RE: being ignored by your Master

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: being ignored by your Master

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: being ignored by your Master

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 12:13:54 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

No wonder my nose got so flat.

Sidestep the wall? What happened to tearing down the wall and blasting through it?? (I seem to recall someone telling me to do that....)

Yeah, I know what you mean. But advancing is the key. None of us want to remain stagnant (at least no one I spend my time with), and overall....in the big picture...we do advance, no matter what means we use to do it. That's the point I was trying to relay before, little miss technical.

And jumping off a mountain?? Let's go, baby. I just went to a fanatastic 80 waterfall which dropped into the ocean about 40 miles south of Point Lobos...took a photo of that paradise that is quite inviting. Wanna go there for our jump?? It's beeeeautiful!

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 61

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 12:31:49 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

No wonder my nose got so flat.

Sidestep the wall? What happened to tearing down the wall and blasting through it?? (I seem to recall someone telling me to do that....)

::hands you a pair of glasses and a magnifying glass::

"Now you can see that wall is still pretty damn tall and still pretty damn wide .. but it's not nearly as thick as you thought so now that you have the whole picture and even though it's still going to take some work to knock it down, you've learned you can."

quote:

Yeah, I know what you mean. But advancing is the key.

Advancing is the goal, not the key. Knowing how to advance is the key which means knowing which direction to point your toes and if you are only aware of a single direction, viola .. smashed nose ... and owie, owie. I've had plenty of black eyes from smashing my nose on that damn wall. Wish someone had told me 25 years ago I could have moved my feet instead! ::laughs:: I mean, seriously, I don't really think it was necessary for me to smash my nose 1000 times when 500 would have done the job equally as well!

I'd have saved a fortune in Breath-rite strips!

quote:

None of us want to remain stagnant (at least no one I spend my time with), and overall....in the big picture...we do advance, no matter what means we use to do it. That's the point I was trying to relay before, little miss technical.

From one literalist to another!

Would agree that if someone believes they must take two steps foward to advance and aren't made aware of the other sorts of steps, that can end up hindering growth? Newbies be about and you know how I like to expose myself to the masses!

quote:

And jumping off a mountain?? Let's go, baby. I just went to a fanatastic 80 waterfall which dropped into the ocean about 40 miles south of Point Lobos...took a photo of that paradise that is quite inviting. Wanna go there for our jump?? It's beeeeautiful!

Yeeeeeeeees!!

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 62

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 12:40:44 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

::hands you a pair of glasses and a magnifying glass::

"Now you can see that wall is still pretty damn tall and still pretty damn wide .. but it's not nearly as thick as you thought so now that you have the whole picture and even though it's still going to take some work to knock it down, you've learned you can."

Oh. Thanks. I'm getting old.

quote:

Advancing is the goal, not the key. Knowing how to advance is the key which means knowing which direction to point your toes and if you are only aware of a single direction, viola .. smashed nose ... and owie, owie. I've had plenty of black eyes from smashing my nose on that damn wall. Wish someone had told me 25 years ago I could have moved my feet instead! ::laughs:: I mean, seriously, I don't really think it was necessary for me to smash my nose 1000 times when 500 would have done the job equally as well! I'd have saved a fortune in Breath-rite strips!

Okay okay, sheesh. Let's talk keys. Serving Mr. W the best I can is the goal. Advancing is a key to get to that goal. Knowing how to advance is a key to get to....ah hell, it's late and this is making me dizzy.

quote:

From one literalist to another! Would agree that if someone believes they must take two steps foward to advance and aren't made aware of the other sorts of steps, that can end up hindering growth? Newbies be about and you know how I like to expose myself to the masses!

Into public exposure now are ya? What if they don't consent? (ducks)

And yes, I would agree that all means of advancement should be offered.

quote:

Yeeeeeeeees!!

Ha! I sent you pics.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 63

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 12:46:07 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Into public exposure now are ya?

