RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives???

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (Full Version)

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Marsh -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:51:15 PM)
AlterEgo69: Be thankful you have not engaged in a lot of idle chatter and squandered your time. The lady by her act served you well. Respect her right to respond or not respond.

KatyLied -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:51:36 PM)
quote: I just don't get why you would have an ad if you're going to even bother to CONSIDER the messages you receive. There can be many reasons that people have profiles that surprisingly have nothing to do with you and your wants.

Leatherist -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:53:04 PM)
It may have something to do with burn out,when a girl gets like-200 On your knees bitch messages. Might give ya a slight clue as to why it happens.[&:]

MissAidan -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:54:38 PM)
It's sad to see adults who live so far inside of their own little world in their head. Even more so when they try to make everyone else act the way they think they should.

KatyLied -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:54:45 PM)
I have had dominants get belligerent and child-like and I've also had them get rude and nasty, just because I said something like "I'm not interested, but thank you for the message." This is why I am more likely than not to ignore anyone whom I do not recognize from the message board.

verysweet -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:55:15 PM)
quote: My profile VERY clearly states what I am looking for, yet I frequently get e-mails from subs that don't fit my geographical or physical requirements. I ALWAYS REPLY TO THEM, BECAUSE THAT IS PART OF BEING A GROWN UP IN A POLITE SOCIETY. I thank them for their interest and explain that unfortunately I am not interested. Yes, I understand the female subs here get way more e-mail than I do, so I wouldn't expect them to write a personal "No thanks" message to everyone who writes them the way I do. But "Deleted Unread"? Really. A.E. While I understand that sending an email does not auto-include a subpeona to respond, I can't recall ever receiving one and deleting it before I've read it. And because I have this politeness schtick, I almost always respond if only to say "Thanks, but no thanks."

Leatherist -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:56:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied I have had dominants get belligerent and child-like and I've also had them get rude and nasty, just because I said something like "I'm not interested, but thank you for the message." This is why I am more likely than not to ignore anyone whom I do not recognize from the message board. Same here, I usually only talk with friends I know from this side. So many horny net geeks on the other side, you just get ignored.

MissMagnolia -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:56:24 PM)
Yes OP, it is unbelievably rude. I mean would you ignore a person in real life who spoke to you? All I can say is be thankful that you didn't waste time on someone who obviously has such bad manners.

AlterEgo69 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:56:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: rankly I think it's a little rude that they can't manage the one click it takes to send an automated "Thanks, but not interested" message, but I accept that it's part of life here that if she's not interested, I probably won't hear back. Sigh. Let me tell you what is likely to happen when a submissive responds "sorry, I'm not interested." Some dominants then begin a sad, pathetic, and whiny campaign to win the sub over. They list all of the reasons why she should give him a chance and get to know him. It's not fun seeing a D type revert back to childhood. Thank you for that clarification; now I "get" the part about the automated responses. It blows my mind that what you describe is a real problem, but now that you describe it I understand. And you're right, it is shameful indeed. I'm new here and I obviously wasn't aware of some of the backstory on this issue that seems very familliar to many of you. I now get the sense this is one of those "already beaten to death, nobody wants to hear more about it" issues. Sorry, I didn't know. I'll let it go now. A.E.

Leatherist -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:58:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia Yes OP, it is unbelievably rude. I mean would you ignore a person in real life who spoke to you? All I can say is be thankful that you didn't waste time on someone who obviously has such bad manners. Ignore a woman who lives near me routinely when she tries to speak to me. She's a known criminal and nutjob,and I don't want to encourage her to pester me. Nothing but trouble. I do the same with nut cases from here.

ThinkingKitten -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:58:31 PM)
I am one of those who have deleted emails without ever opening them (and hence they show up as deleted unread). Due to the amount of mail I received, I would make note of their username from the received mail list, go back to the main page and put it into the search box. This allowed me to read the abbreviated part of their profile (without the fifty million interests/expertises), and/or their journal entries. It also meant I would NOT show up as having looked at their profile. If what I saw in their front page profile seemed to me to be totally idiotic (or they were more than about 15 years younger/older), then I would just mark their email to delete, and do so, without ever having seen it. Anyone with a half decent profile, and reasonable age difference would get a polite email if I was not interested. I am a clever sneak [:D]. And no, I don't have a profile on the other side at all right now.

KatyLied -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 5:58:55 PM)
Do not take it personally. Here is what helps: we never know what is going on in other people's "abstract" (on-line stuff). They may not be interested, involved, not ready, or they may be an ass (that is possible too).

MissMagnolia -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:00:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia Yes OP, it is unbelievably rude. I mean would you ignore a person in real life who spoke to you? All I can say is be thankful that you didn't waste time on someone who obviously has such bad manners. Ignore a woman who lives near me routinely when she tries to speak to me. She's a known criminal and nutjob,and I don't want to encourage her to pester me. Nothing but trouble. I do the same with nut cases from here. Well screw you Leatherist!![sm=river.gif] Why did you have to tell everyone about me???? Oops, you meant someone else. Sorry.[sm=lol.gif]

TreasureKY -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:02:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 ModeratorEleven, Thanks for clarifying that. In that case, I must revert to my original statement. I just don't get why you would have an ad if you're going to even bother to CONSIDER the messages you receive. Mod11 has simply said that there is not an automatic deletion if a message does not get through set filters. It is still possible that the person is going to their bulk folder (where filtered messages get sent) and just deleting them all. It's not necessary, but some people like to keep things neat and clean and might habitually empty it.

