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RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/16/2008 3:37:28 PM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline 		Taking responsibility for the search is the best way to find who and what you're looking for. But alas, that goes against the grain of both women in our culture and submissives. It is something far too few actually do.

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 1:09:39 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I assume you meant this for female submissives?  I take exception that you seem to be speaking for all females, Dominas included.---
 



You're welcome to take all the exceptions you'd like.  My suggestions are aimed at all women who use online personals.  It's not a dominant/submissive thing, it's a male/female ratio thing.  Again, your milage may vary.

On a touchy subject about this; I'm not saying everyone should turn off their profile.  I'm illustrating how people doing the search legwork dramatically increase the chances of finding compatible souls.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to LadyHathor)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 1:33:48 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Would you like some pie with your South Park?



I invented pie. Everybody likes pie.

It''s the good  ice cream that's the problem. I prefer Haagen Das coconut /pineapple.


< Message edited by cjan -- 3/18/2008 1:38:21 AM >

(in reply to subtee)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 1:39:31 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjan

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Would you like some pie with your South Park?







Pie ? I invented pie. Everybody likes pie.

It's the good  ice cream that's the problem. I prefer Haagen Das coconut /pineapple.

< Message edited by cjan -- 3/18/2008 1:44:14 AM >

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 3:05:47 AM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

Stephann:Actually read their profiles. 
I search between 47 and 54 years old. There is one chick whose journal is nothing but "why are all the Doms on here such pussies? Why are they afraid to contact me? Waaaaa poor me. You chickenshit pussies! You look at my profile but you're afraid to contact me! Where are the REAL men?" This chick is fucking nuts.
 
OK, that was a bit off-topic.


quote:

 Leatherist: But that would be work......god forbid someone feel so unwanted that they had to play the hunter, and actually put forth EFFORT.
 
 After all, are not women the queens here-and the males merely postulants?
You're spelling is horrible. It's pissants. Or is is Peasants?

Anyways, I have found that women (I can't speak to men) seem to be too impatient, and to place too much stock in the written word. Even with the telephone one cannot watch body language, but with the written word, one cannot tell inflection, tone of voice, and so on. Really, with only a short profile and a couple e-mails, I, anyway, can't tell fuck-all. I have only blown off one person here, and that was only after 3 months of e-mails & a few phone calls with someone who lives maybe 10 miles from me, and kept saying she wanted to meet, come over for dinner, all that shit, but the actions didn't match the words. I have made a couple poor assumptions,  and gotten frustrated and irritated, but that was MY impatience, and my failure to take a walk in her shoes. I have owned up to my errors, and (hopefully) made amends.

Sometimes I don't remember that there is a living, breathing human being on the other keyboard with her own desires, opinions, problems, LIFE. I think that that is very often the case from her side, too. I'm just words on a screen, not someone who has feelings, needs, difficulties, skills, a different LIFE.

Maybe she's read some shit here and CastleRealm and has some goofy-assed notion of what a "Dom" is. A Twue Dom. Or she's read some really bad Sci-fi books and... well, I won't go into that. But there is a LOT of projection about preconceptions, and when some people find themselves dealing with a person who is a little more complicated than some Anime character, they run away. Leatherist tells it true; it IS too difficult for some women to put forth the effort. (a reminder: I cannot speak for men. I'm pretty straight.) A few e-mails is hardly any way to decide. Now, true, if some turkey-dick goes straight into the "on yer knees and suck" bullshit, sure, 86 that ass-maggot. But if you stumble across someone who (like a friend does on b.com) asks you about where you grew up, what your favorite dish is, your favorite vacation, and so on, well, that's a fucking 2x4 over your head. Wake the fuck up. Try to be a real human woman and not a disposable cunt. Personally, some of the fawning ass-rimming "Massah be god" shit I read here and elsewhere nauseates me. I'm thrilled it works for you. Me, honestly, I'd cut my fucking balls off before I'd go subjugating myself for some so-called "submissive" who manipulates me into melting wax on her or fisting her ass or flogging her tits because that is what she really wants and is letting me think it's my idea because that is what she really wants.

