RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom?

RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (Full Version)

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HalloweenWhite -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 5:24:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr My suggestion would be to strip and kneel in fron of him. Beg for any sort of relese he will grant. (this may be a bit too formal for you) in my admittedly limited xp guys respond to simple tactics. by begging you are re-asserting that he is the master, while letting him now what you need. lol at simple tactics, sorry, just tickled Me. I agree btw lol, it'd work for Me!.

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 5:31:03 AM)
That's the view I took on it.

HalloweenWhite -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 5:41:36 AM)
Btw, I hope you didnt think I was being sarcastic-I wasn't, I genuinely thought it was comical. Just My stupid sense of humour, plus being in an unusually good mood doesn't help!. Be well :).

antipode -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 5:46:21 AM)
Will never happen. You are trying to change him, and he is not a Dom. This is, in my book, borne out by the two of you falling in love straight off, that's not the beginning of a D/S relationship. If you have that need to be put to use, find someone who wants that, changing people does not work, period.

DesFIP -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 5:50:08 AM)
I fancy coming out naked, draping myself over his knees and asking for a hard back scratch myself. Even if he isn't in the mood for more, I do still get my back scratched and if he isn't in actual pain or mourning, this always gets some kind of positive outcome. As does lying naked across the bed with my wrists crossed near one of the posts and a scarf or rope right there to tie me with. Flipping up my shirt to show off my breasts usually gets a reaction also.

DesFIP -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 5:53:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode Will never happen. You are trying to change him, and he is not a Dom. This is, in my book, borne out by the two of you falling in love straight off, that's not the beginning of a D/S relationship. If you have that need to be put to use, find someone who wants that, changing people does not work, period. If you fall in love then you aren't really dominant or submissive? I would hope this was a joke. FYI, most of us consider it rude to submit to or dominate another without consent. And you might be surprised how many of us need emotional intimacy and love in order to consent.

kyraofMists -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 6:10:27 AM)
What works best in my relationship is to be rather direct and ask. He and I were home the other afternoon by ourselves and I just asked him if he wanted to have sex. It was then his decision to say yes or no. Asking gives him the authority to make the decision on whether to satisfy my wants or not. Knight's Kyra

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 6:13:35 AM)
That method is wayy to simple

Kirren -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 6:20:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr My suggestion would be to strip and kneel in fron of him. Beg for any sort of relese he will grant. (this may be a bit too formal for you) in my admittedly limited xp guys respond to simple tactics. by begging you are re-asserting that he is the master, while letting him now what you need. I have to agree here. Men are, as far as I can tell, and as a rule, more visually stimulated. And I can tell you from experience with the Doms that I know, and have been friends with, they LOVE it when their girl kneels and begs. It speaks of submission....but wanton desire. Think of that old saying, a man wants a lady in the street and whore in the bed? That kind of thing. I also once knew a girl that would beg to give her Dom oral sex at least once a day. I dont know how well that went, but he smiled alot, so must have been good. Being shy is normal in a new relationship, but I think it would be a good idea to realize that trust is paramount and it would be worth your while to over come your fear, he is with you after all, and finds you attractive I am sure...and let him know that you like being able to please him in any way that he would like to use you. That you thrive on his pleasure, be that sexual, intellectual or domestic...that honesty may go along way in abating his fear that he is going to scare you away. If speaking verbally is hard, maybe leave him notes, or, play soft music. Wear clothes that are revealing. As a woman, and a submissive you have many tools at your disposal that should get the ball rolling. Good luck...I think youll be fine.

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 7:56:55 AM)
I love being agreed with :P

kyraofMists -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 8:41:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr That method is wayy to simple Yeah, but it gets great results g A few bite marks and scratches later, I was a very happy girl! Knight's Kyra

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 8:43:27 AM)
well yeah, but where is the overthinking? The meticolous (sp?) overplanning? the shopping for god's sake?

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 9:10:35 AM)
dear Sir Asher, thank you for your response. that was reassuring. dear CrazyC, my post was always about encouraging him to get more sexual pleasure from me. he is already giving me enough sexual pleasure... more certainly than any other man has in my lifetime. several other people have already made that same assumption, that i was asking for more sexual pleasure or frequency for myself, but their responses have been interesting and useful despite the misunderstanding. as for enough sex... well, i could always want more. but i have learned it is better to have a little less of something you love than a little more than you want of something you love. in my pre-submissive Vanilla life, i found if i got too much, it was a quick step to not wanting it at all. So far as a submissive, so many other things are completely different... don't know if that would work the same. would rather not find out the hard way! at least i don't feel like i did a few months ago... then it would have taken 3 Doms or 6 Vanilla men in good health to keep me sexually satisfied (i guess that is what they mean by sub frenzy). my sex drive has settled down to a dull roar now i feel more secure and loved. dear laurell, well, i do trust him. but trust has to come about in stages, and the communicaiton has to pace with that. i am just being mindful of timing and what stage i am at. he is ahead of me in terms of trust and openness. digitalsky that is a good thought, but i wouldn't have the nerve for that at this point. he hasn't asked me to play with myself while he watches (i hear this is usually a frequent request) and i can't recall i ever performed like that in my Vanilla life, so it would be a first for me to do that. i could probably do it if asked, but wouldn't feel comfortable surprsing him with it. i will be heading out to spend a few days with him around noon or earlier, and i think i will just go with the flow this trip, and just focus on getting more in sync with him and following his lead more. i think i will restrict my initiative to picking up some nice vegetables for dinner and maybe some fish. he asked for 1% milk only, but i may surprise him! see how that goes over before i initiate any sexual surprises... lol

CrazyC -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 9:30:33 AM)
Sub Frenzy? I have never heard that term. What is it?

