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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 7:06:52 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

What I find kinda sad about this thread is this sense of judgment against women who fully express their sexual power the way they desire to. If they want to exchange power with one person and have kinky hot sex with one person... Go Them! If a woman wants to have sex with many men and that is their kink and they are honest about that, I do not see anything of a put down about that.(I am not saying you were putting down anyone camille, I just only wanted to make one post here).
 So how does that make for a slut? I revel in being a sexual woman, I have carnal desires that I don't hide. I am greedy, I am needy and unashamed of that. That isn't being a slut, at least to me. However I do see that I am in the very small minority on seeing the word 'slut' as a perjorative. I fuck, I suck but I'm not a slut. I'm a woman who isn't afraid of sex. I just don't get, and I mean I really don't get the concept of using crude language when there are so many beautiful words. To me the word slut is crude at its most basic level, I don't see sex like that. Yeah it is wet, messy, often noisy heh but not crude to me. Not something that makes me cringe. Just like asserting myself over something doesn't make me a bitch. Also kind of like the way that the fact that I have one doesn't make me a cunt. I'm just going to chalk this up as yet another thing that I don't understand, for reasons I don't understand.  Edited to add that while I said 'I fuck, I suck' I can't actually suck due to my TMJ..but it fit with the idea I was trying to get across heh. I am a suck wannabe. Hmm 'suck' is another word I don't use when something goes wrong. It means suction to me... alas.

< Message edited by camille65 -- 11/24/2007 7:08:54 AM >

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 7:11:54 AM   
AbsitInvidia


Posts: 164
Joined: 11/23/2007
Status: offline 		Agreed.  I think a slut is someone who is indiscriminate about it...not just someone who enjoys sex.  The definition tends to be based around promiscuity, not sexuality.

I'm not really judging the women who are sluts one way or another...this thread is about the word itself.  I see the word as a negative one because I would only use it as an insult, and I would be offended if someone called me one.  A woman who could be called a slut (a negative word) could also be called by her friends a pimpstress or a player (in a positive sense) so it's not a value judgement on the action itself.  I think it's a nasty word personally and I don't want to 'reclaim' it - especially since there are plenty of words that can be used for a woman who enjoys sex that don't have that negative history.

Soshi


< Message edited by AbsitInvidia -- 11/24/2007 7:12:15 AM >

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 7:51:17 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		In the case of this post, taking some snippets out of context changes the meaning. I would hope that ya'll read the entire post.. especially the part that talks about how Yankie was a put down to Revolutionaries and how they adopted the term to mean something different...

I am thinking of that book which is called The Ethical Slut, hmmmmmm

Edited to state I know how to spell "yankee"...laughing here...

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/24/2007 8:41:25 AM >

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 8:00:10 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

In the case of this post, taking some snippets out of context changes the meaning. I would hope that ya'll read the entire post.. especially the part that talks about how Yankie was a put down to Revolutionaries and how they adopted the term to mean something different...

I am thinking of that book which is called The Ethical Slut, hmmmmmm
 The reason I snipped the post was because that was the bit that I wanted to respond to without that particular point being derailed. It wasn't to pick on you or however you saw it, I am sorry that you felt I was doing something to put your words in a bad light. That was not at all the intent. Up until this point there was nothing personal in any of these posts. Much of what I said already touched on how other words have been used/changed. My point was trying to explain just one word, slut. I am curious, your last line. Was that meant to imply that I am without ethics because I snipped your quote?

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 8:10:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		 
quote:

The reason I snipped the post was because that was the bit that I wanted to respond to without that particular point being derailed. It wasn't to pick on you or however you saw it, I am sorry that you felt I was doing something to put your words in a bad light. That was not at all the intent. Up until this point there was nothing personal in any of these posts.


I felt that the portion that you snipped took  the meaning of my original post and slanted it to mean something I did not intend, and you argued a point that I did not make based upon what you snipped. I was not being personal, I am not hurt, this is just what I felt in response to my post was that you took what I said out of context.

quote:

I am curious, your last line. Was that meant to imply that I am without ethics because I snipped your quote?




