"Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives???

"Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid

Message

AlterEgo69 -> "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:15:37 PM)
I use the Collarme personals, and occasionally go to the "Sent Mail" page because it allows me to follow-up and see whether a sub I've written based on her personal ad has logged in and read the mail yet. I understand that subs get a huge volume of mail, and not everyone is for everybody. Frankly I think it's a little rude that they can't manage the one click it takes to send an automated "Thanks, but not interested" message, but I accept that it's part of life here that if she's not interested, I probably won't hear back. Sigh. But I've also noticed - particularly with the more attractive subs who probably get the most e-mail - that my messages often show up with "Deleted Unread" status. Now, when you think about how the ReadMail page works, you realize that this can mean only one thing. They never saw my photo, never knew my age, never viewed my profile, but decided to delete my message without ever bothering to open it, never caring what it said or who it was from. As I understand the system, this is the only way you can get "deleted unread" status. If they blew me off because they didn't like my photo or age, it would have come up "Deleted". Frankly, this really pisses me off. I routinely spend 20 minutes or more composing a single e-mail, because I know everyone responds better to personal attention. If a sub doesn't like what I have to say, thinks I'm too old or live too far away, or whatever, I understand that I'm not going to hear back. (Although a one-click message would sure improve my respect for those who are not interested). But when I am deleted "Unread" by someone who could not possibly know enough about me to make any sort of decision about me intelligently, I am really taken aback. I think it irresponsible and horrendously rude to maintain a personal ad on this site and allow people to spend significant time and effort writing you if you have no intention of even LOOKING AT the e-mails you receive. Am I missing something? How do others feel? And while I'm at it, is there a reason I'm not understanding that so many women here can't manage the simple gesture of a one-click "Sorry, not interested" reply? It's so much more civilized that way... My profile VERY clearly states what I am looking for, yet I frequently get e-mails from subs that don't fit my geographical or physical requirements. I ALWAYS REPLY TO THEM, BECAUSE THAT IS PART OF BEING A GROWN UP IN A POLITE SOCIETY. I thank them for their interest and explain that unfortunately I am not interested. Yes, I understand the female subs here get way more e-mail than I do, so I wouldn't expect them to write a personal "No thanks" message to everyone who writes them the way I do. But "Deleted Unread"? Really. A.E.

ownedgirlie -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:18:35 PM)
Your emails may very well be hitting accounts that have filters set up and your profile does not meet the criteria of said filters. I wouldn't take it so personally.

CalifChick -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:21:51 PM)
Also, they can flip back to the main page, look at your profile on the screen (without looking at the full profile) and then decide to delete. Cali

AlterEgo69 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:25:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Your emails may very well be hitting accounts that have filters set up and your profile does not meet the criteria of said filters. I wouldn't take it so personally. I hadn't considered that the Deleted Unread status might be generated by automated filters. Thanks for offering that insight. If that is the problem, I still think Collarme.com ought to very actively encourage anyone using filters to make damn sure they disclose their filter criteria in their profiles. For example, it simply isn't reasonable that I read a profile that makes no mention whatsoever of the person's age preference, spend 20 minutes writing an e-mail, then have it automatically deleted because I was too old! That may not be the fault of the individuals as I first assumed, but if that is the problem I sure hope the CM staff are listening. It needs to be fixed. (Do I remember correctly that on Alt you are not allowed to e-mail someone whose filter criteria you don't satisfy? That's how it SHOULD work, IMHO). A.E.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:32:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 I ALWAYS REPLY TO THEM, BECAUSE THAT IS PART OF BEING A GROWN UP IN A POLITE SOCIETY. I thank them for their interest and explain that unfortunately I am not interested. Yes, I understand the female subs here get way more e-mail than I do, so I wouldn't expect them to write a personal "No thanks" message to everyone who writes them the way I do. But "Deleted Unread"? Really. A.E. if you understand, then you wouldn't be complaining about it like so many other dominants around here do every full moon. get over it and move on - complaining about this doesn't help with your search unless you're seeking attention to your profile. have a nice evening

