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RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 2:49:15 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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Online lacks any sort of real validation. Everything can be totally different once you hit the x in the corner. Which is why most realistic sorts insist on carrying on OFFLINE.

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Post #: 41

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 2:52:52 PM

BoundDown

Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline

Don't want to

but I wanted to point out that no one called you or your expression of this BDSM "BS", the sentence with the "real" sub was called "BS" and even you have to admit you worded it wrong. We get accousted alot by people preaching the "one true way", so some of us get defensive.
Really I have to ask why did you even post that essay? It is hard, if not impossible to educate people on topics they have NO intrest in. I believe I would be correct in saying 90% of the people that particapate on the boards are RL, therefore OL hold nothing for us. Unless I missed the thread that covers how OL relationships suck and are pathetic, I really can not see the point in this topic, unless you were really proud of your blog post and felt the need to share it.
I've had OL relationships, but we went RL damn quick because a virtual life is no substitute for actual experience. Which I feel is the biggest problem for the OL relationships to face, a large percent of the people involved in them have no life outside of the virtual one. Not all, I know people can use this format as a way to express what they can not right now have, but it is a fine line that most end up sacrificing real experience and relationships for an illusion. Not to say I wouldn't take on an online sub for a little R&R either, but if I did it would have to have the options to go RL. I am not the type of person that can be happy with daily reports, I need the tangible; I'm also not the kinda person that puts an "Expert" next to puzzles either but thats a topic for another day.

All thatsaid, I hope you stick around because maybe you can help those that post the, " I'm in a OL-LDR and I have no idea what to do with my slave" topics. Hopefully you can help another out and, like the rest of us, learn somethng yourself.

Blessed Be

(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 42

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:02:09 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDown

Don't want to but I wanted to point out that no one called you or your expression of this BDSM "BS", the sentence with the "real" sub was called "BS" and even you have to admit you worded it wrong. We get accousted alot by people preaching the "one true way", so some of us get defensive.
Really I have to ask why did you even post that essay? It is hard, if not impossible to educate people on topics they have NO intrest in.

Which I feel is the biggest problem for the OL relationships to face, a large percent of the people involved in them have no life outside of the virtual one. Not all, I know people can use this format as a way to express what they can not right now have, but it is a fine line that most end up sacrificing real experience and relationships for an illusion.

All thatsaid, I hope you stick around because maybe you can help those that post the, " I'm in a OL-LDR and I have no idea what to do with my slave" topics. Hopefully you can help another out and, like the rest of us, learn somethng yourself.

Blessed Be

Blessed be right back to ya. (My fiance is wiccan) Perhaps I should have reworded the "real" sub thing, I will admit that, but it didnt have to be called bullshit. All they had to do was say they disagreed, not insult it. I posted the eassay, because if you read through, you will find posts from some people saying "thank you for udnerstanding" there are some on here who choose an online D/s relationship, people who I think are a minority on CM... however that doesn't make them that less important in my eyes, just because they don't share the same idas as everyone. About those on OL relationships causing people to have no real life, I can udnerstand how that could happen to people, but then there are those like me who simply have too much of a life to sustain a RL D/s relationship at this time. I will stay on this forum, and I'll provide advice to those who would like it about OL relationships. At least these people will have someone to go to now instead of being accosted for a relationship not everyone agrees on.

(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 43

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:09:04 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I am flying from Iowa to Seattle in a few days. A round trip ticket cost less that $300 on orbitz.com. That's $150 per person on each end of the cam, or about three days' work at a minimum wage job. I can fly across half the country for that price. Therefore, it is not financially impossible to meet. It might be hard to see each other every night. That's what the cam is for. But no relationship should proceed forward without meeting in real life early on. Period. That is not opinion; it's objective fact, based on example after example you can find for yourself if you browse the archives of this site.

not trying to hijack...but good luck!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 44

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:17:18 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp
not trying to hijack...but good luck!

Thanks! But my parents live in Seattle. It's true I worked it out so I'm making another stop to visit my lady friend, but I didn't think that was relevant to the thread. My point is that even college students can meet early on in contact -- and that it is very important to do so.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 45

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:18:59 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

Not all college students can though, and that's what my point (at least one of them) is.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 46

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:19:44 PM

BoundDown

Posts: 76
Joined: 11/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

You have to have a sub with a lot of self discipline because you aren't there to do it yourself. If they do wrong, they must carry out the punishment on themselves rather than have me do it, which is harder than having a sub just take it. That's what I mean. Not saying that real life subs aren't real. More like... online subs are real too, even though some would disagree.

ok I totally disagree with this...
When a punishment is delt out ,"just taking it" is not how I would discribe it. It effects the submissive far deeper than half-assed carring out your OL doms orders. I have had to whip myself once , and I tell you it was nothing like having him do it. (My experince here): Honestly, it was a joke in comparison: actually hearing the disappointment in his voice, seeing that look in his eyes and having to will myself to stay and accept my punishment- I was in tears- and that was all before the first strike landed.

But I can not see how an OL sub needs "more self discipline" to do that, since they are the ones that can control the strength of the blows.

