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RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/29/2005 8:04:37 PM

anthrosub

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Joined: 6/2/2004
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This is a subject that really has no conclusive answer. I've read and/or participated in discussing this here and on other boards. No matter what anyone comes up with, there's always an exception.

When I first started attending meetings, I too noticed the high percentage of plus-sized people. Now granted, it appears the majority of people are overweight to varying degrees so that term really doesn't have much value. In addition, I've seen people who are definitely overweight by more than a little bit who look quite attractive. This was when it struck me that the same applies to people of nominal weight for their height. In fact, you can take it one step further and realize we are all attracted to people for our own reasons, so it makes no sense to try and categorize people.

anthrosub

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Post #: 41

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/29/2005 8:20:47 PM

FLButtSlut

Posts: 344
Joined: 3/17/2005
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Statistically, most women have at least some issues with their bodies. I assume you have heard of ANOREXIA? Anorexics not only have a skewed body image, but also feel that the only thing they CAN control is their food intake. Given that medical FACT, wouldn't it make sense for anorexic women to want to become dominant? After all, they would find all that control they seek.

The original question is nothing more than the musings of the ignorant (no offense intended of course, because even the ignorant need a place in life).

(in reply to bulletproof)

Post #: 42

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/29/2005 8:53:31 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut

Statistically, most women have at least some issues with their bodies. I assume you have heard of ANOREXIA? Anorexics not only have a skewed body image, but also feel that the only thing they CAN control is their food intake. Given that medical FACT, wouldn't it make sense for anorexic women to want to become dominant? After all, they would find all that control they seek.

The original question is nothing more than the musings of the ignorant (no offense intended of course, because even the ignorant need a place in life).

I actually see far more subs as control freaks than doms. WE'RE the ones who want all the rules, all the rituals, who need to FEEL that control over us, we're the perfectionists.

(in reply to FLButtSlut)

Post #: 43

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 2:29:23 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

quote:

brings s'mores

What are s`mores? are that the same as marsmellows?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 44

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 3:55:26 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

What are s`mores? are that the same as marsmellows?

S'mores are these awesome little concoctions that you make when you have an open fire, like camping or on the beach...

Toast marshmallow over open flame.

Sandwich between two graham crackers with a square of chocolate.

Mmmmm

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Post #: 45

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 5:57:35 AM

LadyKim

Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
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It seems you are grouping all BBW slaves into a category of low self esteem. While it is true that there are many slaves who are BBW, the percentage is not that far off from the normal population. In a country where the average size for a woman is a 16, it would indicate there are far more size 16+ women than there are size 2, 4, and 6. So it would only make sense that there would be an equal number in the lifestyle that reflect this statistic. SOME BBW women do have low self-esteems, but so do some size 2 and size 4 women. Low body image is not decided by someone's weight. It has always been my view that a good dominant works on the self esteem issues a submissive has to help them become a better submissive/slave. This applies to issues beyond weight and size.

If you don't want a BBW for a submissive, then either don't accept one or put her on a fitness and exercise program as part of her requirements. Body modification can be great fun.

(in reply to BeMyDogBitch)

Post #: 46

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 6:03:12 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Ever notice how many submissive women are BBW's? I wonder if it's really low self-esteem as a result of being unhappy with their bodies that drives their "submissive" desires. To me, this not true submissive nature, and I suspect that many of them would not be seeking the bottom role if they had a better opinion of themselves. I think that's why there is so much insecurity and emotional baggage that seems to go with dealing with BBW "slaves".
Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting anyone down, but personally, I prefer my slave(s) to be secure in their desire to be dominated, no matter what their body-type is. Know thyself, slaves.

First off, for a guy who's looking for a bitch' to be his 'dog' what exactly qualifies you to have an opinion on what a 'real sub' wants or desires. You don't exactly stink of "real Dom" with that name of yours.

