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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 10:05:51 PM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		I absolutely, 150% agree with the OP.  If a sub here doesn't like the men who approach her, then she should approach the men she likes.  I have yet to meet the man who didn't like it when I expressed my desire to be with them in an open and frank way, never rude or crude, just blunt and honest.  So far, I've had 100% success with that approach. 

If for some reason someone doesn't suit you, move on.  Eventually, you're bound to meet interesting people, and maybe make a few friends.

edited for grammar


< Message edited by StormsSlave -- 3/13/2008 10:07:01 PM >

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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 10:31:44 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
 After all, are not women the queens here-and the males merely pustules?


Fixed!

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 11:07:02 PM   
KindLadyGrey


Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'm with LadyHibiscus: when I read the topic of this thread I thought "Really? There are women who have trouble finding men on here?" Now, obviously finding the RIGHT man for you will take a little effort, but I can pretty much crook my finger and line up dates for every night of the week from my local area, and probably a few from the rest of the coast on the weekend. So if I were totally bored and had no life, I could play the odds, meet everyone who didn't seem like a psycho, and see what happened.

I do have a life though. I did as the OP suggested and went looking. It was tough, actually, because I have very few physical/age requirements. My requirements are something along the lines of "intelligent, interesting, and confident." You can't really filter for that. What I found is that something like 80% of the people on this site don't even bother to write a profile. Half of the 20% left over have a terribly written profile, sometimes barely intelligible. Good lord, I quickly found the few people in my local area who seemed like interesting and decent human beings, zapped them "hey, looking for friends?" messages, and never went looking again. As it turns out, I do occasionally get polite inquiries from people on this site, even ones with no profiles. My favorite boy right now has no profile at all, and the dumbest picture ever, but I agreed to start chatting with him because his original message to me was very genuine.

So now I wait for messages, generally speaking. I will check out the people who view my profile sometimes, and always check out the ones who add me to their favorites list. People who bother using the latter usually have some kind of profile, since they actually use the site for more than just wanking.

I've also met some very nice people here on the forums. I wish it were a better meeting venue for me, but few of the people I've hit it off with here live anywhere close to me. In some cases that is a crying shame, because there are some people who post here that I really really like a lot. Still, I've extended dinner invites to some of them if they ever happen to be in my area. (And if you've gotten a dinner visit offer or something similar, it means you're one of those people I really like a lot )

I have also met a few cool local ladies in the Dommes' chatroom.

Bottom line, there is a lot going on here. If you are serious about looking, it's hard not to find someone that you hit it off with. I've met lots of cool people. Try looking for friends instead of hookups. See what happens. Worst case scenario, you learn a little bit and have some fun. Best case scenario, you find someone you really hit it off with.

(in reply to petdave)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/13/2008 11:10:51 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Total agreement here. If more of the men on this site had a genuine interest in who a woman actually IS-rather than just as an object to stick thier dicks into-we would all be much happier.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 3/13/2008 11:11:33 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 4:39:50 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		 
I would have preferred this to be less gender-specific.
Bottom line for everyone:
Stop complaining
Don’t expect other people to change
If what you do doesn’t work, try something else

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 6:41:24 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		fast reply

i have no problems finding men - keep the profile simple and state "currently not looking" at the end.  it seems the men who have contacted me thus far skip that part when sending that first message.


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 6:52:39 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

That's what I find annoying, complacency.


New mail filter checkoff!


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 6:53:18 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Mmmm can't realy answer this as I am not looking for men. Sorry guys did'nt mean to deflate a few egos. I have made some great women friends thru here. As to what StormsSlvae said agressiveness does work. Just show a little interest and let the guy take it from there.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 7:50:02 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

 
I would have preferred this to be less gender-specific.
Bottom line for everyone:
Stop complaining
Don’t expect other people to change
If what you do doesn’t work, try something else


I was planning to churn out part two today: For guys, how to find women here.  There's a lot more men here than women, and social roles define how men and women meet somewhat differently.  Yet the irony would be that "do the search yourself, and use the forums" is exactly what men are already doing

