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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 9:14:32 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Why bdsm?

Why not bdsm?
Ask not what bdsm can do for you, ask what you can do for bdsm.
Bdsm is money.
A thing of bdsm is a joy forever.
Bdsm helps them that help themselves.
A little bdsm is a dangerous thing.
Early to bd and early to s/m, Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
You can bdsm some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not bdsm all of the people all of the time.

Carry on, then.

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 9:16:54 AM   
giveeverything


Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		This is going to sound kind of catty and yet I mean it kind of serious (go figure).  I noticed that the OP, whoever he is, is from Colorado Springs, and I read his posts about doing good things for people around the world, etc.  So, OP are you one of those ministers in Colorado Springs, in one of the big churches (or small churches)?  Curiousity has the better of me here (I'm using a lot of restraint not to editorialize).

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 9:22:55 AM   
LordTavian


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks D&d and colouredin. Agreed. Again, I need to speak less and listen more. My ears are open.

My most sincere apologies to DesFIP. I should not have snapped at you. I hope that you might forgive me.


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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:00:18 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Talking is fine and so is asking questions etc etc but being rude isnt I guess. 

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:05:46 AM   
LordTavian


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

This is going to sound kind of catty and yet I mean it kind of serious (go figure). I noticed that the OP, whoever he is, is from Colorado Springs, and I read his posts about doing good things for people around the world, etc. So, OP are you one of those ministers in Colorado Springs, in one of the big churches (or small churches)? Curiousity has the better of me here (I'm using a lot of restraint not to editorialize).
 



That's funny. Thanks for the chuckle. No..I am a Soldier. As a matter of fact, I am currently located in Baghdad, Iraq. Oh well, Colorado Springs..it was inevitable that I was either a bible thumper or a Soldier.


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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:08:46 AM   
LordTavian


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Talking is fine and so is asking questions etc etc but being rude isnt I guess.


Well said, I apologize to all for my earlier rudeness.


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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:11:00 AM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Seraphyim
Why bdsm?


Because I keep falling asleep while having vanilla sex.
 
That may sound like a sarcastic answer, but it isn't. For some, once you have tasted "forbidden fruit," you can't go back. 

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:15:47 AM   
joy2u


Posts: 89
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		 Thanks for posting this, subtee.  This was good!  How about this one? 
 
BDSM is a terrible thing to waste.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Why bdsm?

Why not bdsm?
Ask not what bdsm can do for you, ask what you can do for bdsm.
Bdsm is money.
A thing of bdsm is a joy forever.
Bdsm helps them that help themselves.
A little bdsm is a dangerous thing.
Early to bd and early to s/m, Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
You can bdsm some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not bdsm all of the people all of the time.

Carry on, then.

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:43:23 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		Too hard to keep up with the mood swings!  Curious, passive aggresive, outright agressive, back tracking, insulting, apologetic... 

i can understand that wanting something you do not have can be frustrating, and the apology was nice, but i am still left wondering what kind of justification you are looking for here.  If you have an open marriage and your wife is enjoying lovers, then learn what you can about your particular kink, and find someone willing to explore it with you. 

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:53:25 AM   
giveeverything


Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		Okay.... who hasn't fallen in love with their first love?  You keep a torch for a while because they opened you up sexually (thank you scott).  As you mature you discover new ways that you are opening up, new ways of discovering the world, new people/person to do it with.  You can look back fondly.... but who really thinks going back there is better?  It's not about moving on, it's about growing.  Oh and BTW that relationship got rekindled about 10 years after the fact and .... it wasn't that great.  That love was a place and time thing. 

Really, with all due respect, there is a reason you're holding onto the past and you have to figure that out.  The past won't save you from what you're dissatisfied with now.  Good luck.

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:54:07 AM   
LordTavian


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry. I am not sure if I have any good excuse (that is always decided by observers anyway) but I have my reasons. 1) I'm in Iraq. 2) was just told a couple days ago that I am leaving all of my friends on this camp and going to one that really sucks. 3) I have had a girlfriend of sorts here and for some reason she has completely refused to speak to me in about three days even though I am leaving here on Friday and will not get to see her again for some months.

I'm a little pissy right now. Once again, I apologize for taking out my frustrations on others in this forum.


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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 10:57:00 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Question, just cos this is a car crash to me now

You have a girlfriend there? even though your "wife is the only one to have lovers" ?????????