You know why there are so many "submissives," Dom-boys? It's because they have to be out there, in the underground, to get what they want, because they know so many "straight" men can't deal with female sexuality. They get into BDSM because that is really about the best way women can express their strong sexuality. You're just a means to an end, sparkie.

Ever watch a John Holmes film. Do you guys really think Johnny is controlling those scenes? HA!  Those chicks rule that dick.
\
Some guy on some thread I read tonight was playing with his nuts, going on about how HE laid down the rules and HE told the bitches what the limits were and if THEY didn't like it THEY could get the fuck on down the road.  Mr. SuperUberLordMasterDom wouldn't get anywhere close to that lovely Labia if she didn't want him there. And he thinks he rules HER? AH hahahaha I'm cracking up.

Here' some of my cynicism coming out:
I'm fairly sure I can have much more truthful and real conversations with BearGoneWild than I can with almost all the so-called "Doms" here. This is not to say that gay men can't be full-of-shit assholes. It is to say that gay men seem to be (IMO) more in touch with their sexuality and don't confuse being "camp" with reality. Some of the most honest convos about sexuality I ever had were with: A gay-poz man I "adopted"; a playmate I had back around 02 I introduced to fisting and poppers (and got her to get a passport, but she flaked out); Betsy and Jennie (most especially Jennie); and a couple others, kinda minor.
I'm not gonna go totally into my sexuality, but  there have been very few with whom I have been able to be completely open with. Same with B.com, and same, evidently, here. So it goes.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 7:39:33 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		so, any success stories?

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to cjan)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 12:26:35 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster

Some guy on some thread I read tonight was playing with his nuts, going on about how HE laid down the rules and HE told the bitches what the limits were and if THEY didn't like it THEY could get the fuck on down the road.  Mr. SuperUberLordMasterDom wouldn't get anywhere close to that lovely Labia if she didn't want him there. And he thinks he rules HER? AH hahahaha I'm cracking up.



Cynic or not, I usually adopt Mr SuperUberLordMasterDom's position, I'm just a little smoother about it.

Not every woman has a Harlequin fantasy burned into her head about what form her special gift of submission need take.  My slave has a pretty firm concept of what she enjoys within her slavery (play rape, kidnapping activities, feeling like she's being abused, getting massaged) but I consider her preferences to be just that.  I enjoy her for the person she is; her slavery stems from a mutual desire to please each other.  That doesn't mean it's her cunt that rules; it means we're fortunate to be compatible both intellectually, and sexually.  When comes out of her yapper that makes me twitch, she usually gets slapped.  The moment I stop slapping her, will probably be a moment where she'd look back a few weeks or months later and say "that's when I just didn't want to be with you."  Her 'fantasy' of being owned, means she's disciplined.  My 'fantasy' of owning her, means disciplining her.  For one or the other of us to cease to play into that 'fantasy', would mean the beginning of the end of the 'real' relationship we are now within.

So yeah, no chick rules my dick.  I'm not with her because I can't get a piece elsewhere.  I'm with her because I fucking love that bitch.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 12:30:03 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

Taking responsibility for the search is the best way to find who and what you're looking for. But alas, that goes against the grain of both women in our culture and submissives. It is something far too few actually do.


Actually.. men too... I wouldn't be so quick to condemn women that way.. its just human and crosses both genders...

someone below also said women are impatient.. OH MY GOD are men amazingly impatient! 

(in reply to UncleNasty)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/18/2008 10:19:30 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline 		Stephan, you've read enough of my posts to know that I go way over the top with hyperbole.

My main point (well, it was my main point until I got distracted by something shiny  ) an
d which was echoed from her POV by Madame4a is that many of us can be unrealistically impatient. By that I mean so caught up in our own fantasies that we forget that there is a real, live person on the other end of the connection with her/his own life, problems, commitments, insecurities, fantasies, and such. I certainly have been guilty of not remembering that.

