RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives???

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (Full Version)

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kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:03:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie Your emails may very well be hitting accounts that have filters set up and your profile does not meet the criteria of said filters. I wouldn't take it so personally. I hadn't considered that the Deleted Unread status might be generated by automated filters. Thanks for offering that insight. If that is the problem, I still think Collarme.com ought to very actively encourage anyone using filters to make damn sure they disclose their filter criteria in their profiles. For example, it simply isn't reasonable that I read a profile that makes no mention whatsoever of the person's age preference, spend 20 minutes writing an e-mail, then have it automatically deleted because I was too old! That may not be the fault of the individuals as I first assumed, but if that is the problem I sure hope the CM staff are listening. It needs to be fixed. (Do I remember correctly that on Alt you are not allowed to e-mail someone whose filter criteria you don't satisfy? That's how it SHOULD work, IMHO). A.E. Actually, there are two stages of filters in ALT. One just sends the mail to your filtered mail settings, like bulk mail here, or you have the option to totally block it and never even receive it. That is when the sender gets the message it will not be sent. However, that is ALSO AFTER you have spent that supposed 20 minutes, so would still piss you off. Noone HAS to tell you what they are looking for, and some have preferences, but they are not hard and fast so would like to see who responds to them. They have that right, doncha think?

kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:05:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 (Do I remember correctly that on Alt you are not allowed to e-mail someone whose filter criteria you don't satisfy? That's how it SHOULD work, IMHO). A.E. There's also the difference that you pay for Alt and CM is free. [8D] [sm=banana.gif]Maybe he should go vote on the poll about paying, lol!!!!

sweetwenchie -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:07:14 PM)
i'm weal, i'm twue! Just ignore that little thingy to blow me up on my butt... [8\|]

kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:07:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Also, they can flip back to the main page, look at your profile on the screen (without looking at the full profile) and then decide to delete. Cali I don't follow you, Cali. If they go to the homepage and look up my full profile, it would show up on "Who's Viewed Me". For them to see my "abbreviated profile" they would have to open the e-mail first, which means it wouldn't show up deleted unread. The only way I can see your point would be if I just happened to be online at the moment they were reading their e-mail, they remembered my username and ugly photo from the home page, then deleted the mail just because they remembered the username. Seems implausible to me. A.E. Uh, no, they can put your username on the front page that says username and pull you up at the top o the list....and see everything on your profile except your friends and bdsm interests, and you would never know.

kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:10:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 quote: ORIGINAL: ModeratorEleven quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 I hadn't considered that the Deleted Unread status might be generated by automated filters. It's not. Someone has to actively delete an email before reading it for it to be classified as 'Deleted Unread'. XI ModeratorEleven, Thanks for clarifying that. In that case, I must revert to my original statement. I just don't get why you would have an ad if you're going to even bother to CONSIDER the messages you receive. To most of you telling me to calm down and accept it, Don't worry, I'm probably a lot calmer than I sound, but I don't think you guys are "getting it". I fully understand that my age, photo, profile text, or anything else might not interest someone, and that they might delete me with without reply. But THAT'S NOT THE SCENARIO WE ARE TALKING ABOUT, and as ModeratorEleven has now clarified. If they were deleting my messages for ANY of those reasons, it would show up as "Deleted" rather than "Deleted Unread". As I understand the operation of the site, the ONLY plausible thing they could be objecting to would be my username itself, which is visible when you are on the page where you can cause "Deleted Unread" status to show up. AE Again, they can pull you up and therefore delete you unread. And, even if they list they are bisexual, at this point in time, they may want a female instead of a male, a switch instead of a dom, or a sub, or whatever........