Stephan


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Men: Find a Woman here

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 8:11:06 AM   
SireKane


Posts: 105
Joined: 1/22/2004
Status: offline 		I don't know what the hell women online are complaining about, the internet for women is a testosterone filled goldmine for them. All a women has to do is create a profile , which sometimes may only consist of one short sentence, with a picture that may or may not be her, and her mailbox gets flooded with responses from interested men. The internet is a vehicle which drives men to women by the herd. It sounds to me like some women are complaining about having to sort through the hundreds of reponses from men who are interersted in them,   If the shoe were on the other foot, I'd doubt that many men would be complaining. In general you don't truly get to know someone through a website. I understand to due to time and distant some have no other choice. I think these websites are good for making the initial introduction. If you truly want to get to know someone you'll need to do it the "Old Fashioned" way, meet face to face.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 8:17:35 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Because of the distance factor meeting face to face is not an option for many. Use it for an itnitial introduction untill the opportunity to meet face to face happens.

(in reply to SireKane)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 8:21:59 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SireKane

I don't know what the hell women online are complaining about, the internet for women is a testosterone filled goldmine for them.
[snip]

There's alotta "fools gold" in them thar hills!

I like Stephan's advice, but I wonder if some might get annoyed that a sub has written to them and her profile is hidden? It seems to me that has been a complaint as well.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 9:00:36 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

 
I would have preferred this to be less gender-specific.
Bottom line for everyone:
Stop complaining
Don’t expect other people to change
If what you do doesn’t work, try something else

i agree catize
 
And Stephann - you have made a valid point.
 
Personally, i have never understood the complaints about e-mails that proliferate these forums and i tend to view these rants as "attention calls". CM provides so many options for dealing with this issue - someone said it very well on another thread - stop empowering written words to control your behavior and/or mood~
 
i think those that complain about excessive unwanted mail should consider cloaking their profile or at the very least remove their picture and have a generic profile without info.
 
Really though, quit complaining people...you have the power~

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(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 10:01:09 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		dawnthreader I don't have a profile pic but thats is CM's fault. I think they thought that the overload of mail to my box would shortout their servers.   

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 10:36:15 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

dawnthreader I don't have a profile pic but thats is CM's fault. I think they thought that the overload of mail to my box would shortout their servers.   


ROFL!!!!!!!!!
However, you do have some beautiful women as friends on your profile...that should up your e-mail count - even i left you a message! That right there will probably cause a tsunami - i will warn CM to update their server

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 11:06:35 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I agree with a lot of what the OP says.  I'm certainly in agreement with the forums being the best part of the site.  I tend to think I gather more about a person from the forums than I do from profiles.  For example, I would have never realized Stephan was a fellow South Park fan, had I not read this particular thread.

Though it has nothing to do with actually finding anyone, I don't think I would especially throw the filters on the mail controls.  I have some of the best conversations with people who wouldn't fit into the little box that would be set up by the parameters.  I prefer the mail all in one place, rather than different folders.



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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 11:17:22 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think that filters would be useless. Im a good example of that. Everyone has their opinions and they vary so how would you filter them.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 11:53:47 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
 I would have never realized Stephan was a fellow South Park fan, had I not read this particular thread.

[snip]

Say it ain't so...



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Don't believe everything you think...

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 12:17:04 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		You...You get your bitch ass in the kitchen!!  And make me some pie!!

Seriously, the advice is aimed at a very particular segment of people who aren't looking to just make casual friends; typically singles who don't live close enough to active BDSM communities.  This is the advice someone who grows up in Greenville, Michigan (population 7,000) might want to use, since their closest BDSM community is in Grand Rapids (Population 200,000), and almost four hours from Detroit.  Obviously, they're not close enough to a large enough group of kinky folk to simply meet for coffee after a couple days of chatting, and would need to rely more heavily on a personals site to find someone who matches their tastes.

For people already happy with their primary relationships and aren't looking for anything in particular, it isn't quite so necessary to go looking for that nothing in particular.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/14/2008 1:08:36 PM   
Sundowner


Posts: 2549
Joined: 3/11/2007
Status: offline 		 


  Just a quick clappie to say interesting thread and a variety of good comments - nice one Stephan; very nice one.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 60
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