Oh no, hon. It's not a 'now' thing.. more of 'it's always been that way' thing.

quote:

What if they don't consent? (ducks)

Yeah, well, if you read my profile you know I only believe in 'mostly' consensual.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 64

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 12:50:13 AM

NJDominantX

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

Great posts

< Message edited by NJDominantX -- 3/22/2008 12:52:39 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 65

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 5:38:07 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

my ex, who i was with for 20 years, did the silent treatment thing. sometimes for a day or so, sometimes longer. i never had a clue what it was about. eventually i learned to do it also. and amazingly, it was unacceptable behavior to him to have the game played back that way. go figger.

with my dom, once i did something wrong and i was told to not contact him in any way for a week. so i did it. twice during that week he contacted me to ask if i was ok and i said yes, in a shakey voice and that was the extent of the communication.

after a week, it was over, i knew what i had done wrong and knew i would never repeat that. the cut off for a week, with a clear meaning attached to it was extremely effective. im sure there would have to be adjustments if living with someone, but the way the domly one did it, it did not bother me a bit once it was over.

now just doing it for a week like the ex then sayin c'mere gimme sum of that monk, and expecting me to jump at the chance......well, that didnt fly with me.

good luck to the op.....this too shall pass if its meant to, and like someone else said, its just a pebble.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to NJDominantX)

Post #: 66

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 6:16:12 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I've always viewed "ignoring" as not being an adult. It's one thing to tell the other person in your life that you're not ready to talk, it's another thing to pout and ignore. It's passive aggressive and not what I would consider a dominant trait.

I disagree. I will use these forums as an example. How many times have we seen someone constantly posting all sorts of rediculous stuff, starting threads outlining their issues, then ignoring every bit of sensible advice they get? We have one or two that have been quite prolific lately. They are not really looking for advice, they are looking for attention, and they get it.

In my opinion, buying into that is what is not dominant. If you constantly give this type of attention seeker what they are asking for with their behaviour then you are, in effect, submitting to them. Regardless of the type of attention you give them. It is still feeding their desire for attention.

The best way to break that negative pattern in that person is to stop submitting to their request. Then, when they realize that the old pattern or habit will not work for them and they are at a loss, THAT is when it is time to communicate. Until then, they are not going to listen to the words. They only know that they suceeded in their quest for attention.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 67

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 11:13:53 AM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

good points LaTigresse, i hadn't thought of it in those terms...

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 68

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/22/2008 11:28:24 AM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Sorry but if your goal is a mature relationship the ignore treatment, unless for specific actions and communicated clearly with a set time limit, is something for the immature and petty. It hinders open communication instead of encouraging it. This also sound like an online relationship so ignore could just mean to busy or not feeling like he wants to respond.

If it is a set punishment for a specific action then treat it like any other punishment. Accept it, think about what you did wrong, hope to learn for your mistake, and if it was just one of those unavoidable ones or you after thought did not think you deserves just focus on taking it to show your devotion and dedication to your other.

Well said. I might use "ignoring" as a punishment for a specific failure or transgression, but my submissive would have to know I'm ignoring her and the reason for my action. Otherwise, how can it be a punishment?

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 69

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/23/2008 4:29:54 PM

Sageandaslave

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Masterssj

i am new and still in training , and i am trying to understand the practice of ignoring a submissive as a way of teaching .

i sort of understand what i did and dont at the same time , my Master asked me to accomplish something and i did so , i was happy i did accomplish this for him but then i heard nothing back from him and i pushed for a response , i also saw he had been on collarme and i made a comment about his being on here and not being able to respond to me , so now i am on ignore and phone messages and emails are not answered .

i am trying to understand this practice and how it teaches us something . i really dont understand how ignoring teaches anything . i admit i have alot to learn and i am trying , so how do i get through these periods of being ignored ?

please no durogatory comments about my Master , he is a genuinely awesome man and this is about my learning how to handle things .

I was asked by my lovely slave Bound2One to look at this post and if desired to post feedback. Ultimately, a Master is responsible for the behaviour of a slave. In an Absolute Power Exchange or Total Power Exchange without communication, actions of the leading party can be considered abuse. That is whether it is consensual or not.

