Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: It makes sense....


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: It makes sense.... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:19:26 PM   
Feric


Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline 		For the record, Daphne took off with three children in tow. After the beatings she had suffered, she was pretty well beyond caring about the law. 

_____________________________

A figure of startling and unexpected nobility...

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:20:40 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
I think most women who stay in abusive relationships are just being weak whiners who are afraid to do what needs to be done.

Please tell me that was Your dumbass comment of the day, right?? Have You ever lied in Your bead and held Your breath to make someone else believe You are sleeping because You are not sure if You are going to live through the night? Have You ever spent 18 years of Your life being trained, programmed, and positioned to believe that men have all power and women are just there to fuck and clean the house?? Have You ever wondered how You were going to feed Yourself? God forbide You should have UM's in this??

OP, i need to tell You that i'm struggling with finding the validity in Your statement.... All states have domestic violence programs and offer free DV counseling for You and Your UM's.  In addition (i'm not sure about the law where You live) but in many states now physical fighting between the parents (or other adults in the home) is grounds for removal by the department of human services (or DCFS, or whatever it is where You live)...

i understand Your frustration, trust me i do..... But the negativity and resentment that You are carrying around is dangerous for You and for Your UM's.
Kali


_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:22:24 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

For the record, Daphne took off with three children in tow. After the beatings she had suffered, she was pretty well beyond caring about the law. 


Well I hope Daphne is never caught because foster care or living with the father would not be good for those kids and that is the likely result.  It's not all that easy to hide in today's information world and it's far from legal.  Offerring advice to kidnap and break the law is just astounding.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Feric)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:25:42 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Will these agencies actually do anything for my lo or are they all for "me"? I


OP,
If You want to email me i'd be more than happy to assist You in locating some well...assistance..LOL...In the county i currently reside in OP's, Restraining orders, etc, are taken very seriously...We even have a county attorney who prosecutes nothing but abuse charges...There is a lot of help out there for You...i understand it can be very overwhelming at first, but nonetheless it can be done...And bottom line? If You've been strong enough to live through it You've already done the hard part.


_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:29:01 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EponasChylde

That's a huge load of bullshit. The police do care...that's why they keep coming back and arresting the scum bag even though they know said abused individual is a dumb bitch who's going to bail him out and bring him home again. They keep arresting him over and over again in hopes that said dumb bitch will EVENTUALLY figure out that she doesn't need this asshole.

I think most women who stay in abusive relationships are just being weak whiners who are afraid to do what needs to be done. Ditch the asshole and get out.

As for being "absolutely blind" about somebody, that's usually the woman's fault. They put up with "just a rude comment" or "just a small slap" or "just a push or shove" when they ought to tell the dumbass to pack his shit the first time he disrespects them. (I'm not talking about things that happen within a loving BDSM situation but in reference to TRUE domineering-type behavior.)


What a fucking idiotic statement. Get some life behind you before you give advice or criticism. 24 years on the earth and posts like that.....seriously, don't give advice. Or remember this when it happens to you or someone you love.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to EponasChylde)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:36:29 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

quote:

ORIGINAL: EponasChylde

That's a huge load of bullshit. The police do care...that's why they keep coming back and arresting the scum bag even though they know said abused individual is a dumb bitch who's going to bail him out and bring him home again. They keep arresting him over and over again in hopes that said dumb bitch will EVENTUALLY figure out that she doesn't need this asshole.

I think most women who stay in abusive relationships are just being weak whiners who are afraid to do what needs to be done. Ditch the asshole and get out.

As for being "absolutely blind" about somebody, that's usually the woman's fault. They put up with "just a rude comment" or "just a small slap" or "just a push or shove" when they ought to tell the dumbass to pack his shit the first time he disrespects them. (I'm not talking about things that happen within a loving BDSM situation but in reference to TRUE domineering-type behavior.)


What a fucking idiotic statement. Get some life behind you before you give advice or criticism. 24 years on the earth and posts like that.....seriously, don't give advice. Or remember this when it happens to you or someone you love.