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:32:34 PM)
AE, I think you are just a little bit uptight about this all. Yes, I understand that you have spent your time composing a message, and your time, is valuable in your eyes, but if someone deletes it unread, just think of it as fate saving you time and telling you shes not worth your time. As for encouraging everyone to put their desires on a profile, well they would be going behind thousands of profiles playing babysitter to make sure they are doing such. Their time is valuable as well, and I am sure the volunteers that already approve the photos have much more important things to do than make sure everyone puts their personal desires/preferences up.

ownedgirlie -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:33:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 (Do I remember correctly that on Alt you are not allowed to e-mail someone whose filter criteria you don't satisfy? That's how it SHOULD work, IMHO). A.E. There's also the difference that you pay for Alt and CM is free. [8D]

meticulousgirl -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:35:12 PM)
A.E. problem is with a lot of people both Dom and sub, if you dont automaticly meet the criteria then they aren't going to bother with you...now from a slaves standpoint, i've never just deleted an email (it's not in me) however, what i cant stand is the fact that i clearly state that i am Happily Owned and still the emails flood through my box day in and day out, i havn't been on here in a couple days and i had 37 messages in my inbox on here. (2 days, 37 emails...) and i'm happily owned...most people that I have encountered dont even take the time to read your profile, they just want a play toy and it doesn't matter how ugly or pretty you are, that Dom is still going to go after you. I'm not saying your one of them, I'm saying your probably being compared unfairly with that..... Maybe we are too quick to judge in some cases but, if it helps you at all, it took me 8 months to say i was ready to meet my current, and five years later, i'm still His....it'll come in time, and hey, it's their loss right.... ~meticulous~

ModeratorEleven -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:35:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 I hadn't considered that the Deleted Unread status might be generated by automated filters. It's not. Someone has to actively delete an email before reading it for it to be classified as 'Deleted Unread'. XI

ownedgirlie -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:37:02 PM)
Oh. To the OP, don't listen to me. [;)]

Leatherist -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:37:02 PM)
It means they aren't interested, or you did not match thier criteria. It's common to just clear a bulk folder that way.

AlterEgo69 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:37:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Also, they can flip back to the main page, look at your profile on the screen (without looking at the full profile) and then decide to delete. Cali I don't follow you, Cali. If they go to the homepage and look up my full profile, it would show up on "Who's Viewed Me". For them to see my "abbreviated profile" they would have to open the e-mail first, which means it wouldn't show up deleted unread. The only way I can see your point would be if I just happened to be online at the moment they were reading their e-mail, they remembered my username and ugly photo from the home page, then deleted the mail just because they remembered the username. Seems implausible to me. The filter answer does seem plausible, but I think it reveals a serious design flaw in the system that I hope CM staff will consider fixing. I really don't think I'm taking anything "personally". This is not a matter of feeling personally "hurt" or "rejected". Rather, I am just plain frustrated with how much of my time is wasted writing e-mails that are never read by anyone. If I'm set up for automatic rejection, I'd just as soon know that so I could save myself the time wasted writing a pointless message. And yes, I do believe that some combination of ettiquette and formal policy should dictate that everyone DISCLOSE their deal-killer criteria in their profiles so that others' time isn't wasted. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with someone not wanting to hear from me. I'm just saying there's something wrong with posting an ad where I clearly fit every single criterion you bother listing, then your filters delete it automatically without you ever seeing it. That's just plain wrong, and it sounds like the people who have such profiles are not even aware how much of people's time they are wasting by not clearly disclosing any deal-killer criteria.In other words, I'm now realizing this to be a system design flaw rather than a lack of manners. (Although I still don't get why people can't manage the one-click no thanks messages). COLLARME STAFF: Are you guys listening? I've never put filters on my own account so I don't know how it works, but I would hope it is impossible to set up (for example) an age filter without first acknowledging a dialog that says "Please make sure you disclose your age filter criteria in your profile text so other members won't waste their time e-mailing you pointlessly...". I gotta believe this would be very easy to implement. A.E.

KatyLied -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:40:12 PM)
quote: rankly I think it's a little rude that they can't manage the one click it takes to send an automated "Thanks, but not interested" message, but I accept that it's part of life here that if she's not interested, I probably won't hear back. Sigh. Let me tell you what is likely to happen when a submissive responds "sorry, I'm not interested." Some dominants then begin a sad, pathetic, and whiny campaign to win the sub over. They list all of the reasons why she should give him a chance and get to know him. It's not fun seeing a D type revert back to childhood. So it's best if they understand that: no response = not interested edit because I can't type tonight

Leatherist -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:41:12 PM)
You can turn your profile off and on, and you won't show up on the view list. Just because they were not there, does not mean they did not peek. This site has many privacy options.