I'm a BBW. I've met lots of people from here. I am owned by a man who's discriminating and a real Dominant. And if my Sir was looking for someone to be his dog, he wouldn't have me. I have more self respect and security than to be owned by a man who's clearly clueless about the nature of PE and D/s relationships.

Respectfully of course,
Lily

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Post #: 47

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 6:37:28 AM

MrThorns

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Joined: 6/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeMyDogBitch

Ever notice how many submissive women are BBW's? I wonder if it's really low self-esteem as a result of being unhappy with their bodies that drives their "submissive" desires. To me, this not true submissive nature, and I suspect that many of them would not be seeking the bottom role if they had a better opinion of themselves. I think that's why there is so much insecurity and emotional baggage that seems to go with dealing with BBW "slaves".
Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting anyone down, but personally, I prefer my slave(s) to be secure in their desire to be dominated, no matter what their body-type is. Know thyself, slaves.

Hopefully you have recognized the inaccuracy of the generalizations that are in your original post and that BB-edness is not something that only applies to submissive women. Nor does BB-edness automatically indicate that the person is insecure. I've encountered plenty of drama from insecure people who are physically gorgeous, but are truly hideous people on the inside.

I do think that there are a lot of people that turn to BDSM due to insecurity issues, but I do not believe that the percentages of insecure people involved with BDSM are any higher than nilla-folk.

~Thorns

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Post #: 48

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 7:37:49 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Thank you MsSonnetMarwood so s`mores are marsmellows, cracers and chocolate in one, sounds lovely.

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 49

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 10:29:55 AM

infyniti

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/13/2004
Status: offline

I am not BBW.... i am submissive. I never was BBW but i always have been submissive. So after 44 years of life....it just puts the theory in the circular file bin.

We are who we are.....being BBW has nothing to do with our sexual preferences.

peace out

infyniti

(in reply to BeMyDogBitch)

Post #: 50

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 10:47:36 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyShoshin

And there is just something about having a bear sized man call me Ma'am and open doors for me that sets my heart aflutter.

Exactly

I just adore that feeling.

In fact I managed to fatten my hubby some 25 kilos in last 3 years - he is complaining and trying to loose it (but I am too damn good cook), and I think he is so sexy like that I dont want him to loose one gram.

I love it when man big and strong enough to crash me with one hand obeys and looks at me like devoted puppy.
And as far as I noticed bigger men are usually better tempered and more patient, not like those skinny nervous petty types - brrrrrr

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyShoshin

I am wanting to get a pic of me in my new leather corset, it is totally awesome. Hard to find affordable leather corsets for BBWs but I did it.

Would love to see that pic. I bet you look great in it.

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Post #: 51

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 10:58:51 AM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
I also am amused how any question on weight invariably turns into "We're great people, fat doesn't matter!" dogma.

Who said fat doesnt matter? It matters to me - I like it.
And I simply dont care what other people feel about that issue.

There is that old Latin saying that starts with "De gustibus....." (etc. my Latin is a bit rusty nowdays) which means one doesnt discuss tastes - its useless.

The point is not to look down on people because they are somehow different. Or because they have this body type and that hair colour. Or because they like paella.

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Post #: 52

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 11:57:39 AM

muzz

Posts: 19
Joined: 8/5/2005
Status: offline

hmmm i am a bbw...and i am not submissive because of that...i am very secure in my appearence....beauty is in the eye of the beholder ...i could be skinny and people still think i am ugly...

i am submissive because i enjoy pleasing the person i am with...in fact i am not fulfulled unless the person i am with is completely satisfied...my submissiveness is a need...not a choice for me...and a skinny submissive can also have low self esteem....but i see they were not included in your diatribe.

(in reply to BeMyDogBitch)

Post #: 53

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 12:06:49 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

Actually I have noticed and asked the question myself among friends. I perceive a much higher percentage of the female population in the scene to be very overweight versus the percentage of the female population in general. I have asked myself why. I don't have any clear answers.

