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RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/14/2008 11:57:42 PM

Rogue86

Posts: 42
Joined: 2/10/2008
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Everyone knows I'm a leatherman. What that means to different people, and the assumptions that they might make is none of my business. Most people who matter don't make assumptions or judgements. They ask questions, seek understanding, and in turn, enrich my world. I don't make it a habit of discussing what I do in the bedroom or playroom with people or in situations where the subject is inappropriate or irrelevant.

Rogue86

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RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/15/2008 4:48:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

If I show up with bruises, I want them to know it's CONSENSUAL.

I forgot that this is a worry a lot of you have. Since we're not into s & m, but instead into bondage, it didn't come to mind.

But for the rest, the "how can I tell someone I don't want a second glass of wine", I don't understand why someone doesn't just say "No thanks, could I have some water instead". I mean if your (generic you) friends are that pushy that they don't accept the word no, doesn't that mean you've been submitting to them and need to institute healthier boundaries and/or get a better class of friend?

"Thanks for the offer to go to the late movie showing but I've got to get to bed at a decent time. I'm working on fixing my sleep habits."

"No thanks, no dessert for me."

"No.

If your family and friends don't understand the word no, that's indicative of bounday issues and something you need to work on.

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RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/15/2008 11:16:32 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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Oh I was just using wine as an example. What it really boils down to is I'd rather not have a major component of my life that I can not share with my friends. Why have friends if I can't be myself with them? I don't go into detail about things any more than my friends go into detail about their relationships. But yes, I submit to the man. Why should I not share that with my friends? It makes me happy. They are happy I am happy. I'm private about the things I need to be private about. Hiding who I am as a person is no longer an option for me. If it works for others, yay! But it doesn't work for me. That's different than "in your face." I'm simply me. I get up, get dressed, look like your average gal, am close with my friends and family, and I choose to let those closest to me know the real me. It works all around, and the only one's seeming to take issue with it are the folks in this message board. Odd.

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RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/15/2008 12:26:04 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
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If it's what you're comfortable with, and what your friends are comfortable with, that's great. Some of my friends would be a mite uncomfortable if I said something like, "Oh, [insert name of hypothetical Dom here] won't let me do that." For them I might say something like, "Oh, [Mr. Hypothetical] has said that's bad for me, and I agree with him, so I'm not going to."

I'm not going to limit my friends to only those who understand about my intimate life. Even those who are close friends of long standing might not understand; they have known me since before I understood it myself. I'm not going to make them uncomfortable or concerned by discussing details (even broad details) of things they'd rather not know about. What they don't know won't hurt them or our relationship. And casual friends have not earned the right to know intimate stuff about me.

And there are some things that are simply not for public, or even private consumption outside of a relationship. That's just how I am. Everyone else has a right to run their lives in the manner that makes them most comfortable and most able to face themselves in the mirror each morning.

pip, very comfortable

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RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 4/15/2008 4:03:51 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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For me it's not "I'm not going to limit my friends to only those who understand my life." It's "They aren't really going to be good friends if they cannot understand and be happy about my life choices."

I'm not eliminating them, we simply eliminate eachother.

And I am talking friends, not casual acquaintances or co workers or general howdy-do folks. I have few friends, but they are solid gold.

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