I'll bet most of us have had the experience of exchanging a few emails, getting to know something about someone, perhaps we've talked to them on the phone a couple times, everything is looking good, there's a lot in common including the kink, then they dematerialize. I had that happen once mid-phone call. Not talking about anything in particular, as I recall. Childhood experiences, growing up in farming country, cheeses and sausage, could have been the beautiful carved wood in Notre Dame. Nothing deep or intimate. Poof! Only a few days before it was "...but your profile was absolutely awesome." and "I'm enjoying talking to you, too, and am completely fine not talking about the kinky stuff just yet." and "That would definitely be my dream yard, planting and dividing and landscaping, etc.  I could have my hands in dirt all day and be happy.  Of course, I would have to have a few tomato plants and an herb garden, too." (in reference to my house and yard) and "Actually, its not that I can't focus, it's just that there are so many things that I want to talk about, I get overwhelmed and frustrated and just give up." (I don't think there are any clues as to who this could be, so I feel OK posting a couple sentences from emails) The initial phone convo lasted over 3 hours.

Shit like that baffles me and frustrates the hell out of me. It's frustrating in that you can exchange all this info, but you still don't really know very much about what that person is really like. There are no non-verbal cues, no natural ebb and flow to the conversation (phone; writing is usually completely contrived), no inflections, you can't look into the person's eyes (which I'm really big about), no casual touching. How in the hell can someone make a judgment based on so little? Truly, it baffles me.

Well, whatever. This post won't change anything; posting on a message board is sort of like talking to ones' self, I find.  Namaste 

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 2:19:20 AM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hmm... i'm starting to feel being transgendered is a good enough filter. :) i don't get too much mail and out of the mails i get maybe 10% are from very nice people, so i feel that is a lot.  And i do agree, doing work yourself helps alot too. i've learned to know some very nice people by sending mails myself.:)

heidi


_____________________________

"The most difficult thing is trying not to forget who you really want to be." - Nong Toom

(in reply to SinergyNstrumpet)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 9:01:28 AM   
apleasureslave


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/25/2006
Status: offline 		i must admit you're probably right. although many men are hidden and so how can i know for sure? i have tried that approach at times, and not sure why it didn't lead anywhere. some men don't like to be approached. 

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 12:00:39 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Real_Trouble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Redoubt
I would like to agree with the poster who said making yourself invisible removes the chance of meeting someone who really is ideal for you...


Thank you. 

Perhaps unsurprisingly, there is something you said I think is quite valuable as well...


Hiya folks,

First off, as I hope I mentioned, this is aimed at women who are 'actively seeking' partners, a relationship, etc.  Casual "I'm just here to look around/chat/post on the boards" members aren't likely to have the same expectations.

What I'm suggesting with the turning profile off thing, is that it provides an imperative for the woman to do the leg work for a time.  I'm not suggesting it remain turned off indefinitely, or even that she must turn it off if she doesn't wish to.  Rather, it's to embrace a very different mindset, of doing the sifting and sorting instead of succumbing to the temptation to go digging through her inbox to see what fish might have landed there by accident.

After she's done the legwork for a few weeks, hopefully she'll have established a few solid leads and (hopefully) have established herself a bit on the message boards.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster

Stephan, you've read enough of my posts to know that I go way over the top with hyperbole.

My main point (well, it was my main point until I got distracted by something shiny  ) an
d which was echoed from her POV by Madame4a is that many of us can be unrealistically impatient. By that I mean so caught up in our own fantasies that we forget that there is a real, live person on the other end of the connection with her/his own life, problems, commitments, insecurities, fantasies, and such. I certainly have been guilty of not remembering that.


Oh, sure.  I was on a tangent myself there.

You're absolutely right though.  In my experience, I think I've learned to sift the wheat from the chaff (so to speak) pretty well.  In your case, my first thought would be "she's probably involved with someone else already, and is playing the field on the sly."  One of the first questions I ask when I do some real time contact with a woman (chat or phone) is "so, have a husband? kids? dog? pet rock?"  I try to keep it a light question, with a very serious intent: if you're already involved, now's the time to tell me before anyone gets disappointed.  I remember reading somewhere that 40% of people looking for a relationship online are already in committed relationships.

