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RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 3:19:33 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		You are quite right too, LaT, but that doesn't mean the abusive idiots get off the hook, nor that it is in any way wrong to wish there was a means by which to hold them accountable.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 3:40:17 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I agree. Report them. If enough people do so, I'm sure some action will  be taken.

Jeff

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 3:55:08 PM   
rick19


Posts: 98
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatheris
And from reading some Domme profiles here, I can undersrtand why they would think so..


Agreed, I find that a lot of Dommes who complain about disrespect are usually ones whose profiles reek of "female supremacy" and "men are worms" type attitudes. I mean really, do they not think men will get offended when they see that? It doesn't make it right that these men are sending them harassing messages, but some times these people just bring it on themselves. BTW, I am not saying that this person is an FS or anything, I am talking in general terms



(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 4:50:00 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Though I don't really remember ever getting any dom-nastigrams, if I did/do......I promptly do one of two things. Laugh and thank them very much for the laughter or hit delete, and go merrily on about my day.


I have received one or two of them, and generally I do the same thing.  However, I am willing to admit that I not a professional domina, and I may not be as threatening to men as professional dominants are.  And the fact that I have not experienced the exact same volume or violence of these emails does not mean that some other woman might not be having a different (and much worse) experience.

I block people quite freely on this site, if they are nasty.  And I do not receive nasty emails from male dominants on a regular basis.  But if I did start to receive some of the psychoitc emails that I have seen in my inbox on a regular basis, from one man in particular or from many dominant men in general, I would damn sure say something about it.  Especially if these emails were directed at me as a dominant woman in general--i.e., if they were more than just personally hateful, and rose to the point of being hatespeech against all dominant women.

I'm sorry if you feel it is "weak" or "whiny" for a person to discuss these matters in public.  Personally, I think it is a very smart thing to bring this issue up with other women who may have experienced the same sort of attack or who might offer insight or advice.  I completely disagree that there is ANYTHING weak or whiny about bringing things like this up in public, nor do I think it means that the person who mentions it is "out of control" or "irresponsible".  Just the opposite, in fact.  I think it takes far more strength to talk about this than it takes to live in denial, or beat your chest and pretend to be tougher-than-thou, etc..  And it would actually be far MORE irresponsible not to bring it to the community.  No one has the right to treat a woman this way simply because she is dominant.

At any rate, trying to force people to suffer in silence by calling them names or attacking them for speaking out IS collaboration witth the abuser.  And it is not right.  Sick people do not have the right to corner any person they want in private and assault them, verbally or otherwise.  And saying that this has happened is not "surrendering" to their abuse or "being infected by their disease".  Just the opposite--it's an attack on the disease in the place where it lives, hides and breeds:  the community itself.

At any rate, I do not think people should leap on the victim and blame them for the bad and abusive behavior of others simply because they mention it.  Silencing the complaint, and victimizing the victim, reinforces what the abuser does and declares his/her moral right to attack others at will.

I think this is not a good thing.

I just purely do not understand why this is such a difficult concept.





_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 4:55:07 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Can't we all just duct tape their peeners to the back bumper of a '49 hudson hornet, drive west into the sunset and all just try to get along after that?

Just Curious.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 5:18:08 PM   
VampCristina


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/16/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you for hearing me out. I only mentioned it to hear other Dommes advice or intake on it. Is it a womans fault in any situation that she is picked on or abused. Simply for being  a female or attractive, secure, confident , women. Why is it our fault? Female Dommes have the right to promote themselves as they wish. I did not post anything rude nor disrepectful on my profile or in here. I merely bought it up to see how other Females felt about this.  I am not whining nor am I weak as some people have suggested.

