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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 11:35:26 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
Do others see this too? What are your thoughts on the topic? How do you define topping from the bottom? Do you believe it exists? Do you think it's overused and misused?

Topping from the bottom: a dysfunctional situation when the self-proclaimed dominant lacks the testicular endowment to follow through with his chosen role.

Um.......my testicular endowment is pretty much nil......just sayin'.....

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 11:42:20 AM

SubbieOnWheels

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I've been accused of topping from the bottom in relationships where I haven't even agreed to be the bottom. And I've been the bottom whose Dom required the bottom to talk - to tell him what's going on, feelings, desires, likes, dislikes, etc.

I much prefer the latter, BTW.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 11:56:00 AM

DesFIP

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Mostly I see dominants claiming someone was doing the dreaded tftb when she was simply giving info. If I ask for something, it's up to him to give it or not. All I'm doing is saying I really, really want something (pretty please with a cherry on top). He's been known to say yes, to say no, to laugh at me and then say no, to do something unexpected and then give it to me without saying anything.

And if I say I don't feel up to something then it also isn't tftb, it's info on more physical and emotional state and warning him that he might not get the result he's aiming for. If I'm emotionally rocky for whatever reason, he prefers to be warned that play might very easily turn into me feeling sorry and crying all afternoon, instead of squirting so hard my eyes cross. He prefers to know what's going on with me, good and bad. But refusing to listen to the fact that I am having a bad day means he will have to deal with picking up the pieces when he causes me to shatter.

You can have the info and control the outcome or ignore the info and deal with the outcome. You can't have it both ways at once.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 11:58:52 AM

BitaTruble

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~FR~

Topping from the bottom: When a person receiving physical sensations is directing the ebb and flow of the scene in which those sensations are occurring and such commands are complied with by a subservient party. (Hit me harder, bitch. Stick that needle through the other side, boy! - That sort of thing.)

Other than that, I don't believe in topping from the bottom. You can only top from the top. If the person wearing the name tag of 'slave' is directing the action/relationship ebb and flow, they're probably with an incompatible dominant and vice-versa.

Celeste

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 12:03:11 PM

BoiJen

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I do think topping from the bottom is over used.

I don't think it's a matter of "weak" D-type.

It's a matter of using manipulation on physical and emotional levels. As previously stated, emotional blackmail is the most common for of it, in my experience.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 12:07:12 PM

BoiJen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
Do others see this too? What are your thoughts on the topic? How do you define topping from the bottom? Do you believe it exists? Do you think it's overused and misused?

Topping from the bottom: a dysfunctional situation when the self-proclaimed dominant lacks the testicular endowment to follow through with his chosen role.

Um.......my testicular endowment is pretty much nil......just sayin'.....

Ditto...lol..then again I'm not a D-type and considering that topping from the bottom is supposed to be a comment on the s-type...I think it has little to do with who the D-type is or how they operate...some people are just manipulative assholes no matter who's supposed to be "in charge"

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 1:36:15 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Um.......my testicular endowment is pretty much nil......just sayin'.....

After perving you, I noticed you have other quailities.

BadOne

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 1:57:20 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
Do others see this too? What are your thoughts on the topic? How do you define topping from the bottom? Do you believe it exists? Do you think it's overused and misused?

Topping from the bottom: a dysfunctional situation when the self-proclaimed dominant lacks the testicular endowment to follow through with his chosen role.

Um.......my testicular endowment is pretty much nil......just sayin'.....

Read metaphorically....which is the proper way to digest hyperbole.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:08:16 PM

AquaticSub

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The term "topping from the bottom" has become almost a boogieman at this point. Subs/slaves fear topping from the bottom to the point where they will let communication die lest any suggestion be seen as trying to have any control over the relationship whatsoever. Owners use the tactic to kill any idea or topic they don't want to talk about anymore, regardless of it's validity.

The very use of the phrase by any potential owner would be a huge red flag for me.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:13:30 PM

DelilahDeb

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quote:

Topping from the Bottom(:) Misused and Overused?

It's a useful phrase for people exploring as bottoms to start exploring the scene. "A very fine place to start."
If I had not been teased about the fact that I had done so--not at the time, but as a humorous memory several months later--I probably would not have made some of the lovely discoveries of the past several months. More are on the way!

Mis-used to reprimand a bottom? It can be.
Over-used? You bet! And all too often I hear or read the phrase used as a slur.