Online submissives are just as submissive as the real life ones, but honestly real experience gives more crediblity to the individual. I just can not respect someones knowledge of things when all they have is online experience, nor can I understand the allure of wishing to rp things that can not be done rl. But thats just me.

(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 47

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:20:22 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

dammit...i just got all "Sleepless in Seattle" for nothing....

If You tell anyone i'm a romantic at heart...i'll be ruined!
edited to add:
NOT TRYING TO HIJACK HERE!!!!!(must include a disclaimer or all hell breaks loose!)

< Message edited by lronitulstahp -- 2/6/2008 3:21:29 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 48

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:23:06 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

I'm not talking abotu whipping themselves... somthing more along the lines of clothespin/clamps and adding weights. Something he can't control how hard or painful it is. I would never make a sub whip himself because I know it'd be either half assed or not how I'd like to whip themselves. There are some tricks you can do to make a sub punish him or herself where has can't control how much pain he recieves. And then I have proof through pictures or a webcam that he does it.

(in reply to BoundDown)

Post #: 49

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:27:28 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

Ugh, my grammer is lacking, time for bed. I'll jsut say this. I meant no harm from what I posted. I seriously thought it may help some people who are interested and provide an opinion that they most likely wouldnt get. I'm happy that there are some posts here saying thank you, because I know that I did right to post this. For those who are interested in OL, read my original post for the positives and I'm sure you can find threads all throughout here for the negatives. If you still feel like it's for you, by all means do it, if it's not for you, then don't do it. No matter what, it will be real because it's real to you and whoever you do it with, don't let anyone tell you different. You are no less special because you have an online relationship, don't let anyone make you feel that way.

(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 50

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:41:31 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

When people post about online domination, lots of people take it as an opportunity to feel superior by stating in a veiled way that online domination is "less than" and what they do is "real" and they would not settle for less. Who cares what other people think as long as you enjoy it and your partner does also. I do real life BDSM all the time, and I do online BDSM as well. I also really enjoy phone sex. The brain is the most important sex organ. It takes creativity to make a limiting medium work. One is not better than another. I have an appetite that requires I do it all.
Akasha

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(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 51

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 3:44:12 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

The brain is the most important sex organ. It takes creativity to make a limiting medium work. One is not better than another. I have an appetite that requires I do it all.
Akasha

I could kiss you for that quote. I also love phone sex and real sex. I have a very large sexual appetite as well, which requires me to what I can lol. Thank you for understanding.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 52

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 4:40:47 PM

MissDaisy

Posts: 20
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

Online relationships can be incredibly fulfilling and rewarding. I have been in a relationship with someone for the past 3 1/2 years now. We communicate daily through emails, instant messenger and phone calls. When we do training sessions, it is via instant messenger with a webcam. We have met in person several times. I have even taken him to two local bdsm parties with the organization I am a member of.

For such relationships to be successful, one has to be truly honest and have personal integrity. Obviously, the ability to communicate is very important.
The chemistry and connection I have with My collared pet is just as good if not better than what I have witnessed in other so called r/l relationships. The trust is there between us. He gives me his gift of submission, I give him my gift of dominance.
It also takes a great deal of creativity and imagination.

It truly is possible, if the people involved want to make it happen.

Susan C

(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 53

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 7:45:44 PM

BondagehasBeauty

Posts: 10
Joined: 4/15/2007
From: My mom
Status: offline

I'd have to agree with both sides of the line but i'd have to lean more so towards the real life aspect of a relationship. For a person such as me I need that real life aspect I need to touch to be touched to feel to see her in anyway possible, I crave interaction...even tho I don't like people a whole hell of a lot..go figure, in all the time since ive been an adult i've grown in numerous ways, but back when I started using internet to have or start a relationship with people I was very young very naive and I could have been seriously hurt or killed. There's no telling if the other person is A. Telling the truth or B. doing anything you type to them or C. What they say they are. I've had subs who I "trained" online come to meet me in real life and been worthless as if they didnt retain anything. I've went to be with Dominants who were crazier than a loony in a mental institution, I've even done the bad things myself and not done what I was actually telling my Mistress I was. So I started using the internet to meet like minded people to start a online friendship, mixed with a little bit of a basic interview session for both parties. I've had people who've barely stuck around for 6 months to people who are worthless and are really there to use you that stop working and stop going to college and stop taking care of there daughter so they can play World of Warcraft from the time they get up to the time they go to bed to peoplewho I offer them support and advice and a strong stone wall and a tough love point of view. I've come to learn that the internet at least for me should never be used to build a relationship with that other person...where's holding her hand or her collar? Where's pulling her hair kissing her lips rolling over and running your hand up and down her back before kissing her on the forehead and telling her how lucky you are that you've found her? It's in your mind you imagine all these things that happen only happen to you in yer mind. So you drag it out and you drag it out and you never even know that person could have someone else they could be a child molester they could even be frigging santa claus.
The internet is a very dangerous place for anyone to be from a child to a senior citizen and as such it has grown into a place where you cannnot trust the person on the other side no matter what they "say". If they are a bad person they will say and do anything to get you close. It maybe a decent place to meet like minded people.......but the places to meet those people usually have security checks in place but even those are bypassable, if yer good enough. There is nothing that would ever replace a real life relationship. yes I may not have a whole lot of time considering i work 7 days a week and then go home to my 2 children she HAS to accept if she wants to be with me, and if I didnt hate people sometimes so much yeah I might be willing to drop by a like minded place and meet real people first off, but as I was saying I may not have a whole lot of time to traina dn teach my submissive but if the person is right for you you have the rest of your lives to do whatever. I've met good people from the internet but that's only because my luck when it comes to my life is shiny. The same can never be said for any other person on this planet. It happens all the time

