RE: The New Wave?????

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: The New Wave?????

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: The New Wave?????

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 4 [5]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: The New Wave????? - 1/12/2008 8:43:25 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

The issue isn't greedy submissives or "subtrollers" who make huge demands and or want it all their way.

The real problem is the lack of dominants who possess the genuine ability to dominant and inspire "subtrollers", greedy submissives and others to actually surrender and submit.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Profile

Post #: 81

RE: The New Wave????? - 1/12/2008 11:38:36 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I don't necessarily think that is so, Michael...it may be true in a lot of cases but it is also true that you can have the genuine ability to make someone submit to you, even when they start out not all that wild about submitting to you: as they get to know you, they find that there is more than initially meets the eye and that they want to find out what that "more" is. For some, this 'more' compels them to a state of submission. And yet...you can have those who submit and who want to initially...they find you dominating, they appreciate your dominance, they enjoy your dominance, they appreciate YOU...right up until you do something that they do not approve of/like/annoys them and then, they run. They no longer wish to speak with you let alone let you dominate them...in fact, they will tell you they no longer feel submissive to you and so they feel no need to tell you what you did that annoyed them and they find the fact that you cannot magically figure out what you did "wrong" in your own head as proof of your inability to dominate them "properly". Is it really? or is it proof of their inability to submit in any way that is not pleasant to them? or that is difficult for them? or that would require them to face up to things and finish them before they move on?

Are there dominants capable of similar behavior from the dominant side of the whip? Sure there are...we see that all the time on these boards; the dominant who wants to play and may be a great player and friend and mentor but who does not want the responsibility of dominance over the long term, the dominant who has several submissives and thinks it is his right but who will not come clean with all those who submit to him that there are other submissives that do so, the dominant who wants to play and who will put a lot of effort into making that play happen but who...with each submissive that plays with him...soon finds a way to "something just not quite right about your submission" and who moves on without making what that "something" is.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Profile

Post #: 82

RE: The New Wave????? - 1/12/2008 3:38:55 PM

EponasChylde

Posts: 65
Joined: 12/31/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: EponasChylde

I don't think this is a new phenomenon. Different people are seeking different things...as long as everyone is honest, what's the harm?

I've personally tried M/s relationships and D/s relationships...and the biggest thing they've taught me is that I'm not a sub. I'm a bottom. I don't want a guy who's in control of me all the time. I don't want to be told what to do on a daily basis. I want to shut the bedroom door, "roleplay" being a slave for a few hours, engage in encredibly hot, kinky, S/M based sex, and then when it's over go right back to being the strong, independant woman I really am.

If a person doesn't want to deal that, they don't have to bother with me. No harm, no foul.

Yanno...maybe it is just me today but, if I were a submissive woman, I think I just might resent the statement of yours that I have made bold above. The reason...it seems to imply that a woman cannot be strong and independant and be submissive. As a dominant, I have known plenty of submissive women who were strong and yet submissive, independant to a great extent and yet submissive to their dominant's desires/wants/needs/orders. Perhaps you don't mean for it to sound the way it does and perhaps it is simply my perception. If it strikes anyone else that way, speak up. If I am the only one who has misinterpreted or erred in my perception of how the bold statement sounds, then speak up also.

You read too much into it.

I wasn't talking about anybody but MYSELF. Yes, I believe a woman can be strong/independant and still submissive. But *I* can't do that. When I was a slave, I felt weak and needy and it gave me lower self-esteem. In order for ME to feel strong and independent, I need more of a "top/bottom" relationship than a D/s one.

Every time I'd let my Master tell me what to do, I'd feel just a little more weak and pathetic...I didn't start feeling strong again until I came to terms with being able to enjoy S/m sex while still maintaining my complete independance. Again, I was only talking about ME and not other people.

_____________________________

*aka geekygirl*

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Profile

Post #: 83

RE: The New Wave????? - 1/13/2008 6:23:20 PM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gorgeous1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLolly
With all due respect to one who posted that this is only a game and cannot understand why one would want to do anything they didn't want to do A). for some this is an alternative lifestyle - not just a game. B.) If one only does what one wants to do anyway - just where is the submission in that?

With all due respect, I will answer your questions, since I'm the one who said this is a game.

A) LIFE is a game. You can choose to stop playing any time you like. Sure, this is an alternative lifestyle, and I choose to live my life in the style of a 24/7 M/s dynamic, but either of us could cash our chips in if we decided it wasn't fun anymore.

B) We all only do what we want to do. It's called hard limits. I am not into playing with poo poo. PERIOD. Nobody's going to make me play with fecal matter. Does that make me a "fake" slave? Uhhhh...sure....if you say so....

Question: Would you FORCE, I mean truly FORCE somebody to do something against their will? Seriously? Would you subject them to something if they were tied down and couldn't protect themselves after they had safe-worded? If you answer "Yes" then I digress...it's not a game to you.

Not one to leave a question unanswered, and quite frankly finding a SA response :

This is the USA. Persons who FORCE, truely FORCE go to jail or at least risk prosecution and at the very least social comdemnation.. This is not always the case in some foreign countries where actual human slavery still exists, in those places, human life is often of little value. So, I will disagree that life is a game. An adventure sure, but to accept that life and it's absence - death, is on par with parcheesi serves only to cheapen human existance and that I will not accept.

Hard limits, parameters of submission and safe-wording are not the same as likes and choosing to only "submit" to what's "fun", what you feel like doing at the time or limiting one's submission to just what one enjoys doing or having done anyway. If, within all the parameters agreed upon, I desired to exert some form of domination on the submissive and they told me nah, I'm really not in the mood to play that game right now and didnawanna/no but that they really felt more like "submitting" to having XYZ - buh bye. I don't care what they chose to call themself, that's not submission. It could perhaps be a bottom negotiating play, but it certainly is not submission.

On a final note, our natures are a part of us, Dom/me or submissive/slave, we don't walk blithely away from what we are because it just dosen't happen to be "fun" anymore. From a "role" being played at, as a "game", sure, it's easy enough to call the game quits. As an integral component of yourself - no.
So, enjoy your game, for as long as it's "fun" to be a "slave" anyway and then on to a new more funnerer game I suppose. Ahhhhhhh, to be young again.

(in reply to gorgeous1)

Profile

Post #: 84