Actually MM that's a pretty apt description of how I've heard many law enforcement officers talk about it.  It is really the best thing to say or helpful? Of course not.  But the point that law enforcement doesn't care was just as silly.  They are frustrated daily by responding to calls from the same families where the woman won't leave. If a "weak whiner" is someone suffering from rather low self-esteem and are trapped by the feeling of not deserving better or knowing how to survive alone then that statement may be true ableit worded rather unhelpfully.  The evil that you know can sometimes be better than the unknown is what many have told me.  The point is, our country right now is pouring money into dv assistance.  I've seen people get HOUSES and CARS to get out, not to mention clothing, food, shelter, therapy, schooling, medical care, language skills, reading/writing, almost everything you can think of as a service is out there available for those who take that leap and decide enough is enough.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:39:20 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

Will these agencies actually do anything for my lo or are they all for "me"?  It does seem, atleast here, that there is no hope.  I actually have spoken very little to judges (mostly been spoken too) and have not spoken to any da's.  So crazy, demanding, whining doesnt really apply here.  I've spent very little time in court.  I'm not excatly sure how to work the system either.  The reason I say "stay" instead of leave, is while YOU may be able to leave... all you are doing is leaving the lo behind.. because the courts don't allow the lo's to leave.  Leave as in - not be put in bad situations ever again.  Before I left - I was always there.  Always in the middle, always taking care, always allowing all the responsibility to fall on me.  Now I am not there and he is often there. With out me.  With out me shielding.  Now there is no shield.  Now he just suffers.  Now his cries just fall on deaf ears.  In leaving, I took my lo's shield away.  I am at a loss and pretty damn hopeless in how to put one there for him.  Still trying, but yet it still seems hopeless.  I will look into the agencies.  I will follow any road if there is hope in putting a shield in place for my LO.

I do appreciate the responses.  Even the flamatory ones.  You've given me hope that there might actually be hope and if nothing else - another road to persue in search of hope.

I do not understand why you didnt take your children with you when you left!  If you gave birth to them you have as much right to take them and flee as he has to keep them and stay. I think it is selfish of you to leave them behind. I do not believe you couldnt take them with you when you left. You may not be able to take them now , because you are already gone... so now you must find someone to help save your kids. That falls under ' "Child Protective Services" .  YOu can report any abuse of your kids to that agency and they have to investigate.
Here are a few places that may help you...since i dont know what type of abuse the child is suffereing there may be some info here that is not helpful...
www.childhelp.org
www.safepassagecac.org 
www.childabuse.org
www.childrenatriskinterventionfund.org

Child Abuse and Neglect Hotline which is staffed by child protective staff 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The toll free number is 1-800-842-2288
There is a DCF  in every state. You should be able to ask information for a telephone number for your town or state.
Department of Children (and/or family) Services.
 
CASA:
www.voices4children.com

Child Protection Services:
www.nspcc.org.
 
Self Help Center for California Courts(Families and Children)
www.courtinfo.ca.gov
 
Services - Project Sister Family Services
www.projectsister.org/services
 
Child Advocates
www.childadvocates.org 


Well there you go.... There are lots more , but I am tired and I think you have enough here that you can at least begin with. Good luck and remember this: never give up hope. As long as there is life, there is hope.

 
 
 
 


_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:39:41 PM   
Feric


Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline 		I'm not suggesting she break the law or kidnap anybody. I'm just saying that if she's getting no satisfaction from the law, then she ought to think about running. Abusive relationships are the worst kind in the world, because the psychological trauma that the victim suffers is the worst in the world. The best thing to do is get out while you can. Sadly, abusive relationships are as old as the hills. I'm reminded of a Blackfoot Indian woman who was found on the American plains in 1835. She had run away from her home. Here's an excerpt of her tale: "I was the wife of a blackfoot warrior. Who was so well served as he? Whose lodge was so well provided or kept so clean? When he went out to hunt or to war, who aided to equip him but I? While he sat and smoked, I unloaded the horses...I served him faithfully and what was my reward? A cloud was always on his brow and sharp lightning on his tongue. I was his dog and not his wife. Who was it scarred and bruised me? It was he."

_____________________________

A figure of startling and unexpected nobility...

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:47:25 PM   
girlygurl


Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EponasChylde

That's a huge load of bullshit. The police do care...that's why they keep coming back and arresting the scum bag even though they know said abused individual is a dumb bitch who's going to bail him out and bring him home again. They keep arresting him over and over again in hopes that said dumb bitch will EVENTUALLY figure out that she doesn't need this asshole.

