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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 7:58:35 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

So if what you say forsake others is just meaningless in a marriage vow so taking a collar has that same meaning where do you draw the line


You do realize that those wedding vows are not written in stone right? You don't have to say that to get married. You can make your own now. It's really nifty, I can even promise to obey while Valyraen promises to command.


sure it is not written in stone But the value of it is. or Promise. Yes Not everyone has that in their wedding vows this is true. But if then the meaing of commited realtionship has little or no meaning to what you set or say like a catch 22


Really?!

Well, let's see my husband and I will celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary in May. We have one of the strongest and most healthy marriages I've seen in my lifetime, and in fact, others tell us this all the time.

On top of that, I have own Fox for over 8 years and he's lived with us for the last 6 of those.

My family is very stable and very healthy but thanks for your judgmental concern about us.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 8:05:28 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I guess that one flew of your head lol. Like  jet on rocket fuel . YOU keep trying to twist my post into me me me it is all general. When the computer button goes off so does my thoughts about what goes on here. So you can think what ever YOU want or assume what ever It is kinda like chess. which piece will i move next. You will never know. SO Keep to the topic.  Do not worry about what position I am taking other then this.  The whole thread deals with responsiblity  yep  

< Message edited by LATEXBABY64 -- 11/21/2007 8:54:35 AM >

(in reply to susie)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 8:13:18 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I am sexually monogamous and will only be in a sexually monogamous relationship, but have no problem with and indeed embrace both myself and my partner having non sexual play with others. I know, in person, several poly families and they are all very happy and wonderful people. They found what works for them and fulfills them. I know what works for me and fulfills me which is different from them. What business is it of mine how they live if all are happy? What business is it of yours? There is no one true way. There's what works for each.

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(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 8:22:30 AM   
susie


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Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I guess that one flew of your head lol. Like  jet on rock fuel . YOU keep trying to twist my post into me me me it is all general. When the computer button goes off so does my thoughts about what goes on here. So you can think what ever YOU want or assume what ever It is kinda like chess. which piece will i move next. You will never know. SO Keep to the topic.  Do not worry about what position I am taking other then this.  The whole thread deals with responsiblity  yep  


NO it does not deal with responsibility. It is all about your issues with monogamy and open relationships. Face it your issue is you cannot understand how people can be happy in non monogamous relationships. As we have all said, we take responsibility for our perfectly happy well adjusted relationships.

I am keeping to the topic. The only person who does not is you because as soon as someone questions you as to your posts you run away. I think anyone reading this thread will be perfectly well aware of what the issues are.

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 8:37:05 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		Okay, I am trying to get you, Latexbaby64, so, please tell me if I have this right:  You are concerned with people who break their marriage vows and the lack of responsibility it shows.  You seem also concerned about people who claim to be in poly or open relationships when there might be miscommunication or misinterpretation.  I could be wrong, but I think you wre originally interested in how other people felt about those things in particular.  I would never play wiht a married person unless I had met their spouse and knew everything was fine.  In fact, I would not play with anyone who had not met my husband either, since he approves anyone I play with.  It is part of how he takes care of me.  Usually that play was impact and bondage only, without any sex.  Play has only included sex of any kind with one Master, after over a year of play without any sexual activity.  When we moved to a sexual relationship, it was with full knowledge and consent of my husband, and with his wife (my sisterslave) in the room the first time, just to make sure she was really okay with it.  In fact, our spouses were the ones who declared that they had such trust and faith in us, they would be fine with us starting a sexual relationship.  There is no cheating here, nor any lies.  We are all best friends, hang out socially and have even talked of merging our households.  I can't imagine jeopardizing any of our relationships by dealing dishonestly.
In our marriage vows we did not include the line about forsaking all others, though we were not poly at the time and never envisioned our lives as they are now.  We did include things about growing together rather than apart and both of us have mentioned that growing into poly was something that we did together.  If my husband had never decided to let me play with others, I would still be monogamous to the man I love and married.  Since he has full knowedge and input, we have simply defined faithful differently than many.  I hope that gives insight into one way that this can work.  I fully respect that you may never seek a similar situation, but I hope you can understand how mine works for all of us. 

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 8:59:16 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		Yep Pretty Much It . But i am not concerned about what peoiple. everything we do effects someone in some way. sometimes people are not honest with their own feelings or ideas. Some are finding their way In our lifestyle

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:01:36 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		Well Hell bent on making it a me thing what ever you really off base but thats on you. I could care aless what people do. If you get burned its  you own fault for not being honest with yourself and those around you. I wish instead of most people living for the moment try living for the future. makes a hell of alot difference 

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:03:12 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


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Joined: 4/7/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

If I had a pound for every time I have heard the same kind of thing from the OP I would be a very rich person. You are not confused by this situation at all as it is something you comment on constantly.

I am in the most committed relationship I have ever been in. I love my partner and in am in doubt that he loves me too. When we first got together we agreed the terms of our relationship. One of the things we agreed to was that he would see / play with other people and I would not. Both of us fully understood what we were agreeing to and neither of us has any issues with the agreement. It is never cheating as when he sees other people I am totally aware of where he is and who he is seeing so it trully is an open relationship. I realise that situation would not work for you but there are many many people that it would work for. That does not make it wrong for those that are happy in their relationships, and yes they really are happy.

I agree with the poster that said you need help with your issue with this. The chip on your shoulder is now as big as the Grand Canyon but nowhere near as attractive.

Thank you susie for saying almost exactly what I've wanted to say.