You're telling me you are not biased, haven't some issues within to continually agree with the women bashing these threads do (because some people would say you are big, and some people might see this as engraciating yourself with the men), and you are also saying you've not noticed these same facts to be true for the men in BDSM?

You are this curious and haven't tried to do any studying of this to come enlighten us, since you are always in agreement with original posters of these types of threads. It would make you infinitely more credible as an intelligent woman to do a study of people in BDSM vs the general population, than bring us the numbers and we can have an objective conversation without preconceived notions, hurt feelings or emotional responses.

quote:

I also ask the same thing about smokers, I perceive a much higher percentage of people in the scene to be smokers versus the percentage of smokers in general. I have asked myself why this might be. I don't have any clear answers.

Do a study if you're so curious, or ask the smokers why they smoke and why they are into BDSM, than check for correlation if you care that much.

quote:

I also am amused how any question on weight invariably turns into "We're great people, fat doesn't matter!" dogma.

How does anyone's fat matter to you or the original poster? Why associate fat with only women, with low self esteem, with submission, and basically make it a way to devalue someone, than try to pass it for intelligent discussion?
Fat matters some, but others would say one's behavior in relation to self or others matters more because it can have a great impact on others' physical and emotional health.
Anyway, going to try and stay away from this thread.

Agree with Happypervert who said

quote:

What this boils down to is that although you claim to want to start an intelligent conversation there really isn't enough intelligence there for it. Perhaps next time you should consider starting a thread in the Polls and Random Stupidy section

M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 8/30/2005 12:23:53 PM >

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(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 54

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 12:37:56 PM

ManOwner

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline

It's all been said, so I have nothing to add.

I just want to say, Faramir, that I thought your first response was great. Also, I thought it was funny how you mentioned Wonder Woman. Many guys I have known, both dom and sub, fantasized about Wonder Woman in some way when they were kids.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 55

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 1:32:48 PM

Faramir

Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
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It was because she had that lasso and could compel people. I had this whole, crazy, complicated scenario where somehow a fleck of her Golden Lasso got on my clothing, and had some reverse effect on her, compelling her to be under my control.

The interesting thing for me now is how I had made a fantasy with plausible deniability - it wasn't my fault she was enslaved. It was some weird happenstance, not a sinister choice on my part - my little 6 year old self didn't want to be responsible for enslaving someone.

I've come a long way, baby.

(in reply to ManOwner)

Post #: 56

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 3:08:10 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
You're telling me you are not biased, haven't some issues within to continually agree with the women bashing these threads do (because some people would say you are big, and some people might see this as engraciating yourself with the men), and you are also saying you've not noticed these same facts to be true for the men in BDSM?

Well first I AM fat, I really dislike the term BBW, and anytime anyone wants to actually discuss weight as an issue it gets really hot and tense rather than an objective discussion on the health issues which are what matter to me.

Secondly, my post didn't say anything about men at all, so you can't say I said that I have or haven't noticed the same.

To state my perceptions now- yes I do think there is a higher percentage of males in the scene who are more overweight than the percentage of males overall.

quote:

You are this curious and haven't tried to do any studying of this to come enlighten us, since you are always in agreement with original posters of these types of threads.

I'm not in agreement with the original poster which went into a lot of discussion about self esteem and a CAUSATION between being fat, low self-esteem, and being in the scene.

My statements were solely related to a CORRELLATION between women being fat and in the scene. Not only are those two completely different arguments, mine didn't involve a self-esteem factor whatsoever.

And I said I was curious. Obviously I'm not curious enough to pursue it much beyond ponderings and while my minor was in psychology I have neither the training nor the resources to make any sort of valid study on this issue. I'd love to see someone who did go out and do it though.

quote:

It would make you infinitely more credible as an intelligent woman to do a study of people in BDSM vs the general population, than bring us the numbers and we can have an objective conversation without preconceived notions, hurt feelings or emotional responses.