laurell3 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:13:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten I am one of those who have deleted emails without ever opening them (and hence they show up as deleted unread). Due to the amount of mail I received, I would make note of their username from the received mail list, go back to the main page and put it into the search box. This allowed me to read the abbreviated part of their profile (without the fifty million interests/expertises), and/or their journal entries. It also meant I would NOT show up as having looked at their profile. If what I saw in their front page profile seemed to me to be totally idiotic (or they were more than about 15 years younger/older), then I would just mark their email to delete, and do so, without ever having seen it. Anyone with a half decent profile, and reasonable age difference would get a polite email if I was not interested. I am a clever sneak [:D]. And no, I don't have a profile on the other side at all right now. Thank you, ThinkingKitten, for that explanation. If I understood correctly, you are speculating that the people who deleted me "unread" probably DID look far enough to see my age or photo, but they intentionally did that in a way that left no trace because to leave any trace mighht invite stalking from the LoserDom crowd. I guess that all makes sense - just blows my mind that the situation is that bad, which is why I didn't intepret it correctly at first. So now it's all starting to come together in my head... It's not the case that these people are so extraordinarily rude (as they first appeared to me). Rather, the situation they face with Doms that won't take no for an answer is so extreme that they are forced - apparently - to extreme measures that in many ways appear rude - to mitigate the e-mail problems THEY face. Now I get it and feel much better about the Deleted Unread thing. I sure wish I could think up a way to make this whole BDSM online thing work better. Seems like we need something the likes of feedback on eBay to sort out who's real from who's not. I mean, I really do get that this apparently-rude behavior is being inspired by other problems, but at the end of the day this whole online sub search thing is about the most frustrating, time-consuming, inefficient activity I've ever engaged in! I'm not (any longer) saying the other participants are being unreasonable. Just that it would sure be nice if somebody would invent a better way. Sigh. AE I've never understood the deleted without reading thing personally. Doesn't curiousity alone make you want to read it even if you don't plan on responding? I don't always respond to emails, especially those that are written from someone halfway across the globe or are rude and I think that's the problem. There are so many trolls on this site and others like it that it kind of ruins it for others. While you may see checking your profile anonymously as being paranoid, I'd suggest you make a female bisexual submissive profile on this or another site and get a feel for what it is you get for email. It's not pretty and safety is always a concern. You'd be amazed the lengths some trolls go to in order to continue to harass those that reject them, even when it's polite. It's also possible that the people you are contacting either have found someone and cannot read emails and haven't updated their profile or are in the process of discussing a relationship with someone and aren't interested in others at that time. In any event, I wouldn't take it personally as anonymity on the internet seems to not bring out the best in people. I would take it like a gift that those with less personal skills didn't respond. It saves you the trouble of finding that out the hard way.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:16:10 PM)
Well, the fact that I delete an filtered email unread (it doesnt auto do it, but if it is filtered, I know its filtered for a reason and I dont waste my time) tells me I am not the only one who does so. That could be part of the problem. Secondly, maybe you are lost in an impersonal shuffle of clearing out ones mailbox, something else I have been known to do. You specify that it is usualy the "better looking subs", is that becasue those annoy you most, or becasue you only target a specific group of submissives? Maybe you are looking at people who arent looking for what you offer. Rather than worrying about how rude someone is, maybe you should be glad you dont have to find out later they are rude little prats and save yourself the time. IF they deleted you, that means you werent going to get a positive response anyway... so why complain about it? DV

kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:16:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten I am one of those who have deleted emails without ever opening them (and hence they show up as deleted unread). Due to the amount of mail I received, I would make note of their username from the received mail list, go back to the main page and put it into the search box. This allowed me to read the abbreviated part of their profile (without the fifty million interests/expertises), and/or their journal entries. It also meant I would NOT show up as having looked at their profile. If what I saw in their front page profile seemed to me to be totally idiotic (or they were more than about 15 years younger/older), then I would just mark their email to delete, and do so, without ever having seen it. Anyone with a half decent profile, and reasonable age difference would get a polite email if I was not interested. I am a clever sneak [:D]. And no, I don't have a profile on the other side at all right now. I sure wish I could think up a way to make this whole BDSM online thing work better. Seems like we need something the likes of feedback on eBay to sort out who's real from who's not. I mean, I really do get that this apparently-rude behavior is being inspired by other problems, but at the end of the day this whole online sub search thing is about the most frustrating, time-consuming, inefficient activity I've ever engaged in! I'm not (any longer) saying the other participants are being unreasonable. Just that it would sure be nice if somebody would invent a better way. Sigh. AE Hoo boy, and now we progress onto blacklists.

KatyLied -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:17:18 PM)
Deleting mail "unread" is a way to have passive-agressive fun with people. I've done it when people emailed me excessively when I've explained that I had nothing more to say to them.

laurell3 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:26:40 PM)
Well I was assuming he's not repeatedly emailing the same people. I do agree with that. There are certain people that send me the same email once a month. Those I don't read. The bonus of having your email saved for 6 months here means that I for one am not so lazy I can't see that same person already contacted me before. The majority of those repeat offenders are married and attempting to convince me we can still have a quality relationship despite the fact someone else owns half of their ass [;)]....yeah right. OP another thing you might consider is your apparent requirement for certain physical characteristics is maybe a turn off. I understand you attempt to qualify it, however, what is the point in saying it if you qualify it? It's possible the people you are contacting either find that superficial or shallow or aren't being honest about what they list as physical characteristics and therefore assume you mean what you say and would have no interest in them. While I would meet those characteristics, I personally wouldn't have much interest in someone that limited their interest to such narrow parameters.

