TiNeedsHouseboy
Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I'd be curious to know how many women ended up partnered with men who did not meet their "surface" criteria when it comes to age, physical style, education, location. What compromises do women end up making when they meet a guy that blows her socks off? About half of mine went out the window (including age difference and location) when I met my partner.
I have met three men in my lifetime -- to date -- and hope to find a fourth -- who have rocked my world. Since I never pick based on physical appearance, that's essentially irrelevant. All I ask is that I not feel nauseous when I look at the guy.... leaving endless wiggle room.
That said, I do have one physical attribute issue that I screen for... which some guys think is a joke when I ask about it. It's no joke. It's not an area where compromise is possible. Either the guy has the attribute, or he doesn't. Without it, we're not interlocking gears -- literally. That discrepancy is sufficient to not pursue a libidinal relationship.
All three guys share the same elusive mystery: Chemistry on contact. You can't simply write it off as "new partner lust." Otherwise, there's no way to explain that this chemistry exists through decades -- unchanged, unstoppable. It's not a dynamic that one can seek out on purpose. It either happens fortuitously, or it does not. (For the record: The guy referenced below with the degree in journalism swears that we've known each other through the centuries. I have no awareness of past lives, but I can't deny that the second we met, there was something eerily familiar about him.)
I will never compromise on intelligence and education. Intellectual level is the key to my captivation. Unless a guy is in the superior range of intelligence, he'll never be able to tickle my brain's neurons; my synapses will simply sit there, waiting for a reason to transmit signals, 'cause anything less invokes my "off" switches.
Of the three who rocked my world, one was beginning medical school when we met, one had just graduated from podiatry school, and one has a Master's degree in journalism. Their educational backgrounds allowed them to grasp what I've gone through in my life; without traveling parallel paths, one may empathize, but it's impossible to understand the hoops one must jump through in such endeavors. I've had extended relationships with guys who've stopped with high school, or only took a few college classes. There's always a chasm that's created because they just don't "get" critical elements that shaped my life.
My stand on age is firm. To reiterate: for me, it matters for long-term relationships and that's what I'm seeking at this time. Playmates are a dime-a-dozen. Beyond that, there's the phenotype issue. I don't want someone who looks like he's my father or my child. Common interests and "world views" become problematic, too, when there's too much of an age gap.
I've done the long distance relationship thing. I have no desire to do it again. I found it very lonely and unfulfilling. Though I'm willing to accept inquiries from guys who live in other states/cities, to be accepted for service, he must be willing to live locally. My one exception: since I'm originally from New York City, if I met "Mr. Sub Wonderful" from The Big Apple, who -- for some reason -- couldn't relocate, I would return to New York if it became evident we'd be entering a committed, long-term relationship.
The following issues are not negotiable or open to compromise as the basis of beginning a relationship:
- I have no need for someone whose "submission" is limited to sex.
- I have no need for someone whose submission mandates chastity (e.g., a guy recently contacted me because he somehow misconstrued his wishful thinking into believing that I'd be thrilled to have a chaste sub -- since his recent prostate cancer treatment caused his peter to poop out -- for all intents and purposes). It would be a horse of a whole other color if the sub was in a committed relationship with me and a medical problem ensued. It would then be my responsibility to care for him and unearth a path to our mutual fulfillment. I wouldn't view that as compromise. I would view that as part of the responsibilities when two (or more) lives are blended.
- I have no need for someone whose submission is contingent on S&M.
- I have no need for someone whose submission is contingent on humiliation.
- I have no need for a guy who wants to simulate being a woman. If I wanted a woman, I'd request a houseGIRL, not a houseBOY.
- I have no need for a guy who's bi. I don't stage forced bi scenes. I don't want him sneaking behind my back to fulfill unmet needs. I won't be cuckolding him. I don't engage in public play. I don't share my property.
My single area of compromise, if you can call it that, has been in the realm of religion.
~ Ti ~
< Message edited by TiNeedsHouseboy -- 9/23/2005 9:24:04 AM >
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