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RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:11:01 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Fast reply

I may one day indeed share my Daddy and he may share me with another woman, but there will be no men involved in our play...

When I answered this it was from the perspective of being shared with a man, not with a woman. So since I am ok (in theory) with one, I am not ok with the other... so does not wanting another man to touch me make me insecure?

Insecurity comes into play with a person’s other playing with someone else. Obviously this is not an issue with you. Your preference of gender for yourself has zero to do with insecurity and sharing in a combined topic.

Again to repeat my view, we all have insecurities and for most of us all of them are perfectly good and are a part of what makes us what we are. Only insecurities that have a negative impact in our lives are the ones that are liabilities. I would never even for a second think of not wanting to share as being an unhealthy one.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 61

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:15:05 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

As I said, I intellectually understand that.

For my part, requiring my woman to entertain another man, places more emphasis on the fact that I do, in fact, possess her. That she is mine, and that she is expected to obey my instructions. This emphasizes my expectation of her obedience, in spite of her fears.

Obviously, this still boils down to compatibility; not every woman would thrive in this sort of situation. Clear, honest conversations about these mechanics, for me, is vital before diving into the relationship too deeply.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 62

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:17:12 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

Stephann if my computer would allow me to quote and paste right now...arrrghhh..

anyway...Shes MINE I tell ya..all mine...pistols hell, Im protecting her with two shotguns and an assault rifle....

oh..and my rottweiler. who just yawned at me...yea..shes tuff...honest...

ghita~

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 63

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:19:48 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Stephenn...no Sir...I never said that if you share you are not intimate with your primary partner...I said I can't have that intimacy with a casual play partner. The fact that sharing your women is good for all of you is great...and if they like doing it and benefit from being shared and do it happily I think thats great....Its just not for me.

For the record I also never said one gender is ok and another isn't.....I don't share PERIOD.

My apologies then; you responded to a post she made about other women being included but not men, and simply said "I feel the same" on it.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1460355

Sorry for the misinterpretation.

Julia

See, I completely understand that. People can be very possessive, and male dominants are extremely possessive of female submissives (I find.) I think there's something of the primal "this is my woman" involved; the woman desiring a mate for life, a man powerful enough to fend off invaders. Thus his permitting of another man to be with her, suggests that she is either no longer valued enough by him to protect, or that he's simply not strong enough to protect her anymore. I'm not saying it's necessarily like this for you, but I do think as a concept, it's one (of many) motivations.

Stephan

Yes, sorry Stephenn I can see how that looked now..I meant I understand not wanting another man to touch me.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 64

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:22:55 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

Stephann if my computer would allow me to quote and paste right now...arrrghhh..

anyway...Shes MINE I tell ya..all mine...pistols hell, Im protecting her with two shotguns and an assault rifle....

oh..and my rottweiler. who just yawned at me...yea..shes tuff...honest...

ghita~

I'd hate to hurt both you and the rottweiler. Your Daddy's not the only Marine on this board

Tell you what, maybe we can work out a time-sharing deal. You know? Sharing her?....

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 65

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:24:53 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
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ok..but I want pictures...

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 66

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:25:25 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

Out of all the opinions here, I'd say I would tend to agree and identify most with Tigrita and Ghita. An open relationship. Having a woman or man in as an extra playtoy, either sexually or bdsm. SM at parties. Go out to play for the evening. Watching or not watching. If it's safe, it's all good. But the emotional monogamy is there...I will come home...he will come home...our two pairs of shoes are the only ones under the bed. Now, sharing my home and my man fulltime, 24/7 is another whole kettle of fish. No, I will not do that part. Insecurity? No, I don't think so. Preference for sure, I am not cut out to be poly by any means. Mostly it's because when I come home with/to Jarl, I am home and I am me. Sharing time with him is a pleasure but adding a third into the pot would be more trouble than it's worth. If he cares to take an online sub or slave, or a part-time local, etc, it wouldn't bother me in the least. I may even watch

. But fulltime? permanently? here? Nope.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 67

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:26:02 AM

lanie38

Posts: 120
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline

I'm curious, apologies to the OP don't mean to get off topic, and I'm asking this of those who do share...I wondered if your SO wanted to play/fuck someone else without you, let's say he/she's away on a trip, would that be okay, or would that cause some insecurities to creep in?

Again just curious..

~lanie

< Message edited by lanie38 -- 12/7/2007 11:27:52 AM >

_____________________________

Don't be so humble...you're not that great. ~ Golda Meir

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 68

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:28:04 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
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only one or two? damn...ive got close to 20 pairs of shoes under my bed, and Im seriously considering buying another pair before the party on Saturday..Ijust dont seem to have any black boots that look good with the skirt I want to wear.......

anyway..I liked what you said....emotional monogomy...I like that phrase.....we arent poly..never could be.....but the extra sex sure is fun....

