Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: friends outside of the lifestyle


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 6:21:58 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		LA,

Not saying I aviod the open minded ones, just the closed minded ones.

Mike


(in reply to Poetryinpain)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 6:53:04 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Why tell? Why do people feel so inclined to let this shit be known? Are you not capable of privacy? I don't really want to know what my friends do with their cocks, cunts, toys, hands, asses and such....

None of my biz.

_____________________________



(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:02:05 PM   
Othie


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'm sorry, I didn't mean it in that way, I was just wondering about the interacting of people. I didn't mean that you should go around telling everyone you see what you do in the bedroom. But sometimes its nice to open up to a very close friend. But you do bring up a good point, I take it that you would rather not have it be something in the open? Is there a reason why?

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:08:51 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

To start with, I should tell you that this isn't a important question,just something I was thinking about, if you are short on time, by all means, skip it.

I have always had a bit of a interest in how people interact. I was wondering if you, as a Dom/Master, or a sub/slave, or as a couple, have, after telling someone outside of the lifestyle about your interests, noticed that they have treated you any different? I'm sure alot of people see it as "taboo" but then, alot of things that were seen as taboo and are something that people on a whole don't mind. Is the lifestyle there yet? Do you believe it will get there soon? or ever?
i don't share my sex life with all and sundry...just like i don't care about all of theirs.  If they aren't lifestyle...they may know i'm a freak..but that's about it, no specifics.

(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:10:32 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		O god no, I don't go into specifics. That'd be too awkward for me. >.>

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:18:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie
I take it that you would rather not have it be something in the open? Is there a reason why?


I really don't want to know that my father used to do my mother in the ass. I don't want to know if my sister whips her husband. Or if my nephew is attending swinging parties on Saturday nights.

The same way that I don't want a chew by chew account of someone's dinner. Or what their bowel habits are.

And since I don't want to know about theirs, I do them the favor of not telling them about mine.

In addition, by having the details be just for us, and not to be discussed by the guy at the gas station, it's special. It's something just between us, just for us, saved only for each other. There aren't that many things in this world that I want to be that special. This is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:22:59 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I don't share my views on my or anyone else's sexuality with casual friends any more than I share the amount of my net worth.   I detest the current trend where people think they have to share intimate life secrets with casual strangers.  Case in point:  Not long ago, I was at a political fundraiser/ cocktail party at a neighbor's house.  I don't know these people all that well.  Casual wave across the street, once a year block party, etc.   So on their coffee table in the room where we were meeting are several photo albums along with a bunch of family pictures.  These are clearly left out for people to look at.   One of our other neighbors starts leafing thru a photo book and I see her get this incredible look on her face of shock, and a bit of horror.   So later, I go look.  This book has several dozen pictures of the birth of our host and hostess's now 12 year old son.   And these aren't loving mom holding new baby/dad with baby/etc. pics.  These are full on camera about 2 ft from the action....Forgive me for being stodgy, and not Mr. Hip, cool and groovy.  I love the miracle of life...but I didn't really need to see how wide Marcy's pussy could get when pushed from the inside.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:23:12 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD
It's your choice but for me life is too short to waste with people that don't accept me or are closed minded.  Why would you wan't to spend time with a raciest or a some other type of closed minded person?  Are you going to be able to change thier mind?  No

Mike

But not all vanillas are racist, just as not all vanillas are closed and against kink or other peoples choices.  Avoiding all of a particular group based on a false prejudice makes YOU a type of racist in this situation.


Wonderful point, the small circle of people that I consider my best friends, would never hold this against me.
A couple of them, I don't share details with, because it is just not their cup of tea.
A few I can share details with, and they mainly laugh.
But then, I really don't need close friends that are not open minded and could be racist.
One of my best friends {my ex husband}, is a vanilla White man, whose best buddy is a gay Black woman!
This summer I look forward to partying at the gay bars, I fucking love Drag Queen Bingo!

I wanted to add I think people tend to be more accepting, and there is more diversity in general in cities and larger area's, the Washington area has kink friendly clubs, gay and lesbian clubs, and high number of people that don't fit into neat little boxes.
I am sure it is harder to find acceptance if you live out in the middle of bumfuck somewhere.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/13/2008 7:46:42 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:42:11 PM   
Othie


Posts: 30
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie
I take it that you would rather not have it be something in the open? Is there a reason why?


I really don't want to know that my father used to do my mother in the ass. I don't want to know if my sister whips her husband. Or if my nephew is attending swinging parties on Saturday nights.

The same way that I don't want a chew by chew account of someone's dinner. Or what their bowel habits are.

