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RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 2:46:34 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Call me crazy, but in my world, words are only a fraction of the ways to communicate.

Yet another reason why I won't do online.



oh yah.... I'm with you...

and online is open to a million interpretations, most of which are wrong...

I like to look into someone's eyes

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 2:53:28 PM   
Masterssj


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline 		 
When i did my task and wished his response , it was to know if i had accomplished it the way he wished it to be done .
One writer was correct , i admit to doubts of my security with him when i saw he had been on the site , am i the only submissive who has worried about losing her Master ? it isnt because i distrust him , its more of  my fears of losing him , that i may not be good enough and knowing in reality , a Master can do as he pleases when he pleases and changing their mind is part of that reality and i responded the wrong way , and now i am paying the price for it .

this has turned out to be the worst week between being really sick with a major flu / allergy and bronchitis all at once , which makes me a cranky patient , i screwed up with my Master big time for the first time and the worst part of the week was no communication from him ...

i do appreciate this forum for being here and helping me realize some things . thank you





(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 2:55:02 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		the bottom line.. its always good to get other perspectives -- something you might not have thought of...

good luck with this, by the way

(in reply to Masterssj)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 2:56:55 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterssj


When i did my task and wished his response , it was to know if i had accomplished it the way he wished it to be done .
One writer was correct , i admit to doubts of my security with him when i saw he had been on the site , am i the only submissive who has worried about losing her Master ? it isnt because i distrust him , its more of  my fears of losing him , that i may not be good enough and knowing in reality , a Master can do as he pleases when he pleases and changing their mind is part of that reality and i responded the wrong way , and now i am paying the price for it .

this has turned out to be the worst week between being really sick with a major flu / allergy and bronchitis all at once , which makes me a cranky patient , i screwed up with my Master big time for the first time and the worst part of the week was no communication from him ...

i do appreciate this forum for being here and helping me realize some things . thank you







Just try to chill out and show some understanding of what may be his postion now. Fear is the mind killer-let it go. Post a link from this to him if you must-and forget about it-find something else to do.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Masterssj)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 3:18:32 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterssj

i screwed up with my Master big time for the first time and the worst part of the week was no communication from him ...


Take a deep breath, and know that most mistakes are fixable.  I have majorly and hugely screwed up before (I think what you are going through now is a learning curve and not an over-the-top screw up), and with the right focus and humility, was able to turn that ship around.  Probably the best thing you can do right now is apologize and wait patiently.  And, as someone close to me reminds me time and again, remember to breathe. :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Masterssj)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 4:55:09 PM   
MistressVnus


Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline
quote:

And, as someone close to me reminds me time and again, remember to breathe. :)


Yes.  Don't forget to breath!!

You've realized the error.  Done deal.
Just relax, occupy yourself, and when he contacts you (and he will) apologize and have a calm discussion (in your adult person) about what you've learned and how you felt through all of this. 
You'll be fine.
All will be fine.
Best wishes.


_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 9:37:05 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I've always viewed "ignoring" as not being an adult. It's one thing to tell the other person in your life that you're not ready to talk, it's another thing to pout and ignore. It's passive aggressive and not what I would consider a dominant trait.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lally3)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 9:40:15 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

So the sub fucks up and suffers consequences-and it'a always the dom's fault? How typically misleading.


Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!!!!!   I am not saying anything like that .......  I posted my response as in questioning if her feelings had to do  with doubts/insecurities  about her Dom...basically suggesting she may need to go with her gut feelings if she thinks he is just using her in the mean time while searching for someone else.....these kind of things do happen

sorry if you took it to mean I was responding  to an early comment of yours  ..... I don't state when I use the Fast reply to post my responses.   


_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation - I can find the way myself

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 9:49:42 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterssj

i appreciate the responses , its not an '' online thing '' we just do not live together .

i have asked for a response and not received one , so i am guessing that is the wrong thing to do from what i am gathering here .


I think the root of your problem is contained in the above comment.  You're "guessing" how you are meant to behave, what Master wishes of you.  You need to have a clear communication of his expectations with regards to email communications and other behaviors.  You can't possibly win playing a guessing game, and it will only lead to frustration on both sides, I would think. 

If your Master does believe in ignoring if you have not performed a task (for example) to his satisfaction, then you should be informed by him that this is a tactic he will employ and what he expects of you while he is ignoring you.  Does he wish you to use this period of time as a reflection on how you can improve your behavior or on your mistake?  Does he wish you to journal your thoughts and feelings during this time so that you can pour out the emotions you feel at being blocked from his attention? 

My Master doesn't employ 'ignoring' as a discipline.  His expectations are generally clear, and if I need guidance, I ask for it.  I know there will be consequences should I goof up. 

Best of luck to you in your journey.

(in reply to Masterssj)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 9:56:06 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Dunno about the rest of you the only time I ignore a girl is when she's dumped.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:01:21 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Bita ..

Brilliant post.  Thank you for the 'food for thought'. 


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:04:00 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		i can understand completly where You are coming from with Your anger/fear/resentment/frustration/paranoia etc. regarding the fact that He was on here and He couldn't even respond to Your email. i believe i'm very fortunate because the one i'm with now, knows of my past issues with being cheated on, used, etc. etc. through this wonderful medium so He would never intentionally do something like that to me. Additionally, i've done the whole 'being ignored thing' and frankly it doesn't work for me. Personally, when i'm being ignored it makes me feel more desperate, out of control, etc. i hope this works out for You. And remember You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
Kali


_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to Masterssj)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:15:57 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterssj

i screwed up with my Master big time for the first time and the worst part of the week was no communication from him ...