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(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 54

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 9:23:54 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

Ah, but see I am not looking for something serious yet. My life is too hectic and busy. Plus, I have a fiance, and that relationship is one of my top priorities, that is what's serious to me. I make it quite clear in my profile that I want online only.

You're right that it's nothing like real time. Real time is a BLAST. But for me, real time means school, working nights full time, and participating in other school functions. If I'm lucky I have enough energy for real sex, but if not I settle for online "playtime" to help satisfy me until I can get the real thing. And I can be on my laptop and chat while I work. So it's better for me.

I find it odd that you find time to cyber yet don't have the energy for real sex...go figure! Dunno why your trying to justify online sex and calling it a "sub relationship." Check your real life relationship it needs work. If you were getting what you wanted RL you wouldn't be chasing guys online.

BadOne

(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 55

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 10:05:07 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

The only reason that I have time for online relationships is that I'm able to be on my laptop at work, and can pretty much browse the internet and talk to people at my leisure. I can conduct online domination sessions through AIM while working. However, it's obvious I can't have real sex at work. My real life relationship does NOT need work as we are both extremely happy with each other, but our schedules make it so that while one of us is awake, the other is sleeping. We both go to school full time and wqork nights full time, but not always on the same day. Like I said, I'm lucky when I do get real sex, bcause my fiance and I work so hard we find at the end of the day (or morning, or afternoon) we're too worn out for sex. But at night, when I'm alert and working, I can carry out something online.

I mean, maybe you can have sex on the job... and if so you're really lucky (or a whore I guess lol) but I think sex at my job would lead to my firing, and I have too many bills to allow for that to happen.

< Message edited by Faeorie -- 2/6/2008 10:06:45 PM >

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 56

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/6/2008 10:22:49 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BondagehasBeauty

There's no telling if the other person is A. Telling the truth or B. doing anything you type to them or C. What they say they are.

... and stop taking care of there daughter so they can play World of Warcraft from the time they get up to the time they go to bed to

It's in your mind you imagine all these things that happen only happen to you in yer mind. So you drag it out and you drag it out and you never even know that person could have someone else they could be a child molester they could even be frigging santa claus.

The internet is a very dangerous place for anyone to be from a child to a senior citizen and as such it has grown into a place where you cannnot trust the person on the other side no matter what they "say". If they are a bad person they will say and do anything to get you close. It maybe a decent place to meet like minded people.......but the places to meet those people usually have security checks in place but even those are bypassable, if yer good enough.

1. That's why webcams or digital cameras are so wonderful, because there's your proof that they are doing it.
2. W.O.W. has to be the worst thing that could have happened to the real world.
3. Again, that's why webcams are so nice, you can see that theya re who they say they are. They can be just as a much a child molester if you meet them in person, and can lie just as much up until you meet.
4. If the internet is so dangerous, why are there sites like CM where people look for other people to meet in person? Is it really that much safer to meet someone in person quickly after you start talking to them other than spending a lot of time online, getting to know them, and then maybe meeting them if you feel they are right for you? Plus, the longer you spend talking to someone, the easier it is to catch them lying because of consistency problems.

About the aspect of being there, touching them. My view is that a sub must be strong enough to live without my touch, my physical guidance. To know that they can survive in a non-physical relationship, means that they are mature enough to move onto a physical one. But thank you for your views!
3.

(in reply to BondagehasBeauty)

Post #: 57

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 5:20:11 AM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

My view is that a sub must be strong enough to live without my touch, my physical guidance. To know that they can survive in a non-physical relationship, means that they are mature enough to move onto a physical one. But thank you for your views!
3.

Or the converse could be true ... some can only handle an online relationship. When faced with meeting someone, they 'poof'.

(in reply to Faeorie)

Post #: 58

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 5:45:47 AM

subrob1967

Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline

Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but pictures can be faked, quite easily. I just wonder how submissive he is when he turns his computer off, and goes drinking with the boys.

How does your Fiancée feel about you cyber dominating another dude? Does he even know?

Oh yeah, I'm one of those not so real subs, yanno the kind who actually lives with his Domme

(in reply to Bound2One)

Post #: 59

RE: Thoughts on Online relationships - 2/7/2008 12:31:16 PM

Faeorie

Posts: 74
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

That's why I go for webcams. My fiance knows about it, encourages it and is even interested in joining in sometimes on the online session.

And I have already explained the feal/fake sub thing. It was more me saying that online subs are real subs too, not that RL subs are fake. If you read this whole thread, you will see that.

(in reply to subrob1967)

Post #: 60

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