And since I don't want to know about theirs, I do them the favor of not telling them about mine.

In addition, by having the details be just for us, and not to be discussed by the guy at the gas station, it's special. It's something just between us, just for us, saved only for each other. There aren't that many things in this world that I want to be that special. This is.


I'm sorry, I wasn't clear on that. What I meant by open was the lifestyle being more open and more "in the light" then it is now.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 7:52:51 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie
I take it that you would rather not have it be something in the open? Is there a reason why?


I really don't want to know that my father used to do my mother in the ass. I don't want to know if my sister whips her husband. Or if my nephew is attending swinging parties on Saturday nights.

The same way that I don't want a chew by chew account of someone's dinner. Or what their bowel habits are.

And since I don't want to know about theirs, I do them the favor of not telling them about mine.

In addition, by having the details be just for us, and not to be discussed by the guy at the gas station, it's special. It's something just between us, just for us, saved only for each other. There aren't that many things in this world that I want to be that special. This is.


You know what, I adore most of your posts.
I guess I feel the same way, I don't selectively choose my friends based on what they do in the bedroom or the privacy of their own homes.
To each their own.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/13/2008 7:55:23 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:07:52 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

To start with, I should tell you that this isn't a important question,just something I was thinking about, if you are short on time, by all means, skip it.

I have always had a bit of a interest in how people interact. I was wondering if you, as a Dom/Master, or a sub/slave, or as a couple, have, after telling someone outside of the lifestyle about your interests, noticed that they have treated you any different? I'm sure alot of people see it as "taboo" but then, alot of things that were seen as taboo and are something that people on a whole don't mind. Is the lifestyle there yet? Do you believe it will get there soon? or ever?


My friends know most of what I am doing and certainly where I go and when as a matter of relitivel security (Means I can pick up the phone and have almost immediate back up if needs be. But then I have only a hand full of frieds who I trust with my life and the lives of my family and have done so many times. I do have a larger group who are not friends as I define the term, but as close aquaintences. Friends, Family and Aquaintences know what our lifestyles are. If they cant handle knowing that I am an active ordained pagan priest, live a Victorian Period Lifestyle and have a strong interest in BDSM, they have no place at my tabler or in my company. I work on the basis that whilst most people are a ble to coap with that, many will not enquire too closely and in reality very few people know details of what I do, will do, have done or the details of my private history. In fact few here in Australia except the elete and those who need to know, have any knowledge of my background as they would be unlikely to attend formal functions that I do, here in the USA or in the UK. It is, I find, better for most to know about my lifestyles as it is easier for some who do not know me and who seek the help of either a Pagan Priest (not fluff bunny) or a Psychologist who is sympethetic and who can help.

Cant help wponder why it is that some people jhere and in real life relate, judging by their inarticulate comments, sex with BDSM or kink lifestyles. In dpoing so they are misinforming new folk and letting them believe that BDSM and Kink involves sex. Bloody hell! get a grip and wake up to yourselves. Not everyonre has their heads in the gutter or in a condom.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)


(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:13:21 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I was sitting at dinner tonight with a big group of soccer moms... A very vanilla and very proper crowd..  We got to talking about disney movies and how some of them scare our um's..  I mentioned that I have never and will never watch Bambi..
One of the most ''proper" ladies calls across the table, big bright smile, "You'll watch people being tortured on the internet and in person but you won't watch Bambi?"  I laughed so hard I almost cried..
I'm glad I have the group of friends I have...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to Poetryinpain)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:14:59 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I was sitting at dinner tonight with a big group of soccer moms... A very vanilla and very proper crowd..  We got to talking about disney movies and how some of them scare our um's..  I mentioned that I have never and will never watch Bambi..
One of the most ''proper" ladies calls across the table, big bright smile, "You'll watch people being tortured on the internet and in person but you won't watch Bambi?"  I laughed so hard I almost cried..
I'm glad I have the group of friends I have...


that just rocks LMAO!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:17:33 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Why tell? Why do people feel so inclined to let this shit be known? Are you not capable of privacy? I don't really want to know what my friends do with their cocks, cunts, toys, hands, asses and such....

None of my biz.


It's not a matter of telling them the sex and play that goes on between he and I.  But they all know I don't confirm plans without his permission.  One very close friend who wants to share a house with me knows I won't because the way I live my life is contrary to what she would want to be privy to.  They know I am submissive to him in ways they don't understand.  And when those very close to me ask questions because they're concerned by what they don't understand, I take the time to lovingly explain myself to them.

