How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom?

How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

BabyDollVanIsle -> How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 2:33:59 AM)
Ok, here is something i have been mulling over asking for a while. There is no danger of my Dom reading here, he doesn't visit this site and hasn't even seen my profile here (i met him through a smaller local site). We started to fall in love right way, so really, i am being treated more like a fragile princess than a submissive. i think he is afraid to 'scare me off' with too many demands especially sexual ones. plus he doesn't want to make the relationship focus either BDSM or sex (a attitude i agree with and support) but wants it to be about being with each other and finding out our compatibility first. However, at some point I would like to be able to serve more and give him more sexual pleasure. part of the problem is that he is a naturally modest person who doesn't ask a lot for himself and is extremely self disciplined, and does not indulge himself in any area of his life. he is indulging me far more than he is himself. so i am asking for advice on how i can encourage him to make more use of me without invading his Domly space. i really want him to start training me to provide him with sexual pleasure... how should i ask for that? i tried asking him once by IM, but i was really tense at the time about it (long story, partly trust issues on my side) and he wasn't at his best, and some of his answers were unclear, and i lost my nerve to discuss it the next day when he had more energy and time for the discussion. yes, normally we have good and direct communication. just this is a difficult area for me. also, when there is an agreement that he will train me, how do i encourage him to go ahead and make it comfortabel with attitude, body language, things i can say, etc? and please feel free to assume that i am really really clueless and inexperienced with men. because you would be right. didn't have much sexual experience before i found out i was submissive, and he is my first post-discovery real time experience.

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 3:24:47 AM)
My suggestion would be to strip and kneel in fron of him. Beg for any sort of relese he will grant. (this may be a bit too formal for you) in my admittedly limited xp guys respond to simple tactics. by begging you are re-asserting that he is the master, while letting him now what you need.

fullofgrace69 -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 3:41:13 AM)
if your shy, could i suggest that u write down all ur points maybe in a letter form or in bullet point style just so you know exactly what message you are trying to get across, you dont have to give it to him and indeed id suggest you didnt but as someone who can get really flustered wen trying to talk about what i need i know it helps me to ahve really thought it out before hand. my brain becomes calmer. also i wuld only try and talk about this person to person things can be misread and misunderstood on the internet and even on the phone and via text. just say you've been thinking and was wondering if he's ready to take the relationship to the next level, because whilst you are incredibly grateful for the amazing way he's been treating you, you'd love to know how best you can serve him, etc etc.........failing that what asherdelamypr said, i know plenty of people it's worked for :) oh and body language and stuff, it sounds small but wenever i was with my dom who was training me i'd make sure i was on the floor by his feet, but snuggled in that way he knew i was there wen he needed me and we had the closeness he wanted at the same time? i know its an small thing and i bet that most ppl on here do it and that u are most properly doing it already but little gestures like that told my dom i was ready to be trained (we had a similar issue at the start cos i was a lot younger than him and he was my first dom and he didnt wanna scare me off) good luck. communication really is the key though :) x x

Justme696 -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 3:47:08 AM)
mmm is it bad for a slave/sub just to seduce her MAster/Dom(me) by wearing nice lingery or by any other means? Don't think seducing should be counting as topping, but that is a personal opinion. Bit of a vanilla answer not?, but sometiems it can be easy

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 3:50:25 AM)
Nothing wrong with that, just depends on the dynamic... Personally, I just like more direct measures, and begging

Justme696 -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 3:56:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr Nothing wrong with that, just depends on the dynamic... Personally, I just like more direct measures, and begging Me too, but i tried to see it from the sub/slave side ;) mmm a begging seduction can be done, like a kitten crawling around Masters leg :d

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 3:59:54 AM)
ooo, that would be fun.

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 4:09:10 AM)
Asher, great answer except i forgot to add, i have trouble with begging.. it is almost a hard limit with me, but something i hope to overcome at some point. can you reform that answer that doesn't involve begging, something else substituted that gets the same message across? the other problem i have, is my Dom is naturally conservative and controlled. anything over the top is, i think, going to come across as well, over the top and false. doesn't mean i don't want to hear over the top suggestions.. they might give me an idea that is more subtle. are there some Doms out there who consider themselves more the same that way, more into the subtle and natural interaction mindset? i think if you can identify with how i described my Dom, then your opinion is most likely to be the most zeroed in on what would be agreeable for him. fullofgrace, the point form is a great way to get organized, so when we do communicate about it, i will be more coherent. my master also like the sit at feet thing but he doesn't have the right furniture and it was straining my neck, so until he gets a better furniture setup, we have settled for side by side chairs so we can hold hands. but i think you are write.. signalling something with physical closeness is probably a good idea. Justme, you would think that seducing would be a good idea. but that is a vanilla habit i had that i used to elicit affection and contact, and now has a bad association for me. maybe when the trust is more developed, i might think of a way i could do it without triggering the bad associations. I have some nice lingerie, but i have been too chicken to wear it. i tend to think he will react to same way as to other clothes.. just take it off. i don't know.. i could try something more suble and see how he reacts. don't have to start with the scarlet corset and the crotchless panties (lol.. i own no such outfit). thanks for all the great suggestions.. they are helping. if only to make me realize it isn't such a big deal as i have built it up to be.

fullofgrace69 -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 4:30:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr Nothing wrong with that, just depends on the dynamic... Personally, I just like more direct measures, and begging Me too, but i tried to see it from the sub/slave side ;) mmm a begging seduction can be done, like a kitten crawling around Masters leg :d see thats jst put some fantastic images in me head :) -coughs- and babydoll glad we're helping, its not a huge deal and if you dont feel that a seduction scene would be right than just talk to him...........course if he ever comes to ur place u culd jst leave the door open and meet him somewhere naked and kneeling .......... they tend to get the message then:) or buy him a gift maybe that wuld help with training like a paddle or a cane..........there are ways of getting ur message across without having to top from the bottom. again good luck:)

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 4:33:58 AM)
Glad we could help... Have you considered a massage? You can say just about anything while giving or getting a massage.

imnotlooking -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 4:40:51 AM)
i hardly ever read the message board, i am so glad i read this one. im having my first r/t experience next week & wanted to beable to communicate with Sir C comfortably but wasnt sure how to go about it. Begging & massage i think are gonna be my first two options....lol. oh goodness im so nervous. i must remember to read the forums. [:D] have a great day everyone!

