RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords?

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/12/2004 7:41:42 AM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

Hmmmm don't think i ever seen this thread -- you are digging to post huh (76 ooo kinky)

i have always had safe words when "playing" but actually have only used it once. i have not read the whole thread but for me i think safe words can be over used. i would only use the safe word if i absolutely needed too and i believe using it to much or lightly will only show lack of communication and trust. i do however feel once i find that one true Master that my safe word will never be used but it is essential in the growing relationship process until He understands me so well He can see when enough is enough or if something unseen is happening to me. (Like the radiator) To play with someone new who doesn’t understand how much is to much for you without safe words can be dangerous but i also think that depends on the Dom/Domme -- i am sure there is very experienced Doms/Dommes who know how to start off slow and watch closely but as the submissive with someone you don't know all that well it is hard to tell how well they can interrupt things...

I think it is always a good idea to have a safe word, doesn’t mean it has to be used. I think it all depends on the sub and how often they use it and why they will use it. If they use it just because they are uncomfortable it is silly (Grins) I want to endure as much as I can, I don’t like stopping the Dom from doing something He seems to be enjoying so I wouldn’t use the safe word until I HAD too.

JMO - which probably isn't worth but 2 cents *smiles*

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to cynnacent1)

Post #: 61

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/12/2004 7:43:57 AM

DiamondDiva

Posts: 266
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

MistressKiss,

You said you always use the stoplight theory so do you use the verbal expressions of stop, harder, softer etc. as your safe words? Also, please give me examples of safewords if you don't mind.

Thank you!

Diamond Diva

(in reply to MistressKiss)

Post #: 62

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/12/2004 8:44:56 AM

Thanatosian

Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline

I had always heard the stoplight model to be as follows

Green (or silence) - everything is a-ok, keep on keeping on
Yellow - creeping up on to the edge of what I can take, ramp down the intensity a notch or two and we'll be back to green
Red - STOP!!! Something is wrong, stop immediately

Just my tuppence

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to DiamondDiva)

Post #: 63

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/12/2004 10:20:36 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Diamond Diva,

My favorite safe word - OUCH! Or if she is gagged or blindfolded I use a visual safe word, like "Isn't that your bone coming through your skin?"

My problem with the whole safe word concept is that while you are considering what stage of the stoplight aren't you missing out on the experience? And from the Dom's point of view, at least this one being that I hate surprises of this nature, I would want to start at a Red point and work my way back-wards. And loving a challenge, what does that say about a Dom's intensity if he doesn't at least hit "Amber/Orange"?

I say, instead of learning safe words, take you time and learn your partner. During a session - read them, touch them, whisper to them and have them respond. Everyone, even if it's been 20+ years ago, has romanced and been with a new vanilla partner. Before being romantic with them did you have a checklist of where you can/cannot touch, kiss, caress? No - a good lover has no script. A good lover reads the reactions of the partner, reacts to them, and expands the sensations.

There is no difference with a good Dom. A good Dom makes love to the sub not only with his/her body, but with their mind. The floggers, whips, clips, etc, are mere props. I wouldn't want to be a part of the process if my sub was ever thinking about a safe word instead of me and the feeling.

Merc

(in reply to DiamondDiva)

Post #: 64

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/12/2004 11:12:33 AM

cynnacent1

Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

I wouldn't want to be a part of the process if my sub was ever thinking about a safe word instead of me and the feeling.

Merc

THIS is a good example of why the words 'NO', or 'Owww' or 'Nuh! uhhh! no.. err.. nope' have flown out of my mouth with no thought at all when truly needed. Normally my mind is 100% into what W/we are doing and when i've needed to stop, i've needed to stop like as in NOW. i don't call a pause to O/our play unless it is imperative and absolutely unaviodable to do so. i've never stopped to try and think to remember what a proper safe word would be and doubt i'd be the type to do so. i simply am sure to make it clear to Him that W/we need to stop. He has never taken my calling His attention to my need to stop as anything less than a serious request. When i need to stop i need to stop NOW, or sooner even. At that moment i normally have no time to sit and ponder in trying to recall exactly WHAT the safeword IS.

