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PhoenixRed -> Biggest pet peeves or "what people do that really piss you off" (4/15/2008 12:23:43 AM)
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Recently there was a thread started in the "Ask a Mistress" forum (http://www.collarchat.com/m_1782957/tm.htm) that raised the following issue:
quote:
ORIGINAL: TNstepsout
I don't really handle the first meet like an interview, more a casual conversation but I do like to work in some interview questions. What are some of the best questions you like to ask? What questions do you ask that seem to get the most bang for the buck so to speak? The ones that illicit really valuable information. I think I need to start going into these first meet with a little more preparation instead of like two people killing time til the plane starts boarding.
My (somewhat edited) response was:
quote:
ORIGINAL: PhoenixRed
I've found a question that has worked well for me in that it gives more of a glimpse into the person's "character". It's not related to BDSM at all, unless you want it specifically to pertain to that.
"What are your biggest pet peeves?"
Answers have an enormous range from "people who don't signal their lane changes" and "people who leave the cap off the toothpaste" to "people who take advantage of others' weaknesses for their own gain". I've been able to tell one guy was a neat freak, one was definitely ADD, etc...
It has actually amazed me how much I can learn about another person from the answers they give to that one simple question. I usually ask them to give at least 4 or 5 responses, just off the top of their head......I mean we all have things that other people do that bug us and naming 4 or 5 isn't all that hard, is it? [;)] Another way to ask the question is "What do other people, in general, do that makes you nuts, pisses you off even if you don't know why it pisses you off?"
The answers that are given can be a springboard to ask followup questions like, "why do you think that annoys you so much?". It can lead to commiseration such as, "ya know, that bugs me when people do that too!". If you find that most of their answers pertain to "when people lie about how they feel about you", "when people say one thing yet do another".....maybe they've had someone betray them or had a recent breakup in the past they might not have told you otherwise about. I guess what I'm getting at is that exploring what makes another person annoyed can possibly lead to some revelations about them.
Having said that, the answers any one person may give are highly context dependent. If someone has a bad week at work cause the boss is breathing down their neck, one answer might be "people who don't apprecate the hard work I do for them and have unrealistic expectations of timelines". That answer might not even enter their mind if you asked them the same question on a Monday just after they've had a great weekend. Well, that's some discussion of answers to that question for life in general.
If you're looking to glean more knowledge about what peeves they have that specifically pertain to BDSM and wiitwd....then it can easily be rephrased to "What are your biggest pet peeves about the lifestyle/BDSM?" Some possible answers that come to my mind, "People that aren't concerned with the safety of others", "People that think their philosophies of BDSM are the 'one twue way' and all the rest of us are just unenlightened buffoons".
I do personally think this question gives a major bang for the buck in finding out information about a new person that you're considering as a potential partner, and in your answers to the same question, will in turn give them some information about you. So, now I am curious.. what are some of the pet peeves you wonderful folks have regarding life, the universe and everything? I wanted to post this on the General Discussion board to get the widest range of responses from both sides of the kneel. Have at it folks, I'm very interested to see what kind of posts come out of this. [sm=book.gif]
*edited to make it more readable and less of a run-on diatribe! lol Paragraphs are good. :) *
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