IrishMist -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 4:50:30 AM)
quote: Ok, here is something i have been mulling over asking for a while. There is no danger of my Dom reading here, he doesn't visit this site and hasn't even seen my profile here (i met him through a smaller local site). Sorry, but your little disclaimer here left a really bad taste in my mouth to the point that I find all I can think of is how much you are playing him by not letting him know about your profile here.

sunshinemiss -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 4:59:57 AM)
Well, of course all that leaves is... what do you feel comfortable with? smiles - it's hard isn't it? A certain shyness... on either side of the slash. Well... i have been known to have an idea or two, so if i may.... When he's in the shower, soap up your lovely breasts and wash him with them... leave little notes that say "Yes, Sir" on post it note pads all over... wear his shirt and ask him if you can help him dress and then take off the shirt, with some kind of fetish wear under it... ask him to show you HOW something is done - dripping candle wax, putting clamps on nipples, etc. and see what happens... when he arrives in the bedroom, be standing in a corner, nekkid, with an blindfold on, and an implement or two laid out... go shopping with him at Home Depot (or other hardware store) or kitchen supply store and slap yourself with the one or two of the items and giggle... buy a dog bowl, make dinner, put yours on the ground and eat that way (without words)... leave a lock of your pubic hair in a place where only he can see with a not that says "yours".. leave clothespins in his pockets... when going to bed at night, read a fetish book that has pix (and really read it)... and say hmmmmmm or oooooooooo at appropriate times. That's all i could come up with on short notice.... If you do a few little things, he'll see what you are thinking and know what to do. If that doesn't work, you can always lay over his lap with a note attached to your bum that says, "please spank me". peace (and i hope you tell us how things work out for you)

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 5:03:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: imnotlooking i hardly ever read the message board, i am so glad i read this one. im having my first r/t experience next week & wanted to beable to communicate with Sir C comfortably but wasnt sure how to go about it. Begging & massage i think are gonna be my first two options....lol. oh goodness im so nervous. i must remember to read the forums. [:D] have a great day everyone! this made me smile - Glad I could help :P

Bound2One -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 5:27:45 AM)
quote: I have some nice lingerie, but i have been too chicken to wear it. i tend to think he will react to same way as to other clothes.. just take it off. i don't know.. i could try something more suble and see how he reacts. don't have to start with the scarlet corset and the crotchless panties (lol.. i own no such outfit). From reading through the thread, it seems to me that both of you are more reserved, formal type people. Pardon me if I am wrong in this assumption. It's going to take someone or something to 'stir the pot' so to speak. Just a thought - have you guys talked about your expectations of one another? What you want and need? This might be a nice conversation to have over a lovely candlelit dinner at home. Create a soft, romantic mood, wear something silky and attractive. Be flirty and open and just bring it up. You could even work with the BDSM checklist to see if there is something on there that jumps out at you as 'ah-ha! that's what I want' kind of thing. But be clear and open with him, even if it's hard. It may help him open up as well.

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 5:37:37 AM)
/agree

Lordandmaster -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 8:18:26 AM)
Actually, there were a couple of things that bothered me about the OP. One was what you quoted. Another was this: quote: part of the problem is that he is a naturally modest person who doesn't ask a lot for himself and is extremely self disciplined, and does not indulge himself in any area of his life. he is indulging me far more than he is himself. That's not going to last indefinitely. Relationships work when people can be exactly who they are, when who they are is exactly what the other person wants and needs them to be. quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: Ok, here is something i have been mulling over asking for a while. There is no danger of my Dom reading here, he doesn't visit this site and hasn't even seen my profile here (i met him through a smaller local site). Sorry, but your little disclaimer here left a really bad taste in my mouth to the point that I find all I can think of is how much you are playing him by not letting him know about your profile here.

LadyLynx -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 8:53:41 AM)
Ask if youtwo can have periods, where you are a slave to him. like an afternoon, a day, a weekend.

imnotlooking -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 10:25:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr quote: ORIGINAL: imnotlooking i hardly ever read the message board, i am so glad i read this one. im having my first r/t experience next week & wanted to beable to communicate with Sir C comfortably but wasnt sure how to go about it. Begging & massage i think are gonna be my first two options....lol. oh goodness im so nervous. i must remember to read the forums. [:D] have a great day everyone! this made me smile - Glad I could help :P [;)] Thanks again! im glad i read Your post!

MistressNoName -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/14/2008 10:44:05 AM)
First, have to agree with Irish and L&M about the "playing him" part. If you haven't told him about your CM profile, you should. Why not tell him? Next, when you tense up, or have difficulties communicating something to him, tell him that. Tell him it's difficult for you and give him that chance to help you with this or at least to understand that you have occasional difficulties with self-expression. It's far better to be honest about that than for him to be under the impression that you are being totally open with him when you are not. Finally, I don't get with the idea of trying to seduce him etc. And I'm not going to get into whether that's "topping from the bottom," I loathe that expression. If you desire something you are not getting, tell him. Ask for face-to-face time and talk like two adults trying to work out a D/s power exchange. Best to you, MNN

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125