The letter from that Dom  was addressed to my photo (which really was me) of my feet and legs.  The Dom in question sent a very rude, nasty letter indicating what he would like to do with my feet and legs (I wont say).. He also has aproached me on other sites as well as several other Domme friends of mine from our state with the same rude letters. In one way or another to call us fakes! and we belong on the bottom as as his slave..I think he's out of line.  And yes I have ignored his letters and blocked him. Funny thing is I tried the bottom over 20 years ago while experimenting when I first was introduced to  BDSM.  I am not! interested I  am a TOP by choice.. I am Dominant by nature. He hasent the right to treat all female Dommes like this. No man has the right to treat any woman like this.. And yes I have been seeing this before on line. I am certainly not igorant. I am not a newbie But after dealing with it over  a long length of time one gets tired of it... Especialy when it is done ot a lot of people in the same area or state. This person has severe issues!! that he has to attack all Dommes at once.

I merely addresed it to see what other Females felt about this. It is my right as a woman and a human to bring it up. If certain people have the need to present animosity it is their issue not mine. It is a free country we have the right to defend our honour or rights as people and women.

Say what you will  at this point but people with insecurity issues always have to knock down others who are secure about themselves. I have seen it all my life and since being in cyber land the past 6 years  I see it even worst. Most people hide behind keyboards. I am here as I am in person being an Aries. I am straight up real and honest.  I say what I feel .  I dont fear defending myself to no one. I said what I said ,who ever doen'st agree it is your business.

< Message edited by VampCristina -- 2/22/2008 6:16:49 PM >

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 5:22:52 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I just ignore the putz because for one.... they are a waste of my time, why offer someone so disrespectful a milisecond of my time?

As for bringing it up here, why? I mean you say you have been in "this" for some 18 yrs.... in all this time is this the first time some waste of bandwidth (or someone right there in your face) gave you grief about identifying in the manner you do?

Wow, it took a long time for someone to get your cherry on that one.

Seriously, ignore it... as I am sure you have heard from several female dominants already being that this thread is 5 pages long already.


_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to VampCristina)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 5:26:08 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		What am I doing wrong. I have never blocked anyone. Am I that desperate for mail.

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 5:33:49 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampCristina

Thank you for hearing me out.


Thank you for bringing it up.  After reading all the replies to this thread, I have learned something, and what I have learned is this:  when I get an email from an abusive psycho, my process for dealing with it needs to have an extra step.  I have always blocked them and I have always deleted them.

But because you have brought this up, from now on I will always, without fail, report them.

It is foolish for me to assume that there is anything so special about me that a psycho like this would single me out in particular.  If  someone sends a harrassing email to me, that person is probably harrassing others, and the more of us report it, the more quickly that person will be banned.

I would like to thank the people who pointed this out, especially the male dominants who did so.  I think guys like you can do a lot to restore someone's faith that behavior like this is NOT about being a man, or a dominant man.  It's about being a psycho, and psychosis has no gender.

< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 2/22/2008 5:35:11 PM >

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to VampCristina)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 5:58:53 PM   
Foititis


Posts: 66
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama
I would like to thank the people who pointed this out, especially the male dominants who did so.  I think guys like you can do a lot to restore someone's faith that behavior like this is NOT about being a man, or a dominant man.  It's about being a psycho, and psychosis has no gender.


I agree with a lot of what you say Shakti and the above statement is no exception.

However I feel I should point out that while some of these guys honestly believe their drivel about male supremacy and actually live out on some ranch in the Bible belt with their harem of slaves. Most (and by that i mean 90+%) are neither psychotic or sexist they're just a bunch of online wankers looking to get their rocks off and they don't care who they send their emails to. I get mail all the time from Dom/mes, most of it is just copied and pasted spam 'U need mAster gril', some of it is based on my age and a very small amount is based on my gender. Normally I just hit delete or goad them back. 

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 6:30:51 PM   
Kaiynasha


Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		I read everything through and through and I do agree with the OP no one has the right to be treated as you have by this Dom. Yes, I agree it is the internet and one should block and ignore, but I also think that people tend to hide who they really are online. There's a lot of insecure folk on the WWW including this board. With that said, I also read a lot of drama in response to this post. Too much grandstanding and jumping the bandwagon instead of simply reading what was really being said.