I think most women who stay in abusive relationships are just being weak whiners who are afraid to do what needs to be done. Ditch the asshole and get out.

As for being "absolutely blind" about somebody, that's usually the woman's fault. They put up with "just a rude comment" or "just a small slap" or "just a push or shove" when they ought to tell the dumbass to pack his shit the first time he disrespects them. (I'm not talking about things that happen within a loving BDSM situation but in reference to TRUE domineering-type behavior.)


WTF!!!!!!  I was going to agree with you about the police caring, but I don't want to agree with anything you've said in this post. Where do you get off saying shit like this.  How disrespectful can you be?  Who's the dumbass?
Pleaseeeeeeee tell me you're just being really off color here, and you don't mean this... on second thought, screw it, I don't care what you think. 

edited to say:  pfft... and I just looked at your profile "glimpsed" I can't believe you're a chick and saying this shit.

girly (not usually this vocal, but this pissed me off)

< Message edited by girlygurl -- 1/18/2008 11:51:22 PM >

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to EponasChylde)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:48:00 PM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline
quote:

I do not understand why you didnt take your children with you when you left!
 
thats not what I meant.  I didnt physically leave my lo behind.  I am talking about how the courts allow my ex to take my lo away from me for periods of time and god knows what happens in those periods of time and the lack of protection during those times.  Sure there are no marks yet.  Apparently I have to wait for marks to appear before I can do anything about it.  The emotional marks have already appeared - but I dont think those will matter much in court.

thank you for the links

< Message edited by DisenchantedLife -- 1/18/2008 11:51:37 PM >

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:48:21 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric

I'm not suggesting she break the law or kidnap anybody. I'm just saying that if she's getting no satisfaction from the law, then she ought to think about running. Abusive relationships are the worst kind in the world, because the psychological trauma that the victim suffers is the worst in the world. The best thing to do is get out while you can. Sadly, abusive relationships are as old as the hills. I'm reminded of a Blackfoot Indian woman who was found on the American plains in 1835. She had run away from her home. Here's an excerpt of her tale: "I was the wife of a blackfoot warrior. Who was so well served as he? Whose lodge was so well provided or kept so clean? When he went out to hunt or to war, who aided to equip him but I? While he sat and smoked, I unloaded the horses...I served him faithfully and what was my reward? A cloud was always on his brow and sharp lightning on his tongue. I was his dog and not his wife. Who was it scarred and bruised me? It was he."


She has a court order allowing contact or even custody (not clear here) with the father.  Changing her identity and running with the ums is a federal offense and felony.  REALLY bad idea.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Feric)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:48:49 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not excatly sure how to work the system either.


You need to get some good, solid legal advice that you will listen to.  I'm assuming you can't afford it, but you can get it free or deeply discounted from your county's bar association.  Google your county's name and 'bar association'.  Call them and get some guidance.  I worked in family law for 5 years and it was heartbreaking the stories.  You need to be sane, logical and intelligent when presenting your case.  The loopy/crazy ones tend to not present their cases coherently and this works against them. 

Another thought - do you have your act together?  Do you have a home where you can provide for your lo?  Do you have a job, a way to survive?  That will work in your benefit when discussing custody with the courts. 

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:49:54 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

I do not understand why you didnt take your children with you when you left!
 
thats not what I meant.  I didnt physically leave my lo behind.  I am talking about how the courts allow my ex to take my lo away from me for periods of time and god knows what happens in those periods of time and the lack of protection during those times.


Wait...he was awarded supervised visitation only?  Is that temporary or permanent?  You WON this fight.  Can you not see that?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:50:07 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

I do not understand why you didnt take your children with you when you left!
 
thats not what I meant.  I didnt physically leave my lo behind.  I am talking about how the courts allow my ex to take my lo away from me for periods of time and god knows what happens in those periods of time and the lack of protection during those times.


OP, I am so glad to hear that you didn't leave your lo behind.  Honestly, I thought you took off w/o him/her and it bothered me greatly.  As a mom, I couldn't understand leaving one behind to suffer.  I do totally understand your issue with what happens during visitation.  May I ask - how old is your lo?