From what was described by the post above, it would seem unreasonable to endure such a punishment without first having an explanation as to why the Master was displeased. If what was said is true, it borders on abandonment. This is not acceptable form of Mastery or punishment for that matter. Punishments should be swift and appropriate, then the transgression should be forgotten. Positive reinforcement, communication are always key to establishing effective self control and the control of a slave.

It is apparent, by the lack of communication and effort by the Master results in a use of a "tactic" of ignoring. This girl that really needs to have an explanation for what she did wrong no only to avert punishment, but to create unity between Master and slave. (Two bodies one soul) I hope I didnt lose anyone here.

< Message edited by Sageandaslave -- 3/23/2008 4:30:34 PM >

_____________________________

Its a matter of education, application of knowledge and communication to achieve the power of love.

Master Sage

(in reply to Masterssj)

Post #: 70

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/23/2008 7:29:18 PM

Chained48

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/28/2008
Status: offline

Hi all.......new here but wanted to jump in here on this post. I was with my Master 10 years (real time), and I did not respond well to this AT ALL. It only made me learn to not talk to him, to never ever let things out, to be afraid of this all the time. It just made me feel abandoned and hurt my interactions with him, rather than teaching me something.

Lucky Albatross........I couldnt say it any better!
"That being said, ignoring people only works if you want them to be scared and confused and pretend to be good to not rock the boat. If you want actual mature communication and strong relationship building, it's pretty bad. "

(in reply to lally3)

Post #: 71

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/23/2008 9:05:51 PM

korushe

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

Hello
Yes ignor was an kind of punishmend, and this an verry hard. We all life only in the relationship to the others. Slaves more than all other becouse her life was connected to the owner. All of the joy or pain comes from him. To be ignored was an kind today to let the slave alone. Alone with her mind. In the old time some peoples have send the slaves out to life with the sheeps as sheep far away from the owner and the family. Or slaves was putted in leather under the earth with connection to the air some days. An verry good trainig for the mind of slaves was to bonded him and give him an lot of salt in the mouth, than let him alone in the dark. Realy darkness. And good trainer will have allways an eye on the slave, from far so that the slave dont know it. This give the slave the feeling of hlepless. And only the owner can endig this. His mercy can bring you back. Sorry but i was so, the most humes learn the wealthy of things only if the missed this. And the near of the owner, his hand on your head, his voice, his smell should make you glad. Slaves have only few rights to get this all, but with her service she can get this as redward. This was one of the things becouse trained slaves was more wealthy than free partners. Normal couple lost with the time the attend for the other and all between dies. An lot of couples life only side by side without to see the other. And an good owner will alltimes know what the slave does, but this means not that he will comment it. Bring an woman every day an rose, and after an short time it was not importend for her. But give her an rose if she done expect it and she will be happy. And she should not ask becouse he dont have done this every time. This was one of the lections of the japanese chery flower. Only 3 up to 10 days in the year the flower was present. An short time in the life of one year and nobody can take the time back. The time you was ignored was most time hard. Than every day you dont learn the lession you lost, and this can be sometimes years. So think about it and try to learn, learn in your heard and in your souls not only in the mind.
Korushe

(in reply to Chained48)

Post #: 72

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/23/2008 9:40:55 PM

Maestro66babycak

Posts: 396
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

I dont know, normally if someone ignores me for no reason I think they are a twat.

Ignoring me to "train" me doesnt work on me. It only makes me want to dump the person ignoring me.Hell, I can be in a vanilla relationship and be ignored.

_____________________________

I live between the Rock and the Hard Place.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 73

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/23/2008 11:21:17 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Sheep? There's supposed to be sheep? At least if you were sent to live with the sheep, you would know why.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Maestro66babycak)

Post #: 74

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/24/2008 4:20:32 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

~FR~

At one point i was ignored by a Dom who refused to tell me what had angered him. I called him a coward and lost all respect for him. As it turned out he was blaming me for something i did not do.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 75

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/24/2008 4:30:38 AM

Masterssj

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

i emailed my Master on here and told him i have made this account and asked his approval and nearly fainted when i found a message from him giving me approval as this was the first contact from him .

