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Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communication... - 3/13/2008 8:16:50 AM

yellowseeksred

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

I'm fairly new and don't remember posting to the boards so hello!

I'm so frustrated talking to Doms. I really am. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to rant since it may seem "rude" agaisnt him, but I'm just so frustrated!
I was talking to a Dom and it all crashed and burned. Basically instead of asking questions to be sure we were on the same page, he just assumed he knew everything. We'd only talked maybe 5 times before then for maybe 20 minutes each time, so it wasn't like we knew each other for very long, but suddenly he was declaring that my pussy, ass, and mouth belonged to him despite us NEVER agreeing to such a thing. Much later (after trying to resolve the problem logically) when I told him he seemed to lack communication skills since he never asked, we never agreed, he never said anything about it until then, he basically told me he doesn't hold any blame and it isn't his fault. I'm so sick of this passive agressive bullshite. I'd say I've talked to 50 Doms on this website since I became a member and I'd say 40 of them acted exactly how he acted. I'm not saying I blame him for anything, but I was very careful to not agree to anything because I barely knew him and suddenly I 'belong' to him. Blame and reality are two very different things.

If I do something wrong, I acknowledge it and strive to better myself and to never do it again, but most of the Doms I've talked to have a holier-than-thou attitude when they don't even know me. All I want is a little respect and to actually be heard instead of having people just jump to conclusions and completely ignore things I say (or fabricate things I never said). I'm tired of this superiority complex some have when they don't even know me.

In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too?

Post #: 1

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:20:11 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

GoodGobblyGooup. Do you feel better now?

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)

Post #: 2

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:21:32 AM

yellowseeksred

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

Is that helpful or necessary?

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 3

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:24:51 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Block, Delete, Move on

there are people like that, jsut dont associate with them, we all experiance it

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(in reply to yellowseeksred)

Post #: 4

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:29:47 AM

honeygirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred
In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too?

Yes. Yes. Don't know. Yes.

:)

Seriously, I think there are a lot of people like that in real life, too. Think about how much time you saved by finding out you were incompatible during the early stages!

(in reply to yellowseeksred)

Post #: 5

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:38:24 AM

yellowseeksred

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: honeygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred
In real life, would these people walk around just assuming they know everything? Woud they jump to conclusions? And if so how sucessful can you be if you do something like that? If this is your lifestyle, wouldn't this be real life, too?

Yes. Yes. Don't know. Yes.

:)

Seriously, I think there are a lot of people like that in real life, too. Think about how much time you saved by finding out you were incompatible during the early stages!

Thats what I keep telling myself. "Thank god I found out now instead of later when it may have cost me something."

(in reply to honeygirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 8:50:01 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

yellow.. it's the nature of the (human) beast. As was said, block, ignore delete. eventually, you'll find someone who actually HEARS you..ok, so ya gotta wade through a buncha crap to get there, but think how much more you'll appreciate the gem when you find him! :)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)

Post #: 7

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:16:19 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

Is that helpful or necessary?

I thought so. As it's already been posted oh about a zillion times. so I figured you wanted to improve your typing skills. Whining is decidely unattractive. As far a your whine went it was FanFuckingtastic.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)

Post #: 8

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:17:14 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

You gotta kiss a lot of highandmightyuberdomlydoms before you find a real Dom.

(you don't really haveta kiss 'em. that was an expression)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 9

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:21:16 AM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline

personally i just play with them...it makes my sadistic side happy.

but yeah you have to deal with the dominants that think they know everything, the ones who will blast you for saying things you don't like, and the ones that cross the line practically before you have time to draw it. block ignore report whatever makes you happy.

_____________________________

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” churchill

the first rule of fluff club is that you don't talk about fluff club!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 10

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:31:42 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

What makes you think that those you have chatted with from this site are Doms? Is it because they checked the little box that says "Dom" rather than the boxes that said "submissive" or "switch?"

This is a free site. You'll find all kinds of people here. There are Doms, subs, switches, those who haven't a clue, and those who just like to perv the profiles. This is the internet where people can have an alter ego. Before the internet they just daydreamed.

The best advice i saw in this thread is to delete and block and get on with your life.

If you want to cut down on the imposters and the posers, attend your local munch. The percentage of people looking for a D/s relationship at a munch is much higher than you'll find at any internet site.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)

Post #: 11

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:38:13 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

You're 22 years old and female. Get used to it.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to peppermint)

Post #: 12

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:52:07 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

blushes you don't have to kiss me. Just nibble on my ear. Op your just getting started. You are going to see a lot more of the same. Im probably the only good Dom around who is'nt taken. Be like Cali she is used to it.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 13

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 9:54:13 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

Assholes making themself look like assholes..is a way of good communication actually

_____________________________

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(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 14

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 11:00:09 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

You're 22 years old and female. Get used to it.

