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ORIGINAL: misskittyslave
BUT sometimes even then if a sub is in subspace should a dominant not be able to guage what is safe if a sub cannot reply or know at that given time what is in their best interest?

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what it boils down to is this...submissives agree to serve and give and trust and obey with expectations that they are not permanantly damaged emotionally or physically. there is a difference between pain and hurt. responsible adults participating in activities that might be risky will take all necessary precations to ensure the well being of all the parties involved. do accidents soemtimes occur ? yes is an accident abuse? no but careless and reckless behavior with little regard for the one on the receiving end of the punishment is Just because he/she submits doesnt mean that they are no longer living beings whose safety should be neglected.

One can not neglect taking and keeping the submissives safety both mentally and physically into mind during "play" One must take careful consideration and steps making sure that they minimize potential risks to the submissive. when we surrender ourselves and place our very lives in the hands of another our well being is now the shared responsability of the person we entrust it to and for them to think otherwise well....in my opinion should feel the business end of the cane

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The important thing for me, when responding to a post, is that I'm true to myself, and am honest in my posting, sharing my experiences as accurately as I can, in the hopes that someone, somewhere might benefit.

To me, that's all that's important.

Lily

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I have a responsibility to tell him when enough is enough, not because I simply don't want to continue but because physically or emotionally I can not. However, I have a responsiblity not only to Him but to myself to communicate with him. He is my best friend, he knows me better than anyone else in the world. However, there are times he will stop a scene because he is not sure if he is going to far and I will beg him to continue. Without communication, without open communication how can we expect our Dominates to know anything, they are not mind readers, they are not physcic and just because something was to much last week does not mean it will be to much today.

My other issue is this. I have seen many times within the lifestyle scene where people agree to do scenes or even take the collar of a Domante they are only vagueling familiar with. I will NEVER understand this. This to me is expecting a stranger to know you, know your bodys reactions, your breath, your expressions, your heart rate, your reactions of arousal verses pain and where that line lies. In your line of thinking this bottom has no responsibility for their own safety.

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ORIGINAL: misskittyslave
i only add to it that in SOME circumastances ie when so far into subspace a dom needs to step back and realize we MIGHT not be able to communicate effectively or that the masochist in us is so aroused and wanting that we might not kow the damage that is being caused so should also know when to stop it is a shared responsability.

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perhps i am not that big of a risk taker cause i wont do a scene with a stranger unless Maseter has set it up for me and negotated the details ahead of time as He and i have an already established relationship and He knows my limits wel.

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ORIGINAL: misskittyslave
i only add to it that in SOME circumastances ie when so far into subspace a dom needs to step back and realize we MIGHT not be able to communicate effectively or that the masochist in us is so aroused and wanting that we might not kow the damage that is being caused so should also know when to stop it is a shared responsability.
Which IMO is saying "A dom shouldn't be a mind reader and a sub should take responsibility....except sometimes the dom should be a mind reader and sometimes the sub shouldn't need to take responsibility"
No what i am saying is that SOMETIMES not ALWYS but on those occassions wher you get the influx of chemicals into your brain as a sub aka subspace there are times when you ALONE need assistance when dealing with what limits are responsible and can cause you harm
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perhps i am not that big of a risk taker cause i wont do a scene with a stranger unless Maseter has set it up for me and negotated the details ahead of time as He and i have an already established relationship and He knows my limits wel.

No it just means you think your dom is a better negotiator and you feel him being there makes things more of a reasonable risk than you on your own.