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 69

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:32:09 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

As I said, I intellectually understand that.

For my part, requiring my woman to entertain another man, places more emphasis on the fact that I do, in fact, possess her. That she is mine, and that she is expected to obey my instructions. This emphasizes my expectation of her obedience, in spite of her fears.
I hear you Stephenn, I just don't understand it. I mean I know my Master/daddy has no doubt that He owns me....ALL of me. So knowing how strongly I feel about this...its just not something He feels is that important to Him . It says zero about His ownership and/or pocession of me...because that is never and will never be in question. Its just His priority is all, He has said time and time again..He wants to build me up. We both want to do our best for and with each other.

Obviously, this still boils down to compatibility; not every woman would thrive in this sort of situation. Clear, honest conversations about these mechanics, for me, is vital before diving into the relationship too deeply.
I totally agree... compatibility is key to a good relationship.

Stephan

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 70

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:32:38 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

ok..but I want pictures...

If you like, you can hold the camcorder and digicam...

S Jeremy

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 71

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:32:38 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

hi lanie...I dont think it would cause insecurities...but I know it would never happen. That is something that we agreed upon a long time ago..no playing with out the other one being there. If he wanted to, nope I wouldnt be insecure..hell theres been plenty of times he hasnt been around and Ive wanted to fuck someone..but I dont do it. Now, if he actually went through with those desires..against our agreement...it wouldnt be insecurity but a breech of trust that I doubt could ever be repaird. just because we have an open relationship, doesnt mean it isnt possible to cheat.

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 72

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:36:45 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lanie38

I'm curious, apologies to the OP don't mean to get off topic, and I'm asking this of those who do share...I wondered if your SO wanted to play/fuck someone else without you, let's say he/she's away on a trip, would that be okay, or would that cause some insecurities to creep in?

Again just curious..

~lanie

No, I get jealous of the situation because he is not with me, I am horny and I want him in our bed with me.

I just went through this with my Master. We have only been together a year and he travels a lot on business. He has a woman he hooks up with that he sees once or twice a year and it was to be the first time he played while I was not with him. He was so cute all nervous about making sure I live what I talk about. I even tried to go out of my way before and after his trip to show him I did not mind at all.

I probably would mind for several reasons if every time he went away he went out of his way to chase sex but have no problem on occasion or if an opportunity that he would enjoy presents itself I am happy for him.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to lanie38)

Post #: 73

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:39:28 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

See breathe, Stephann and I play for different reasons, and from different sides of a coin....while he uses almost forcing his girl to please another man, as a way of exerting his dominance over her...and yes, I understand where he is coming from and well, we've done something along those lines once before but it was actually to fufill a fantasy of mine, not something for him....but well...we dont do that. my Sir doesnt force me to do anything with anyone else, he doesnt order me to do anything..well..ok, sometimes he'll say things like "why dont you____" or come here and _____ her/his _____" but its not really done in a way to exert dominance...I know without a doubt I belong to him and I dont need him to loan me out to prove that....for us its more..a well...I know he owns me and I know it so well that I can go off and have multiple orgasms with that cute guy over there and he'll still own me when its all over with. play for us isnt a way of showing submission or exerting dominance..its more a way of enjoying sensations without worrying about who;s in control cause no matter who does what, he'll always been in control....

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 74

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:46:05 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

See breathe, Stephann and I play for different reasons, and from different sides of a coin....

Just thought I'd clarify...

while he uses almost forcing his girl to please another man, as a way of exerting his dominance over her...

Honestly, I'm pointing out one of several motivations. I also relish the idea of being involved with a woman who's highly sexual, who enjoys the act as much as the motivation. I also do enjoy the concept of 'sharing' a woman with my partner, just as ghita's mentioned earlier. I'm also pointing out that this sense of dominance is in addition to the other motivations. I always enjoy multilayered activities; with swinging/sharing you've got D/s, voyerism and exhibitionism, a test of trust, and the breaking of the host of taboos associated with sharing a partner.

and yes, I understand where he is coming from and well, we've done something along those lines once before but it was actually to fufill a fantasy of mine, not something for him....but well...we dont do that. my Sir doesnt force me to do anything with anyone else, he doesnt order me to do anything..

