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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 1:38:48 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P


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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 1:45:58 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P



lol - analogies always fall apart, don't they?

So, let's take the actual process of TFTB. If the s-type is using manipulation in whatever form (and they are legion), and the d-type shuts it down, the s-type is at fault. But if the d-type allows it to continue, and it becomes habitual, then the d-type is at fault.

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Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
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Profile   Post #: 102
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 1:48:03 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubbieOnWheels

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P



lol - analogies always fall apart, don't they?

So, let's take the actual process of TFTB. If the s-type is using manipulation in whatever form (and they are legion), and the d-type shuts it down, the s-type is at fault. But if the d-type allows it to continue, and it becomes habitual, then the d-type is at fault.


yessies..in my opinion


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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 1:55:50 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P



the.dark.

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Profile   Post #: 104
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 2:35:35 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

lol  yes agree fully..walking away is the best option..

but damn don't all kill my example..Every example can be killed
Focus on the question you bullies :P



the.dark.


awwwww
thank you
-x-


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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 2:43:58 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

What is it with people thinking Dom and top are the same word?



Please fully clarify the exact differences between the two please. Because in my world, a top is dominant, the bottom is submissive and this also refers to the roles each take sexually.



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Profile   Post #: 106
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 3:01:18 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		to me the dom is who I have chosen to be in a relationship with and we have a dynamic, a top is someone I agreed to submit to in one scene and when it's over, that's it we're done i don't owe him anything he don't owe me anything and we can play again or not as we wish theirs no bdsm relationship going on. Just friendship.

Same with the term bottom. I bottom to strangers or friends or any one I want to and it's for that scene and ONLY that scene. there's no commitment or more or no on going bdsm relationship just friendship.
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

What is it with people thinking Dom and top are the same word?



Please fully clarify the exact differences between the two please. Because in my world, a top is dominant, the bottom is submissive and this also refers to the roles each take sexually.



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Profile   Post #: 107
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 3:07:31 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		Hmmm. I thought Dom/mes and Masters/Misstresses were by definition tops. and ub/slaves were bottoms. Silly me. I'm not BDSMically correct.

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Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


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Profile   Post #: 108
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 3:21:50 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
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Status: offline 		~FR~
This is for YourhandMyAss and to SubbieOnWHeels.  Allow me to clarify further my question to BoiJen. The reason why I asked for an exact definition is being a gay male, on the gay community, top and dom mean the same thing and the same is true of submissive and bottom. I know that the BDSM definition there is a difference. It is this conflict between the two interpretations from 2 distinct segments of society which also adds to the confusion.

Yourhand: Please do not assume I was speaking because I thought I am qualified! Like I said in the above paragraph, in the gay community to which I am a part of, top=dom, sub=bottom. That is to which my question is geared to.

< Message edited by beargonewild -- 2/28/2008 3:23:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 109
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 3:50:39 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Top is a term for someone on the inflicting of a scene and bottom is a term for someone the inflicted upon end of a scene.

D-type refers to position within a power dynamic as does s-type.

I do a presentation with MsK about the Dominant bottom and the service top.

Just because someone bottoms doesn't mean they are submissive nore does it mean when someone tops they are Dominant. In fact often I hear, "No, no, no hit Me here here and here then pull My hair a little and bite Me hard there."...I'm so not in charge of the scene...however I am the one on the inflicting end of the scene.

I hope this clarifies where I'm coming from.

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Profile   Post #: 110
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 3:57:11 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you BoiJen. That is all that I was looking for.   


< Message edited by beargonewild -- 2/28/2008 3:58:12 PM >

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

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Profile   Post #: 111
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 4:02:53 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		I find all those different words confusing....because even if we agree on calling it Dom or Top.....people wil still have a million ideas and thoughts about it. (looks like a trend)
I just like to see it as relations with A leader and a follower...lifed as both agree on. When in those relations..you don't care how your position is called. You don't call eachother Top/bottom anyway.

People hate to be put in boxes...and still they want to be in one
(boxes as in labels...not meaning  dead people :P )


in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions


< Message edited by Justme696 -- 2/28/2008 4:03:41 PM >

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 4:28:28 PM   
TracyTaken


Posts: 615
Joined: 2/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions


I have a theory.  It must be bunnies!   (sorry, had a Buffy musical moment).