I get sick and tired myself of hearing, "It is the internet and there's nothing you can do about it." Well there's a lot of crazies on the internet who use it too stalk (which it sounds like what this Dom is doing to you Vamp), abuse, misuse, and kill. So, Vamp, if this Dom is writing some real nasty stuff to you- just like he has the right to do it online. You have the right to take his online bad behavior to the authorities and get him to STOP.

I would suggest you do.

MK

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 2/22/2008 6:33:16 PM >

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to Foititis)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 6:42:23 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Foititis
I feel I should point out that while some of these guys honestly believe their drivel about male supremacy and actually live out on some ranch in the Bible belt with their harem of slaves. Most (and by that i mean 90+%) are neither psychotic or sexist they're just a bunch of online wankers looking to get their rocks off and they don't care who they send their emails to. I get mail all the time from Dom/mes, most of it is just copied and pasted spam 'U need mAster gril', some of it is based on my age and a very small amount is based on my gender. Normally I just hit delete or goad them back. 


I understand what people are saying on this point, but after this thread, I still think that I am going to have to report from now on.

You are right, they ARE wankers and they DON'T care who they send their emails to.  That's exactly why they need to be reported and they need to be gone.

The guy who used to put cyanide in bottles of Tylenol didn't care who he was hurting, either.  He didn't care who died when they took that medicine--he just wanted SOMEONE to die.

That doesn't mean he wasn't a psycho.  It just means he wasn't a discriminating psycho.

Ultimately, what I am thinking right now is...these people, whover they are, that send these emails on CM are adding nothing positive to this site or this community.  They are parasites, eating up bandwidth, wasting people's  time, and being generally pathetic spineless weasel douchebags.

So...screw them!  I may not run into them every day, but I'll damn sure take the extra five seconds to report them from now on.  As people have wisely pointed out, there IS something positive and effective to do about them.  And if enough people do it, they'll be gone.

Problem solved. 

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to Foititis)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 6:47:18 PM   
VampCristina


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/16/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you . You are right. There is alot of jumping the bandwagon from the same person too, from what I see.

I have reportd him. I also reported him to another 2 sites he did it on to me and several others I learned. He is  a local Dom in my state.I never met him in person he is in another county. but I am not the only one he has done this too. Other Dommes have written me in the past  in my off site address and told me they too were contacted by him in that way. Not to mention his attempts to abuse women as racial  slaves on CL and other site posts.  Too grafic to mention here. Yes he is a sick one. He has issues for sure.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 6:49:50 PM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Foititis
Most (and by that i mean 90+%) are neither psychotic or sexist they're just a bunch of online wankers looking to get their rocks off and they don't care who they send their emails to.



I dunno, those sound like the definition of psychosis and sexism to me.

Regardless...Reporting them and discussing it in a rational way, as this thread has attempted, is the way to combat the behavior. Will it stop it entirely? No. Does that make it any less worthwhile? I would say no.

Remember; "The world is a dark and terrible place not because of those who do evil, but those who stand by and do nothing."


_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to Foititis)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 6:52:38 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		I have not read the whole thread because much of it reads like high school group bullying of the new,uncool kid = not pretty

Why are there dozens of threads by Whiny Dommes bitching about submissive men and their gramma and spelling, one-liners, crudeness, fetish focus, sleaziness, proforma applications, rude replies to rejection etc etc etc

And other women jump in and bitch too!  No one tells the OP Whiny-Domme to suck it up, hit block and move on.

I see more than a bit of hypocrisy in this thread

In real life, I don't have problems with Doms and most don't have a problem with me.    We are friends and colleagues and might even co-top together sometimes, if the chemistry is right.

I know my Gorean male friends believe all woman are slaves. We just agree to disagree and not discuss it further.  Their opinion has no power over me and no doubt mine has no power over them.  I certainly would not get angry about it.  Its just a (silly IMO) belief system!

Some Doms (and more often other Dommes!) try to top me.  My response is always to laugh it off and avoid them in favour of Dominants who don't have a tiresome need to top everyone.  They get the hint.

And sometimes (rarely) I get rude disrespectful email messages from strangers.  So what?  Report it, block it, laugh at it......as long as its not from someone important to you, who cares what it says?