I've had all manner of oddness happen in meeting people online.  When I was in Michigan, I had a girl in Saskatchewan that I'd talked with for three months.  We agreed to meet.  First she told me she had plane tickets to come to me (listing the flight numbers, etc.)  No show.  Then she told me she was driving.  Later she called claiming to be in Detroit, only a few hours away (I didn't have caller ID at the time.)  I didn't hear again from her for two weeks.  Another girl claimed to be driving to see me in Texas from Arizona.  She claimed to be halfway on the last call I ever got from her.  As my slave reads this over my shoulder, she says "have you ever considered that all these women who were coming to meet you were kidnapped or murdered?"  The common trend with these women, were that they had all of my contact information (phone number, address, etc) yet I only had a number that sometimes worked.  It was a case of my ignoring what were (as I look back) obvious warning signs that something was just wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: apleasureslave

i must admit you're probably right. although many men are hidden and so how can i know for sure? i have tried that approach at times, and not sure why it didn't lead anywhere. some men don't like to be approached. 


Men with 'hidden' profiles, I would suggest, usually do so because they're trying to maintain several simultaneous online relationships with more than one girl.  He expects the girls to all be faithful to him, and promises each undying and undivided love.  There might be other reasons, but I figure those guys are the minority.

As for approaching men, most men appreciate it.  This doesn't mean the men you're approaching are available or will actually be interested in you.  Figure that if you write three people, one will respond, and of the three responses you get, one will be someone you could actually connect with.  Sounds like a fair bit of work, but I figure it adds up to about an hour of writing, to meet someone you'll actually enjoy spending  several hours worth of getting to know them.

Regards,

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to Real_Trouble)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 12:02:02 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster


quote:

 Leatherist
 
 After all, are not women the queens here-and the males merely postulants?
You're spelling is horrible. It's pissants. Or is is Peasants?



Postulant : applicant

Just sayin' :)

The rst of your post is interesting, i like your "voice"




_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 12:12:59 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline 		Stephan: "Men with 'hidden' profiles, I would suggest, usually do so because they're trying to maintain several simultaneous online relationships with more than one girl."
Well, I have my profile hidden right now, but that is because I have allowed some negativity to creep in, and I need to rewrite it. I don't know how to get some of my points across in a suitably neutral manner, and with subtlety. I have to remember that everyone reads things with their own unique "spin" on that which they read. I'm playing to a wide audience (but, ultimately, just one; how's that for irony?), so I have to write with the "lowest common denominator" (not the right phrase) in mind.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 12:15:04 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
Postulant : applicant

Just sayin' :)

The rst of your post is interesting, i like your "voice"



If that's to me, TY. Peace.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 1:01:18 PM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I would say good luck by relying upon the profiles out here.

I haven't noticed people openly discussing their unemployment, spouse, weight or living at home....Good luck to you all.....May you all be horribly taken advantage of.
Hmmm, well, I hit 3 of the 4. No spouse.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 1:57:24 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think my issue with seeking in this way is that it seems to be better geared toward finding a kinky partner.  Many of us want partners who fit in to all our lives.  Sifting and sorting in a site where men (and women) list their kink, maybe their age and location does sort of put a person in the position of saying "you may fit"  LOL and meaning that in the loosest terms.
For me the search will always remain in the local arena of men I meet, and might find compatible. 
I guess I don't need this enough to go out of my way to sort.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann
Rather, it's to embrace a very different mindset, of doing the sifting and sorting instead of succumbing to the temptation to go digging through her inbox to see what fish might have landed there by accident.

After she's done the legwork for a few weeks, hopefully she'll have established a few solid leads and (hopefully) have established herself a bit on the message boards.



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 2:06:40 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		Let me just say "Fuck you for being straight Stephan".

Just sayin, ya know.

Oh wait....... you're straight, I couldn't fuck you.

Crap.

Oh wait....... this IS a kinky kind of a place, ya know.

Well then.

Oh wait....... my kink wouldn't necessarily be your kink.

Aw fuck me.

Oh wait....... that would be topping from the bottom.

Let me just say, "nevermind".

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 3:08:24 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hippiekinkster

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry
Postulant : applicant

Just sayin' :)

The rst of your post is interesting, i like your "voice"



If that's to me, TY. Peace.


It was and YW peace right back atcha!


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Hippiekinkster)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: For women: how to find a man here - 3/19/2008 3:10:04 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Im just waiting for a Women: How to Find a Woman here :P

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 100
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