_____________________________

Current imood of cynnacent1: [image]http://moods.imood.com/display/uname=cynnacent1/fg=339999ns=1/imood.gif[/image] Click the smiley to get your very own imood indicator.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 65

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/12/2004 4:05:35 PM

Nvernilla

Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

Yes safe words are always a part of SAFE, sane and consentual and should always be offered...Mike

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 66

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/13/2004 6:40:13 AM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Unless you're with a mind reader, safe words are necessary. I think what is meant is that unless there is a medical or psychological emergency, you shouldn't be using the safeword. Considering you're in training, I find that to be a bit unrealistic.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 67

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/14/2004 12:36:16 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Safeword(s) always. Whether a slave or a sub. And particularly a
slave-in-training. Now will I hear that word or even an intermediate "slow down" word very often? Not from a slave. From a Pro Client, yes! lol
I do agree though, that even though a safe-word is given and adhered to, many subs/slaves don't want to use it or are too high to realize they should. So the Mistress or Master still has the big responsibility. I have a tendency to keep up a running dialogue depending on the scene. Helps Me keep in tune.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 68

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/14/2004 10:59:20 AM

Hawkins

Posts: 31
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: I'm English but I live in the Netherlands
Status: offline

First post; hi everyone.

I only have the experience of one submissive under my belt.

She lead me into BDSM, with no expereince other than on the inside of her head. We gave each other/determined names (which we still use online and in play). Our neophyte reading introduced us to the idea of safewords, but as we have 'real life' names as well as the names we use in D/s, we really understood it was the use of another's 'real life' name that constituted a red flag.

We've barely ever used it. In fact, I think I'm the only one who's ended a scene that way. There've been occasions where Kate has been unable, due to gagging, to say my 'real' name, or any safeword beyond "Mwuphwhhhp", which sounds very similar to "Mwurphwhhrp" but mean something very different.

On one occasion through a quick set of rythmical knocks (whilst bound gagged to a table) Kate alerted to me to something I had just become aware of due to a change in her breathing that did not fit in with what 'should be happening' - she'd started crying, and her nose was blocked because of it, which with a rag in your mouth makes beathing somewhat difficult.

On other occasions, through me seeing her reaction change in an unexpected way, or some other non-verbal communication on Kate's part, we've stopped play due to a problem.

We have the benefit of knowing each other very well indeed. I could probably know the difference between a good albeit subbed to the max look and a "get me out of here" look, even if she were gagged and shrink-wrapped into a saucege with just a hole for her eyes and her nose. And in a situation like that I'd BETTER know the difference between the two looks!

But if it's the first time, or the first few times, depending on the experience and chemistry of the pairing, you will not be able to have the reassurance of being able to accurately read your partner. Some form of safeword system is quite reasonable then.

However, if you are playing at a level where the submissive can say 'your hitting my tail bone Sir', then a safeword is far less useful than saying the above. It might be a bit 'un' certain protocols, but it's less disruptive to the scene than 'blanket' follwed by an explanation.

So it would seem a safeword is reasonable with new partners who will play to a level where the submissive might be unable to form a coherent objection but could remember 'blanket'. And that opens up the question of 'is it wise to play to a point where you can't respond coherently with someone who doesn't know you well enough to see there's a problem'? If they don't know you that well, can you know them well enough to be sure they would stop?

But, in the scenario presented, they were ignored, so the question of whether a slave in training should be allowed safewords is rather overshadowed by a person who ignored a submissive effectively withdrawing consent. That's abuse. Kate (sat at my feet eating walnuts) is in full agreement on this.

Use of a safeword doesn't imply it will be adhered to.

I can see their use, but people should get to a point where you know there's a problem. 'Denial' of a safeword as an imposition upon someone who feels they need one is not something I am happy with, and someone trying that would ring alarm bells.

Hawkins & Kate

.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 69

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/14/2004 11:23:17 AM

NoCalOwner

Posts: 241
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hawkins
'Denial' of a safeword as an imposition upon someone who feels they need one is not something I am happy with, and someone trying that would ring alarm bells.

I wonder if this whole topic isn't backwards. Some of us have never needed to use a safeword, or had one used on us, but the great majority of us seem to think they're something that should be available, just in case.

It also seems agreed that people who've played together for years know each other well enough that safewords are almost never used.

If people who haven't played together much (as is automatically the case with a trainee) aren't exactly the ones who need safewords, then who the heck is?

(in reply to Hawkins)

Post #: 70

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/14/2004 10:39:37 PM

Temji

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

greetings...