Having said all that, I think the OP should stop and consider whether collarme is good for her emotional equilibrium.  These abusive email are obviously upsetting her.  She is giving them more power over her mood that those idiots deserve.  It might be time for some time out spent with friends and family in real life, not chat rooms.








< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/22/2008 6:56:08 PM >

_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to VampCristina)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 9:51:04 PM   
VampCristina


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/16/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps you need to read everything from the beginning.  Because you are oblivious to   the obvious truth here. I dont need a time out nor do I go into chat rooms ever.This is my second day on CM. I only posted an issue I felt shoud be addresed for female Dommes to give insite on. case closed........

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 9:52:14 PM   
VampCristina


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/16/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you now somone who gets it! Thank you

(in reply to aidan)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 10:38:07 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampCristina

I do agree with you there. It seems certain male Doms and Lesbian Female Dommes have issues. They feel threatned, insecure by confident, strong, independent women.I ne er had the ned to lash out, insult or quesion others for their choices. I could care less  I dont feel theatned or insecure of anyone. No compettion ....


Ok I'm not reading past this point.  It's incredibly obvious the person that has issues with insecurity here is you OP.  Drop the act and the ridiculous attitude about how roles are some mystical force to let you treat others badly and garner false respect.  You aren't going to get false respect just because of a role and you aren't exactly acting like someone that deserves respect.  When you post on a forum you get advice.  When you attack those that give you advice needlessly and interpret every comment as some personal slam, it's quite obvious that you need to look at how YOU feel about you because that's the real issue, not everyone else.  Slaves don't deserve to be treated rudely and no one deserves anything merely because they adopt a title. 

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to VampCristina)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 11:03:44 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampCristina

My question is WHY? do male doms always write  Dominas and talk down to us say things innapropriate or disrespect us a if we were slaves. I refuse to give into their BS I delete and block them. but why the rudeness.


But then in post 96 we discover that this is the Countess' second day on CM.

So when and where did "male doms always write Dominas"? 

2 days is a pretty short "always". 

It is emerging that only one very nasty man wrote to the Countess about a picture of her legs and feet, but there are no pictures on her profile. 

I stand by my advice the Countess should ask herself if collarme is a good idea, given how self righteous, indignant and generally cranky it is making her after only 2 days.


_____________________________

<----- Corset, mask and collar designed and manufactured by metalsmith Karl H, chromed and lined in black suede. Masks and collars available from http://www.lucreziadesade.com.au/default.html. Corsets custom made only

(in reply to VampCristina)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: MALE DOMS DISRESPECTING FEMALE DOMMES - 2/22/2008 11:17:41 PM   
Kirren


Posts: 580
Joined: 9/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VampCristina

I did not post this to start a war. I merely wanted other dommes insite  on this. I know very well how to deal with the situatio as I always ave( I ignore ) I know just what others issues are. And  know how to deal with people of all walks of life. There is no  need for anyone's animosity or attitudes as I am seeing respond to my post. I am moving on chat away!! Have a great weekend everyone. I rather gear my energy towards  a positive state. Thank you for your comments.


Not to join the bash wagon...but in all honesty, if your profile shows the lack of control and intelligence that your posts show, (IE, leaving out letters, half formed words and sentances...) then it would seem to Me that the men in the crowd would think that you NEED some one to controll you..

In all honesty, I have been here for...almost a year? Something like that I dont keep up with it, and I have never had one male Dom to be rude to Me, and in fact, to the opposite, have had many tell Me that they find Me to be intelligent, articulate, and funny.

Perhaps the energy that you put into your profile, reflects the energy that you attract and thereby shows what you will be gaining attention from in the future.

Also, just a side note, tantrums at respected users from this site tend to reflect badly on you as well....being catty to other Domme's when you came to them seeking help is not a wise idea. You got replies, you just didnt get the sympathy and man bashing you had hoped for...perhaps it would be wise to realize not everyone is going to like you and respect you for what you say you are, but will rather look at you for the manner in which you present yourself.
After all, do not actions speak louder than words?

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name


Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to VampCristina)
Profile   Post #: 100
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