I simply said I wasn't going because I had a date.  I didn't tell them who with because I didn't feel comfortable.  I'm also one of those people who by appearance or the way I carry myself people automatically assume i'm gay.  I just walk in the door and alot of times people go.. there is a lesbian.

However, in the year that i've been working there fetish and bdsm related activities were not brought up.  Also, I don't think that kind of conversation belongs at work.  The work place is full of shifty behavior and people will find plenty to gossip about without giving them more.  I don't feel the desire or need to talk about my sexual practices at work.  However, on my own time i'm pretty out about the fact that I am very involved in bdsm and make no excuses or apologies for it.  If people can't handle that they can find someone else to talk to.  A long time ago I realized it wasn't worth my time or energy to give my time to people who couldn't accept me as is.  And after I started distancing myself from people I didn't feel comfortable being really honest with i've found i'm a much more happy person.

I guess i'm still in the closet when it comes to both things.  The people at work know about me being bisexual.  I've worked with them for over a year.  They don't know about my kinky life and they don't need to.  They are kind of intolerant and homophobic.  I think there is alot more for people in the gblt community where I live.  I think part of not feeling in the closet for me is finding and seeking out others who you can talk to about the crazy stuff we are into.  Here, for bdsm those circles of foks are pretty scattered and we have little to no cohesiveness, which I find pretty sad because I know there are kinky people here.

Anyway, kind of rambled.
Take care,
the feral sub with many names.



(in reply to Prinsexx)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the ga... - 11/15/2007 1:04:57 PM   
acbetman2


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline
Wow!  This was an AWESOME message board.  I've only been here a few days but I read every single post and reply.   I found the "legal" discussion interesting although some of it I had difficulty following.  Clearly the 3 main contributors have some legal training.  As for downkitty, I wrote to you individually but your comments/questions come across, to me, conservatively.  By that I mean, they don't appear to be interesting in extending rights and protections to anyone--especially anyone not already protected. 

(in reply to feralangel)
Profile   Post #: 68
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Are lifestyle people more in the closet than the gay community Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.063