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:51:32 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

I do not understand why you didnt take your children with you when you left!
 
thats not what I meant.  I didnt physically leave my lo behind.  I am talking about how the courts allow my ex to take my lo away from me for periods of time and god knows what happens in those periods of time and the lack of protection during those times.


Wait...he was awarded supervised visitation only?  Is that temporary or permanent?  You WON this fight.  Can you not see that?


Laurell, I'm missing something - where did she say it was supervised?

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:52:31 PM   
Feric


Posts: 227
Joined: 1/9/2008
From: San Francisco
Status: offline

She has a court order allowing contact or even custody (not clear here) with the father.  Changing her identity and running with the ums is a federal offense and felony.  REALLY bad idea.
[/quote]

Ah. I wasn't aware of that. I must read more carefully in the future. Despite the unfairness, she must obey the courts until a final ruling is made. You are correct Laurell3. Added to which, if she is convicted of a felony she will lose all custody or visitation rights.


_____________________________

A figure of startling and unexpected nobility...

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:54:08 PM   
Maestro66babycak


Posts: 396
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

quote:

I do not understand why you didn't take your children with you when you left!
 
thats not what I meant.  I didn't physically leave my lo behind.  I am talking about how the courts allow my ex to take my lo away from me for periods of time and god knows what happens in those periods of time and the lack of protection during those times.  Sure there are no marks yet.  Apparently I have to wait for marks to appear before I can do anything about it.  The emotional marks have already appeared - but I don't think those will matter much in court.

thank you for the links


Well sweety I apologize for jumping to the conclusion that you did leave them.  You are very welcome for the links... any way I can help , just ask...

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/18/2008 11:57:40 PM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		no its not really supervised.  The fight hasnt been won, because my lo is still suffering.  The emotional marks and affects are apparent on him.  My neighbor came by last week and took one look at my LO and said "why isnt he smiling has he seen his father recently".  The fight isn't won, because I still hear his cries, his suffering.  My lo is 7 months.  Until this started he was exclusively breastfed and hadn't been away from mommy for more then 3 hours.  Can you imagine how he dealt with his first 8 hours?  And yes my act is together. 

and no - I would never leave my lo behind. 

i am patiently waiting for something good to happen.  Yet so far with everything going against us, I dont see how any good will happen.  My next move is talking to an infant psychologist and hoping the courts will listen and take stock in that.  I would be a happy woman if we were granted supervised visits and can't understand why they werent given in the first place.  Why didn't the judge care?  Or ask?

I do appreciate everyones help/advice and even support.  Especially the links which I will have to check out tomorrow.  Its late and I am exshausted and people like to wake up awfully early around here.  Thank you all. 

< Message edited by DisenchantedLife -- 1/19/2008 12:02:04 AM >

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/19/2008 12:01:52 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DisenchantedLife

no its not really supervised.  The fight hasnt been won, because my lo is still suffering.  The emotional marks and affects are apparent on him.  My neighbor came by last week and took one look at my LO and said "why isnt he smiling has he seen his father recently".  The fight isn't won, because I still hear his cries, his suffering.  My lo is 7 months.  Until this started he was exclusively breastfed and hadn't been away from mommy for more then 3 hours.  Can you imagine how he dealt with his first 8 hours?  And yes my act is together. 

and no - I would never leave my lo behind. 


My question was where is the legal case?  Is this permanent supervised visitation?

It's quite possible the um is upset because his mother is so upset.  Eight hours of supervised (there is someone else present during all visitation correct?) visitation is something to cheer for as a legal victory.  I understand it wasn't what you wanted, but it nonetheless is a victory.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: It makes sense.... - 1/19/2008 12:03:43 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Feric



She has a court order allowing contact or even custody (not clear here) with the father.  Changing her identity and running with the ums is a federal offense and felony.  REALLY bad idea.


Ah. I wasn't aware of that. I must read more carefully in the future. Despite the unfairness, she must obey the courts until a final ruling is made. You are correct Laurell3. Added to which, if she is convicted of a felony she will lose all custody or visitation rights.



I'm actually not aware of any state that takes away visitation for felony convictions that are not um related offenses.   I know of several convicted felons who have custody.   However, stalking away with the child is clearly related to the child and I sure would not risk it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Feric)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: It makes sense.... Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109