Cali

Amen.

Lotta the people who will line your inbox with junk are not worth your time of day.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 15

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 11:24:02 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

O Boze. Jak to moze byc? Jakis Dominant nie umie komunikowac sie z ulegla kobieta w necie? No to w sumie zdarzy sie, wiesz, ze ludzie nie potrafia sie skomunikowac ze soba w Internecie, zwlaszcza tutaj w tym portal tak zwany Collarme.

No to coz...

That was Polish in case anyone's wondering.

I sometimes wondered in the past whether I would get a better response here on CM if I rewrote my profile in Polish.

Communication is based on interaction - expressing one's thoughts and feelings through words (or non-verbally if in person), thinking, and also listening and reading. It's a transaction, an exchange.

Assumptions are usually misleading, and here we're talking very simple basic assumptions, that someone who speaks English as a native language is able to communicate with another person who speaks English as a native language.

Assumptions usually lead to misunderstandings. I spent years believing that Jimi Hendrix was a homosexual. Why? Because I was so sure that in the song 'Purple Haze' he was singing 'Excuse me while I kiss this guy.' Let's take another one of his songs, 'Hey Joe'. For years I thought he was singing 'You know I've kind of been messin' around with another man' (actually 'You know I caught her messin' around with another man')

I had this idea that ZZ Top didn't like science fiction, because in a song about clothes they sing 'Every girl's scared of a Star Trek Fan'.

It's like in that Mamas and Papas song 'Creeque Alley' they sing 'And in the coffee house the bastard sat' and I never worked out who it could be.

But seriously, I cannot deal with people I cannot communicate with.

And it's like erm, power exchange, exchange of power.. so how can someone be a Dom if they can't even exchange straightforward thoughts and feelings?

More to the point, why spent time dealing with someone who cannot communicate with you? This I don't understand. I wouldn't get involved, for instance with a Dom who couldn't speak English. Why? Because we would have to mime or use sign language, and this makes a scene far more complicated. Besides, if he's holding a whip whilst we are trying to communicate he might do himself or me a nasty injury.

If there's no communication, there's no possibility of a relationship.

_____________________________

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also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
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(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 16

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 11:48:55 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

You gotta kiss a lot of highandmightyuberdomlydoms before you find a real Dom.

(you don't really haveta kiss 'em. that was an expression)

But...but...but...what about just us "uberDoms" who have not reached that almost-impossible-to-attain "high and mighty" status? Will you still kiss us, blushes?

Seriously, I can't tell the OP anything different. Be grateful you learned so quickly. 5 talks for about what, 2 hours in all?...that is not a great deal of time invested. Wasted time, yes...but there again, how much of our 24 hour days are spent 100% productively?

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 17

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 11:54:09 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

But...but...but...what about just us "uberDoms" who have not reached that almost-impossible-to-attain "high and mighty" status? Will you still kiss us, blushes?

OMG, he is trying to use that innocent, angelic tone again. Pssttt!!! CD!! It doesn't play in writing any better than it does verbally... nobody is buying it! LMAO!

quote:

Seriously, I can't tell the OP anything different. Be grateful you learned so quickly. 5 talks for about what, 2 hours in all?...that is not a great deal of time invested.

Yeah, that should have told you something right there. ONLY two hours over FIVE convos??? Sheesh. When you hit two hours PER convo and THEN it goes bad, cmon and bitch about it. LOL.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 18

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 1:05:44 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Seriously, I can't tell the OP anything different. Be grateful you learned so quickly. 5 talks for about what, 2 hours in all?...that is not a great deal of time invested.

Yeah, that should have told you something right there. ONLY two hours over FIVE convos??? Sheesh. When you hit two hours PER convo and THEN it goes bad, cmon and bitch about it. LOL.

Cali

Actually I much prefer the bitchin that goes on after 1 email. I'm like get real folks. I swear if i read block ignore del one more fucking time I'm gonna shoot cali.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 19

RE: Frustrated and need to rant about lack of communica... - 3/13/2008 1:11:18 PM

katie978

Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yellowseeksred

I'm so frustrated talking to Doms. I really am. I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to rant since it may seem "rude" agaisnt him, but I'm just so frustrated!

You're not allowed, sorry. It's clearly stated in the D/s Handbook that no person who qualifies as a twue submissive would ever, EVER say anything mildly rude towards a dominant. Especially if said "dominant" was merely an online player who lured naive newbies into sexual chat. Those kind of "dominants" must never be spoken ill of. Just a heads up, the BDSM police probably issue you an official citation later.

(in reply to yellowseeksred)

Post #: 20

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