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RE: The underachieving disease - 1/2/2008 8:49:02 AM   
thornhappy


Posts: 8596
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

quote:

Suppose, for argument's sake, that that's true. What then?


I think some psychologists should study the phenomenon and develop therapy for it.

Some things just need to be done in moderation. Masochism is probably one of those things.

Dieting: ok. Anorexia: Bad.

Masochism != submission

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 101
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/3/2008 7:46:42 PM   
goodgirl08


Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline 		Just wanted to say that I love this description of your life path, it sounds like you did what really mattered to you while accepting that not all aspects of life are going to be endless fun. Cool


quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

Okay I am an under achiever, I was an honor roll student in high school but went to college to study to be an accountant , my grades were excellent but I dropped out as I found it boring as hell and went to work as a waitress was happier interacting with people instead of being alone crunching numbers, later married and divorced had a child to raise , so went back to school and studied to become a computer programmer/systems anaylst, but putting in 16 hour days left me no time to be a mom and I did not want my child raised by sitters, so quit and took up factory work at 8 hours a day and lower wages  but guess what I was happier poorer and being able to spend that extra time being a mom to my child, I am still a factory worker I have my roof over my head food on the table and now enjoy my time as grandma to 3,  being an under achiever is not necessarily a bad thing in life, I don't have to love my job either but what I do enjoy is the freedom to go home and leave my work at my job site and having my free time to be with my family instead, to me that is success because I got what was important to me

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 102
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/3/2008 7:58:43 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Do submissive girls have a serious tendancy to avoid their full potential? Or is it just a coincidence that I speak to such people?

These girls are still young.


Your defination of full potential is probably very different than theirs. I'm, according to all the nice testers anyway, very intelligent and should be getting straight As. I never have and I doubt I ever will. I really don't care about school and never have. Asides from providing a place to socialize, it's never been very important to me. Part is because I strongly disagree with the systems it uses, part is because I hate the watered down history they tend to teach, part is because I hate how classes are taught to reflect social trends so everybody looks really socially aware and the school gets to look very good. I just hate the current system of education. There have been some bright spots and while I love learning, I just hate the way education is approached in most cases. Hence, my grades suck and I really don't care as long as I get the piece of paper.

On the other hand, I've encountered people who weren't all that bright but got straight A because school matters to them and they are suited to the enviroment. If society didn't require it to do just about anything, I probably wouldn't be in college. What matters to me is learning and experiencing things myself, not spitting out the information that someone else decides is important.

My full defination of reaching my full potential is living a rich life, trying to help others along the way and hopefully raising children who will be good people who will also want to help people. I'd like a great job but if I get by selling used cars or working at the 7-11 and be happy with the people who love me... I don't care if others don't think I've reached my full potential - I'll have accomplished my goal of loving and being loved.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 103
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/3/2008 8:00:35 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

quote:

so it is ok for you to try to get in to law school, with no desire to do so your self, just because you are told to in a master/slave relationship, but not ok for someone else to drop out for the same reasons?


Your question is "it is ok for a Master to push a slave to be high achieving, self reliant and educated but it is not ok for a Master to compel a slave to move to the middle of nowhere and drop out of school?"

BTW, this girl now thinks leaving school was the worst decision she ever made.


How is it being self-reliant when he is just making her doing it? He isn't encouraging her to find the path that sparks her, he just picked a high paying job and shoved her into it.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 104
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/3/2008 8:06:08 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty


quote:


I'm sure someone like you would have labeled me as an "underachiever" and cast negative judgement over my decisions, but amazing what happens with time.


I do not believe all people need to go to college.

But put it this way, if you were a bus boy now, I would think you were an underachiever. If you did not see yourself that way, you would be wrong because apparebtly you have the potential to be a chef.


I've got the potential to be a lot of things I don't want to be.

I want to be a mother and wife first, and an artist and writer on the side. Note: Side. I'll probably end up working a job I like but wouldn't work if I didn't have to.

Count me in as one of the proud underachievers.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 105
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/3/2008 8:21:17 PM   
ksub4u


Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

quote:


so because i didnt care to stay in school and go to college and all that, am i an underachiever? the only thing i consider an important achievement in life is findig your own contentment. some find it as a stripper or a waitress, some as a ceo or a teacher, some never find it at all.


Is this a common value system of the BDSM world?

Perhaps considerable exposure to people who place so little value on meaningful challenges is the problem for some of these young girls.

I know that one girl was a simple masochist who enoyed hurting herself too much to excel.
The stripper cries herself to sleep all the time and wants to keep herself below her Masters.
The cashier just wanted to make sacrifices as a slave for her owners.
I wanted to believe that I should not do anything until a Master owned me and made me do it.

Thus their underachievment is actually connected to their sexual desires.

Its like for some people, masochism and submission spills into every aspect of your life. Ex, you take a loan you cant pay back because you enjoy suffering and debt servitude.





