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should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/4/2004 9:16:23 PM

jillwfsub4blkdom

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i was curious as to whether a slave in training should be allowed to use the safeword? i think i had indicated i had met a "Dom" recently who had given me two safewords to use during a meeting. When i asked some other bdsm communities whether T/they thought it was acceptable, many said it shouldnt be used because of the slave in training status. A/anyone else's opinions?

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/4/2004 9:39:54 PM

proudsub

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From: Washington
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I feel there should always be safewords.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/4/2004 10:28:33 PM

Sundew02

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Joined: 2/6/2004
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The KEY words here are IN TRAINING. I believe that any Dom that would give you the opportunity to let them know they are getting close to your tolerance, and when you have reached your tolerance level is an acceptionally good one. He/she will be learning YOUR body language, no one wants to destroy a sweet slave. As you learn how to control the discomfort and adjust to the lifestyle the safe words will disappear. IMO, Training equals learning for both you and the Dom. Either you trust his/her judgement or you don't. IF you don't, move on. If you do, relax and let him/her lead. A slave doesn't question what a Dominant wants, they accept. Sundew

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/4/2004 10:54:11 PM

Sinergy

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What does your gut instinct say?

You are the one who will be tied up, endorphinized and unable to say no, with this person holding all the power.

Sinergy

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"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/4/2004 11:01:43 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jillwfsub4blkdom
i was curious as to whether a slave in training should be allowed to use the safeword? i think i had indicated i had met a "Dom" recently who had given me two safewords to use during a meeting. When i asked some other bdsm communities whether T/they thought it was acceptable, many said it shouldnt be used because of the slave in training status. A/anyone else's opinions?

Not everyone believes in safe words. However, if you are going to use safewords, it surely would be with a slave in training. Once a slave has been trained to her Master/Owner's likes and (assumably) he learns her limits as well, safewords can usually be dispensed with.

A slave in training, however, should be offered as many safety devices as she can possibly use. During training, I offer my slave as many as 4 safewords, all specified in their contract. I personally find use in safewords, so I would never offer a contract without at least one safeword, a contract ending safeword.

What community did you ask? Sounds to me like it might have been a fantasy based one.

Yours,
Taggard

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A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 4:10:05 AM

iwillserveu

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Um, I think you got it backwards. A slave counts on the person with the whip to know enought to not need safewords. A slave in training better damn well have them because 98% of the "scening" will take place when the top is unfamiliar with you.

A Dom/ina must know you well before any non-safeword play. Think of the safeword as training wheels FOR THE DOM/INA. Until they can keep their balance, it is nice to have there.

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 6:37:30 AM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

I often tell slaves if they do wish to use a safeword it is *insert word of the day here depending on my whim* ...but as a rule I don't like to play with them...three reasons, many slaves won't use them because of fear of disappointing the dom or whatever, and is more dangerous imo than playing without safewords altogether. If the dom is aware there will be no 'safe call' then the onus is on them to be constantly vigil to the slaves discomfort or panic, watch for changes in body temp, verbal, non verbal signals, etc.

Secondly, many many slaves do NOT want to play with them; thus if had one, wouldnt use it anyway...so back to the point above. I often get asked to *ignore* any calls for mercy (common term many slaves associated with the dominant ending a painful scene in a session) as for me to abide by it leaves them feeling they are incontrol of the proceedings, which is not the headspace they want to achieve. In cases of show no mercy, I will always push just a few strokes more, or berate them for their pussiness...always, always pushing just that little bit... enough to make them feel they really do lack control...but not enough to be harmful or cross a pyschological no go zone.

Lastly, a lot of slaves are incapable of knowing when they need to use a safeword, especially when floating on endorphins, their mind says more more more but their body isn't in a position to continue...and I'm sure as hell am not going to put myself in the position of an assault charge.

But despite all my reasons for why I am reluctant to use safewords, I think this dom is doing you a good turn J, you are new and inexperienced...just remember to be aware of what I have said about some of the problems surrounding safewords and discuss these concerns with your dom. Like the idea of disappointing her if you use them?

(in reply to iwillserveu)

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 6:59:32 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
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You should always be allowed to use safe words.

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Lady Beckett

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 9:03:26 AM

MistressKiss

Posts: 295
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I believe that safewords should always be available to the slave/submissive. We have to remember that a scene may not only go beyond the physical limits but could conceivably go beyond a submissive/slave's MENTAL limits. For instance, if the person has a rape in their history and suddenly the scene turns toward that area - maybe not in physical action but in a mental trigger...the s/s needs a way to end it and recover. The dominant might use a phrase that triggers an emotional response, and may never realize what just happened unless the s/s is able to put the brakes on and protect her/himself.