Much as I allude to the enjoyment of 'forcing' my girl, charlotte could tell you that in the dozens and dozens of conversations we've had on the topic, at no time have I been even remotely forceful about it. I need to know for certain that this is something she's comfortable engaging in, before I'm willing to swing the "OBEY ME" stick.

well..ok, sometimes he'll say things like "why dont you____" or come here and _____ her/his _____" but its not really done in a way to exert dominance...I know without a doubt I belong to him and I dont need him to loan me out to prove that....for us its more..a well...I know he owns me and I know it so well that I can go off and have multiple orgasms with that cute guy over there and he'll still own me when its all over with.

Ditto.

play for us isnt a way of showing submission or exerting dominance..its more a way of enjoying sensations without worrying about who;s in control cause no matter who does what, he'll always been in control....

And see, I think there's an aspect of "I'm giving you permission to enjoy yourself girl." That's not just me giving her permission, but giving her an expectation. Tigrita enjoys things for herself; I don't think I could 'force' her to enjoy sex with another person. I know for charlotte, she needs to feel 'forced' to enjoy just about anything sexual. Thus, different motivations for the same activity need to be considered.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 75

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 11:50:48 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

Do yall realize its almost 3pm and I havent gotten anything done today but discuss sharing with you lovely folks?? ack. And my todo list was way fucking long today too. If I keep at this the only think Im gonna get to share tonight is gonna be the floor with the rottweiler.

Sorry for misunderstanding you Stephann....

breathes I hope something in this post helped you clarify things..if not...sigh..I tried...lol...

anyway, if theres anything else, feel free to direct it at cmail, Ill be back monday! hopefully with a sore ass....

_____________________________

Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 76

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 12:02:44 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

ghita...lol...figure of speech only. No room under the bed anyway. The closet holds all shoes quite nicely, then I don't have to fight with dust bunnies, one less time I'm on hands and knees with ass in the air, better light, etc. ;)

lanie...no insecurities there either. He can go and play/fuck whomever he pleases, whenever, wherever. I know he'll be coming home to me. If he doesn't, there is a HUGE honkin' reason for it and means he and I shoulda started working on that long ago.

Just to clarify. I would definitely like to know about any outside sessions, preferably in advance. Just as I would fill him in. Going off and having a good time without the other's knowledge is cheating, like Ghita said, even in an open relationship. Down and dirty details are something else: if asked, they should be supplied. But relating the whole process in detail unbidden is too much like an "in your face" kinda thing. It would also be nice to ask "Would you like to be there?" but with the other person having full ability to say yes or no without repercussions. Maybe, like Ghita during her PMS time, watching my man getting heigh-ho jollies while I'm sitting there feeling fat and bloated and icky just doesn't appeal to me for some reason.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 77

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 12:22:04 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I'll just echo...

Tigrita, charlotte, and I have an open relationship. Tigrita lives three hours away, and our dynamic is such that she's allowed to play with whomever she likes, whenever she likes, however she likes. The only expectation is that she let me know, in advance, when possible. I don't anticipate she will be sexual with anyone in the near future, because she's incredibly picky.

I also encourage charlotte (the slave) to feel she can be with others if she likes, though that's not something she's entirely comfortable with. Both girls know that if I want to be with someone else, I will be. In the time we've been together, though, it hasn't happened. Frankly, I have my hands full as is; I don't see myself playing with anyone, without one of them also present, in the near or not so near future.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 78

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 12:29:22 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

Do yall realize its almost 3pm and I havent gotten anything done today but discuss sharing with you lovely folks?? ack. And my todo list was way fucking long today too. If I keep at this the only think Im gonna get to share tonight is gonna be the floor with the rottweiler.

Sorry for misunderstanding you Stephann....

breathes I hope something in this post helped you clarify things..if not...sigh..I tried...lol...

anyway, if theres anything else, feel free to direct it at cmail, Ill be back monday! hopefully with a sore ass....

Ghita...here is where I think I'm at.

I am a visitor to your country... I see you really enjoying a bite to eat...but to me it looks very unappetizing. Now you sense this and smile and give me the "thumbs up" (we don't speak the same language) and you try to convey that its good...really. I smile and playfully shake my head no...You understand that its just not my thing...and I also understand that to you it is an awesome thing.. The best part is...we both see we are happy with that.....
Thanks again for your perspective.
All my best, Candy

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to ghitaPVH)

Post #: 79

RE: Sharing - 12/7/2007 12:32:02 PM

trappedinamuseum

Posts: 5066
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Stephann and Ghita....

So, I'm a timeshare now? Do I even get a say?

Just say when and where....

_____________________________

"You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside you soul.
Don't come back for me.
Don't come back at all" - Jar of Hearts

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 80

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