Take a deep breath, and know that most mistakes are fixable.  I have majorly and hugely screwed up before (I think what you are going through now is a learning curve and not an over-the-top screw up), and with the right focus and humility, was able to turn that ship around.  Probably the best thing you can do right now is apologize and wait patiently.  And, as someone close to me reminds me time and again, remember to breathe. :)


I agree with the learning curve that ownedgirlie speaks of above.  One of the toughest things I'm realizing about such curves (and boy, are there ever some doozies!) is that sometimes when I'm in the midst of a curve ... I have absolutely no idea.  I don't recognize it, I feel like I'm floundering and my feet have been knocked out from under me.

At those times I'm trying to remind myself to regain my focus.  I am finding that journaling in our blog is helping me with this. It's a struggle, and can be uncomfortable at times.  Just today Master discussed something with me that for some reason isn't sitting well in my head - I'm not understanding it and I just know I'm missing something .. but it's not 'clicking'.  Just know you're not alone on this journey.  The great advice you've gotten on this thread is from those who have a longer time on this journey and have learned more than we have at this time.  Give it some thought and perhaps you will be able to find some peace. 


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:24:45 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bound2One

I agree with the learning curve that ownedgirlie speaks of above.  One of the toughest things I'm realizing about such curves (and boy, are there ever some doozies!) is that sometimes when I'm in the midst of a curve ... I have absolutely no idea.  I don't recognize it, I feel like I'm floundering and my feet have been knocked out from under me.


My former pattern used to be that for whatever reason, just before I was about to make it around another really big bend (in my learning curve, lol), I would totally screw up.  Typically it was fear/insecurity related.  I'd create a problem, cause myself a whole bunch of grief, and the whamo - I'd figure it out and everything would come together.  It took me a long time to get to that "figure it out" part without all the preceding drama.  Ugh.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:25:45 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maya2001

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

So the sub fucks up and suffers consequences-and it'a always the dom's fault? How typically misleading.


Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!!!!!   I am not saying anything like that .......  I posted my response as in questioning if her feelings had to do  with doubts/insecurities  about her Dom...basically suggesting she may need to go with her gut feelings if she thinks he is just using her in the mean time while searching for someone else.....these kind of things do happen

sorry if you took it to mean I was responding  to an early comment of yours  ..... I don't state when I use the Fast reply to post my responses.   



My bad, I'm sorry. Just gets my goat a bit when I see people bashin on tops. We do tend to have different styles-maybe the one this guy uses just isn't right for that girl. It happens.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Maya2001)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:26:54 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

My former pattern used to be that for whatever reason, just before I was about to make it around another really big bend (in my learning curve, lol), I would totally screw up.  Typically it was fear/insecurity related.  I'd create a problem, cause myself a whole bunch of grief, and the whamo - I'd figure it out and everything would come together.  It took me a long time to get to that "figure it out" part without all the preceding drama.  Ugh.


Thanks so much for sharing this - it's the old 'one step forward/two steps back' dance.  It's very good to hear others who have experienced the same.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going a bit batty.  lol 

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:28:51 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		No no no....you have it wrong.  TWO steps forward, ONE step back.  You are always advancing!  :)

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 10:31:12 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

No no no....you have it wrong.  TWO steps forward, ONE step back.  You are always advancing!  :)



Dang, you're right of course.  I much prefer it your way!  It's late... time for bed.  lol   

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 11:01:30 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..the ignore..sighs..I have always found the ignore to be rather diametrically opposed to our usual mantra of COMMUNICATION..ignoring is not communicating..ignoring is what it is, ignoring!..but, there can be pro-active ways of ignoring..such as the Dominant can state, I do not wish to communicate with your for x number of days for this reason..and then the ignore begins..and gives the submissive time to reflect on the actions that caused such displeasure..but to ignore with no time or even reason to contemplate..only to speculate..to me, is unproductive in any way shape or form...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/21/2008 11:58:53 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

No no no....you have it wrong.  TWO steps forward, ONE step back.  You are always advancing!  :)


Ah, but owned, growth doesn't, necessarily, mean you need to advance. There are always going to be moments when you "just can't get there from here".  

If you look at a wall in front of you and it's 8 feet high and 10 feet wide and it just doesn't look as if the damn thing will ever be broken so you can advance, you may need to take that step backwards to come at it from a different angle. Taking two steps foward is only going to smack your nose into the wall! Ouch!

Two steps forward, one step back when that works ... two steps forward, one step back, then, sometimes you need to step to the side. It might not seem as if you've made any progress because you're actually back a bit on the path, but, the reality is you've changed your direction and now can take those two steps foward without smacking your nose into the wall. Now you can see that wall is still pretty damn tall and still pretty damn wide .. but it's not nearly as thick as you thought so now that you have the whole picture and even though it's still going to take some work to knock it down, you've learned you can. You have hope.

Don't ever be afraid to go sidewise, or to crawl instead of walk, or to skip or to run or to spread your fucking wings and fly, baby. You do what you need to do to go where you need to go. You don't put limits on Mr. W .. don't put them on yourself either.

I'd love to jump off a mountain with you. I have a feeling the eagles would be jealous.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 3/22/2008 12:01:10 AM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 60
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