RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom?

RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (Full Version)

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BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 12:30:43 PM)
dear Taggart, in general, i agree with what you are saying, on a certain level it is 'be satisfied as things are or leave'. however, if you take that as an absolute, that means if something changes for a sub (say there is something they were able to do, but now has become more objectionable to the point of being a hard limit), they would be forced to leave rather than just tell you that they can no longer do 'x' . while if they mentioned it, they might find that you don't particularily care about doing 'x', or you are flexible about doing 'x' and there really isn't a problem. what we are really talking about here, is the initial stages of a relationship, where we are both still feeling each other out and establishing patterns and structure. some discussion & communication is in order.. i am just looking for creative perspectives on the situation before i do anything. and, i am actually not in the relationship to be a slave. we are looking more at a Domestic Discipline way of looking at things. just for clarity as to our approach.

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 12:39:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BabyDollVanIsle while if they mentioned it, they might find that you don't particularily care about doing 'x', or you are flexible about doing 'x' and there really isn't a problem. There is a difference between "Master, I just saw the doctor and there is a tear in my anus, I can't have anal sex for 6 months" and "Master, you never fuck me in the ass anymore...why not? I really need ass fucking, Master". quote: and, i am actually not in the relationship to be a slave. we are looking more at a Domestic Discipline way of looking at things. just for clarity as to our approach. Sure...my comments really don't apply to you. Like I said in my first post, I am coming at this from a very different perspective. And like I said in one of my subsequent posts, slavery isn't for everybody... Taggard

KnOcala -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 12:42:34 PM)
The key to any successful relationship has always been the same. Communication.

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/15/2008 12:49:10 PM)
Dear Taggart.. sure, that is clear. KnOcala.. yes.. communication and timing.

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/19/2008 10:54:08 PM)
just an update, well, this last visit with my Master-to-be, i could have sworn he had read this forum thread, though i am 99.9% sure he has not. he started enjoying and using me more on his own... either he had got the idea from our earlier disjointed unresolved attempts to communicate on the issue, or else just that little longer time being together got us to a place where it was natural for him to ask more for himself instead of just pleasing me. everyones comments and suggestions have been very helpful to me in getting a handle and perspective on the situation... in a way it is hard that my first real time experience is probably going to be with my 'rest of my life' Master...but it is a challenge i am happy to be faced with.

Asherdelampyr -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/19/2008 10:55:49 PM)
Very happy to hear that things are going well for you and your master :)

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (1/20/2008 9:43:37 PM)
thanks, Sir Asher. hope you have fun with whoever wins the bid! baby doll

thedarkarchon -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/14/2008 9:30:04 PM)
act like you don't like it and in fact dont like it. This will stimulate our master's sadism

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/14/2008 9:38:16 PM)
works good in theory, but a lot of masters seem to have an uncanny ability to read what is really going on.. as mine does.

SailingBum -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 3:15:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BabyDollVanIsle Ok, here is something i have been mulling over asking for a while. There is no danger of my Dom reading here, he doesn't visit this site and hasn't even seen my profile here (i met him through a smaller local site). We started to fall in love right way, so really, i am being treated more like a fragile princess than a submissive. i think he is afraid to 'scare me off' with too many demands especially sexual ones. plus he doesn't want to make the relationship focus either BDSM or sex (a attitude i agree with and support) but wants it to be about being with each other and finding out our compatibility first. However, at some point I would like to be able to serve more and give him more sexual pleasure. part of the problem is that he is a naturally modest person who doesn't ask a lot for himself and is extremely self disciplined, and does not indulge himself in any area of his life. he is indulging me far more than he is himself. yes, normally we have good and direct communication. just this is a difficult area for me. also, when there is an agreement that he will train me, how do i encourage him to go ahead and make it comfortabel with attitude, body language, things i can say, etc? and please feel free to assume that i am really really clueless and inexperienced with men. because you would be right. didn't have much sexual experience before i found out i was submissive, and he is my first post-discovery real time experience. Either your not explaining the situation correctly or he is not a dom. It doesn't sound like he is "calling the shots" I read the OP and that was it. BadOne

Nineveh -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 8:44:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I fancy coming out naked, draping myself over his knees and asking for a hard back scratch myself. Even if he isn't in the mood for more, I do still get my back scratched and if he isn't in actual pain or mourning, this always gets some kind of positive outcome. As does lying naked across the bed with my wrists crossed near one of the posts and a scarf or rope right there to tie me with. Flipping up my shirt to show off my breasts usually gets a reaction also. Heh, My wife flips up her shirt to show off her breasts at all sorts of people. I hope it doesn't always mean she is in the mood for sex, becuase if it does I am doing a very poor job of satisfying her.