When my sub drops out of subspace briefly (usually early in a scene) to give me technical information that I can use to make the scene smoother and hotter and easier for me, I don't object, I reward him by paying attention, adding the information to my mental files, and, generally, applying it on the spot. Which takes him right back into subspace. When my sub starts to do the same more than I need, I quash him as domina, and tell him to shut up, I'm doing things deliberately.
Last time we played, I told him he has to start dropping beans out of his diet at least 48 hours before a play date--fiber is great for Weight Watchers, but hell on ass play. http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m9.gif

Delilah Deb
{edited for typos}

< Message edited by DelilahDeb -- 2/26/2008 2:16:24 PM >

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:17:10 PM

lateralist1

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How true.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:19:55 PM

Lumus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

The term "topping from the bottom" has become almost a boogieman at this point. Subs/slaves fear topping from the bottom to the point where they will let communication die lest any suggestion be seen as trying to have any control over the relationship whatsoever. Owners use the tactic to kill any idea or topic they don't want to talk about anymore, regardless of it's validity.

The very use of the phrase by any potential owner would be a huge red flag for me.

?

If you felt something was valid, would it still raise a red flag for you? I understood the viewpoint of your post until I got to the last part. Could you please clarify?

To address the thread: I chatted with a switch who, at one point, decided to see if I would submit to her; she even said as much. Naturally, I didn't, and she got pissed off.

As I told her: "Sorry, luv, but if you wanted to play with me you'd recognize the fact that I am a Dom, and those whom I wish to play with submit to me. I have no interest otherwise, and to attempt to force that is laughable. When a bottom tells me she wants to top, that's great - but it won't happen with me."

Then she gave me some crap about how I'd really like it if I tried it, which set off the laughing spree that made her storm off.

I'd say topping from the bottom does exist, and some might even enjoy it. I can't say I'd bash them for it, unless they tried to cross clearly-communicated lines and somehow expected to attain the goal which was contrary to said lines.

That would [and has] bring out my sarcastic side.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:29:57 PM

DaddyKeeper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

DaddyKeeper can't you just ask your partner what she wants. Does the word communication mean anything.

Topping from the bottom during an early stage in the relationship is a form a communication I actively encourage. Especially where the partner has difficulty verbalising wants, needs and desires during normal conversation. Often during normal conversation something might be a big turn off, or turn on, and then once heading towards the headspace could be the exact opposite, especially as my current partner was actually quite in-experienced when we started together.

"hit me there", "use that paddle instead", "I hate that, never do it again", "that was nice do it again". All have been said during the early stages of a relationship as we learned each other. All can be seen as topping from the bottom, all are valid communication. There is more to communication than just asking.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:34:44 PM

AquaticSub

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Killing the topic, regardless of the topic's validity.

Example:

Valyraen and I are planning our wedding. I say "We really need to choose the date". He says "We'll choose later". A month later I say "Sir, we really need to pick our date - the place we want books years in advance", he says "We'll pick in a few months", I say "Then we'll have to find another venue, what do you have in mind?" and he replies with "Girl, you are topping from the bottom!"

OR

"Sir, I can't eat that." "You will do as you are told." "Sir, I told you when I came into this relationship that I keep kosher and you accepted this. I can't eat that cheeseburger." "Stop topping from the bottom and eat that burger!"

Keep in mind, these didn't happen. They are examples. Topping from the bottom exists, but it's overused as a boogieman to the point where the use of the phrase is a huge red flag for me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 2/26/2008 2:35:32 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:52:31 PM

Lumus

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Ahh, ok. Thanks for the clarification, AquaticSub.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 2:57:30 PM

AquaticSub

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No problem.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 3:02:15 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen
Ditto...lol..then again I'm not a D-type and considering that topping from the bottom is supposed to be a comment on the s-type...I think it has little to do with who the D-type is or how they operate...some people are just manipulative assholes no matter who's supposed to be "in charge"

Some certainly will make the attempt to manipulate. A D-type worth his (or her) salt will see through such attempts and deal with them appropriately.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 5:26:25 PM

GreedyTop

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

He has such a way with words doesn't he, GreedyTop?

Indeed

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 5:47:45 PM

RedMagic1

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If I could spin this the other way -- my experience has been that the sub is often disappointed when able to "top from the bottom." This has been true even in my (early) vanilla relationships, when I was excessively considerate. I would hear, "Why don't you make the decision sometimes? You need a personality."

Once I realized it was ok to be a hardass, as long as I listened to and cared for the person I was with, my gf's were a lot happier. The D-type does need to lead, with active input from the sub, and -- as long as those decisions were made in good faith -- both Dom and sub share responsibility for where that leadership takes them.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/26/2008 6:22:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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