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RE: Why bdsm? - 3/5/2008 12:42:44 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavian
I am still not sure that I understand the sub side of the equation though. I cannot grasp yet, how some find pain and submission to be not only pleasurable..but preferable.

You already get a part of it and don't even realize it.  You remain attached to the US Military.  If that's not pain and submission, I don't know what is.  You've got a MFer for a master too....

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to Tavian)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/5/2008 12:47:23 PM   
Tavian


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
Thank you for your answers. I hope to be able to come to an understanding of just what makes a sub/masochist tick. I am sure that I will gain some new insights when my books arrive. As I placed my order with Amazon, a book that was recommended to me was "The Story of O". That has been one of my favorite books for a long time actually

But I just remembered something. A few weeks ago my wife sent me an email which contained and erotic story. That story was anything but vanilla....interesting. Perhaps she was trying to tell me something?

I am out of here for now. It is almost midnight here in Iraq and morning comes too early. Take care of yourselves and each other. I'll be back tomorrow.

Tavian.

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/5/2008 12:51:05 PM   
Tavian


Posts: 44
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

You already get a part of it and don't even realize it. You remain attached to the US Military. If that's not pain and submission, I don't know what is. You've got a MFer for a master too....
 

MisPandora, thanks for the laugh. :) That was good..and not too far off the mark either. However, I find no pleasure at all in the pain and submission that this master imposes upon me ;)

K..bye for now.

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/5/2008 12:51:52 PM   
joy2u


Posts: 89
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tavian

I honestly WAS in an emotional frenzy because I had discovered that my former wife was a member here. That was not a pleasant shock.

Why would it matter to you what your ex-wife is doing now?

quote:

I cannot grasp yet, how some find pain and submission to be not only pleasurable..but preferable.

A lot of people don't know why they like being told what to do and doing what they're told, or why they enjoy being bound and flogged, or why they prefer strawberry ice cream to mint chocolate chip.  But, they do and they accept it and they enjoy life quite nicely that way.  Some people don't get hung-up on the "why's" and, instead concentrate on the "how's" and the "with whom's".

quote:

Is it important to be able to understand why person "A" prefers submission and masochism?

It's important to some people, not to all.  Certain psychiatrists, psychologists, and sociologists have made careers studying the "why's" of Dominance and submission and Sadomasochism.  There are still no definitive answers, that i have heard of.

quote:

Or is it simply enough that they do and that I can give them what they so desperately need and want?

That depends on your relationship and whether or not it's important to you and the other person.  If it is, then maybe that would be a good thing for the two of you to discuss, since everyone is different and everyone has their own unique needs and wants.
 
joy
Owned servant of Master David

(in reply to Tavian)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: Why bdsm? - 3/5/2008 1:02:50 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
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In terms of kink, it's like saying "I Love you" and accept all the crazy dirty things that turn you on and sexually exceit you..   Basically you embrace the whole person that she is.  Even the dark kinky sexually deviant sides.

For instance if somebody you love, has intense fantasies of rape play.  Do you love them enough to do this activitity with them or not?  Or do you instead try to change who and what they really are deep down inside?   Do you set them free to find somebody who will sexually satisify these fantasies.

This is just a crude example here.  But enough to get one of the points across.

The other point, is that some people want to be followers, and are looking for somebody to bring shape direction and control to their life.   They want somebody to be in charge of them.   There are many different reasons why.   

No everybody wants to become their own boss and run their own business, instead they'd rather go work for some company.   Not Everybody wants to become a Manager at a business either.  Some people are content doing their job and working for somebody else.    In short in as much as a Manager gives direction and leadership at a business,  A Dom does this for a submissive in life.

Some people want to please and serve the person they love.  Basically, they want to know everything they can do to please and serve and make another human being happy in life.   This is the one of the ways they simply best express their love and devotion towards another person.   In short, they want somebody to be their so-called "Everything".    They find peace of mind and sense of purpose in life and in expressing their love serving somebody else.

Now to get all romantic on you here, think of the pride knights of Camelot had in serving King Arthor.   This concept while is in part fantasy, should help you get the idea of what is going on here.   I'm basically trying to get the Warm and Fuzzy part that a submissive can feel serving another human being. 

Added bonus of D/s, is that it reduced conflict from power struggles that can occur.   Can actually make a relationship run smoother when one person is the primary person in charge and responsible for things.   Two people going in two different directions and pulling for control can be a bad thing.  

There are mental aspects of other activities such as verbal humilation, that actually bring a person back down to earth and reality.   Mind you it can be a turn on for many people as well.   Sexuality in America is not so embraced as it is some parts of the world.   Many people have been raised that it's more of a shameful thing or rather a sin.   The fact is that we are very sexual creatures by nature.   In the BDSM lifestyle we can accept one another as the fucking slutty whores we are with one another.  Does not mean you have to fuck anybody and everybody.   However, some girls enjoy having their DOM in their One-On-One exclusive relationship treat them like the slutty wanna fuck whores that they are feeling like.  

I Love you and accept your sexuality and I'm gonna take advantage and use you sexually like you enjoy being used.   In short, accepting part of the So called Dark side of the one you love and doing it.  

Whew... hope this helps give you a glimpse into things.   This really can become an in depth topic here.






(in reply to Seraphyim)
Profile   Post #: 125
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