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Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 4:57:30 AM   
Faeorie


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The criticism of online Domme/sub relationships...I have talked to some people on here who have told me they 'just don't get' online Domme/sub relationships, or that they are not for them. I can understand where a sub may not be strong enough to carry his/her end of online submission, but I don't see why more Dommes take advantage of all an online relationship has to offer. I'll name just a few here:

1.Fantasy: Storytellers, this is your niche! For individuals like me who are good at writing or who loves to write can find a wonderful creative outlet through email and instant messaging. She/He can create scenes that would not be possible otherwise. Hell, you can be as twisted or as detailed as possible, even delving into the realm of fantasy which would never be physically possible. The second advantage to fantasy is that it forces the sub to use his/her imagination, something that (sadly) most people don't see as important. Forcing a sub to use his/her imagination instead of just doing a task really shows just how much control you have over them. Having to imagine something vs. just enduring something... hrmm, I'd rather have them work for their pleasure.

2. Schedule:  Sure, I'd love to be a Domme with unlimited time to devote to a sub. In a utopia, I'm sure that's the kind of life I would live... have a harem of slaveboys at my feet, serving me. But let's get real right? If you're like me you are more than just a Dom/Domme, you are a busy person who is striving to be sucessful, and have the career of their dreams. Ok, so sadly I see people like that slipping away as time passes on this world, I mean why work long and hard to specilaize in something where I can settle for a less specific position and get paid now? But until I reach that low, I will still be going to school and work towards becoming a Vet. It is a big dream and I plan on achieving it no matter what. This is where an online relationship comes in handy. My sub must take it upon himself to be online when I can. He must work his schedule around mine (which is very busy), thus solidifying my domination over him.

3. Familiarity: No relationship has to be strictly online. In fact, having an online relationship with your sub first before moving to a real life one will be better for the both of you in the long run. In an online relationship you develop trust, you learn more about each other than any interview in person could reveal. Having an online relationship takes away any awkwardness when or if you finally meet up for some real time play. Also, when the meeting time comes, the sub already knows what the Domme/Dom expects and wants from him/her, and the Domme/Dom knows the best way in which to handle their sub having already done it online.

4. Working harder: It's easy to understand how an online sub would have to work harder to please an online Mistress/Master. Since I cannot always see my sub (unless he uses a digital camera or webcam) he has to be able to believably describe to me how something looks or feels, and be able to apply toys or instruments of torture himself.  A sub must be really good at what he does when he can shove a plug up his ass, apply clothespins and bind his own cock and balls  at my order. Through my domination and direction my sub learns self discipline, which is much harder to learn than discipline from others.

5. Impersonality: It takes a real sub to serve a mistress he cannot see. Dominating a sub online makes everything a lot less personal, and keeps the sub form getting too full of himself. Sending pictures of yourself (plain or sexual) can be a form of reward for your sub because they don't normally get to see you. A sub may only meet his Mistress in person when he can prove to her online first that he is worthy of meeting and serving her. It's a great screening process, makes in-person meetings safer (see "online predators"), and you are more likely to get better performance from a sub if you train him online first, truly making him yours.

There are many more advantages to an online relationship, but these are the main ones I see. I talk to my subs online, explain what I would like to do to them (or what I may do if we ever meet), give them orders to follow, make them prove that they are following them, and I also give them assignments to work on during the day and complete before I speak with them again. And if they want to meet me in person? They have to prove that they are worthy of me, and also must earn the priveledge to be dominated in person by me.Some of you may disagree, and I don't really care. Online domination works for me right now, and seems to work for my subs as well.
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:06:11 AM   
ProlificNeeds


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"It takes a real sub to serve a mistress he cannot see."
I'll call BS on that one. One's quality of submission should not be judged on how willing they are to submit to someone they've never met. Online makes it a lot easier to dick someone over, and for me personally, trust is almost impossible to win online as opposed to face to face. To my mind D/s, and a relationship should be personal. Some may like it better if it's impersonal and thus purely about the dynamic and not about the relationship beneath, but not me.
To me actiosn speak louder than words, if a Dom wants to top me, he'd better come and earn it face ot face. Likewise if i want to submit to a Dom, I will go earn his attention face to face. Actions speak louder than words.

Online D/s may work nicely for you, if it does all the power to you, but it's not everyone's cup of tea.

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:15:59 AM   
Faeorie


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I know it's not everyones cup of tea, but I was explaining to those who "don't get it." The trust issues are somewhat hard to overcome, but if you have a webcam, can send pictures, or describe something well enough, then trust isn't an issue. Plus, there are many who love this lifestyle that don't have the luxury of travelling to meet face to face.

I think our opinions on a D/s relationship differ. I can be very personal online but I can control how personal I want to be. When you meet face to face, it all goes out the window.

Please, do not call my ideas bullshit just because you disagree with them

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:16:31 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


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It's nothing like the real time in my book.  I don't do online long distance D/s relationships with somebody I've never met before.   I don't do long distance relationships with somebody I only see once or twice a month either.

Long distance is good for friendships though in my book.  Work good for getting to know somebody before exploring things face to face.  

Online works good to keep in touch with people.   It's not my cup of tea when it comes down to a serious relationship. 

I want more and deserve more out a relationship.  It needs to be physical for me.

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:21:59 AM   
Dnomyar


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Having an online relationship is better than having none at all. I know that some online relationships do work. So screw the critics. Go what works best for you at the time.  

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:23:03 AM   
Faeorie


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Ah, but see I am not looking for something serious yet. My life is too hectic and busy. Plus, I have a fiance, and that relationship is one of my top priorities, that is what's serious to me. I make it quite clear in my profile that I want online only.


You're right that it's nothing like real time. Real time is a BLAST. But for me, real time means school, working nights full time, and participating in other school functions. If I'm lucky I have enough energy for real sex, but if not I settle for online "playtime" to help satisfy me until I can get the real thing. And I can be on my laptop and chat while I work. So it's better for me.

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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:45:14 AM   
RedMagic1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie
Ah, but see I am not looking for something serious yet.

Bingo.  That's why you got the pushback when you said "it takes a real sub" to submit to someone they can't see.  It doesn't.  It takes someone who's not too serious.  As Dnomyar said, if that's your thing, have fun -- but don't pretend as though you're doing something deep, or that people in relationships don't understand the allure of it all.  I "get it," but I don't want it. A sexed-up online role-playing game is not a real relationship.

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:51:40 AM   
Faeorie


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Its real so long as you see each other as real. I'm sure my sub would tell you it's real to him, not some game. It's not a game for me either, and real to me. I am serious when I give my sub orders to be carried out, and if he doesnt do so, he is punished. I'm not "pretending" to do something deep, I never said what I was doing was "deep," whatever that means. I met my fiance by starting out talking online. Now we've been together for over 2 years and we're inseperable. Online can mean something too, its not less or more than real life, it's just different.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 5:52:55 AM   
Faeorie


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When I mean I am not looking for something serious, I mean I'm not looking for a live-in 24/7, or to get too emotionally involved yet. That kidn of thing takes time for me.

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 6:13:44 AM   
Faeorie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Bingo.  That's why you got the pushback when you said "it takes a real sub" to submit to someone they can't see. 


That is my idea of a "real" sub. Yours may be different. Opinions are like assholes as they say. We may not see eye to eye but respect my opinions. I'm not bashing real life D/s, only putting online ones in perspective. asGiving my opinion. I enjoy input and discussion but I don't like it when my opinions are bashed soley because someone doesnt agree with them.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 6:26:25 AM   
RedMagic1


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie
I mean I'm not looking for a live-in 24/7, or to get too emotionally involved yet.

Right.  I'm not interested in talking to anyone who doesn't want to get emotionally involved.  Service and submission are just the trappings to a real relationship.  Some people enjoy wearing the trappings without changing what's underneath.  Some people like dressing up as medieval knights and going to the Ren Faire.  That's not my thing either.  However, I've never met a Ren Faire person who got huffy with me because I told them they were playing at being in the 16th century, but not really in it.  Because it's obviously true.

If you have to start a thread and argue for why your online thing is so cool there is something funny going on.

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 6:37:11 AM   
Faeorie


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A true argument for something means I would include pros and cons. I'm not arguing this obviously. I am more... promoting online D/s relationships. Sort of a "don't knock it" type of deal. If I was arguing, then it'd be a true argument in where both pros and cons are mentioned and considered. My hope was that maybe it'd prompt others to try it and hey... they might like it or not, but at least they tried something new.

Plus, why would I want to get emotionally involved with someone I just met in person for the first time? Why would I want to get emotionally involved unless I knew it was worth it? I am not "playing" at being Dominant. I dominate in person with my fiance switch. But if I were to find a sub I connected with, he would still have to fill all sorts of requirements before I could start getting emotionally involved. People who go to ren fairs don't go hoping that time WILL eventually shift to renaissance times, but I am an online Domme who eventually wants something more out of a sub than online, its just a question of finding that sub, and online D/s relationships work to help find him for me.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:17:09 AM   
Dnomyar


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Mmmm a Faeorie living in a fairy tail. I see a lot of those on CM.

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:24:57 AM   
Faeorie


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Don't you mean Faerie? My screen name is Faeorie, which is a name, not a thing, and has nothing to do with faeries. I mean,  I'd love to see you try to define what a Faeorie is.

Unless you were just being spiteful, then your hateful joke falls flat. Trust me, there's nothing in my life that is a fairy tale. Sometimes I wish it was.

And how is what you said relevant to anything in the discussion anyways?


< Message edited by Faeorie -- 2/6/2008 8:35:57 AM >

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:38:07 AM   
RedMagic1


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He's being humorous, but he's telling the truth.  99% of the time, when someone talks about how uber-awesome their relationships and ways of doing things are, there's a major problem -- i.e., their life is nowhere near a fairy tale.  Your defensive reactions ("spiteful," "hateful," etc.) are more evidence that something's going on -- or not going on -- and your original post is seeking a validation you are not getting in real life.  People who are confident and secure in themselves tend to talk about their relationships in the course of conversation with others, instead of throwing something out and saying, "Look at what a great thing I'm doing."

You might be in the 1% -- I have no idea.  Maybe you're having a bad day, or you're still thrown by the use of the word "bullshit."  But at this particular moment, you are not writing like a woman who is fulfilled in her relationships and her life.

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:42:20 AM   
camille65


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I saw the OP as pretty much saying that it was exhausting dealing with the negativity that online relationships receive.Then again I happen to be in one of the OLR with quarterly (or more) RL interludes so it could be that I am particularly sensitive to people saying that an OLR is nothing but fantasy. In just a couple of weeks it will be 8 years of belonging to my dom. It isn't a perfect balance, sometimes it is downright painful not being able to roll over in bed and hug him. But it is real.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:42:49 AM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

You're right that it's nothing like real time. Real time is a BLAST. But for me, real time means school, working nights full time, and participating in other school functions. If I'm lucky I have enough energy for real sex, but if not I settle for online "playtime" to help satisfy me until I can get the real thing. And I can be on my laptop and chat while I work. So it's better for me.


Here is where you undo all of the work you attempted in convincing anyone of the original.  After expounding on how wonderful the online interactions are in your eyes, you basically come back and say that it is what you are 'settling' for.  There are so many real time obligations that you are in the position to make your interactions secondary.  (That statement itself is not specifically said, but implied.)  It satisfies you until you get the real thing, but in your prior statements, you talk about how it is real for you and your online sub.  I'm not going to debate whether it is real or not, however, I think if you're going to convince anyone of the advantages of online, you might want to pick phrases that don't directly contradict each other.

That being said, online works for you, and I'm good with that.  It works for a lot of people, and I'm good with that, too.  However, it doesn't work for Me.  I wouldn't trade what I have in My physical word in exchange for what I could only have on the screen.  True, that means making My sub a priority in My life along with My other responsibilities of work, family, friends, household, etc., but that also means that he sees that I make those accommodations to have him in My life, and appreciates Me all the more.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:48:17 AM   
Dnomyar


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Mmm you got hateful and spiteful out of that. Do I need to watch out for Orges. RedMagic1. It is obivious that you can write way better than me. I sort of tend to condense things.  

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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:49:16 AM   
TracyTaken


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quote:

It takes a real sub to serve a mistress he cannot see.


What do fake subs do?

(in reply to Faeorie)
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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 8:53:49 AM   
Faeorie


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Did I ever say uber-awesome? Saying his comments were spiteful and hateful were jsut describing what they were. They were spiteful, and hateful, and also ignorant. It was humor at the expense of another, what else would you call it? Plus, as it had nothing to do with the thread, it leads one to think it was more for spite. I'm not throwing something out, read the topic "thoughts on Online Relationships." That's what they are... thoughts. My opinions. I was thrown by the "bullshit" thing a little because no where in the entire writing did I ever bash the ideas of real lifers, but here is someone bashing my ideas... who deserves that?

Yes, my life isn't a fairy tale. It's hard. I've worked my ass off for all that I have, and still have much more work to follow, but that is fulfilling to me. Life is a wonderful experience to me, and my relationships with my fiance, fmaily, friends, and online subs couldn't be better to tell the truth.

I'm not asking anyone to trade anything. I am offering a different perspective than is usually seen, and highlighting it's positives. Don't know why everyone is up in arms about it saying its bullshit or that I live in some fantasy world with... ?"ogres"? Camille65, thank you for your input, it's nice to see someone else views it as real other than me.

(in reply to TracyTaken)
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