He has indicated we will have contact soon .

i will never understand some tactics used by Dominants and probaly never will understand it all but i am grateful for a forum to learn from and thank you to all who responded to me and gave me things to consider that i had not thought about and helping me maintain through the weekend .

sj

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 76

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/24/2008 8:53:34 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I've always viewed "ignoring" as not being an adult. It's one thing to tell the other person in your life that you're not ready to talk, it's another thing to pout and ignore. It's passive aggressive and not what I would consider a dominant trait.

I disagree. I will use these forums as an example. How many times have we seen someone constantly posting all sorts of rediculous stuff, starting threads outlining their issues, then ignoring every bit of sensible advice they get? We have one or two that have been quite prolific lately. They are not really looking for advice, they are looking for attention, and they get it.

In my opinion, buying into that is what is not dominant. If you constantly give this type of attention seeker what they are asking for with their behaviour then you are, in effect, submitting to them. Regardless of the type of attention you give them. It is still feeding their desire for attention.

The best way to break that negative pattern in that person is to stop submitting to their request. Then, when they realize that the old pattern or habit will not work for them and they are at a loss, THAT is when it is time to communicate. Until then, they are not going to listen to the words. They only know that they suceeded in their quest for attention.

I agree with what you're saying about the forums. But, the OPs post was between two people in a relationship. It's not some guy on a forum being an idiot.

As I said, it's one thing to communicate that there will be a period of no contact and the reason why. But, to just stop talking and stop staying in contact with no explaination is classic passive agressive behavior.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 77

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/24/2008 9:42:13 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I think it applies, regardless.

If I am faced with someone, either literally or figuratively, that is acting out just for attention, has a history of doing whatever it takes to create drama and get attention. I am going to ignore the drama and theatrics until they are ready to calm down and have a rational discussion about the "whys" rather than the "whats".

I refuse to buy into someone's imature pleading for attention, to constantly make it always about them and their stupid shit.

I liken this whole topic to a toddler I once knew that thought the best way to get her way was to throw herself down on the floor with much dramatic kicking and screaming, in the middle of whomever happened to be around. Asking what was wrong did not end the behaviour, discipline did not end the behaviour. Pretending she was not even there, stopped it in its tracks.

After a minute of ruckus, when she realized that no one was paying attention, she lifted her head, looked around, stood and went on about her business of playing as though nothing had happened. That was the last time the temper tantrum happened. The next time someone told her no, she accepted it as the answer and went back to previous activities.

There are many adults that behave just as rediculously in a bid for attention, especially when they don't get their way. Giving the attention is rewarding the negative behaviour. If I am going to give a reward it will be for positive not negative.

I also understand there are a fair amount of very emotionally needy people in this world. I have periods of time in which I don't feel like communicating very much with anyone. If that is deemed "ignoring" to someone, they probably should avoid me at all costs.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 78

RE: being ignored by your Master - 3/24/2008 5:09:19 PM

awakenednj

Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Brilliant Bita.

I think one of the hardest things a sub has to learn, is that they don't get to control the reactions of the dom. And that what silence often says is this.

The only direction you can push me in, is away. When you show yourself understanding of that-we will see what happens next. When you cease trying to BE the Dom, I 'll let you explore being the sub instead.

My Sir used ignoring me this weekend. I know i earned it-but man does it smart. I am really glad you posted this. I kinda came to these conclusions myself... but Leatherist and Bita- your words are hitting home for me and kinda helping me relax my grip on what I've always known.... I've re-read your posts about a hundred times now, so i thought i'd say thanks.

Why is it the hardest thing to just bow your head... when you know the end result is exactly what you want. Kinda like when you grip something really hard for too long and then your fingers wont unlock whe you need/want them to...

< Message edited by awakenednj -- 3/24/2008 5:32:57 PM >

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 79

RE: being ignored by your Master - 6/28/2008 7:24:30 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

My former (notice I said FORMER) Master used this so called "punishment" on me one too many times. All it does it completely BLOCK communication so that problems will never be worked out. Has never been and will never be a good punishment tactic in my book. My new Master knows what has happened in the past and swears He will never ignore me as punishment. I can definitely live with that.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to awakenednj)

Post #: 80

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: being ignored by your Master

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 [4] 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094