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So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 12:37:05 PM

cyberdude611

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Ever notice how practically every woman seems to go through the phase at some point in their lives where she somehow finds a jerk of a boyfriend she refuses to leave? Usually this bad relationship only ends when the jerk boyfriend decided to break it off. The women get played, reeled in, and refuse to give up.

It's interesting how mostly each gender blames the other for this.

Here is an interesting article from both the male and female perspective....

http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/74753/she-says-vs-he-says-do-girls;_ylc=X3oDMTF1YTBpOTk1BF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwX3RvZGF5BHNsawNzaGUtc2F5cy12cy1oZS1zYXlzLWRvLWdpcmxzBHp6A2Fi

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 12:46:30 PM

lazarus1983

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I think a lot of times the woman in the relationship doesn't see her boyfriend the same way others do. We're looking from the outside in, with no emotional attachments.

To us, we look at it from a logical standpoint: hey, this guy is treating you like shit, you deserve better, so leave him. But unfortunately, emotion almost always trumps logic.

And guys are just as much to blame as women. We all know at least one guy friend that is dating/married to a complete and utter bitch. A good friend of mine was devoted to a woman that was the amalgamation of everything evil about a woman, and nothing good. Five years into their relationship, when they're talking about marriage, she cheats on him and kicks him to the curb.

Now, everyone in his life, especially me, has told him to get out, has tried to sit there and reason with him. But he had an emotional attachment to her. Dumb bastard.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 12:49:15 PM

SL4V3M4YB3

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Hard being alone, I suppose many fear that more than the abuse. Until one day they realise it isn't so hard being alone and leave.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 12:50:57 PM

Justme696

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I had female friends..that got beaten the crap out of them by their boyfriends. No matter what her friends did...she kept going back.
Guess love works a little different with females then males.

I still don't understand why soem females..can keep waiting and waiting for a guy...mistreating them. LOl and then when you want to talk with your female friend about it..they even protect them.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 12:53:46 PM

lusciouslips19

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Fear of abandonment, never having a father causes some women to "take it". They seem to chosse losers over and over and stay in bad relationships. You have to be ok eing alone and also value yourself enough to choose the good ones.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:07:11 PM

wkdshadow

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SL4V3M4YB3

Hard being alone, I suppose many fear that more than the abuse. Until one day they realise it isn't so hard being alone and leave.

You've got it. Most people do not like being alone. Some people even fear it. In any situation where there's deep emotional attachment - well placed or not - it becomes hard to imagine life without your attachment. Without the attachment, it's hard to imagine life with the attachment. It's a catch 22.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:11:49 PM

caitlyn

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It's a numbers game.

A reasonably subtantial percentage of men that are not jerks are: a) clingy, b) boring, c) bad in bed ... or any combination of the three.

You can deal with a jerk ... example a, b & c, are enough to make a girl want to open a vein.

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I wish I could buy back ...
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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:12:37 PM

Justme696

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Yes I understand that...but blue arms...black eyes?

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:15:06 PM

Lashra

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Many of them learned this from their mothers who were in abusive relationships. Some women think they can "fix" a man with time and patience. Some of us like myself refuse to put up a jerk and send him to the curb real quick. It all just depends upon the woman, we are all quite unique and individual.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:15:47 PM

cyberdude611

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

It's a numbers game.

A reasonably subtantial percentage of men that are not jerks are: a) clingy, b) boring, c) bad in bed ... or any combination of the three.

You can deal with a jerk ... example a, b & c, are enough to make a girl want to open a vein.

...or a grave?

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 10

RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:16:09 PM

MissMorrigan

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Practically every woman, eh? Low self esteem is not gender specific, it can affect either gender and the deal is, let's face it, women tend to yap more about it whereas guys tend to keep their issues close to their chests. Women, generally speaking, love drama (if we're going to suffer, let's tell the world and his brother all about it), whereas guys shrug it off - anything for a quiet life even if that means going home to a woman that henpecks them, although the side is, guys tend to delay going home for as long as possible

My point? Why focus on one gender especially when there's always their equivalent - so for every smoking arsed martyr of a female victim, there's a male coming to her rescue on his white horse b/c while he's focusing on rescuing her, he's not focused on his own issues.

< Message edited by MissMorrigan -- 2/24/2008 1:17:45 PM >

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:21:23 PM

domiguy

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If women didn't date jerks I would never get laid.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:21:59 PM

caitlyn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611
...or a grave?

