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Sharing - 12/7/2007 7:34:37 AM

breatheasone

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Not wanting to hijack another thread...
If you are a person of the mindset "I don't share" Do you think insecurity plays any part in your desire to not share?

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 7:39:56 AM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I do not want to share at this time, my Daddy does not want to share me with other men... does this make us insecure? Maybe. I do not enjoy sex with people that I do not have romantic feelings for personally. We are not raised with sharing as a cultural attribute, and people who are raised where this is the norm mostly do not have a problem with "sharing".

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 7:43:02 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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We are not swingers. I have no issue with them until they try to throw themselves on me after we have already spoken our wishes.
We do however play with other's from time to time. Only BDSM, no sexual activity of any kind. They also need to be people we trust and have a good understanding of.

Does it make us insecure that we do not swap sexual partners? Don't know and really don't care. Both myself and my dom have little to no desire for that.
There is something to be said for consentual play even if it is just sex someone is after.

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 7:55:55 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
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What is insecure about it. Just because you lust after some else's property and they say no. Does that make them insecure? Dont take offence I am just using this as an example.

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 7:56:55 AM

breatheasone

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I personally do not wish to share. I don't believe it has much if anything to do with insecurity, as much as it does my heart...I love my Master/Daddy more deeply than is logically possible to explain...and seeing Him do to another what we share to together in our most intimate and private moments would utterly kill me...Does that make me insecure? Perhaps...but I assure you my heart does not care what you chose to call it. I don't want to share..Master/Daddy. He is not a toy for me to be that frivolous with...He is my life...my future...I am His helpmeet, so no...this I will NOT share sorry.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 12/7/2007 8:00:15 AM >

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 7:59:05 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

What is insecure about it. Just because you lust after some else's property and they say no. Does that make them insecure? Dont take offence I am just using this as an example.

I agree..I really don't think insecurity is the driving factor...for some it maybe...but certainly not all. and in no way will anyones opinion offend me...I value others input.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 12/7/2007 8:01:16 AM >

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:01:16 AM

Bethnai

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Yep, for me.

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:03:28 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bethnai

Yep, for me.

So are you saying if you conquer your insecurity you would be willing to share?

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:08:09 AM

ghitaPVH

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I dont know...good question!

We do share, BDSM play and sexually....but our rule is we are always together when it happens and we always agree to it beforehand...he's only once used his position as my Dom to say, "you will play with this person, even if you dont want to"...and it turned into a total fiasco and he actually told me the next day "sorry, your right, the persons a total idiot, I shoulda trusted your insticts"...yea..Im usualyl a pretty good judge of charachter, he's learned over the years to trust me...

Anyway, even though we do share, rather regularly, and have profiles on several swingers sites (thanks for the links Merc!)...there are days when I say flat out...uhm, I dont feel like playing with anyone else today can we please have a quite evening alone tonight?

Normally these times coincide with the week before my period and yea I start feeling all insecure and yea there have been days Ive cried cause I thought he though some chick was cuter than me and he usually just holds me and pats my back and hands me a midol and my other meds and I get over it.

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

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Post #: 9

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:15:07 AM

Bethnai

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Nope, just admitting its coming from a place of insecurity.

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:20:02 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
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From: Atlanta, GA
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I will only share with a very select few. Not out of insecurity, but from the value I place on her. I refuse to cast pearls before swine.

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:20:40 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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breathes,

I think there's lots of reasons people don't like to 'share.' That feeling of insecurity? Almost word for word, you've expressed something that a slave of mine has faced. It's normal, it's natural, and it might even be damaging to your relationship; but it won't kill you.

For my part, I like including others in my sexual play. I'm a terrible exhibitionist, a voyeur, and as long as I knew I liked the idea of sex with one woman, I had been thinking I enjoy sex with two women. I also enjoy knowing that I have the power over my woman, to demand of her "slave, strip and get ready" for another man if I wished... to boot, in letting him be with her, not only do I have a chance to show off my slave, but the very act they are engaged in, is (at least in my mind) an act I have the power to terminate or permit as I wish. Toss in the fact that I might also be enjoying his wife at the same time...well, it's an incredible. I'm wary of stating these feelings, because (at least amongst swingers) they're not exactly socially acceptable. Then again, when I'm calling my girl a dirty cunt, it isn't because I think she's actually a dirty cunt; it's part of the psychosexual tension. When it's all over and done, the slave goes back to being my slave, friend, and lover. Nothing's really changed; we just enjoyed a decadent fantasy with other people. For me, it's not unlike when I'm flogging her; I'm engaged in an activity that is violent, brutal, and inflicts pain. The headspace I'm in is very different from when her head's on my chest, and I'm stroking her hair all warm and snuggly first thing in the morning.

