Whaddya think? A forum for newbies?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Whaddya think? A forum for newbies?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Whaddya think? A forum for newbies?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:06:27 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

So, being new to this site, and new to the lifestyle, I find I am becoming reluctant to post questions I have. The reason for my reluctance is that when I've asked amateur questions, there have been people who have come across to me as condescending, superior, and borderline rude (no I'm not naming names, not starting feuds). It's a little disheartening to ask a question that is new to me (I wouldn't ask if I knew the answer) only to have someone who has been in this lifestyle/on this site for a lifetime try to make me feel stupid for asking what is to me a valid question.

I understand that I can do a search and find answers to people's questions from the past. However, I am currently asking the question, and would like answers to
me from the people who are currently here. I prefer a more personal, direct approach, and if it tires some people to read the same questions over and over, well, maybe they shouldn't read the questions. (??) Just a thought.

It seems to me it would be very helpful to have a specific forum for newbies and those who don't mind helping them. Is this something I can do or only a moderator can do? If so, how do I inquire? (Yes, another amateur question.) That could be a safe place where the rule is you don't get to make people feel stupid for asking questions that annoy the BDSM/Collarme Elitists. If the Elitists chose not to read the questions, they don't have to go there. On the other hand, the many, many outstanding people who have been incredibly patient to answer questions could continue doing so. We newbies would not have to feel like our questions are invalid just because they've been asked before.

Anyway, that's my thoughts. Thanks for listening.

Post #: 1

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:11:38 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

A forum is not something you can do directly, you can debate the need for it in public (among us assholes and terrorists I am afraid) and if the groundswell favors you, it might be made. That is how our Gorean Forum came about and it was acrimonious and enlightening, whole lotta light, but a whole lotta heat.

Moderators, may in the same standing as you suggest a forum to the owners, but without anymore coalescense than one who hits them up in an email, will have the same luck as you, and cannot be expected to take email after email of yeas or nays. It is not really what they do.

Organization is the key

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 2

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:13:37 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

In theory that sounds like a good idea though I don't think it would be all that practical. I'm just thinkng that at what point would a person not be considered a newbie anymore?
I do understand your frustration and at times the sarcasm and animosity is intimidating for many newcomers. You could try posing your question about creatng a forum for newbie to tech support and they may be able to help or redirect you to the proper area. Hope this helps in some way.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 3

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:16:57 AM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

well the answer to the new forum for _________ question is almost always inevitably, no...there have been some very valid reasons for new forums and the bottom line is, we have what we have and we have it for free, so be happy with it...to create more would be to create more work for people who don't get paid to do an already thankless job...

as for getting past the "i'm not sure if this has already been asked, so i am not sure if i want to ask this because it might just get a whole bunch of 'didn't you read the thousand times it's already been asked' responses and then the links to the thousand other posts" thing...do what the rest of us did, just post them...i didn't start off with this many posts and ocassionally i ask a question that has a "duh" answer still...i just know how to word them better now...i ask for advice, rather than experiences...because if i ask for experiences, well chances are the regulars have already posted their experiences on the subject...and it doesn't really matter what their experience was anyway if i don't have any insite as to how i can apply it to myself...

just my thoughts...
chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 4

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:40:41 AM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

Consider this, Storm: a question posted in a forum for newbies is likely to get mostly responses from a lot of new and possibly inexperienced people whose postings might not be as helpful or informative. It might also become a poaching ground for the unscrupulous who like to swoop down on newbies. By posting in existing open forums where many others come and post, incorrect information or unscrupulous attempts to impress and pick up the innocent can be gaurded against .