I don't believe in training before ko laring... ~shrug...~ so the question is moot for Me...

as this is in fact a consensual activity, EVERY slave has one safe word... goodbye...

other than that... I don't use them...
do I check when My girl says ow?... of course...

be well,

Temji KnightStorm

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 71

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/15/2004 8:43:04 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

as this is in fact a consensual activity, EVERY slave has one safe word... goodbye...

With all due respect Temji, are you saying you are done with them if they want to stop one activity because it has gone too far for them?

Geeesh i can't even type one sentence without typos.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 10/17/2004 8:00:04 AM >

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to Temji)

Post #: 72

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/16/2004 5:06:08 AM

wetrope

Posts: 117
Joined: 8/9/2004
From: GATINEAU, PQ
Status: offline

Safe words should always be used, whether in training or not. The only exception would be if a dom knows initimately every reaction or expected reaction of his sub, and he knows when to stop without a word, maybe then it is not needed. My sub of 3 years still has safe words, but sometimes during punishments she doesnt.

_____________________________

Wetrope

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 73

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/16/2004 5:49:07 AM

GentleMistress

Posts: 116
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I am definitely for the use of safe words, especially with someone who is in training.

(in reply to wetrope)

Post #: 74

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 10/16/2004 7:49:36 PM

kiki blue

Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline

I prefer using effective communication rather than safewords.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to GentleMistress)

Post #: 75

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 11/6/2004 9:06:05 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

That's between you and your dom. My own feeling is that a safeword is important if you are meeting someone for the first time, or maybe the first few times, but if you trust someone enough to let him TRAIN you, safewords are counterproductive.

But the only people whose opinions matter are you and your dom.

(in reply to Estring)

Post #: 76

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 11/6/2004 9:34:38 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

If YOU feel you should be allowed a safe word, then you need to find a Dominant who agrees with this. Otherwise, you are jeopardizing your sanity (we’ll leave the safety aspect out of it). Don’t compromise what you feel you need. A good Dominant will always honor what you NEED. It’s the wants that are negotiable!

Fire

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 77

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 11/7/2004 4:46:07 AM

BabyBrat

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/10/2004
From: Near Edinburgh, Scotland
Status: offline

I think the option of a safeword should always be there, or at least some form of communication technique... i.e patterns of hand squeezing or whatever works for you. It's all very well entering negotiations with someone, stating your hard limits, covering all bases and whatever - but when you actually get into the scene, you don't know what's going to happen. You could get cramp. You could feel the start of a panic attack. Something could trigger a particularly bad memory from the past. Countless things could happen.

It's a tough one for me, because despite having safewords, im reluctant to use them. I feel safe in knowing that I have that word - but I like to test my own limits and I won't use that word lightly. Also somewhere deep inside i see it as a "failure" of sorts even though on an intellectual level i know it's the sane and safe option if a scene starts becoming too much for you. Luckily so far I have only been Topped by those who could read me quite well and knew when to slow down without me having to safeword.

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Post #: 78

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 5/2/2006 3:04:25 PM

genvieve

Posts: 228
Joined: 5/14/2005
From: SF Bay Area
Status: offline

Yes, definately, without a doubt. Safewords should ALWAYS be present. They should always be available and the submissive/slave should ALWAYS know that it exists.

Please keep in mind 2 things when establishing a safeword, however:

1. The existance of a safeword does not mean the s-type must use it. Hopefully, he or she will not need to.
2. The existance of a safeword does not let the Dominant off the hook from paying attention to the slave/submissives actions, body language, etc.

_____________________________

In the quietness of myself, i find myself at the mercy of Your hand.

Musical Wishes Design

(in reply to BabyBrat)

Post #: 79

RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords? - 5/2/2006 3:15:18 PM

Veryfewcan

Posts: 57
Joined: 11/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jillwfsub4blkdom

i was curious as to whether a slave in training should be allowed to use the safeword? i think i had indicated i had met a "Dom" recently who had given me two safewords to use during a meeting. When i asked some other bdsm communities whether T/they thought it was acceptable, many said it shouldnt be used because of the slave in training status. A/anyone else's opinions?

I think safewords are a good idea for those new to the lifestyle. As time progresses between Dom/Domme and sub/slave, generally they become un-needed. That is of course if the trust is developed and embraced.

(in reply to jillwfsub4blkdom)

Post #: 80

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: should a slave in training be allowed safewords?

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094