I've thought about it a lot because it drove me up the wall.  I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.  I mean in a way that explains themselves to themselves as opposed to forging a reputation.  Maybe it has to do with feeling lost and alone with their passions for so long, that they are trying to "name" it, to take power over it so they don't feel so lost and so they can find a place in "kinksville."

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Profile   Post #: 113
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 5:36:07 PM   
Lumus


Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions


I have a theory.  It must be bunnies!   (sorry, had a Buffy musical moment).

I've thought about it a lot because it drove me up the wall.  I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.  I mean in a way that explains themselves to themselves as opposed to forging a reputation.  Maybe it has to do with feeling lost and alone with their passions for so long, that they are trying to "name" it, to take power over it so they don't feel so lost and so they can find a place in "kinksville."



Self-identity takes many forms.  I would tend to think that any mechanism which helps you better know yourself would be a good thing.


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Profile   Post #: 114
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 5:38:22 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		Perhaps also the same theory applies to TFTB (to drag the thread back on-topic). If the D-type in a relationship is comfortable with the way things are going, then what the s-type does or says is fine with them, and TFTB is not going on. If the D-type is not comfortable, it is up to them to do something about it. Either way, it's none of anyone else's business.

_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


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Profile   Post #: 115
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 5:57:23 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken
I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.

Remember (#1) that a lot of people learned the "fundamentals" of BDSM from sources rooted in fantasy-centric BS; and (#2) that for many of us, when taking our first steps in the non-vanilla world, people taught us that the correct thing to do was to label yourself in order to find a suitable partner.

Posters often say that getting to munches is a great idea.  My personal experience is: "Munches -- yuck," because of all the competitive twueness, and people telling me things like, "You're really a  ____."  (Or overusing phrases like "topping from the bottom.")

I see a clear difference between terms like "service top" and a word like "slave."  The first describes a particular type of BDSM player, and someone can be a service top in one context, and something else in another context.  "Slave" cannot be defined outside the context of a relationship with a Master (in a consensual situation, anyway).

I'm very interested in attending presentations by people like BoiJen, Master Archer or Master Fire, because they have knowledge integrated with practical experience.  And I have zero interest in perusing or recovering the CastleRealm archives, because of their emphasis on defining their terms correctly and abstractly -- without grounding them in real relationships or real life.


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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 6:04:00 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Which basically made the castle realm site a fount of misinformation and general confusion.

Which is why so many people who do this for real despise the place, and are glad it's gone.

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RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 8:28:26 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat


*nods*  i have a VERY hard time with saying "i want/need this".  Daddy knows this, i've always been honest about it.

his solution to the problem was to tease and torment me till i begged for release, then he wouldnt till i told him what i wanted, exactly what i wanted. 

kitten, laughing



Now that's just wicked lol


so is Daddy.  i dont call him evil bastard because he's cute, which he is.  *giggling*

kitten

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Profile   Post #: 118
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/28/2008 9:05:09 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane
I honestly believe it exists, but is so much rarer than it's portrayed to be.

That's my view of this.


I think it is rather common in general

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Profile   Post #: 119
RE: Topping from the Bottom Misused and Overused? - 2/29/2008 2:28:35 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lumus

quote:

ORIGINAL: TracyTaken

quote:

in short...just know what Yyou are...and forget all the naming conventions


I have a theory.  It must be bunnies!   (sorry, had a Buffy musical moment).

I've thought about it a lot because it drove me up the wall.  I think maybe the naming/labeling is pursued by people who are trying to forge a personal identity with regard to kink.  I mean in a way that explains themselves to themselves as opposed to forging a reputation.  Maybe it has to do with feeling lost and alone with their passions for so long, that they are trying to "name" it, to take power over it so they don't feel so lost and so they can find a place in "kinksville."



Self-identity takes many forms.  I would tend to think that any mechanism which helps you better know yourself would be a good thing.



Agree..but a name is just a word...It doesn't explain anything....It has only use when it has a clear specification.
Aslong there is such a discussion..the vallue when used  can only be seen as personal opinion.
On the other side....if people are happy with it...use it.

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Profile   Post #: 120
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