RE: The "S" word

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RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 3:22:55 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
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Yes, I do realize intent makes a difference, but if the facts are the same, and it is just perceptions, I still don't understand why it would be offensive to have someone judge something that you take pride in in private. And if it is a random, in-valid, intend put-down, I don't see why that has power either, if it isn't true. Sure, the spirit of the word would be offensive in those contexts, but not the word its self; and I'd feel more pitty for the attacker than offense.

Regarding men and sexuality, in my experience, men talk about their penises and enjoyment of sex and sexuality far more frequently and freely than women do, and it is much more socially accepted. It is less looked down on if they are promiscuous, or craving sex voraciously in a monogamous relationship (even that seems to be judged in women, it is considered unladylike, in my experience) I wish I grew up where you did LA, if men and woman had a fair shake in that respect.

I also wanted to comment on the impression of slut meaning someone with loose morals. I personally don't connect those things. I wouldn't call someone who slept with a married man, ruining a marriage a slut, that has no bearing on the situation to me. I wouldn't judge her for being sexually free and empowered, but I certainly would judge her for deceit, disrespect, and selfishness, and use adjectives limited to those things. I do understand that slut encompases those things for some poeple, but I don't think I'd ever be considered a slut in that context, or call someone such, so it really isn't an issue for me. Would come back to the in-valid random insult thing adressed above.

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 11/25/2007 3:32:25 PM >

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Post #: 141

RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 3:47:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita
I still don't understand why it would be offensive to have someone judge something that you take pride in in private.

Frankly, judging something that happens in private in a public manner is in itself a very sensitive area to walk and could be considered offensive in itself- even if they judged that you were the supreme fabulous bestest person in the world.

quote:

Regarding men and sexuality, in my experience, men talk about their penises and enjoyment of sex and sexuality far more frequently and freely than women do, and it is much more socially accepted.

And how does that at all equate to men actually being more secure and less shameful about their sexuality than women? In fact the social stigma that men SHOULD BE secure and SHOULD talk about it can itself often be a source of insecurity.

Again, many men fuck around just to try and avoid their shame and insecurity- they also talk a good game and lie through their teeth about it for the same reasons.

quote:

I wish I grew up where you did LA, if men and woman had a fair shake in that respect.

Your statement didn't say anything about social standards- it was a statement regarding actual life experiences of men vs women.

As for growing up, well the primary experience is in DC, Baltimore, Ireland, New Jersey, and Austin, and about a decade of talking to tons of people on the internet regularly and a few hundred sex partners, primarily males, about half of those being from whoring.

Your statement said "Men are not genearlly ashamed of enjoying sex to the fullest to begin with"

I believe that is completely false.

If you have said "Socially, men are more encouraged and praised for their apparent sexual prowess and expected to be sexually active and promiscuous" then I would completely agree with you. But again, that social expectation in itself is a cause of why your actual statement regarding males security is so false.

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Post #: 142

RE: The "S" word - 11/25/2007 6:24:51 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Frankly, judging something that happens in private in a public manner is in itself a very sensitive area to walk and could be considered offensive in itself- even if they judged that you were the supreme fabulous bestest person in the world.

I absolutely agree. But that still doesn't have to do with the word slut its self. I'd certainly be offended if someone was judging me for say, enjoying getting tied up. That doesn't mean I have a negative opinion of getting tied up myself, I'm just offended at being judged, and upset at the judger for being closed minded.

quote:

quote:

Regarding men and sexuality, in my experience, men talk about their penises and enjoyment of sex and sexuality far more frequently and freely than women do, and it is much more socially accepted.

And how does that at all equate to men actually being more secure and less shameful about their sexuality than women? In fact the social stigma that men SHOULD BE secure and SHOULD talk about it can itself often be a source of insecurity.

Again, many men fuck around just to try and avoid their shame and insecurity- they also talk a good game and lie through their teeth about it for the same reasons.

I don't doubt that men have just as many issues and insecurities about sexuality in general as women. My original statement was that they aren't ashamed of enjoying sex to the fullest. That doesn't mean that I don't think they have just as many insecurities about sex, but it seems to me that when it is good, and they want it, they aren't ashamed to express, even brag about and draw atention to it, and as you said, there is even societal pressure for them to keep up that appearance. It seems that pressures and issues in men seem to lean towards not being sexual enough, performance anxiety, not being able to get women. It seems to be the oposite for women. If a woman loves sex, attracts lots of sexual attention, and brags about being good at sexual activities, it is a negative thing, whereas those are positives for men. Those are things I consider part of being a slut, and that was the point I was trying to make; that it is more socially accepted for men to be slutty than women, thus 'slut' is used socially as an insult to women (though I don't take it that way personally). I guess I wasn't that clear in the way I addressed the point initially. I don't think we're disagreeing, just looking at different aspects of societal perceptions.

I hope this is still in the realm of friendly discussion, I honestly had no intention to slight men, or your experiences, though I realize I was a bit trite in my initial post. Just trying to keep it light.

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~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

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RE: The "S" word - 11/26/2007 2:23:29 AM

mons

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greeting breathe

is that truly from the book of the bible ot did you act something to it ? just curois i have read that book in the bible

mons

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Post #: 144