BabyDollVanIsle -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 10:10:20 AM)
dear SailingBum, yes, he is a Dom, and he is getting more seriously into the training so the 'fragile princess' stuff isn't happening as much, i am expected more and more to meet his requirements and he is getting tougher with punishments. though, if i do feel emotionally fragile or wounded, he does still treat me lovingly and talk it through with me, so i am finding the 'stricter' handling easier to take.. i do want to please him, it is just hard when i have a lifetime of independance behind me and right now an upsurge at work adding to my stress load. he has said he has been backing off on my training since my work is so demanding right now, a sudden increase in the workload for seasonal reasons.

vield -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 10:42:48 AM)
There are a lot of interesting answers here and I hope some will suit your situation. Personally whether I am dominating a slave or surrendering to a Mistress, I believe that the most honesty we each can give each other, the better chance the relationship has. In this lifestyle learning to negotiate about our likes and needs and dislikes is very important. If your dom is not aware of how badly you REALLY crave sexual use and intensive training, he also may not realize that this lack could be corroding your relationship. I believe that "topping from the bottom" is very rarely a problem between open and honest partners. It could be he knows your feelings and is ignoring them as a test of how you react, but this does not sound likely. Giving him an adoring response to anything you are allowed to do usually will help. He may be startled when you kneel, kiss his thigh and say "Thank You Master" every time after he allows you to fix him a snack or a drink, but likely he'll like it. If you can honestly say things like "Master your eyes are so beautiful they make me melt", learn to do so. Great compliments do only work if they are sincere, because many people can feel insincerity, so if you do not like his beard say nothing about it. When you express your thoughts and desires please learn to do so it a way that is not judgemental, does not include any guilt giving, and focuses upon your thoughts, feelings and such. It is far better for my slave to say, "Master i Love it so when You eat me and i pray that i Please you enough to earn that again soon", rather than "Why dont'y you ever eat me anymore", which implies he is wrong. Personally I find guilt jealousy, resentment and such to be corrosive whether one gives them or recieves them, except in a negotiated role play scene. LOL making a bet on his favorite sports team with him can get things flowing... if you bet him a blow job or butt fuck that the team will score in the next 5 minutes, you win your need whether you win the bet or not. Good Luck!

hollu -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 1:42:56 PM)
i am a submissive slave on here and i would like to know ho figure out a real master from others?

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 1:44:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hollu i am a submissive slave on here and i would like to know ho figure out a real master from others? Start a thread but thread lightly [;)]

rawkmehard -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 1:52:03 PM)
i sent Sir a text message that said something like this: "Sir, i have a confession to make. i have been thinking about insert explicit act here since last night. Would you please consider allowing me the honor of performing referenced explicit act he wrote back saying he'd consider it. and i wrote him back saying 'Thank you, Sir, for your consideration' after i state a desire, it's up to him. i'm not topping him from the bottom-i'm expressing my desire to serve him. should he choose to indulge it, then GREAT!! and if not...still great! because it's up to him. it took me a long time to understand that it's not all about me. for me, the trick has always been to learn that i have to express my desire to serve and please him, and to trust that he will use me as he sees fit. when i don't express what i'm thinking (assuming it's causing some level of confusion or tension for me), i can't reasonably expect him to pluck it out of my head and act on it, can i?! that's silly. so that's an example of how to encourage it. and you need to remember that the answer may still be no-and that's where your trust in him needs to be steady.

MasterSteel007 -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 4:55:35 PM)
Perhaps is not really experienced at the "Dom" aspects of the lifestyle? I would just try and maybe get a racy bdsm book or even perhaps a video... (Say a girlfriend at work gave it to you...!) Make sure it is one that is not too violent or gross of course... Leave it around when you go out.... Watch how fast he picks up... Also encourage him when he does spank you or forces you on your knees to service him... tell him later... "I love when you do that to me!" Let him know... He cannot read your mind...right?

lusciouslips19 -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/15/2008 5:22:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss Well, of course all that leaves is... what do you feel comfortable with? smiles - it's hard isn't it? A certain shyness... on either side of the slash. Well... i have been known to have an idea or two, so if i may.... When he's in the shower, soap up your lovely breasts and wash him with them... leave little notes that say "Yes, Sir" on post it note pads all over... wear his shirt and ask him if you can help him dress and then take off the shirt, with some kind of fetish wear under it... ask him to show you HOW something is done - dripping candle wax, putting clamps on nipples, etc. and see what happens... when he arrives in the bedroom, be standing in a corner, nekkid, with an blindfold on, and an implement or two laid out... go shopping with him at Home Depot (or other hardware store) or kitchen supply store and slap yourself with the one or two of the items and giggle... buy a dog bowl, make dinner, put yours on the ground and eat that way (without words)... leave a lock of your pubic hair in a place where only he can see with a not that says "yours".. leave clothespins in his pockets... when going to bed at night, read a fetish book that has pix (and really read it)... and say hmmmmmm or oooooooooo at appropriate times. That's all i could come up with on short notice.... If you do a few little things, he'll see what you are thinking and know what to do. If that doesn't work, you can always lay over his lap with a note attached to your bum that says, "please spank me". peace (and i hope you tell us how things work out for you) [:D] Wow! I'd let you coreograph my next seduction!

Redoubt -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/18/2008 4:40:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hollu i am a submissive slave on here and i would like to know ho figure out a real master from others? Look for the mark that says "Made in Hell" - if it says "Made in Taiwan", he's not a real one. Seriously, take it slower and trust your instincts more. If anything doesn't feel quite right while youre getting to know him, then either communicate, slow down further or get out.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: How can a submissive encourage more play and more sexual use without topping from the bottom? (2/18/2008 7:19:18 AM)
I have to agree with the remarks about Communication. Simply open up and share with him your thoughts. Do you trust him enough with what's on your mind? How long do you wish to extend the mind reading game here? You could simply ask him when you two are all goo goo face to one another, if he likes his little girl, and if he likes using his little fuck toy.

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