luvdragonx
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Joined: 6/22/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: misskittyslave
A few months ago i was hanging out with a dominant and he and i were discussing this very issue...He posed this question to me and several other submissives and generally there were three responses
QUESTION if your dom/me said walk in front of that moving bus what would your reaction be
RESPONSE A FU no way that will get me killed
RESPONSE B as You wish Master
RESPONSE C of course Master because i know that You would do nothing that would get me killed
Upon further examination of these responses... A displays a lack of trust in their dominant not willing to risk getting killed not beleiving that the dominant can or is willing to take care of them, response B doesnt take responsability for themselves and would go off and do something so endangering because they were told to (the group that is a prime target for abuse and group C who has the ability to know that T/their relationship is trustworth and safe risky yes but safe they would say yes because they know that their dominant would never ask them to kill themselves to please Him/Her
Could it be that A. IS taking responsibility for herself, where her own sense of self-preservation and worth supercede the supposed trust in her Dom? Especially when it comes to a request to walk in front of a bus. Maybe that is the response the Dom wants - to know that his sub can take care of and think for herself where her life is concerned.
Maybe B is the sub who has committed herself to her Dom 100% and she is perfectly happy doing whatever he wishes, even if it means her own demise. That would demonstrate unconditional trust and obedience, which is something that a lot of Doms want as well.
C would be the one to worry about because she is acting on a belief that may or may not be true - that her Dominant would never get her killed. He may not intend to kill her, that doesn't mean it couldn't happen.
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i am often accused of living by my ideology and under "rose colored glasses" perhaps that is because Master M would ensure my safety and i am aware that if HE told me to do somethin gi could do it knowing He would stop short before i was injured. then again that is my relationship. what about the other relationships however? what happens to those submissives the ones in group B
Like I said before, that is the relationship YOU have, and since it works for you that's great. Refer back to my take on groups B and C. What happens to them? Why, whatever they allow. Each adult is responsible for their choices, and those other subs who are not like you will live the consequences of their choices, whatever they may be. If you want to use your relationship as an example of how a relationship CAN be, that's fair. But to suggest that relationships that aren't like yours are somehow flawed or wrong or dangerous is overstepping.
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someone said in one of their responses that a dominant is the bdsm realm is the same as a dominant in the rest of the world perhaps i do not understand that one bit. perhaps i am confusing a dominant personality with a dictatorship the difference between someone who deserves to be yielded to and someone who whether you like it or not takes what they want with flagrant disregard for anything around them and where there are no principles except those that would please them. a dominant personality to me is one that is strong can control a situation unlike the dictatorship i forescribed
You probably answered your own question. Dominance in BDSM is not the same as dictatorship (defined). Dominance is dominance regardless of the setting. The difference comes in how it's exercised.
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of course if a sub is happy and agrees to what is going on then it is not abuse..i am sure if i went to the doctor after some of my scenes W/we might be misinterpreted as something that is domestic violence in the nilla realm but that is different than me being taken in on a stretcher and out to the coroner because the dominant is "evil" and didnt protect me. Personally i play hard. Others play harder and i see nothing wrong in that either, still others cannot fathom how i can endure what i do in a scene that is... still i feel, everyone missing the point here....
No, we get it. You do things in a way that works for and that you understand and can live with. What's being missed is that not everyone assigns the same level of responsibility to Doms that you do.
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in psychology class our lifestyle can be considered some sort of phelia at times alright fine that said when does it become a phelia? when it is no longer pleasing and interferes and becomes problematic with daily life functions in a dibilitaing way. that is the pont of view i am looking at when a relationship becomes dabilitating when it is no longer healthy and interferes in ones ability to function ie broken unrepairable dead emotionally or physically this is the point and no one has the right to do so to another
safe sane consentual lets examine this a bit especially to those that "dont believe in it"
safe -when no permanant damage occurs to someone mentally or physically
sane- a much harder thing to interpret but generally in my view if you are able to distinguish what will prevent permanant harm and what will not that is sane if you lose sight of that there is a problem
consentual- can i guess that most of U/us at least agree to this? willing participants
Again, it's all subjective. Safe to me isn't safe to you, and vice-versa. Same goes for sane. Even consent can be blurry, as others have pointed out quite well here, and on other threads. You have to let go of the idea that there is a 'right' way to do things, especially where relationships are concerned.
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Never Without Love
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RE: discipline or abuse - 
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