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Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 11:05:24 AM   
LordTavian


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		Girlfriend as in we have been slightly romantic with each other. We are not lovers. We are simply more than just friends. Or at least we were. We are soldiers and frankly, sexual contact between us is prohibited anyway. Not that all of us care much for the rules..but I do.

I have not been romantic with anyone since I met my wife until now and this has culminated..and apparently ended...with nothing more than a kiss. Bad timing anyway. Bad time...bad place.


< Message edited by LordTavian -- 3/4/2008 11:30:45 AM >

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 11:41:37 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: joy2u

 Thanks for posting this, subtee.  This was good!  How about this one? 
 
BDSM is a terrible thing to waste.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David


I dig it.

That's one small slap for [a] man, one giant bdsm for mankind.
Well, Here's another fine bdsm you've gotten me into.
I had a perfectly wonderful bdsm, but this wasn't it.
A bdsm a day keeps the doctor away.

Back to you, Dan

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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 11:50:23 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LordTavian

No point. I will call you ignorant though.

Fear not, I will enlighten you. My wife and I are/have been poly people. So having other lovers is not a foreign concept to either of us. And actually, the only one of us who has taken other lovers has been her. So, what was your talk about fair? Bite your tongue. She has had her lovers and I cling to the memory of my lost love. So please, don't bring up the topic of fairness with me again. I am nothing if not fair.

And so, knowing that you have spoken in ignorance rather than malice, I am inclined to let it pass.


Fairness?  You are nothing but fair?  In whose worldview?  Your own?  Everything you have said thus far has been an insult to a woman not here to defend herself, to those of us who choose to believe in and live D/s BDSM in the manner we choose, to those who dared disagree with you and call you on your contradictory statements and your proclamations of how good you are to your wife while carrying a bigger torch for your ex.  You call me ignorant...~chuckles~.  You aren't the first and most certainly won't be the last but the ones who call me ignorant that I listen to are the ones who can show me where I have been ignorant.  Am I ignorant regarding your wife?  Only in that I don't know her personally.  Am I ignorant regarding women's feelings?  Probably more than some but actually, quite knowledgeable as compared to many more.  Am I ignorant about the failure to deal with your own feelings in an honest mirror rather than through the prism of your mind that can only see your actions as almost saint-like and your first love/wive's actions as almost cruel?  No, because I went through all that on my very own and was smart enough to seek therapy for dealing with that.  And have been unafraid to seek therapy when other issues have come up.
Am I ignorant about what it is like to be in a war zone and dealing with the strife and stress of that situation?  Sorry soldier boy, I was doing that more than thirty years ago when you, most likely had not been born yet or were still clinging to your mama's skirts.  And unlike you...I got to experience being spat upon rather than praised for doing what I did.  So, I hold no ignorance there, either.

Do I know everything?  Not by a long shot.  Do I know your relationship?  Not by a long shot.  Do I know about the problems and (yes) pathetic whinings you yourself have stated that you have been guilty of?  Yes.  I see it every day as a block to people becoming as fully well as they could be.

quote:

BDSM, however, has not been a part of this marriage except in the most cursory of ways. Perhaps it is time to introduce that aspect of life into our relationship.

I inclined to believe at this time it won't be successful. My wife is a very headstrong woman and I the ideas of submission does not sit well with her. At best we would each have to switch...but, while I naturally tend to be more submissive than some, I resent it and will never look at the collar with great affection. I strive for dominance, I believe mostly due to my former wife's influence.


You know, entering into something with the idea that it is going to fail is almost a sure way to find your most direct way to that endpoint.  You resent the idea of submission?  Then don't be submissive.  But be true to yourself.  D and d noted that you are in the midst of a frenzy.  Sounds like a perfect description to me.  On your other thread, someone noted that you should read "Different Loving" and "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns".  I would recommend those to you also but I would also recommend, as stated elsewhere by me and by others, that you finally confront and honestly deal with your past and your present.  You state that you are in a swinging/poly type relationship but tis one in which your wife has lovers but you don't (hmmmmmmmm, is this your attempt to let your "woman" have what she really needs or is this partially guilt over your lingering feelings for the long-gone ex?  Forgive me, ignorant ponderings on my part...probably due to the ignorant teachings of my human psychology professor back in school)...BUT then you go on to note that you have a lover in a war zone???  But wait, she really isn't a lover but she is more than a friend?  Damn...was I just too ignorant to find a lover in a war zone?  Oh wait, that's right...they didn't allow us to have those when I was in.  Ignorant Uncle Sam.



< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 3/4/2008 12:13:50 PM >

(in reply to LordTavian)
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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 12:23:27 PM   
LordTavian


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		I'm done ranting and raving and generally acting like a frakking lunatic. But I have apologized for it already. I honestly and sincerely meant it.

In either case, you have my thanks for your service to our country. You should have gotten that thanks when you came back.

Uncle Sam still prohibits sexual relationships while we are deployed. I believe that I mentioned that. I also mentioned that I wasn't involved in one so I am not sure where you were going with that argument.

I am not guilty for my feelings. It is what it is. I would not leave my family to be with my former wife even if that was an option. Would I welcome her back into my life? Honestly, I do not know. I think that I may simply want what has eluded me all these years, closure.

That is important to me. But now, being here and being forced to confront my own feelings, I acknowledge that I did enjoy the life that she tried to introduce me to. I abandoned it for many years and perhaps that is a large part of what I have been missing for all these years. Perhaps she helped me find a piece of myself that I did not no existed and when she left I lost that piece.

It's a thought.

< Message edited by LordTavian -- 3/4/2008 12:34:04 PM >

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 1:26:36 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		FR
 
Tavian,
Wow, you've asked some questions, derailed your own thoughts, insulted a dear friend of mine, and then turned all apologetic, all in one thread. I'm impressed, just not in the good way.
 
You asked of her peers for a reason, because you are NOT one. This new cyber fascade you're trying to jump on... pointless because you still dont get "it". You're more worried about your own perception of things than you are with the reality of the situation. Ok sure, now you want to know but yet when someone challenges you its all them, not your misperception and trying to back talk yourself. You're right, you need to shut up and listen, take these peoples words to heart. None of us know your wife, but as a woman if my man was still pining for something he lost so many years ago, I would be doing more than having a poly life, he'd be ass out.  Second fiddle is never a place to be if you're a primary partner.
 
Whatever you do in your marriage is your business, I dont particularly care, what *I* see from an observer is that you are not only not being true to yourself but you arent being true to anyone else either. Dominance is not something you pick up off the side of the road then claim to own, or project onto someone else. You either have it or you dont, sure you can learn to be a bossy ass and tell people what to do, but that is NOT BDSM Dominance. Dominance and submission between two people is something that is built not instantly attained. Much like your little rant got you shot down, continue with the insulting arrogant and extremely rude attitude, you'll fail at even the most basic of things, being a man is one thought.  Please do attack me and my friends here I'm sure that you'll find yourself in that dark little room in another 10 years writing to another group about how we furthered your jaded view of BDSM, or you can ask a genuine question be respectful of those who you want to help you ( which none of us have to I might add ) and actually do some learning on your own.
 
How can you expect people to help you, if you dont know what you want and what you are trying to attain? If you want help, try doing a bit of background and leg work, then ask.. further your own knowledge base before attacking people who have lived this "lifestyle" and who embrase it with an open heart and open mind. Remember you are an outsider here, this is our world, our love, our dream, tread lightly and maybe once you have opened your mind and your heart to our world, you'll find a place in it.. just make sure that you know what you are jumping into before you dive head first... the bottom of your pool just may well be empty and a broken neck isnt anyones idea of fun...
 
~RS~

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ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 2:23:49 PM   
LordTavian


Posts: 21
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		Reflectivesoul, no doubt that I have made an incredibly terrible first impression. Now I only hope that you will bear with me and allow me to live that down. I have seen the work "frenzy" used rather frequently when speaking about me.

I guess it's an apt description. I have apologized and I meant the apology. I cannot undo what has been done but I can strive to not repeat my mistakes.

A long time ago I was introduced to a part of myself that I was not ready to accept. I walled it off inside of myself. I believe I did so because I believe that it was evidence that I was freak (no offense intended to any of you. If nothing else I have learned that many of you are extremely kind, considerate, helpful, and more emotionally sound than myself) But some of you have at least begun to convince me that, while this may not be the norm, it's also not a bad thing. I am interested in learning more about it and in doing so, learn more about myself.

Tavian


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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 2:26:23 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Wanna try a quote? Might be fun!

How 'bout:
Give me bdsm or give me death.

But maybe if that's too much to start with you could go with
Give me bdsm or give me some reading materials and I'll think about it.

Whadda ya think?

--Subtee

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Don't believe everything you think...

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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/4/2008 5:50:52 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Death and loneliness have a way of fucking with the head.  When you get back stateside, I'd suggest taking a deep breath and rereading what people wrote here.  The advice and suggestions are pretty good.  Don't get your ass blown off before you can beat someone else's.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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