... or sarcasm?

I've dated quite a few jerks. The easy truth is that they didn't manifest as jerks, until a relationship was well formed.

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:27:25 PM

MissMorrigan

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Exactly, Domi. Heavenly matches, many of them

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A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:29:23 PM

SensualPassion41

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I was with one of those "jerks" for 4 years. Why did I stay? The emotional attachment, believing the promises he made, low self esteem, you name it. I worked on building my self esteem and standing up for myself. When I realized I was of value, that I deserved better, I started standing up for myself. I told him things needed to change and fast if he wanted to keep me. I guess he didn't believe me because nothing changed. I asked for my release and went on with my life.
I have entered into a M/s relationship with a wonderful Master. He is relocating to be with me fulltime. We treat each other with kindness and respect. Both of us are very happy and want this to last a long, long time. My "jerk" days are gone! It can be that way for others, they just have to know they are of value and deserve better. Takes sometime, but it is possible to get there.

(in reply to MissMorrigan)

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:31:06 PM

cyberdude611

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611
...or a grave?

... or sarcasm?

I've dated quite a few jerks. The easy truth is that they didn't manifest as jerks, until a relationship was well formed.

That's the point being made... that these jerks display charm, and they target a woman's insecurities with compliments. Then as they get what they want, those compliments turn to insults and he's ready to move on to the next girl.

Yet you are telling me that the reason you date them and not the "nice guys" is because the nice guys are boring and bad in bed. If you want to stay in an abusive relationship because it isn't boring....fine. But dont complain about getting a few black eyes or nearly killed.

Women who stay in that kind of relationship has no self-respect, no self-esteem, and is ultimately not even worth the nice guy's time.

(in reply to caitlyn)

Post #: 16

RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:37:37 PM

MissMorrigan

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Justme, it's often 'better the devil you know' with a lot of people. How many times have you heard of ageing couples who rarely speak to one another, the man refers to his missus as 'the ball and chain', she refers to the old man as 'that useless piece of flesh I married'. They become desensitised to one another and slot into a comfortable air of putting up with their 'lot', even if it means the old man comes home in the early hours to give her the black eyes/bruised arms, it's a lot better to some than being on their own... Women, throughout time, have been raised to look towards a man for their security and sadly, that myth continues in many. The thing is, while the woman would rather live in an abusive home than fly solo, the man is also afraid of being alone and you'll find that people will always gravitate towards their reflection insofar as choosing a mate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
Yes I understand that...but blue arms...black eyes?

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 17

RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:39:19 PM

SensualPassion41

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How can you say they aren't worth a nice guy or woman's time? That's the problem, they are worth it....they just don't know it or believe it. For some reason or another their self esteem and respect is gone. Until they know and believe they are worth it, they just keep recycling jerks. The jerks have different names, eye, hair and skin color, but they have the same asshole personality.
It is possible to break the cycle, but they have to know and believe they are worth it.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:39:42 PM

domiguy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyberdude611
...or a grave?

... or sarcasm?

I've dated quite a few jerks. The easy truth is that they didn't manifest as jerks, until a relationship was well formed.

But there in lies the dilemma? Back to the chicken and the egg....Were these "nice guys" that were transformed into jerks by your presence?

Maybe you send out some man altering vibe? You both enter the relationship as caterpillars....Then after awhile you both climb happily into the chrysalis of love....A few months later after being immersed within your presence and personality what emerges from your cocoon is a poo covered, bitter and spiteful man.

I think it's you.

I was supposed to be a good guy. I was such a nice domiboy. It has been the influence of women that has made me all that I am not today.

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RE: So why do women like jerks? - 2/24/2008 1:46:24 PM

MissMorrigan

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Sensualpassion, I'm so pleased things are working out for you and long may it continue.

Often, people blame others for mistreating them, where in reality, they need to look to themselves to examine why it is they gravitate towards such people and learn to break that cycle of dysfunction. I often hear guys saying, "Nice guys come last." Sure they will if their choices of those to whom they are attracted aren't going to respect them... Well, we make our choices, we live with them. I've made poor choices in the past, I'm not going to be hypocritical and blame the other person given that it was my choice to be with them. I was never under the illusion that I could 'fix' anyone, but one thing is for certain, at the first sign of any kind of abusive behaviour they were not tolerated and were GONE.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to SensualPassion41)

Post #: 20

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