No, it was not mean to convey that whatsoever. I just find it very strange that people put all sorts of negativity on a word that an entire tome on BDSM had in its title... that this book embraces this term. I suppose you are unfamiliar with the book, because if you were perhaps you would see that the word "slut" can indeed have the same meaning for the BDSM subculture as lets say the "N" word has for some black people... something that they can use to describe themselves, but not something that is acceptable in the mainstream culture....





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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 8:11:18 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		fast reply

for the record - when i say i'm "Daddy's slut" it doesn't mean i'm sleeping with other men.

like i mentioned before, it's a term of endearment from Daddy ...another cute pet name among many in which He knows i love and enjoy hearing.  i respect those who find being called a "slut" as a negative thing however i embrace it. 

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 8:19:22 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		It can be used in many different ways it can be used in a way of fun. It can be used in way of sexual lust. It also can be used as a very hurtful slur.  so it just depends when and how you use it.  to me it if you use it like it was ment. as in olden days lol It was an insult. but everyone redefines everything in their own right.    I like stablity  So for me i just do not like when everyone keeps trying to remake the wheel the damn car never gets made.

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 8:54:52 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Again I am sorry that you felt I took away from your post by only using the last paragraph. It was not done with any intent except that of isolating the bit that I was responding to. Slut is not a word I want to be associated with because of several reasons which I already covered ranging from the common meaning of the word to my preference to not using words I consider crude. It's that simple. I am a sexual woman, I enjoy sex need sex and want sex. I have had sex with a lot of people however I don't consider myself a slut just because I like sex. I am not at all unfamiliar with the book. I am not at all unfamiliar with people using slut as a word they want to be associated with. I am not unfamiliar with the book 'Nigger' detailing the history and changing use of the word but I don't personally use that word. There is a great book called 'Cunt *then something something about the liberation of independence, its been a long time since I read it* and again that is a word I don't use.I've discussed all of the above books with people, I've ordered them and sold them to people and yeah I have dealt with the reaction of bystanders seeing the titles.  I guess since I don't want to use a word that you say the subculture of BDSM uses to describe themselves then maybe I am not a part of that subculture.  Heh maybe I'm just not twue. Enough said on this from me, I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. I am trying to discuss and understand, that is all.  

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 9:16:30 AM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

I guess since I don't want to use a word that you say the subculture of BDSM uses to describe themselves then maybe I am not a part of that subculture.
 
Heh maybe I'm just not twue.
 
Enough said on this from me, I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. I am trying to discuss and understand, that is all.


I did not say you were not twue or not a part of this subculture... if you want to take my post that way, there is really nothing I can say that is going to change your mind. I have accepted something about the written word on the internet.. it is not what I write that people read, it is what they want to read that is often what they come away with.

You can be offended or not, that choice is yours, and I cannot change your mind about how you choose to feel.

I do accept your view of the term "slut", but I have my own, whether you understand my view of it or not is really unimportant to me.. nothing personal is meant by that btw, but I am sure you can take it that way if you like (and btw, as I said in my original post, I was not picking on your views)


I am not really trying to understand anything on this thread, just expressing myself

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/24/2007 9:19:19 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 9:35:05 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		I love the word slut, when my loved ones use it.  I think of myself as a slut, since I joyfully have a husband, mistress, Master and sisterslave, all of whom I am sexual with.  Think The Ethical Slut.  However, one can tell by tone and context whether it is meant lovingly or not.  If someone on the street were to call me a slut, I would generally understand that it was meant in a hostile or negative manner.  In that case I might be offended, or as close to that a I get. 

Interesting to me is that my Master can say it in a humiliating way, or in a tone of reverent awe, depending on our interaction.  From him, I like it whether it is negative or positive.  He can make me feel like a dirty little whore, or like his cherished pet slut and either can be fun, depending on our moods.

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 9:53:44 AM   
homework


Posts: 36
Joined: 11/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have to say that slut is one of my favorite words when the mood in the bedroom is just right. I actually like dirty little slut. It really turns me on. I know that Sir says it with lust and affection. It also lets me know that in those moments he uses it that I am doing exactly what I should be doing. Now if someone came up to me in everday life and said you are a slut.Well, in that context it doesn't make me feel bad. I know I am a very sexual being- I always have been. And just because that one person says it doesn't make it true. I think you just have to be comfortable with you and the choices you make and it won't make any difference what other people call you. 

