BitaTruble
Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Masterssj
i am new and still in training , and i am trying to understand the practice of ignoring a submissive as a way of teaching .
i sort of understand what i did and dont at the same time , my Master asked me to accomplish something and i did so , i was happy i did accomplish this for him but then i heard nothing back from him and i pushed for a response , i also saw he had been on collarme and i made a comment about his being on here and not being able to respond to me , so now i am on ignore and phone messages and emails are not answered .
i am trying to understand this practice and how it teaches us something . i really dont understand how ignoring teaches anything . i admit i have alot to learn and i am trying , so how do i get through these periods of being ignored ?
There's not a single person on here who wasn't new at some point, so try not to beat yourself up (I'm going to re-address beating yourself up later) when you stumble over a pebble and this is a pebble. The boulders which block the path completely will come later on. 
Okay, down to business. First and foremost, recognize your own culpability. He had you perform a given task. You performed it. All good so far. Then, instead of realizing that he is the dominant, you took it upon yourself to try to do his job and dictate how his dominance should manifest in reaction to the task which you performed: seeking the pat on the head for the job well done or something along those lines. (Most of us go through that by the way. You know, "Damn it. You're not Mastering me the way I think you should!" (Been there done that, got the t-shirt. Took a long time to realize there is a reason they're on one side of the slash and I'm on the other. Those silly dominants don't think they have control, they actually do.)
Seriously, not a big breech, (and to some not a breech at all) but a breech to your dominant none-the-less and very common among folks new to their submission. It's about the control (or the authority), who has it and who has to give it up. The rewards you get (if any) come from him. The punishments you garner (if any) come from him (which is why I stated earlier not to beat yourself up .. it's not your job to determine whether or not you deserve such .. it's his job). The time you spend in his presence (person, phone, computer time) is time which he allows you to spend.
Okay, so what is the purpose of his ignoring you and what is it teaching you? Look inside yourself. What is silence doing to you? Well, it's keeping you completely focused on him for one thing. When will he contact me? What will he say? I'll write to him, I'll call him! Oh no! He's still ignoring me! When will it end?! When will this hell be over!?
I'm an objective observer and it sure seems to me that ignoring you is working out pretty damn well.
Then, there's this ...
quote:
i think i am learning to speak only when spoken to , only in short yes and no Master answers and just plain shut up so i dont get in this trouble again .... sort of like the heck with communication , if i want to keep my Master , i best say and type nothing to him unless he asks something ... because i really do not wish to lose him .
Still dictating your own submission. Still doing what 'you' think instead of what he desires. Still submitting on your own terms instead of his.
Hanging on feels safer. I know. It can be really hard to let go of your comfort zones, but, you know, you can try it. See how it works. See if you're ready to take the next step and actually let go of some of the power you have and embrace what you may become without fear. You need to get naked. Bare yourself, not wrap yourself up in a swaddling clothe and shut down. You don't have to do it all at once, but if you're going to do it at all, you have to start sometime.
If I were you and I had learned the lesson in the silence, I would write one time, let him know what I had learned, then let it go. It's his path. You can choose to walk on it because you think it's compatible with you or not, but don't try to plow out new routes in his design. It's just not going to work.
Good luck to you,
Celeste
_____________________________
"Oh, so it's just like Rock, paper, scissors." He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."
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RE: being ignored by your Master - 
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I don't do relationships where lack of communication is a communication tool. Just doesn't work for me. Been there, done that, won't go there again. 
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