Also, this is after all a BDSM site. Which means that, in addition to a lot of loving, caring deep experiences and relationships, many of us engage in rough and tumble. It might be better for you to be exposed to some of that, even sarcasm or lack of patience. Better to see and deal with it here first before real life.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 5

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:42:52 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Additionally, it will immediately, as other forums, get cross-over posts, we will go there, as we do all other forums. Search for me in Ask A Mistress....by example.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 6

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:44:26 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

What good would a new forum do. You would get the same people that irk you here going there and doing the same thing. If your expecting sugar coating here your in the wrong place. There is some interesting and insiteful reading in here. Enjoy that part and discard the rest. If your overtly sensitive crawl under a rock.

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 7

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 6:50:58 AM

shellzbythesea

Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave

So, being new to this site, and new to the lifestyle, I find I am becoming reluctant to post questions I have. The reason for my reluctance is that when I've asked amateur questions, there have been people who have come across to me as condescending, superior, and borderline rude (no I'm not naming names, not starting feuds). It's a little disheartening to ask a question that is new to me (I wouldn't ask if I knew the answer) only to have someone who has been in this lifestyle/on this site for a lifetime try to make me feel stupid for asking what is to me a valid question.

i've had the same thing happen to me nearly every time i've asked a question. my guess is that those doing the flaming are simply trying to call attention to *themselves* and they're likely very unsuccessful (with their charming personalities, and all) in doing it any other way.

These days i look to the forums *mostly* for entertainment. However, regardless of the types you've mentioned above, if you look hard enough you can often still find a few gems...and sometimes one little insight is enough to lead you to more.

Ignore the meanies...cuz mean people suck (which may well be their only redeeming quality).

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 8

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 7:09:39 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

No one can "make" you feel stupid. You choose to feel stupid based on your perception of what someone else is writing. You also choose what you focus on. If you want to focus on the negativity, then you will perceive negativity. If you focus on what you consider positive then the negativity will have less of an impact.

I started as a newbie on this forum close to three years ago. I was brand new to all of this information and in a brand new relationship. I rarely perceived the forums as being negative and hostile because my focus was on what I considered to be the positive aspects of the forum. Many of the same people posting now were posting then.

Change what you focus on and you might have a more positive experience.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 9

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 7:13:36 AM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

There's not as much a need for a newbie forum as there is for more lurking by newbies before they start posting.

Before I ever started posting here, I lurked for a good long while, reading everything I found interesting and making good use of the search function. By the time I started posting, I already had most of my common newbie questions answered, and quite capable of maintaining the tone of the forum so I wouldn't get flamed to /dev/null.

This pretty much goes for every interenet forum out there. People are always too eager to "contribute" in stead of just being quiet and learn for a while.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 7:24:35 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I am some what of a message board addict and I have yet to find one where everyone plays nice. I even read and respond to a specific health message board that daily has new people asking very serious questions but are the same as the day before and the daily posters are very condescending to these people like they have put a gun to their head to answer.

I personally do not care for the smugness and attitude that people often write when they have encountered the same question over and over. I know for myself if I do not feel like answer that question that day to just not write anything. I also would argue in a zealot fashion any person’s right to post something even if it has been talked to death by all of us and find it the ultimate in hypocrisy that we as regular posters are on here for active participation but newbies should not get that benefit. The moderators’ guidelines are clear and to me nicely written. Just not post something that has been recently discussed so flipping through several pages chronologically should do it.

But I also think people do need to grow a thicker skin when wanting to participate in cyber. In all honesty if one gets offended or hurt by what is written then that is simply more of a reflection on them then the person who wrote it. There can be also something to be learned by the consistency of the tone of the replies. There is a difference to be taken from replies that scream your question does not entertain me and people showing attitude in answer the question. In the latter there could be very well be something to get out of that whether I was really thinking wrong or something else.

In the end a message board is a collection of people and their emotions, agendas and thoughts. Most message boards are created because people have not found people or enough people to have discussions of the nature of the board. The please play nice is such an objective level that you will inevitably create too much work for a moderator or have political correctness run amok that the information you are getting is way watered down.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 11

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 7:32:43 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

TotalState. Weather someone is to eager to contribute or not is not the point. . At least they are giving an opinion. Without them there would be no forums.