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:43:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 COLLARME STAFF: Are you guys listening? I've never put filters on my own account so I don't know how it works, but I would hope it is impossible to set up (for example) an age filter without first acknowledging a dialog that says "Please make sure you disclose your age filter criteria in your profile text so other members won't waste their time e-mailing you pointlessly...". I gotta believe this would be very easy to implement. A.E. its very possible to do so without letting people know. i've done it.

AMaster -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:44:09 PM)
It hapens to the best of us. [:D]

TreasureKY -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:45:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 ... Frankly I think it's a little rude that they can't manage the one click it takes to send an automated "Thanks, but not interested" message... I've never seen any automated reply option, but I use Firefox as my browser and I understand there are additional features if one uses Internet Explorer. quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 ... But when I am deleted "Unread" by someone who could not possibly know enough about me to make any sort of decision about me intelligently, I am really taken aback... I do understand, but as is mentioned above, there is the possibility that they either viewed your "mini" profile from the main page or that they have their mail filters set to weed out anyone who didn't meet their criteria. quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 ... is there a reason I'm not understanding that so many women here can't manage the simple gesture of a one-click "Sorry, not interested" reply? It's so much more civilized that way... Yes. As has been said all over these fora for quite some time by quite a number of women, a negative response... even a polite one... is often taken by the sender as an invitation to either badger the woman for reconsideration or verbally lash out at her. There's also the small issue that no one is under any obligation to either read or respond to an email from a stranger. quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 ... I still think Collarme.com ought to very actively encourage anyone using filters to make damn sure they disclose their filter criteria in their profiles. For example, it simply isn't reasonable that I read a profile that makes no mention whatsoever of the person's age preference, spend 20 minutes writing an e-mail, then have it automatically deleted because I was too old! Reasonable or not, it still boils down to "it's my profile"... within the guides of CM I can put whatever I want in it. I am free to consider whomever I choose, discount anyone I want, and reply at my own whim. I can even use "eenie, meanie, miney, mo" as my method for selection if I so desire. No matter how much you may wish to, you cannot control everyone else. Best to learn to accept that now and not let it bother you. Life is too short to spend it in a tizzy because strangers won't behave the way you want them to.

PsyVamp -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:47:50 PM)
All you have to do is read part of the profile from the search feature, the whole thing doesn't show up, but the information you put in about yourself does, as well as your picture... but I digress If they aren't looking at you, and they aren't reading your mail anyway....how could you possibly take it personally? For it to be personal, they'd have to know something about the person who sent it. So someone you might have liked didn't look at your email.. big deal, life is tough, get over it and move on to the next person. Consider it their loss if you must. Good Luck Lady Jag

AlterEgo69 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:48:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 I hadn't considered that the Deleted Unread status might be generated by automated filters. It's not. Someone has to actively delete an email before reading it for it to be classified as 'Deleted Unread'. XI ModeratorEleven, Thanks for clarifying that. In that case, I must revert to my original statement. I just don't get why you would have an ad if you're going to even bother to CONSIDER the messages you receive. To most of you telling me to calm down and accept it, Don't worry, I'm probably a lot calmer than I sound, but I don't think you guys are "getting it". I fully understand that my age, photo, profile text, or anything else might not interest someone, and that they might delete me with without reply. But THAT'S NOT THE SCENARIO WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, and as ModeratorEleven has now clarified. If they were deleting my messages for ANY of those reasons, it would show up as "Deleted" rather than "Deleted Unread". As I understand the operation of the site, the ONLY plausible thing they could be objecting to would be my username itself, which is visible when you are on the page where you can cause "Deleted Unread" status to show up. AE

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:50:06 PM)
the person you are writing who deletes it without reading it... may not be interested in men at all and men are in blue so the user you are writing will delete it without looking. you need to make sure you've read their profile and also look at their orientation. if it doesnt say "straight" chances are they dont want a man.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125