Understand, my interest isn't advocating why you should enjoy sharing; only some of the reasons people do enjoy it, so that should you find yourself in that spot, you can see how no matter how rough it may get during the act, when it's over life goes on, there's still laundry to do, dinner to cook, and the faucet might still leak. Sharing isn't the end of the world, even if it's not your cup of tea. I think the mentality of "if he loved me, he wouldn't do this to me" is probably the single most destructive aspect of sharing, for those who are afraid of it. Once you realize that sharing isn't a lack of love, I think it becomes leaps and bounds easier to handle.

Regards,

Stephan

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:23:36 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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I think it's how you are wired. I can't see any benefit in swinging or being shared, not even as an exercise in submission. I don't really see anything wrong with poly or swinging, it just isn't something that interests me.

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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:34:44 AM

OldBastardly1

Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline

BTW, I was referring to play, not sex. But still....good prime rib does not find its way to the dogs in my world.

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Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad

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Post #: 14

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:36:00 AM

Gardenista

Posts: 146
Joined: 12/6/2007
Status: offline

I think I'd be more open to us having other sexual partners then my husband would be. But he's pretty possessive and we had the "forsaking all others" bit in our vows. The promises we made on that day are extremely important to us.

Is my husband insecure that way? I have no idea! Probably, a little. We never seriously discussed this particular subject, as it's a moot point.

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Post #: 15

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:39:23 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

I dont know...good question!
Thankyou for the compliment ! I think you rock...

We do share, BDSM play and sexually....but our rule is we are always together when it happens and we always agree to it beforehand...he's only once used his position as my Dom to say, "you will play with this person, even if you dont want to"...and it turned into a total fiasco and he actually told me the next day "sorry, your right, the persons a total idiot, I shoulda trusted your insticts"...yea..Im usualyl a pretty good judge of charachter, he's learned over the years to trust me...
I have heard that rule Y'all have from others.....and I hear you about being a good judge of character, but I would have done the same in your boat and obeyed.

Anyway, even though we do share, rather regularly, and have profiles on several swingers sites (thanks for the links Merc!)...there are days when I say flat out...uhm, I dont feel like playing with anyone else today can we please have a quite evening alone tonight?

Normally these times coincide with the week before my period and yea I start feeling all insecure and yea there have been days Ive cried cause I thought he though some chick was cuter than me and he usually just holds me and pats my back and hands me a midol and my other meds and I get over it.

Do you have the "dont feel like playing with anyone else today can we please have a quite evening alone tonight?" feelings often and just deal with them better where you are not near your cycle?

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 16

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:51:13 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldBastardly1

BTW, I was referring to play, not sex. But still....good prime rib does not find its way to the dogs in my world.

Then you've never had a well loved dog. Mine ate steak straight for a week after she scared off a bear.

And I don't view people as worth fucking or not worth fucking, I find that repellent in the extreme. I judge them on their moral values.

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Post #: 17

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:53:17 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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There are levels of insecurity in most things we do or not do, especially in this life.

There is nothing wrong with having insecurities. The problem is when we let them overwhelm us and push them unfairly on others.

Anyone who does not play with others probably has a level of insecurity in it simply because most things in a relationship have insecurity on some level. It may be the biggest reason or it maybe number 212. I agree with Katylied that more often then not it is simply how one is just wired but to me what makes up that wiring has some insecurity in it.

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Post #: 18

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:56:23 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

And I don't view people as worth fucking or not worth fucking, I find that repellent in the extreme. I judge them on their moral values.

No no...ive met people who were definantly not worth fucking...unfortunantly I dont generally find this out until after Ive fucked them and Im laying there going "wow..that was totally not worth the effort..."

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 8:59:03 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

I dont know...good question!
Thankyou for the compliment ! I think you rock...

We do share, BDSM play and sexually....but our rule is we are always together when it happens and we always agree to it beforehand...he's only once used his position as my Dom to say, "you will play with this person, even if you dont want to"...and it turned into a total fiasco and he actually told me the next day "sorry, your right, the persons a total idiot, I shoulda trusted your insticts"...yea..Im usualyl a pretty good judge of charachter, he's learned over the years to trust me...
I have heard that rule Y'all have from others.....and I hear you about being a good judge of character, but I would have done the same in your boat and obeyed.

Anyway, even though we do share, rather regularly, and have profiles on several swingers sites (thanks for the links Merc!)...there are days when I say flat out...uhm, I dont feel like playing with anyone else today can we please have a quite evening alone tonight?

Normally these times coincide with the week before my period and yea I start feeling all insecure and yea there have been days Ive cried cause I thought he though some chick was cuter than me and he usually just holds me and pats my back and hands me a midol and my other meds and I get over it.

Do you have the "dont feel like playing with anyone else today can we please have a quite evening alone tonight?" feelings often and just deal with them better where you are not near your cycle?

I have evenings when I just feel like staying at home with P all month long, generally they dont have anything to do with feeling insecure, they usually have to do with..."damn the kids were hellions today, im exauhsted" or "wow we havent spent any time alone in weeks, Id like to be selfish tonight and cuddle"...its only occasionally that I get all irrational and get insecure....normally pills and a good cathartic beating get me over it...lol..

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 20

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