(in reply to TotalState)

Post #: 12

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 7:39:41 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I LOVE newbie forums! Great place to find young fresh meat who are stupid enough to fall for my bullshit! Oh, I am old guard trained and belong a European house and am an expert in training.

So, how can I help you learn to suck cock?

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 13

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 7:44:36 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

As has been mentioned, if there were only newbies posting on this forum, it would really be the blind leading the blind. I tend to skip threads in which I have answered the question from my own perspective over and over again. There are a few themes that tend to make me chuckle and roll my eyes at the same time... such as fat chicks threads and slave V. sub threads.

Instead of segregating based on experience, perhaps we should segregate based upon stupidity.... ooops, we already have that forum

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 14

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 8:31:34 AM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

In the end a message board is a collection of people and their emotions, agendas and thoughts. Most message boards are created because people have not found people or enough people to have discussions of the nature of the board. The please play nice is such an objective level that you will inevitably create too much work for a moderator or have political correctness run amok that the information you are getting is way watered down.

I agree and in those forums that ask such meaningless questions so as to turn the board into a sort of community chat room...I do not participate. Those 'watered down' forums have little or no specific subject matter and as exemplified by the constant changing (hijacking) of substance that renders them useless for questions and any real insight into this community as a whole, the various fetishes or relationships for that matter.

A newbie forum would quickly be of little value other than reference if any and would soon run out of 'newness.' It could just as easily be the groundwork of newbies be lead off into the wilderness as it were...because of disagreements between the forum vs dom, master or even SO.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 15

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 9:08:10 AM

lytehaze

Posts: 32
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

I absolutely agree with everything the OP said. There is a large "didn't you read that post from 2005" type of response when you ask a beginner question. I like to ask questions here and now to those active here and now. I like to be a part of an active discussion. The flip side is if you do search the archives and respond to a thread you get the "we've already discussed this why is this topic active again" responses. So as a newbie your options are to search dead discussions and read the transcripts, post something that's never been discussed in the many years of collarme history, or just be quiet. A newbie forum would be a good compromise for allowing those who are new to learn and ask questions in a less hostile environment while not annoying the long time masses.

As for the pitfalls of a newbie forum; How does anyone know they're ready for the next stages of learning? I think one would know it's time to leave the newbie boards when you've seen most of the questions repeated or can answer them easily yourself. Wouldn’t experienced lifestyles also visit those boards? Yes, but that's the point those willing to answer questions have to be experienced enough to know the answers. The hope is that they are those who are glad to help someone new to the life, not someone who just wants to be a jerk. I doubt many people would come to a forum specifically created for newbies to ask newbie questions just to say "why are you asking that it's been discussed". If they do in that case they’re an idiot, no harm done. Wouldn’t trolling, and predatory behavior be an issue? Yes, and I would hope some more experienced lifestylers would take an interest enough to be alert/aware of the newbie boards but one can hardly expect someone else to be a guardian/chaperone for other adults. You just have to accept there are predators everywhere so take care of yourself.

I know some people feel like this is a lifestyle in which many tongues are sharp and most cats have claws so just get used to getting flamed and hold your own, but I think when it comes to those new to the lifestyle there does need to be some softness. Everyone remembers how it was for them starting out. The last thing a newbie needs is to feel ousted, stupid for trying, endangered etc. However, it’s unreasonable to ask those familiar with things to put their claws away just because a newbie has stepped into the circle. The best compromise it to create a reasonable transitioning place.

< Message edited by lytehaze -- 2/14/2008 9:09:10 AM >

_____________________________

Obligatory disclaimer: Of course the above views are my own, as I can only speak for myself. Should others identify or disagree with my thoughts, that is their right. I in no way meant to offend, by malice or negligence any person or group.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 16

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 9:17:11 AM

FRSguy

Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I LOVE newbie forums! Great place to find young fresh meat who are stupid enough to fall for my bullshit! Oh, I am old guard trained and belong a European house and am an expert in training.

