RE: being ignored by your Master

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/28/2008 7:55:14 PM

Leatherist

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Not one of my methods-if something is wrong I will say so.

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/28/2008 9:49:38 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I agree with what you're saying about the forums. But, the OPs post was between two people in a relationship. It's not some guy on a forum being an idiot.

As I said, it's one thing to communicate that there will be a period of no contact and the reason why. But, to just stop talking and stop staying in contact with no explaination is classic passive agressive behavior.

I totally agree, OsideGirl, and was about to type what you said above about there being a big difference between some idiot stranger on the forums and the person you're supposedly in an intimate relationship with.

I agree with LaT, too, though on some points. Someone who is desperate for attention can oftentimes best be handled by refusing to give them the amount of attention they want, exactly when they want it, true. However, drama and being an attention whore are not the only reasons we read here of subs/slaves being "ignored." Denying demands for excessive attention is one thing. Being passive aggressive or refusing to talk openly and face up to issues is altogether something different. We read here alot about such "ignoring" being done for a garden variety of reasons or to "train" someone. Usually, I think it's utter nonsense and a lazy, cowardly way of dealing with one's partner.

I think you both make very good points. In the end, though, I would say even if one's sub/slave is overly dramatic and attention seeking, ignoring the behavior isn't going to make it disappear. I would say in that case it's even more vital to speak out about it and get to the root of the problem. Ignoring any type of bad behavior isn't going to be a long-term fix. It may stop the immediate "tantrum" but isn't going to change the underlying problems leading to such outbursts..............luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 6/28/2008 9:50:43 PM >

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 2:16:15 AM

winterlight

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Joined: 2/18/2006
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If I had a Master that ignored me I would be gone so fast. A better teaching tool is to explain the transgression and talk about it. I am an adult treat me like one. Don't
act like a child by ignoring somebody. That just gets me to enjoy being ignored and if you cannot converse with me about the problem why should I be with you?
I understand it is a teaching tool but I think it is a wrong one. If I were to ignore my Dominant how does that make me look? The same....There are better methods of teaching..

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 4:51:54 AM

candystripper

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterssj

i am new and still in training , and i am trying to understand the practice of ignoring a submissive as a way of teaching .

i sort of understand what i did and dont at the same time , my Master asked me to accomplish something and i did so , i was happy i did accomplish this for him but then i heard nothing back from him and i pushed for a response , i also saw he had been on collarme and i made a comment about his being on here and not being able to respond to me , so now i am on ignore and phone messages and emails are not answered .

i am trying to understand this practice and how it teaches us something . i really dont understand how ignoring teaches anything . i admit i have alot to learn and i am trying , so how do i get through these periods of being ignored ?

please no durogatory comments about my Master , he is a genuinely awesome man and this is about my learning how to handle things .

Okay, no derogatory comments, I promise.

Seems to me you are being disciplined. Your Master probably wants you to figure out what you did wrong. I guessing here, but the error may have been mentioning you saw Him on CM and pushing Him to respond. Maybe He thinks it's topping from the bottom. Could be lots of things.

From what I gather, the purpose of discipline is primarially to put a submissive back on the right track. In order for it to work she has to know what she did wrong, or the lesson is not learned.

Ask your Master when your 'ignore' period is over, would be my thought.

Best wishes.

candystripper

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 4:56:03 AM

NumberSix

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so how do i get through these periods of being ignored ?

What can you learn from that sentence?

Secondly, if you accomplish anything and have to be lavishly praised for it........nah......sometimes thats just life.

Oh, you breathed today, wiped your ass and everything? Good girl!!!!

6

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 4:59:57 AM

RavenMuse

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About your learning? sure, if what you are being taught is what to expect from a non-Dominant! you don't want dergoatory comments? Tough sweetie because ignoring someone You have a responcibility for is passive-agressive tosh done by people who are not strong enough to tackle a problem head on so they ignore it till it hopefully goes away... usually accompanied by trying to make the girl feel it was their fault rather than the so-called Master abdicating his responcibility.

If My girl does something wrong, I deal with it, I don't hide from it.

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 5:11:25 AM

MasterHermes

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It seems like its been couple months this thread started. My response is not directed to the OP's situation but effectiveness of ignoring in general. While communication is important , there are times its not a valuable option anymore. For example how many times can you communicate on the same issue? If its third time he is discussing the same subject with you, an attempt for fourth time would look silly in the future. Or there are times you dont need to say anything because she knows what she did wrong exactly . There are times communicating is the worst possible option because you know either you or she will fail to do so and turn the situation into crises. There are many different situations and communication is not one solution fits all .

I do use ignoring as a method. It wouldn't work if it was used in a situation she is clueless what is going on and why she is being ignored. But there are times it becomes the most effective punishment if I just turn my face other way. That tells her "you disappointed me" . In some cases its more effective than physical punishment. I do not believe it would be a good method for long distance, online relationships. Because she would feel lost and panic. If you are living together or in a very close distance where you can see each other regularly then it works as intended. There are different ways of ignoring her. Not looking her face in the same room is effective and usually enough. Instead of asking her to do something, doing it yourself as you do not need her sends the message. Sometimes even these are not necessary. A flat voice tone explains everything when you speak to her.

There need to be a connection between Master and slave at a emotional level in order to this method work. It also works as intended if its a lifestyle BDSM relationship instead of based on "play time" . So this also is not a solutions fits all. Still it is effective in the right hands.

Be well
Hermes

< Message edited by MasterHermes -- 6/29/2008 5:44:13 AM >

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 5:15:22 AM

barelynangel

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Hi all,

Just out of curiosity but wouldn't it be more effective for a Man to tell the girl not to contact him until he contacts her because he is not pleased with her, than you make it into this big guessing game of === should i stay or should i go == idea because she has no clue what is happening? Punishment is usually a concept that is effective because you know what it is that you did and that you are being disciplined, not a guessing game wherein the girl has to go outside the relationship to try and figure out what the hell is going on. To me, if you were living together it would be different, but stopping communication because he KNOWS you can't utilize your other senses to realize the relationship itself is still there, he just isn't talking to you. To me, on the Man's part that is a copout. If he is punishing you, he should tell you that at the very least. and not take advantage of the fact he doesn't live with you and your only form of being in a relationship is through communication.

Just my take on what was being described. angel

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 7:09:48 AM

DarkSteven

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I think that ignoring is an effective disciplinary method, especially with Masterssj. However, the Dom in question is being a jerk. The proper method would be to EXPLAIN what the sub did wrong and EXPLAIN that she is being disciplined by being ignored.

Masterssj, this guy is inept. If you have to guess at what he wants (or have a whole forum full of D/s people guessing), he cannot communicate. If you want a whole lifetime filled with fiiguring out what he wants because he's too lazy/uncaring to open his mouth, you've got your opportunity.

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 10:28:15 AM

Missokyst

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It looks like the profile for masterssj has gone. Maybe that means ignoring did not work after all.
It wouldn't have worked on me at all. I find that people choose not to communicate because they don't know what to say. "masterly" decisions to ignore without giving just cause feels immature and I could never see that as an in control trait. <g> Besides, when I am ignored I go shopping.
Kyst

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RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/29/2008 10:53:44 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Besides, when I am ignored I go shopping.
Kyst

Sorry, Missokyst, but I refuse to tolerate shopping from the bottom.

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Post #: 91