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 9:54:30 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I love words and words like slut, whore, cunt, bitch, fuckmeat, etc. etc. have always turned me on when used by the right person. As someone said way above, words only have power that you give them.

Semantics being what they are, all words carry multiple meanings and intent.

For me, the above words when said while someone's hands are wrapped in my hair, and doing all manner of diabolical acts, just serve to further inflame my already intense desire for them and for what we are doing.

I happen to get off on verbal humiliation and feeling used and owned,  and sometimes those words used in the exact right context are enough to send me over the top. I don't really see them as endearing; although MY in front of all those words are what I want to hear most. I see them as words that claim me and define me in those particular moments.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 11/24/2007 9:55:32 AM >

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 3:45:50 PM   
Homburg


Posts: 4
Joined: 10/11/2007
Status: offline 		The only time I tend to use "slut" towards someone is in the context of light verbal humiliation (ie calling her a slut or a whore during a scene), or in a joking manner (ie calling someone an "attention slut"). Other than that, it's not a terribly useful word. I'm not interested in using it in the actual perjorative sense because none of th eusual perjorative definitions have that much meaning for me.

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 7:36:00 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65
... I just don't get, and I mean I really don't get the concept of using crude language when there are so many beautiful words. To me the word slut is crude at its most basic level, I don't see sex like that. Yeah it is wet, messy, often noisy heh but not crude to me. Not something that makes me cringe.


Hi Camille,

I used to hate lots of words - slut, bitch, cunt, etc. (I didn't really hate "etc.", just using that as a continuation, lol).  My Master began using them as a way to strip me of such pride, as my submission to him is often best when I remove my own ego from the equation.  He likes me to have pride in myself and in who I am, but that pride should never come between us.  Using such words was simply one way of keeping me humble and of exerting his power over me.  He uses many derogatory words for me, which signify the chasm between us and my place beneath him (we are not equal in our relationship).  He might use beautiful words too, but it is his choice when to use what word.

I am called a slut, but I am his personal slut, meaning not only am I his to use in whichever way he wishes, wherever he wishes and whenever he wishes, but I crave such use from him constantly.  I now find the nickname to be quite endearing...it's a pet name.  Other words are used by him to get different reactions, and he will use whatever words necessary to get the response he prefers from me.  

Hopefully this might help in your quest to understand why such words are used.  It's part of our dynamic. Being his personal slut is a privilege to me, which is why I am so endeared to be referred to as such.  I am nobody's slut but his, so if anyone else chooses to call me a slut or anything else in a derogatory way (some friends and I might tease each other with the word), I find it silly and meaningless.  No one but my Master has the power to demean me.

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RE: The "S" word - 11/24/2007 8:16:54 PM   
Kellendra


Posts: 95
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		A few years ago I saw a fascinating Canadian doco about the word SLUT...it was quite informative and interesting remembers very little past the fact it was interesting...and the double standards that exist etc, etc. And it is true, women are often harsher than men...(so said doco anyway..so it must be true)

Personally I am not now, nor ever will be a slut.....am too damn fussy for starters.
I won't even chat with just anyone let alone bonk them....and perhaps that is why I love to be called a Slut by the one I am with. Shove a My in the front and I am in slut heaven.

But I completely understand that others are sometimes offended by it.

My attitude is very much
Sticks and stones may break my bones
(But whips and chains excite...)
whoops sorry....I meant names will never hurt me.


Words only have power over you if you allow them to...in this particular instance I chose to give over that power.

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RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 1:03:40 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Partial repost:
For me, slut has nothing at all to with the ACT of sex, how MANY people you have sex with, what TYPE of sex you have with it, what CRITERIA you use with your partners. Being a slut for me is a personal attitude towards sex and sexuality. It is an attitude that hungers for sexual interactions, is unashamed of those hungers and actively seeks to satiate those hungers.

A woman who only has one partner she only ever kisses her whole life can be just as much a slut as I am.

This also helped me in that I realize so many people (women especially) find it hard to be “a slut.” They can embrace being “someone’s slut” or being a loved slut, but find it difficult to be bald-facedly an open slut. So by keeping things to a personal attitude level, it doesn’t matter HOW the person acts as a slut…simply that they embrace their slut attitude.