So, how can I help you learn to suck cock?

LOL my thoughts exacly. Not sure with this kind of site what would happen if you put all the fresh meat in one spot. I have heard so many stories and seen so much flamming that I think it would end up being a daily entertainment.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 17

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 9:20:27 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

Thanks to all who responded, especially the "elitists."

Ok. So the newbie board isn't such a great idea for all of the reasons you all mentioned here. Thanks for the reality check. Like so many things in life, it seemed like a good idea at the time. shrug I'll take my humble pie with scoop of chocolate ice cream, thanks.

My wittle feewings aren't hurt, I assure you. I may be new at all of this, but I am not new at life. In truth, I am annoyed more than anything else. My first inclination when I see it happen to me or anyone else is to light them up. Being a writer AND a bitch, that would be sooo much more fun. However, after days of lurking and years of secret curiosity, I made the decision that this site would be an opportunity to learn and grow, and not to be right or...well, I am right.

(Come on, people, take a joke). Discord is not conducive to education, so as I said, not starting any feuds.

As for those who responded that this is a BDSM site, get used to it, I didn't realize that exploring and exploiting one's sexual preferences gave one a license to be rude. Hell, if I'd only KNOWN! I'd-a done this years ago. I've always wanted to be rude to complete strangers who've done nothing more than ask a simple, sincere question to try to lift themselves up out of their own ignorance.

I've taken the assertive role in this site, with my man's blessing. He desires for me to learn as much as possible so that I can serve him better. To that end, I intend to keep asking my ignorant, amateur questions. I appreciate chellekitty and shellzbythesea for that suggestion. I'll just ignore the rude bastards. As for the lurking and research, though I have been doing a ton of both. I do way more reading than writing. When I do have a question, however, I prefer to ask it myself in my own words. That's just my way.

Kyraofmists: of course you are right. no one can make me feel stupid. You'll notice I said TRY to make me feel stupid in my post. I've been treated worse by better, and they didn't manage to make me feel stupid, anymore than these "fine folks" did. Also, it's not about my focus. Rude is rude. A wagon is a wagon no matter what color you paint it. I do intend to set my annoyance aside and take your advice. I'll focus on getting what I want and/or need from the very patient answers to my questions, and ignore the rest.

To all of you wonderful people who actually answer questions: you are wonderful! Please, please don't stop. I am wandering through this dark room bumping into shit. It's kind of scary and exciting at the same time (not to mention...OUCH!) It's such a help to have a friend show up with a flashlight. I read every word you type, and have learned BUCKETS already. I'll remember, when I'm the elitist, that if I have nothing nice to say, then I should just shut the fuck up.

Thanks, everyone for your time. Hope I see you again the next time I have bad idea or amateur question.

(in reply to MrRodgers)

Post #: 18

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 9:26:36 AM

StormsSlave

Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

Lytehaze--I didn't see your post before I posted. Brilliantly said!

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Whaddya think? A forum for newbies? - 2/14/2008 9:31:11 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StormsSlave
<<huge snippedness>
I'll take my humble pie with scoop of chocolate ice cream, thanks.
Flavor clash unless it is vanilla ice cream humble pie.

I didn't realize that exploring and exploiting one's sexual preferences gave one a license to be rude. Hehehehehe ain't it grand to learn stuff? To that end, I intend to keep asking my ignorant, amateur questions. Please do, there is a lot I still don't know. As some find gems in occasional answers I do the same with occasional 'basic' questions. I'll just ignore the rude bastards. As for the lurking and research, though I have been doing a ton of both. I do way more reading than writing. Ohboy me too. I pretty much read every forum here and post about 3% to what I read. A lot doesn't apply to me so no need to answer, some I cannot answer, some I know others will answer much better than I ever could.But I always read.
.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to StormsSlave)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Whaddya think? A forum for newbies?

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094