Missokyst -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:06:49 PM)
I am a little confused by the other side. Is that Collarme, instead of here (collarchat). Does that mean if I have a profile up there that it is an AD for a mate? Shoot, if so, people over there probably shouldnt have a profile if they are not looking. If not.. dang... I have a profile, does that mean I have been overlooked and remain unwanted based on some criteria that I might never reach? Harsh. LOL but, I will live through it. Kyst

lusciouslips19 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:08:03 PM)
I almost always write back an say I am not interested, I agree with KateyLied. They get rude or childish(Dom's). I say," I'm not interested", they say "why". Do you really want to hear the reasons why a woman turned you down? Besides, Its not my obligation to tell you my motives. Also, I have let Doms know that I am collared with a training collar but I would be happy to talk through e-mail or forum as friends. They spend time trying to get me to the phone or IM. Even though I have told them I have a Sir. they disregard so I end up blocking them. I try to be polite and curteous and personable like you, but I understand the motives of those that delete unread. Its easy to get fed up with the disrespect of those who dont bother to read your profile and your criteria.

AlterEgo69 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:14:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten I am one of those who have deleted emails without ever opening them (and hence they show up as deleted unread). Due to the amount of mail I received, I would make note of their username from the received mail list, go back to the main page and put it into the search box. This allowed me to read the abbreviated part of their profile (without the fifty million interests/expertises), and/or their journal entries. It also meant I would NOT show up as having looked at their profile. If what I saw in their front page profile seemed to me to be totally idiotic (or they were more than about 15 years younger/older), then I would just mark their email to delete, and do so, without ever having seen it. Anyone with a half decent profile, and reasonable age difference would get a polite email if I was not interested. I am a clever sneak [:D]. And no, I don't have a profile on the other side at all right now. Thank you, ThinkingKitten, for that explanation. If I understood correctly, you are speculating that the people who deleted me "unread" probably DID look far enough to see my age or photo, but they intentionally did that in a way that left no trace because to leave any trace mighht invite stalking from the LoserDom crowd. I guess that all makes sense - just blows my mind that the situation is that bad, which is why I didn't intepret it correctly at first. So now it's all starting to come together in my head... It's not the case that these people are so extraordinarily rude (as they first appeared to me). Rather, the situation they face with Doms that won't take no for an answer is so extreme that they are forced - apparently - to extreme measures that in many ways appear rude - to mitigate the e-mail problems THEY face. Now I get it and feel much better about the Deleted Unread thing. I sure wish I could think up a way to make this whole BDSM online thing work better. Seems like we need something the likes of feedback on eBay to sort out who's real from who's not. I mean, I really do get that this apparently-rude behavior is being inspired by other problems, but at the end of the day this whole online sub search thing is about the most frustrating, time-consuming, inefficient activity I've ever engaged in! I'm not (any longer) saying the other participants are being unreasonable. Just that it would sure be nice if somebody would invent a better way. Sigh. AE

KatyLied -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:17:04 PM)
quote: who's real from who's not. But how would you determine that? People have differing thresholds for what they view as real. If someone doesn't respond to my email I don't automatically make assumptions about how real they are.

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:18:56 PM)
AE, doing a feedback thing like ebay does, is a pretty easy way to create a blacklist and vindictive angry little people would use it as a way to get revenge on someone.

kc692 -> RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives??? (1/25/2008 6:59:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69 I use the Collarme personals, and occasionally go to the "Sent Mail" page because it allows me to follow-up and see whether a sub I've written based on her personal ad has logged in and read the mail yet. Frankly I think it's a little rude that they can't manage the one click it takes to send an automated "Thanks, but not interested" message, but I accept that it's part of life here that if she's not interested, I probably won't hear back. Sigh. Frankly, this really pisses me off. I routinely spend 20 minutes or more composing a single e-mail, because I know everyone responds better to personal attention. If a sub doesn't like what I have to say, thinks I'm too old or live too far away, or whatever, I understand that I'm not going to hear back. (Although a one-click message would sure improve my respect for those who are not interested). But when I am deleted "Unread" by someone who could not possibly know enough about me to make any sort of decision about me intelligently, I am really taken aback. I think it irresponsible and horrendously rude to maintain a personal ad on this site and allow people to spend significant time and effort writing you if you have no intention of even LOOKING AT the e-mails you receive. Am I missing something? How do others feel? And while I'm at it, is there a reason I'm not understanding that so many women here can't manage the simple gesture of a one-click "Sorry, not interested" reply? It's so much more civilized that way... I ALWAYS REPLY TO THEM, BECAUSE THAT IS PART OF BEING A GROWN UP IN A POLITE SOCIETY. I thank them for their interest and explain that unfortunately I am not interested. A.E. I snipped large portions out, and probably could have snipped more. I am also sure since I am stopping at the OP that this may well have been addressed. You talk about being a grown up in a polite society and that people should respond. Let me ask you a question: When you get an envelope for a car sale, with a 5,000 check enclosed, do you feel the need to politely reply no thanks? When you get sale circulars, do you feel the need to tell the local grocery store no thanks to their very polite offers? What about life insurance? credit card offers, etc.? No? Why not, after all you are a grown up in a polite society. No offense, but it is junk mail, therefore you don't respond. Making the connection yet?

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