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 10:28:13 AM)
Ok, I know that I come at this from a much different perspective in that I don't have romantic loving relationships with my slaves, but I am going to tell you what I think anyway. If I were your Master, I would want you to shut the fuck up and do what it is that I tell you to do. I'll admit I haven't read all of the replies, but it sounds to me that you are topping from the bottom. If you want to do more for him, then do more for him. Knit him a sweater. Bake him a lasagne. But that really isn't what you want. You want him to make you do things. You assume he doesn't because he is "afraid". More likely, this is because that's the way he likes it. If you are really interested in serving the guy, stop worrying about making him use you more/better/longer/harder and start really paying attention to what he is asking you to do. If he wants something, and you make yourself utterly open to his requests, he will use you exactly how he wants to. But, is that really what you are interested in? Taggard

FierySlave4u -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 10:34:54 AM)
I had been collared to my master for five years and the last two years had been very difficult for me because, he would not play with me very much. I approached him with numerous conversations, lingerie, begged him and did all that I could to show him how much I needed him. Prior to my formal collaring that was before members of the community we discussed what we both needed and my lifestyle friends cautioned him that I was extremely passionate about the lifestyle and if he did not share that level of commitment collaring me would be a bad idea. In addition to all of this I opted to undergo cosmetic surgery because I felt that it was my body that was making me undesirable to him as I saw the pornography that he looked and tried to compare myself to the women. Yesterday per the advice of a dear friend and Domme who is respected in the community I approached him....He had made a decision to release me because of my behavior. I admit that I have been very angry and resentful regarding his neglect and I did not behave the way a slave should and on a serveral occasions lost my cool and said things I should not say. Where I am going with this is please make sure that your dominant understands what you need as a submissive because, if your needs are not in sync you will suffer great pain. There is nothing more painful for a slave than to feel the need to serve and be denied time after time because, the dominant does not value your service to him and chooses to use his control as a weapon to deeply wound your slave heart. I know for a fact that there are some great Dominants out there that have a complete understanding of the psycological,physical and spiritual components in a slaves heart that make her, need and want to serve. I am uncollared and it is very painful as I am also married to the Dominant and the part of the relationship that I most highly valued is gone. It is of the upmost importance that you have a dominant who has some experience and if he does not then he should approach one of the experienced dominants in the community to be mentored. Also, it is important to check references within the community because, most Doms have trained,played with or been involved in the community real time. Please keep your chin up, try to explain to him was you most desperately need and see what happens... Hopefully he will understand and respond to you and allow you to pour out you slave heart to him. Take care Blessings, fieryslave4u

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 10:57:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FierySlave4u Prior to my formal collaring that was before members of the community we discussed what we both needed and my lifestyle friends cautioned him that I was extremely passionate about the lifestyle and if he did not share that level of commitment collaring me would be a bad idea. <snip> He had made a decision to release me because of my behavior. Sounds to me that what you were extremely passionate about was getting your needs met, and not "the lifestyle". It also sounds like your Master did what he had to do. Slavery is not for everyone... Taggard

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 11:31:39 AM)
Hugs to FierySlave4u i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your M/s relationship. it sounds like it is for the best, you are now free to find a Master with whom you are more compatible... not sure if you can if you are married to your ex Master... i feel for your situation. TallDarkAndWitty, i think you are being a trifle insensitive and Uber-Dom-ish. i don't know if you have heard, but some Dom's consider submissives partners of equal value, and the D/s M/s dynamic is about meeting both partners needs in a symbiotic relationship. and he is not of the same attitude as you are. not everyone feels completely free to use other people as they see fit right off the bat.. i really do think he just needs some signals and indication from me that it is ok to ask certain things. reading people's responses has helped me see that and some other things. other than that, i do agree with your statement "If he wants something, and you make yourself utterly open to his requests, he will use you exactly how he wants to." i think we are evolving towards that.

FierySlave4u -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 11:52:06 AM)
Thank you Baby Doll hugs I appreciate your sensitivity and understanding. I have been involved with several Doms over the years and before Master RCO I had always felt like I was valued and protected and in the begining of my relationship I felt that I was. While I acted inappropriately on several occasions I felt that "punishment" should have been an option that my Master should have explored. Instead, he chose a way out that would end the M/s relationship. In the beginning I explained to him that a M/s relationship requires alot of work by both parties and it is not for everyone. There is a big difference between domineering and Dominant as I have sadly discovered. I am a masochist so I feel that within my marriage I will be allowed to play "real time" with a hard limit on intercourse. My husband understands that I am a masochist and I have a need to be "sessioned". Baby Doll, I wish you the very best as a slave and If I can ever help you in any way do not fail to contact me... fieryslave4u

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 11:56:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BabyDollVanIsle i don't know if you have heard, but some Dom's consider submissives partners of equal value, and the D/s M/s dynamic is about meeting both partners needs in a symbiotic relationship. That is exactly the way I develop my relationships with my slaves. They are certainly equal partners in the dynamic, if not the relationship. However, their role is one of slave. In my vernacular, that means I own them. If they are not satisfied doing what I want them to, just to please myself, then we are not compatible, and I would not own them. I really don't want to hear "suggestions" on what I can do to make them more happy or more satisfied. If they are not happy doing the things I ask of them, then they should not belong to me. If that makes me an Uber-dom, then so be it... Taggard

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