In short:
slut- someone who has an active interest in sex, sexuality and celebrates it openly (does not imply any ACTUAL sex, or any AMOUNT of sex)

whore- someone who receives money in exchange for sexual services

bitch- female who has aggravating, negative and superior attitude

http://www.collarchat.com/m_237078/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm
sacred slut

http://www.collarchat.com/m_531333/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#531359
bitches, whores and sluts

http://www.collarchat.com/m_591921/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#592075
slut over bitch?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_409663/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#409813
whore slut??

http://www.collarchat.com/m_303351/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#303531
sluts? requesting your thoughts

http://www.collarchat.com/m_303280/mpage_2/key_slut/tm.htm#303517
sluts

http://www.collarchat.com/m_261773/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#261966
what does slut mean to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_122047/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#122221
being a slut

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1178048/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#1178265
slut training

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1064330/mpage_1/key_slut/tm.htm#1064463
define the term "slut"



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RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 1:39:20 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cyntilating
Slut
 
What does the word mean to you?
 
Does it mean a negative thing when you use it ( call someone that ) ??
Does it feel negative when you are called a slut?
Does it feel different? less acceptable?  > when a man calls a woman that or when a woman calls another woman that?
Can men be sluts too?
  (giggles)
 
positive or negative<< is determined more by the attitude of the caller of the name  or   the attitude of the receiver of the name ?
 


Note: didn't read replies, didn't want to taint my intrinsic response

Slut.  I think that word makes me smile in pretty much any context.  To me it means someone who truly enjoys sex, and is completely unashamed of it.  No qualms, no reservations, no apologies, they enjoy what they enjoy. 

Being called a slut by my man turns me on instantly, it is 100% a term of endearment and trigger to get me excited. I tell him what a slut I am when I want to let him know I'm feeling frisky.  Charlotte and I tease eachother about being sluts all the time, affectionately. 

My friends know I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, I'm very flirtatious, and love talking about sex and dynamics between men and women, though the word slut has never come up specifically that I recall, I certainly wouldn't be ashamed of it, and may very well call myself that in their company.

If someone called me a slut with ill will I'd probably just wink and get an evil grin.  I like raising eyebrows and would just be proud that I'm true to myself and would pitty the repressed, judgemental fool who would consider it a put-down.

I also don't think being a slut has anything to do with promiscuity, necessarily.  I may be a slut, and have no qualms about enjoying sex and kink, but I'm very selective about my partners, and what turns me on.  I've probably had fewer parnters than many of my vanilla friends.  I certainly don't judge a slut who enjoys it from whomever; that just doesn't work for me personally. 

Now I'm going to read all the replies and see if that sheds any more insight for me.  I love this question!

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RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 1:44:31 PM   
GoddessMine


Posts: 250
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		My mom calls Me a slut alllllllllll the time: "choto, nanietenno - yarashiii!!"

Love,
GM

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RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 1:52:42 PM   
Tigrita


Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Hm, I have a question for those who take it as an insult from those who aren't their partner, or have a negative intrinsic definition of it (promiscuous, or nasty, and consider those to be negatives), but consider it a positive or turn on from their partner.  Why do you embrace your style of sexuality with your partner, but feel ashamed of it when confronted with it by others?  I'm just confused, honestly just want to understand why it is different for you depending who it is coming from.

I also forgot to answer parts of the question.  I don't really feel like the word has different connotation to me from men vs. women.  I suppose men can be sluts too, but it doesn't really come up that way in my experience.  Men are not genearlly ashamed of enjoying sex to the fullest to begin with, so there doesn't really need to be a special word for a man who is unabashed about enjoying sex, the word is man

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

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RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 1:56:54 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well I'll point out that something can be a compliment or an insult based on INTENT, not just who says it.  I can know that a man INTENDS to insult me by calling me a slut, and yet still use it positively and receive it as a compliment from many people.

I am surprised that you don't think most men are ashamed or insecure of their sexuality Tigrita- I have the exact opposite experience in my life.  In fact a man, as often as a woman, will become promiscuous as a way to hide from their insecurity and shame.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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