To the OP, no, the people in my life who love me do not treat me differently because I have a relationship that is different to them.  They love me for who I am. They have all pretty much said they don't care what I do in my personal relationship - that's between me and Mr. Wonderful.  They love me because they love me.  One friend has trouble with the words Master and slave so I don't use them when talking to her.  They love me, and I love them, too, which means I don't need to push things on them that will disturb them.

In truth, most of whom I have told have been totally fascinated and have wanted to learn more.   And it's not a "youth" thing with them, since most of my friends are in their 40s and 50s.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:30:03 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		My sentiments exactly.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

Really I just don't waste my time with people outside of the lifestyle or with closed minds.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:36:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Why tell? Why do people feel so inclined to let this shit be known? Are you not capable of privacy? I don't really want to know what my friends do with their cocks, cunts, toys, hands, asses and such....

None of my biz.

It's not telling them THAT- it's telling them "He's not my boyfriend, he's my master."  It's not telling them I like kinky sex it's telling them "I have to ask permission before we can go, I'll let you know" and them not freaking out and thinking I'm abused.

Why does everyone only think of sex and kink?  My relationships are about dynamics which ARE different than ones you have in vanilla ones.  Sure I COULD pretend and use euphemisms that work "well enough" for vanillas, and I do that for my co workers and family and basically people I do not CHOOSE to socialize with but am in some form obligated to do so.

For friend?  Not going to happen.  I'm not going to pretend he's my boyfriend when he's my owner.  I'm not going to pretend he's my boyfriend when he's my boyfriend AND my owner.  That doesn't mean telling them I like nipple clamps, it means telling them that the way we work together is different from them and they may feel free to ask questions but probably won't notice it for the most part unless they really try.

Vanilla women get to flounce their engagement rings all over the place and get all squealy about it...but collars?  No way.  THAT is what is important to me.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:38:10 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I really don't want to know that my father used to do my mother in the ass.




_____________________________



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 8:48:42 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Aileen, I really think there are many here that don't understand that EVERYONE is not
interested in nor do they CARE what we did with our sex toys over the weekend, or that we
have a Daddy, or what great fun we can have with ropes, duct tape and banna's.

I think the key to a lot of this is having an open mind, period.
I have been different ALL of my life, so I have always had friends that were accepting of people that tend to be or think differently.
Lets see? I was "different" in Elementary school, Middle School, and High School, humm I have been "different" all my life!
I was never in the box, I was born outside the box, lol
 
Stumbling onto this "lifestyle" years ago did not change me as a person, nor the type of people that I would want as friends.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 4/13/2008 9:04:40 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 9:08:52 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline 		Once the last um moved out, We moved to a new house and converted our garage to a very nice dungeon.  From that point on, we decided to stay in our own little circle of friends.  No need to explain anything to anyone.  I DID have one vanilla friend left, but she was always one of those people who wanted to know everything.  Very prying, but not in a rude way.  We were having lunch one day and she caught me off guard.  I let something slip and she pounced on it right away.  I did my best to explain and she immediately began to piece things she knew already together.  Once she knew, she told me it was all behind us and 'no need to discuss it anymore'.  We are still extremely close friends, but she just doesn't want to know anything else about that aspect of my life.
My son (21 this year) has a pretty good idea of what's going on and it's a don't ask, don't tell kinda thing.  That goes both ways.  His older sister lives in Maryland- far, far away.  My husband's kids (all grown) probably have a pretty good idea as well, but then we've had some doubts about his daughter too.  Wouldn't be suprised to see her at a BDSM function as a domme.  lol
My father is dead and my mother and sister with her ums live out west so no problem there either.  My husband's parents are both dead.  That pretty much covers everyone.

I had a close friend who watched me date after my divorce.  At the wedding, she took my new husband (dominant also) aside and told him she had never seen me happier.  She went on to say that whatever he was doing, he should keep doing it.  If only she knew!!!
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/13/2008 9:17:07 PM   
MstrssScarlet


Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Othie

I'm sure alot of people see it as "taboo" but then, alot of things that were seen as taboo and are something that people on a whole don't mind. Is the lifestyle there yet? Do you believe it will get there soon? or ever?


The internet has made it a lot easier for us to get together in public, but I think we're still a long way from being accepted as "ok".  Eventually, if we work at it like the gay community has, I think we could become accepted or at least tolerated.

Young people tend to be more accepting of the lifestyle (IMO) because they're still at an experimental stage.  They're trying out a lot of things they couldn't when they were around their parents.  Given time, however, I think a lot of them close their minds back up again.  Not all of them, but probably most.  Have to fit in ya know.

Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Othie)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: friends outside of the lifestyle Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094