ownedgirlie
Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
|
I appreciate your reply. It was thought provoking and informative.
quote:
Because so many of the people that do this are not mentally sound. I see way to many people who speak of abuse ...This "lifestyle" has not been found internally but has been reached from external circumstance. Many people have arrived here from a lack of self worth and other psychological wounds.
What if people came to that place of lacking self worth because they hadn't yet found where they belonged, and this was it? Why must the conclusion be that the path through hell brought them here, rather than they went through hell trying to find themselves because this is what they were missing?
Mind you, I do see what you are referring to. But I also realize that is not the case for all beings who land here.
quote:
I know that it is not a popular view. But many of the folks out here ain't mentally sound. I'm trying to avoid such words as "normal" and shit such as that....What in the fuck is normal?
What is normal? You tell me. Are most people in life mentally sound?
quote:
But there is such a thing as being damaged....It is an all to common of a theme out here.
I completely agree with you.
quote:
Too many men and woman are looking for something that doesn't compliment their energy...Not trying to go all spiritual on your ass. But for many I can tell that the need for this shit is not derived from one's "happy place."
Again I agree. I also believe this for many facets of life. Been to a church lately? How many in the congregation do you think are truly at peace? People seek "belonging" all over the place. Sometimes they just want a place to belong so they stop in whatever place will take them, whether or not it is right for them. But that isn't the case for everyone who has found their home and peace here. For many people, this really is where they belong, whether they came from a bad place or not.
If you knew a damaged and abused person who found solace in music, or writing, or sports, or work, or volunteering....etc....would you still be saying these things?
quote:
I'm a pretty fairly strong judge of people and how they work.....If you friends actually give a squirt about you....They were not relieved that your new and "next" relationship was one based upon a bdsm dynamic...Unless they thought that you were going to end up dead. They probably think that you are a nut and probably much worse. Why shouldn't they? Sometimes we don't have the ability to see the world for what it actually is....We see friendship where there is tolerance. We mistake a commitment for kindness.
All I can say to that is if you knew them and me in person, you would see how wrong you are. You know me by some posts on a message board. You don't know them at all, or what they have witnessed or experienced with me. But it is futile and silly to try to convince you or anyone else what my reality is, so I won't try. Just know that not everyone fits the picture you have in your mind.
quote:
It's like being overjoyed that a heroin addict is now using coke. Different drug to fill the ache. No healing....No realization. Just jumped from the fire to the frying pan.
I would never be happy that a heroin addict was still using drugs.
But what if the addict had only gone through all that crap because he hadn't found where he belonged yet? And what if, when he did find where he belonged (non drug related), everyone told him he's a fool, because he's only substituting one drug for another type of high. From what you are saying here, no one who has ever lived in hell can find their way out and be healthy. I personally think that's a pretty sad and pessimistic way of looking at the world, as I see much more hope and happiness to be had.
quote:
It is why you do have to be careful. There are a ton of motherfuckers out here that are not going to compliment your life but only bring it down.
Again I agree with you. It's why I have done some serious therapy and continue to work on myself and check in with myself. It's why I am totally open to my friends being blunt and honest with me, and I'll consider what they are telling me now, rather than ignore them. Living with your eyes and mind open does wonders.
quote:
I'm not saying that this is necessarily your lot....But it does strike one as a little "iffy" that after coming out of an abusive relationship this is what you found.
And I can absolutely understand where you're coming from here. In my case, not knowing what D/s was, not knowing about mastery and slavery and domination and submission, not knowing there were actual people who did this stuff, all I knew, at the age of 19 when I met my husband, is that I needed to submit to a man because it felt natural to me, and it felt right to me. And at 19, I was ill prepared to know what love really was, or to recognize the difference between dominant and domineering/abusive. So I lived a stifled and pathetic life, married to a sociopath who didn't have my best interest at heart. In my 30s, I discovered this thing called D/s, and everything made sense, and I realized what I was living was not at all what I had been seeking at the silly age of 19.
So I left the man, and found what finally made my heart peaceful. I understand that you see "iffyness" and I don't blame you. But when I realized how miserable I was in the marriage, I sought out what I really needed, and I left the marriage for it. Since doing that, I've visited 13 states, gone back to school, quit smoking, started exercising, went to therapy, and learned to really know and like myself. Of course my friends and family supported that!
quote:
"Out here" is not a typical slice of Americana....You got to be careful. Use common sense. Life is to short to get involved with people that have not come face to face with the realities of this world and how their experiences have altered their needs, views and perceptions of what is actually going on around them.
You know, when you step away from the mockery and sarcasm, you are rather impressive. :)
Thank you for indulging me in this conversation. I hope the OP doesn't mind the serious hijack, although I think it's somewhat on topic...sort of.
_____________________________
Good is the enemy of great.
|
RE: friends outside of the lifestyle - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread