Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Thoughts on Online relationships Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 12:53:17 PM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		Ive been in a few online relationships and they've fallen apart really quickly, the problem is, because Y/you can't feel each other in any real sense, I find it's hard to make the relationship feel real, so in the end the submissives I've had online relationships with just got bored and vanished...or just stopped talking to Me! lol.

But if O/others want a relationship of that sort and it works for them then why not?.

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 1:03:58 PM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		The way I see it is of course a lot are going to fall through, just like there are many who will search and are stil searching for a rl D/s relationship. You have to find the one that isn't going to get bored. the one who will wait in anticipation for you to logon, the one who loves writing emails, taking pictures and 'performing' on a webcam for you. Just in general I've met... oh probably hundreds of people online... thousands even, just in chatrooms, or on sites like facebook or myspace, but so far, only two people that I've met have been worthwhile. One is a good friend of mine and the other is my fiance. You have to be willing to understand that finding the right one for an online relationship can take a while, you just have to be ready to deal with that. I've gotten many subs interested in carrying out an online D/s relationship with me, but the truth is, I'll be very lucky if it turns out they are what I want and vice versa. It's a screening process, it's tedious, but when coupled with the right person, it can be  very special connection between two people.

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 1:07:02 PM   
vampiresscammy


Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline 		to no one in particular at all - okies, trying to avoid all the slinging of less then polite things back and forth, i'd just liek to state my own view is that oline realtionships can and do work, and ARE very serious to those involved in them, i understand its wonderful to not squish others ideas, but stating blanketly for all whoever enter into an online relationship that they are fales, untrue, or simply ways for married folks to cheat is not only inaccurate but just plain RUDE! a few of us now have stepped up and shared that we have and enjoy our online relationships without bashing or belittling real time ones, if you don't share those feelings, fine, but you don't have to be so mean about it either, their are polite ways to say i disagree.

I loved my wifey for 6 years, she loved me as well, and both our husbands knew about us, about our partners and occasionally we would all talk. We had a wonderful oppurtunity to meet twice in this life, talked on the phone several tiems and mostly emialed and IM'd when time and life permitted. I take great offense to anyone belittling or bashing what my late wifey and I had, and what I know with ever fiber of my being was real. We would have both loved to have been able to have real time, but it simply would not have worked for us.

I have also had the unfortunate distiction of a very failed and horrible attempt at a couple online relationships, where the other person was indeed lying and got caught, and where one was simply not whom they claimed to be, I would not generalize the whole sweeping area of online being nothign but liars tho. Those were a couple bad experiences.

To those of you with a negative view on this, I'm sorry you don't feel anythign could be gained by online, you may very well never meet some awesoem people. But could you kindly not generalize and say they are all crap and full of liars like the past SOME of the previous statements seem to be doing? Thank you. 

< Message edited by vampiresscammy -- 2/7/2008 1:16:48 PM >

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 1:13:46 PM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you vampiresscammy for your imput. What people don't seem to realize is there there are many real life relationships that fail just as bad as online ones. Peopel can lie in person just as they can online. And if you think of the history of the world, the number of failures of real life relationships in general probably FAR outnumber the number of online ones. Frankly because the internet is not that old...

My condolences for your wifey

(in reply to vampiresscammy)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 1:14:47 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

The way I see it is of course a lot are going to fall through, just like there are many who will search and are stil searching for a rl D/s relationship. You have to find the one that isn't going to get bored. the one who will wait in anticipation for you to logon, the one who loves writing emails, taking pictures and 'performing' on a webcam for you


Do you think that they may do that because it does not require actually connecting with someone ... in a real way.  I'm not going to hesitate to use the word "real" here.  I read an article recently that online relationships are providing an out for introverts ... it saves them the very real anxiety of having to deal with someone in person.  I was one such person.  If the internet had been around back then, I might have never met anyone face to face.  I understand that it is convenient for you, but do you wonder if that "out" a good thing for them? 

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 2:01:44 PM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		You can connect with someone in a real way, it's just different than real life. Doesn't make it that less real. I see them not working out because they just weren't meant to be in an online relationship with me. Perhaps they wanted something else? That's ok, I'm not going to take it personally, if its not right, it's not right. I'm not going to force it. But there's a possibility that there is someone on here who can give me what I am looking for in an online relationship and in turn, I can give them what they are looking for. And who says that person is using the online relationship as an "out"? Most of the subs I talk to that are interested in me share a lot of my reasons for wanting an online relationship. Their 'real' lives are too busy to be with me in person, they cant travel or relocate, and are low on funds to come visit. They still want domination and that's what I give them.  They carry out assignments I give them, and send proof of doing them. We end up both very happy and fulfilled. Understanding one another from the get-go is vital in any relationship. You have to know what the other wants and see if its right for your wants. If not, well, keep searching.

(in reply to TracyTaken)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 3:52:42 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I saw the OP as pretty much saying that it was exhausting dealing with the negativity that online relationships receive.Then again I happen to be in one of the OLR with quarterly (or more) RL interludes so it could be that I am particularly sensitive to people saying that an OLR is nothing but fantasy. In just a couple of weeks it will be 8 years of belonging to my dom. It isn't a perfect balance, sometimes it is downright painful not being able to roll over in bed and hug him. But it is real.


Of course it's real...however, if your situation changed and you could choose between continuing your OLR or living with him, which would you choose?

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 4:08:27 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

The only reason that I have time for online relationships is that I'm able to be on my laptop at work, and can pretty much browse the internet and talk to people at my leisure. I can conduct online domination sessions through AIM while working. However, it's obvious I can't have real sex at work. My real life relationship does NOT need work as we are both extremely happy with each other, but our schedules make it so that while one of us is awake, the other is sleeping. We both go to school full time and wqork nights full time, but not always on the same day. Like I said, I'm lucky when I do get real sex, bcause my fiance and I work so hard we find at the end of the day (or morning, or afternoon) we're too worn out for sex. But at night, when I'm alert and working, I can carry out something online.


I mean, maybe you can have sex on the job... and if so you're really lucky (or a whore I guess lol) but I think sex at my job would lead to my firing, and I have too many bills to allow for that to happen.



You have too many bills, yet you conduct regular online domination session while your at work. I hope for your sake your boss is the understanding type, or you might find yourself with lots of time to do what ever you want and no money to pay those bills.

Oh and just out of curiousity, how much do you charge for you online sessions?

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 4:12:22 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

quote:

ORIGINAL: BondagehasBeauty

There's no telling if the other person is A. Telling the truth or B. doing anything you type to them or C. What they say they are.

... and stop taking care of there daughter so they can play World of Warcraft from the time they get up to the time they go to bed to

It's in your mind you imagine all these things that happen only happen to you in yer mind. So you drag it out and you drag it out and you never even know that person could have someone else they could be a child molester they could even be frigging santa claus.

The internet is a very dangerous place for anyone to be from a child to a senior citizen and as such it has grown into a place where you cannnot trust the person on the other side no matter what they "say". If they are a bad person they will say and do anything to get you close. It maybe a decent place to meet like minded people.......but the places to meet those people usually have security checks in place but even those are bypassable, if yer good enough.


1. That's why webcams or digital cameras are so wonderful, because there's your proof that they are doing it.
2. W.O.W. has to be the worst thing that could have happened to the real world.
3. Again, that's why webcams are so nice, you can see that theya re who they say they are. They can be just as a much a child molester if you meet them in person, and can lie just as much up until you meet.
4. If the internet is so dangerous, why are there sites like CM where people look for other people to meet in person? Is it really that much safer to meet someone in person quickly after you start talking to them other than spending a lot of time online, getting to know them, and then maybe meeting them if you feel they are right for you? Plus, the longer you spend talking to someone, the easier it is to catch them lying because of consistency problems.

About the aspect of being there, touching them. My view is that a sub must be strong enough to live without my touch, my physical guidance. To know that they can survive in a non-physical relationship, means that they are mature enough to move onto a physical one. But thank you for your views!
3.


Ok, i gotta ask, what is your problem with WOW?

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 4:20:40 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		I have no problems with people that are into online, I personally am not.   My only thing is that people are up front and honest about wanting an online relationship only, and not try to manipulate someone that clearly states that they are not interested in online.

Just my thoughts on my personal experiences

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 4:35:29 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

You can connect with someone in a real way, it's just different than real life. Doesn't make it that less real.


I am one of those people whose talents you praise, one who is creaitve, writes a lot, and loves words a lot.  I also get that real is real and what is not real is not real.  "Different than real" means not real.  That's not my rule, it's the way the language works.  So "different than real," by default, means "not real."  It does not mean "less than real."  It means, "not real."  Again, not my rules.  We have a splendid language, IMO.

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 12:01:56 AM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		orfunboi: I work from midnight to 8am at the desk of a college dormitory as a campus security guard. I am allowed to bring my laptop to work and that is when I am able to do school work and speak with my online subs. My subs know that they must work around my schedule. I am the only one here for 8 hours, so it's highly unlikely anyone will ever know what I do online, especially once the 3-5 dead period kicks in, I don't see a single soul. My supervisor stays in another dorm that kind of acts like a 'home base.' And I DO NOT charge anyone I dominate online. That would not be right with me. And my problem with WOW? I have seen friends consumed and addicted by it, forsaking reality for a game and losing real relationships over it. And have heard horror stories, like one person who died from exhaustion by playing WOW non-stop.

TracyTaken: Then we agree to disagree on how we interpret language. Different doesnt necessarily mean not. And I said different from 'real life' meaning the relationship not everyday perceptions and experiences "real life" I can understand where there would be some confusion there. I used those words in accordance with the relationship because that's what most would understand... so I meant "face to face," perhaps I should have worded it that way instead of including the word "real," Ok, so... I should have said "You can connect with someone in a real way, it's just different than "face to face". Doesn't make it that less real."

(in reply to TracyTaken)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 4:57:58 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

I saw the OP as pretty much saying that it was exhausting dealing with the negativity that online relationships receive.Then again I happen to be in one of the OLR with quarterly (or more) RL interludes so it could be that I am particularly sensitive to people saying that an OLR is nothing but fantasy. In just a couple of weeks it will be 8 years of belonging to my dom. It isn't a perfect balance, sometimes it is downright painful not being able to roll over in bed and hug him. But it is real.


Of course it's real...however, if your situation changed and you could choose between continuing your OLR or living with him, which would you choose?
 I don't know. My first reaction would be to say 'RL RL with him every day' but then I realise that my physical restrictions are exactly what makes an OLR work for me so well. My body literally gets in the way of a physical day-to-day relationship.It was the primary reason that my marriage of 20 years ended and I simply am unwilling to risk that again. I am in my mid forties, starting over for a third time takes far more energy than I have. However if/when I find a buyer for my house I am moving to his area. Two reasons for that, I do want to be close to him and ohboy I want to be rid of Michigan winters!

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 5:29:28 AM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		That's a very interesting point Camille65. Hopefully you get your place sold and get to move closer to him. It's nice to see a real relationship last so long online (wow, 8 yrs!) You are a great example of how wonderful an online relationship can be. All it takes is the right person, and enough dedication to stay close, even if you are physically apart. It seems to work well for you. I will most likely be looking for a permanent slave/sub to serve my fiance and I... but it won't be for at least another 5 years... when I finally get certified and out of school. If I can find an online sub who can last that long, well then they will be the one for us.

(in reply to camille65)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 5:38:00 AM   
Faeorie


Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline 		By the way, if there are any of you who have a story regarding working online relationships to tell, by all means share with us. Maybe share some ideas or tips on how to you DO submit to someone online, or how you dominate someone online. I'm interested in the kind of methods that others use.

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 7:48:25 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		camille I will join you leaving Michigan as soon as I can shovel my way out.

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 9:09:47 AM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		I've been in online play-relationships before and could be in the future too.:) I also study and work hard and have other obligations too. Having fun online playpartner(s) can give the much needed relief to a busy day/week/month. Finding a good online-playmate can be hard just like in real-life. But having a working online-plaything where both are committed to it can be a lot of fun. I've noticed though that some of the people I've played with online, chicken out when there could be a chance to have fun in real-life. Interesting.:) 

And I agree with most of what you wrote in the original post. It felt a bit romanticiting to me, but maybe that was the point of it - to bring out the possibilities of an online play-relationship. But I also agree with the "real relationship" thing someone brought up in this thread. It is possible to share deep emotions and experiences in an online enviroment, but it is not what real-time can offer, not relationship-wise.But play-wise I'd much rather play with my all-time favorite online playmate than have bad real-life sex.;)

heidi

_____________________________

"The most difficult thing is trying not to forget who you really want to be." - Nong Toom

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 1:03:10 PM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		"orfunboi: I work from midnight to 8am at the desk of a college dormitory as a campus security guard. I am allowed to bring my laptop to work and that is when I am able to do school work and speak with my online subs. My subs know that they must work around my schedule. I am the only one here for 8 hours, so it's highly unlikely anyone will ever know what I do online, especially once the 3-5 dead period kicks in, I don't see a single soul. My supervisor stays in another dorm that kind of acts like a 'home base.' And I DO NOT charge anyone I dominate online. That would not be right with me."

That's cool, sounds like my kind of job.

"And my problem with WOW? I have seen friends consumed and addicted by it, forsaking reality for a game and losing real relationships over it. And have heard horror stories, like one person who died from exhaustion by playing WOW non-stop. "

Isn't blaming wow for some peoples addiction, kinda like blaming alchohol for the alchoholics. While I am sure there are people out there who cannot handle playing a game, without making it their life, I think most people can.

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 2:19:41 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

That's why I go for webcams. My fiance knows about it, encourages it and is even interested in joining in sometimes on the online session.

And I have already explained the feal/fake sub thing. It was more me saying that online subs are real subs too, not that RL subs are fake. If you read this whole thread, you will see that.



I don't understand first you explain that your lucky to have real sex due to odd hours both of you work.  Now you say your partner joins in the online sessions implying that you do have time for sex just not with each other.  Your not making much sense or I jsut don't get it.

BadOne

(in reply to Faeorie)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/8/2008 2:25:15 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Being an asshole to a kid is a really good role model.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 80
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Thoughts on Online relationships Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094