Z-

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(in reply to susie)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:06:53 AM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		I am married, I am the s-type in the relationship. We NEVER considered sharing each other, but at one point we did explore the possibility of public play. We decided to completely withdraw from r/t functions because we didn't want to ever put the temptation of sharing each other into the mix. Once you do it, you can't ever take it back, and we don't want to test that.

Personally, I believe in the sanctity of my marriage, but I know there are people out there who have open relationships. If it works for them, who am I to judge? We can only do what's right for us.

_____________________________

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(in reply to akisha)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:08:31 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Latex - why do you have to make it into a 'them and us' situation?
Why not just concentrate on your own life and get on with it - and not be concerned with other peoples?
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:12:44 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		It is A difference of boundries of do's and do nots for each person Think what ever !!!

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:13:37 AM   
sandman59


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		The problem I see is that with what I am looking for and knowing that the one that deserves this part of me...I want her full time, all the time...and if she is with another...that would cause me a void that she can't fill. So married...not for me...

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:18:56 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Latexbaby let me pose these scenarios to you, I really am having trouble understanding your viewpoint.1) Bob & Sue are married, they love each other.They each agree the other can have sex outside the marriage but don't want to know the details.2) Bob & Sue are married, they love each other. They each agree the other can have sex outside the marriage and frequently are friends with the other sex partners.3) Bob & Sue are still married and still love each other. Bob is a dom but Sue isn't into BDSM at all. She tells Bob it's okay for him to have a submissive on the side. Okay from what I think I understand of your view, in each case this is cheating because they are married?

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:19:31 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

I could care aless what people do.


It would be nice if you would start caring less about what people that have no impact on you do rather than making all the highly inaccurate assumptions that you have been making on this thread.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:23:08 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know anything about the OP, only from his posts on the forums, but from what I can deduce here, some people, like the OP, have had some very hurtful experiences with a particular topic, this one for example.

So they post about it under the guise of getting other's opinions. When presented with the many options that people's lives are comprised of, they get upset because they did not hear validation of their own thoughts.

Instead of getting the reality that there are truly many different views and ways of conducting relationships, even if they differ with yours.

Some people can read, without comprehending.

Some can hear, without listening.

I think that the OP is suffering from this.

(in reply to sandman59)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:23:42 AM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

Well Hell bent on making it a me thing what ever you really off base but thats on you. I could care aless what people do. If you get burned its  you own fault for not being honest with yourself and those around you. I wish instead of most people living for the moment try living for the future. makes a hell of alot difference 


OK I will say this as simply as I can so even you can understand it. I am not living for the moment. I am living long term and am in a committed relationship with someone I love very much. We are in this relationship for the long term. I know you do not like to hear that people can be happy in open relationships but they can be.

If it does not work for you fine. Leave people alone that are happy. Why should it bother you if I and my partner are in an open relationship. How the fuck does it have any effect on you or your life?

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:36:08 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: susie

. As many here have told you, including me, we are in open relationships. There is NO cheating and NO lying. I know what he is doing and when he is doing it and I am happy that he is doing it.

Nobody is getting hurt, not me, not him.


I have settled on a dynamic that is an open relationship where he has asked me to tell him what I am doing. I will and I do as it as far as i can see it a reversal for me and for Him of what we were expected to do in the vanilla world. If I told then I was punished by threat of divorde, witholding the mortgage payments, and the gold card etc. I told the turth in each marriage and paid the price but I did not sell out. I just can't keep up lies.
Now I have accepted a Dominant who has made it perfectly clear that if I tell him the truth it arouses him.....lucky me and I have the freedom therefore to do as I please as long as i tell the truth. To me this is of the highest moral order. However it has also been made perfectly clear to me that I have no rights to ask or to know what He s doing and that has really pushed one of my limits because he has set out a different set of commitments for him than for me. But then he is the Dominant. It was either that dynamic or the highroad and so I am learning not to ask, not to need to know and trust that what makes him happy makes me happy.



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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:39:14 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't know anything about the OP, only from his posts on the forums, but from what I can deduce here, some people, like the OP, have had some very hurtful experiences with a particular topic, this one for example.


dear sexyred....but I think more than the OPener does this. I have truied to post with the personal content and just get pulled down, shot down andshredded for hanging out dirty laundry yet it is very difficult to post what sounds like a cry for help, a need for in put and advice, whislt witholding the personal information.

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 9:46:55 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't know anything about the OP, only from his posts on the forums, but from what I can deduce here, some people, like the OP, have had some very hurtful experiences with a particular topic, this one for example.


dear sexyred....but I think more than the OPener does this. I have truied to post with the personal content and just get pulled down, shot down andshredded for hanging out dirty laundry yet it is very difficult to post what sounds like a cry for help, a need for in put and advice, whislt witholding the personal information.

Hi Prinsexx, I understand that totally, and I do the same thing, but my point was that the thread was going on and on without the OP seeming to understand the various other views that people were presenting. I thought I would point out to that his "chip on shoulder" was likely due to unresolved issues with this same topic and he could not or would not listen to others.

We all do this at one time or another, but I know I try vigilantly and fail sometimes, to listen to others opinions without adding my color to it. I think when I feel too closely affected by a topic, I should stay out of it, because when it strikes too close to home, as this one seems to for the OP, then nothing good comes of it, since it gets into arguments with no one seeing the other's side.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/21/2007 9:48:30 AM >

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RE: WOW totally confuzzled - 11/21/2007 10:53:57 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		It's a waste of precious breath trying to discuss with a mind that is blocked by insecurities and anger.



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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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