I have always used the stoplight theory...green for go or "more, faster, harder"....yellow for "slow down, something isn't quite right, but don't stop completely", and red for "stop now, no questions."

I agree that once you really know your partner, the need for safewords is virtually gone, but they should still be available to even the experienced couple. You never know when something inside that s/s's head is causing them more mental pain than they can bear.

On a related note, I was one of those smart-assed submissives that thought it was a sign of weakness to use the safe word. I have to give my ex credit in that one of the FIRST things he trained me on was use of a safe word. He picked an activity that he knew I hated and kept doing it (it was painful and uncomfortable) until I used the safe word. He did this 2-3 times within our first few scenes to teach me that I was to use that word when I needed it. It was a good lesson.

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 9:42:01 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
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I think you may be getting mixed up with a sub vs a slave. Perhaps that is why the other communities said you should not have one.

If he offers I'd take it. If he did'nt offer a safe word...I would'nt be near him. That's the bottom line. The man clearly does not know you. There is no trust established yet. So you need a safe word. An extra person to observe any play could'nt hurt either.

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 11:48:50 AM

Estring

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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I think that the answer is very simple. You are a slave. Your Dom gives you two safewords to use. You obey him and use them if needed.
Whether safe words are a good idea or not is irrelevant. He gave them to you to use, and as a slave, you obey.

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 11:56:15 AM

ThornBlood

Posts: 91
Joined: 3/5/2004
Status: offline

Always use safe words.. especially when unfamiliar with someone. I had a recent experience with someone.. one a subbie that really liked spankings.. but the Dom did not know her background.. asked her to return with a 2X6 and a knife.. as He sat there whittling.. she had to leave.. It turned out that there was a particularly bad experience when she was young. *Shrugs* Ya never know.

Stay safe,
John

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RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 12:17:47 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I don't see how a safe word would have had any bearing in this situation. Why couldn't she just tell the Dom that she had a bad experience when she was young? As it happened anyway, you said she left. So where would the safe word come in?

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Post #: 13

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 12:17:48 PM

MistressDREAD

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

jillwfsub4blkdom

everyone
in
Alternate
Lifestyles
has safewords
Dominants
submissives
slaves
period.
ANYONE
whom
doesNOT
have
a
safeword
is
NOT
practicing
S.S.C.
which
means
in
OUR
Lifestyle
SAFE
SANE
CONCENSUAL.
safe
words
are
for
All
and
can
and
will
be
used
by
ALL
when
needed
at
any
time.
IF you
jillwfsub4blkdom
find
a Dominant
whom
dont
agree
send
em MY
WAY
and
ILL
getem
STRAIGHT.

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 14

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 3:14:11 PM

sadistic

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/17/2004
Status: offline

I would not be interested in playing with a sub, or a slave, who didn't have safewords.

Maybe that's just my being cautious though, over time when you know more about what your partner likes and dislikes and know more about how they react then you can drop them if that's agreed and desired by both parties, but nothing makes me run faster than a sub approaching me promising to have no limits. That frankly scares me.

Sadistic
--
Ironic and Satire Galore

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Post #: 15

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 3:17:23 PM

slavewoman

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

I think you may be getting mixed up with a sub vs a slave. Perhaps that is why the other communities said you should not have one.

Not necessarily. Being a slave does not, per se, mean one is not allowed safe words. I'm a slave and I have a safe word. I almost never use it but I have it.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 16

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 4:41:31 PM

jillwfsub4blkdom

Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline

MistressDread,
He had given them to me upfront. He just didn't adhere to them when i used them and continued play.

i also appreciate E/everyone's comments on this issue.

jill

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Post #: 17

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 4:55:07 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

He had given them to me upfront. He just didn't adhere to them when i used them and continued play.

If he won't honor your safeword he shouldn't be a dom in my opinion. You can discuss it with him and find out why he wouldn't honor it. However if you use a safeword everytime he inflicts any pain, maybe you aren't the pain slave you both thought you were. I'm not sure of your situation. Maybe you can tell us a little more.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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Post #: 18

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 4:59:15 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

I just read your profile and you say you don't enjoy pain. Did your dom know this? If so why was he inflicting pain? or did you use your safeword for another reason, like a type of play you don't like?

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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Post #: 19

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 7/5/2004 6:02:07 PM

Estring

Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

There was no mention in your first post that he ignored the safewords he gave you. He was definitely wrong in that case, but I'm curious why you didn't mention that in your first post?

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Post #: 20

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