You're comparing apples and oranges.  You're trying to say that because these girls are submissive they are underachievers.  I'd contend that these girls are immature and have no idea who they are or what they want yet out of the world.  From your descriptions of them (which come from their descriptions of themselves over the internet, making them a bit suspect), they don't understand the first thing about submissiveness and are merely seeking an outlet for their frustration, apathy, whatever they may be going through at this time.  I'm not espousing about 'twue' submissiveness - they just sound like they have a lot of issues to work through before they can be self-aware enough to know what it is they want out of this world and what they will do to find it.



(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 106
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/3/2008 9:36:32 PM   
ksub4u


Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

quote:


no my question is what makes you think you have the right to decide the dynamic for anyone else in a relationship...........there really is no one twue way...not even yours dear


Oh that is serious BS. You do not take some 18 yr old premed with a 4.0 and tell them to drop out of college and move half way around the country in order to serve your selfish ass after talking to them online for a few months. That is not a 'different dynamic'- that is fucking wrong.

I am sad that not only can such people get 18 yr old submissives. It is sad that this BDSM community does not even seem to discourage it.

If you think that its okey dokey to treat an impressionable teenager who fantasizes about slavery like that, you are speaking nothing but twuth.


Where is the 18yo's responsibility in all of this?  Perhaps the 18yo with a 4.0 who is premed had a disastrous childhood and needs the comfort and solace this relationship provides him or her?  Perhaps others place different value on emotional health than you do.  Perhaps the 18yo was immature and made a bad decision.  Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.  Certainly no facts to form a basis for a conclusion that the BDSM community at large supports submissives who are, in your definition, 'underachievers'.  And this certainly is not limited to BDSM - there are gullible people and sharks in all walks of life.

I do agree with you on one thing - intelligence is an absolute must for me in my M/s relationship.  It's the sexiest thing about my Master.


< Message edited by ksub4u -- 1/3/2008 9:53:46 PM >

(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 107
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/4/2008 12:25:07 AM   
PrizedPosession


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		i dont think it has anything to do with submissives in general, just individuals. There are alot of people who just don't feel right in college or can't find something they can really stick with. i'm in college and many times i have doubts but i realize that if i want to get ahead i need to push myself because in the end it does not matter unless you have the will and conviction to do it.
its a shame that such girls would just drop out and do nothing but they must have a reason. it takes all kinds and im sure they feel better for doing what was right for them and not pushing themselves in a direction they do not want.


(in reply to kitttty)
Profile   Post #: 108
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/4/2008 7:51:10 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		You're very hung up on academics being the end all of what achievement is.  It's quite simple really - if you think you can do better, do so.  If you know you can do better but are happy where you are - stay there and be happy.  What is potential really - what one thinks (key word here) one is able to achieve.  So many factors come into play that you don't even consider - a few that come to mind - personality disorder, emotional neediness, depression.  If someone has the potential to be a doctor, but loved something else, why would dropping out of med school to pursue it mean he was an underachiever. i would say he's pretty damn smart not to waste 12 years of his life. 

Life is all about a series of choices - each leads to the next level of choices which pretty much reflects on the past choices..... this is life's journey.  No one can predict the journey, all one can do is make the best possible decision at the moment that they think will lead them towards a happy and successful journey. There are so many curve balls that can be thrown at you along the way that can intefer with one's plans that it takes a good deal of living to realize and experience that.  

Blaze your own trail - however dusty it may be and fuck anyone who tries to steer you towards the path they think you should be on. You have to live your life not them - and if it's a long one that's 76 years worth of working to please others. Only word that comes to mind when i think of that is misery. Good luck kitty, step down and smell the roses every now and then instead of crushing them underfoot.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to PrizedPosession)
Profile   Post #: 109
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/4/2008 10:03:57 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		EEKK

Miss Velvet said "fuck"
 


_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 110
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/4/2008 5:16:09 PM   
Imperiella


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline 		My Master's parents are fundementalist christians and could never understand our relationship. They are really evangelical and I feel they are intolerant of everyone who thinks differently than they do. They set strict standards for Master in terms of education and I feel they must have pushed him to invest too much into formal education and I feel that now he is psychologically restricted to climbing the corporate ladder. Ultimately, this will probably make us both miserable as this lifestyle is filled with empty materialism.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 111
RE: The underachieving disease - 1/4/2008 5:30:07 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		~ quick reply~

Haven't read the whole thread, but this is what popped into my mind for sharing. 

It takes tremendous energy for some people to get through the day... just to get up in the morning, to fight the demons that follow them.  They use their intellect and their will and all their strength to put one foot in front of the other.  They search their souls and use all their resources to heal from unspeakable horror.  And sometimes those people are also BDSM folks.

A university degree is the last thing on their minds.  Who am I to judge?

peace.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to thornhappy)
Profile   Post #: 112
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