My perceptions are my perceptions *shrug* I was very careful to use those words specifically. Why would people be hurt by a perception on my part that there are more fat women in the scene compared to general population?

quote:

Do a study if you're so curious, or ask the smokers why they smoke and why they are into BDSM, than check for correlation if you care that much.

See above. Any "study" I would do at this point would have no more validity than my perceptions at this point. I figured it best to just stick to what I know rather than put on airs, and again, it's just a curiousity, not something I really care much about.

quote:

How does anyone's fat matter to you or the original poster? Why associate fat with only women, with low self esteem, with submission, and basically make it a way to devalue someone, than try to pass it for intelligent discussion?

Again, I didn't say anything for or against men, I didn't mention anything about self-esteem, and I have no idea why you think my perception on percentages was to devalue people.

quote:

Fat matters some, but others would say one's behavior in relation to self or others matters more because it can have a great impact on others' physical and emotional health.
Anyway, going to try and stay away from this thread.

I would tend to agree overall, but if someones fatness prevents them from having a healthy life at all, there's a problem. I'm thinking not only today in terms of being able to go mountain climbing, but in terms of 20 years what their likely health will be.

But again, that's solely a physical issue, we can't deny that people's body image has a huge impact on their sense of self, fat or thin or black or curly haired or naked or whatever.

Whether there's any relationship due to CAUSATION or CORRELLATION (again two very different things) or whether it's a scene specific thing, I don't know. I'm sorry you feel my perceptions should not have been shared or that it did some unnecessary damage.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 57

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 3:47:20 PM

krys

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/24/2005
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We are taking over the world. And the revolution will be very well catered.

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Post #: 58

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 5:53:53 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: krys

We are taking over the world. And the revolution will be very well catered.

Now that's one hell of a response!! :)

Taking a submissive, or becoming a submissive isn't any sort of physical beauty contest, for sure. It is about self-image, and I think a Dominant should encourage a submissive to feel GOOD about him/herself. Feeling good about yourself doesn't necessarily mean size 6 and under though. The unfortunate eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia have proven, often with tragic results that skinny doesn't mean you have a good self image. Those that are obessessed with being thin can succumb to the same problems as those that feel that they MUST lose weight just to look better.

My closing statement is that if a person is healthy and likes their size, whether it be large or small, but you don't like it, then respectfully pass them by. Cuz don't worry, he/she could be the most perfect person in the world for you, but you won't know, and somebody else will.

{Post not directed at any particular person, thread was way too long to read}

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Post #: 59

RE: BBW subs... I wonder - 8/30/2005 8:44:06 PM

DeepWaters

Posts: 118
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline

First off this was great reading back and forth with all the taunts---

I was once told that many BBW women weren't actually submissive but couldn't find any other way to get attention from men than by pretending an interest in BDSM, and that by offering kinky sex or other perversities they could thereby gain some level of attention from a male. (A BBW woman told me this)

To the original question...are there more BBW women in the lifestyle...perhaps but there are also more middle age people in the lifestyle as well...it takes time to find your way here and time adds on pounds

I use to wrestle and be a fitness trainer with a phenomenal body.. Just a scant 5 years later and I’m struggling again to bench my body weight after getting the exercise equipment out of storage...

for those of us that have always had weight problems
"the bod" simply isn't a focus in our life we concentrate on our studies, careers, and interpersonal relationships instead of our physical self image.

someone mentioned men would get into dominance do to penis envy...funny but maybe a kernel of truth in there...

I know personally that part of my need to control stems from a time in my life when I was small and could not control my own destiny...could it be that many men are sexually aroused by the thought of controlling a woman, because they themselves aren't in control of their own life or feel in adequate outside of the bedroom???

remember guys you have to master yourself before you can expect to master another...

anyways I seem to be rambling on here so Ill quit

without wax
DW
PS oh...I’m really just posting to up my forum post total so I can get Mod11 to change my status

< Message edited by DeepWaters -- 8/30/2005 8:46:49 PM >

(in reply to anopheles)

Post #: 60

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