MaamJay -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:26:57 PM)
To the OP, I can understand the annoyance factor, Master has just about given up writing nice polite notes to fem subs that He has carefully read the profile of, and for whom His experience would fit their criteria! For Myself, curiosity dictates that I open them all ... and I do send polite little thank you but no thank you messages back to the many male subs who write to Me. Even to those who write from the other side of the world when I clearly state in My profile I am interested in people here in Australia only! To those subs who say they then have "pathetic whiny Doms trying to harass them" ... well, I have had some "pathetic whiny subs" trying to harass Me too! It happens on both sides. I had only one get downright nasty and I had to report him. I even reply politely to the male Doms who seem to have missed the fact that my sub side is happily collared to Master! As to the person who posed the question about replying to store offers ... well, that's a bit different, they didn't write to Me personally, every house in the street got one! But My standards of courtesy require Me to reply to someone who has contacted Me personally ... and just because it's electronic, doesn't absolve Me of that. However, I can't hold everyone else to the same standards, annoying though that may be. OP try not to take it personally, and if you persevere, you might eventually get an answer! Also getting known on the boards here, contributing to discussions, is a much better way of letting people know who you are and what you believe. I've made great friends through the boards. Regards Maam Jay aka violet[A]

catize -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:27:34 PM)
So you took the time to write; that was your choice. The recipient has the right to choose to delete it unread. See how that works? Are you obligated to read every book at the bookstore? After all, the author took the time to write it.

Bound2One -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:39:24 PM)
quote: I think it irresponsible and horrendously rude to maintain a personal ad on this site and allow people to spend significant time and effort writing you if you have no intention of even LOOKING AT the e-mails you receive. I do understand what you're saying. I don't think I've ever deleted unread a first email. Subsequent ones after I've said 'thanks no thanks' sure, but not the first one. It could be that the person is talking deeply with someone and doesn't want to 'bother' with any other emails. It could be anything. When I was searching, I always responded to emails just to be polite. Sure there were a couple that were persistent. Most wrote back 'thanks for letting me know' messages, which I thought was nice. I like politeness. [:)] Perhaps rather than spending 20 mins on a message, write a standard initial email and personalize it - not a form letter, but something you can add to according to the profile you're responding to. Basically, it's a crapshoot. ::shrug::

Bound2One -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:42:50 PM)
quote: Thank you for that clarification; now I "get" the part about the automated responses. It blows my mind that what you describe is a real problem, but now that you describe it I understand. And you're right, it is shameful indeed. I had one guy, completely not what I was looking for, who kept emailing me (until I discovered blocking - duh!) 'I've been TRYING to get in touch with you, girl.' and requesting chats constantly. It was creepy! Bad things do happen when dealing with the general public.

DesertRat -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 7:55:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 ...my messages often show up with "Deleted Unread" status... ...when you think about how the ReadMail page works, you realize that this can mean only one thing. They never saw my photo, never knew my age, never viewed my profile, but decided to delete my message without ever bothering to open it... Frankly, this really pisses me off... ...How do others feel? For one thing, it is, in fact, possible to see the name of an email sender and go to that sender's profile before opening the email. So, you shouldn't assume you're being rejected without consideration, if that's any consolation. Also, I am pretty sure that a message will be deleted unread of a user completely closes his/her account. Also, also, as others have said, it might seem cold but it does save all concerned some time and effort. I wouldn't take it personally unless katylied did it, in which case it might just be some kind of messed up passive-aggressive thing that she does out of sheer perversity. Bob

adoracat -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 8:02:35 PM)
i think the most unwelcome messages i've gotten were "keep me in mind when your current relationship bombs". or "you should dump him, he's not as great as i am". nevermind that i'm very happy with Daddy, i cant know my own mind, i'm only a fragile little sub, right? kitten, rolling her eyes about

kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 8:07:53 PM)
to the OP:::: I just read your profile, here is a snippet from it: I will not reply unless you provide a RECENT photo either in your profile or your FIRST e-mail. Hmmm, so does that mean you don't respond to every email, and lied here, or is the hypocrisy on the profile? Enquiring minds want to know. It is possible to see if someone has attached a picture to their email before you open it up, so again....enquiring minds want to know.

MissAidan -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 8:10:19 PM)
I can't help but wonder if this guy is one of the many who sees a picture of a hot girl, and sends her a "thoughtful email" without bothering to read her profile to see if they are actually compatible.

laurell3 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 8:10:31 PM)
I missed that, I would also delete your mail for that reason (although I would read it because I'm curious like that). Not everyone can or will provide a picture for various reasons. You seem to say in your profile you seek professionals (again it's unclear), but yet you require them to hand out pictures to anonymous internet strangers? Can you not see how that can be a turn-off or not possible for them? You write well, but there are quite a few things in your profile that paint a picture of a rather shallow guy in my opinion.

kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 8:14:13 PM)
I'm just saying it's kinda like pot calling the kettle black, unless I'm misunderstanding sumthin...seems like the OP hauled ass, we shall see, I am VERY interested in the answer.

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