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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 1:59:50 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

So... are you a Lifestyler? Maybe it's yes ... Maybe it's no... Hell maybe you see some as lifestylers and others as players....

I guess the question is... What do you think a lifestyler is in the first place.... and then what is everyone else that doesn't fit in your definition of a "Lifestyler"?

In this context, I associate "lifestyle" with a community; it provides for the realisation of common goals.

I like to think I'm an individual, but the community/lifestyle is useful where you can't get what you want without some form of support from the group. So, in a sense, everyone coming to this site with serious intent, is part of a community - there are degrees of involvement, of course.

I have my circle of friends whom I'm more than happy with, and have no wish to join a group, such as a munch, and become part of that pack. In any group you will see cliques forming, power struggles, name dropping etc - wherever possible, I err on the side of indifference to such groups.

Ideally, someone's posts will catch my eye and we'll begin a relationship - away from the "lifestyle". In terms of what that makes me, it doesn't matter one iota.

_____________________________

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Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 21

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 2:05:08 AM

Leatherist

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That's pretty much how I do it too. I find friends outside of the local "scene". Less bullshit, less ugliness. It seems to work for me, even though the group leader keeps shouting how that is just impossible!!!!!!

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Post #: 22

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 2:22:36 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

the group leader keeps shouting how that is just impossible!!!!!!

The leader thrives on fresh meat!

Unless the leader is a she, and high on your list of prey......

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 23

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 3:04:03 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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I am a lifestyler, but this is only one of the many lifestyles I consider myself part of. I dont think its as elitest as many otehrs, it is just that the D/s is something that is part of my everyday life, therefore it is a lifestyle.
Martial arts is something that is part of my everyday life, as is meditation... those are also lifestyles for me.
Thats how I see it.

I consider the opposite of a lifestyler to be a "weekend warrior", someone who dabbles but never actualy puts much time into it aside from the occasional attempt. This goes for D/s, martial arts and anything else there is out there that can be a lifestyle.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

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VampiresLair

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 24

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 3:27:12 AM

imndshadows

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Joined: 2/29/2008
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I have found that lifestyle can be overt or covert depending on the needs of the individuals. If someone likes and craves attention, overt, then no problem enjoy. Some like their lifestyle to be theirs alone fine also. It really does all come down to each person even within a relationship each person by simply being who they are, if they are honest with themself, and the interaction with others within the relationship will create a lifestyle.
I have found that there are more people that show a lifestyle rather than live it especially those who condemn the life of others these I have no respect for. Still that is them so just leave us alone feel superior if you need to and go about your business.

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 25

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 4:34:51 AM

Goddess2002

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Joined: 2/29/2008
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To say I am a "lifestyler" doesn't mean I am putting Myself into a little stereotype box....I use the term online to connote that 1. I am not a Pro (not that there's anything wrong with that!), and 2. I don't engage in D/s only occasionally. It's part of who I am. I don't really use the term in R/L because others can see this from My actions.

With My slave there are lots of vanilla elements, but the D/s undercurrent is still present regardless of how vanilla our activities are. It could be something as simple as opening doors for Me, but he and I are both fully aware of what this little action symbolizes in our relationship. That's what I mean as "lifestyle".

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 26

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 4:39:11 AM

RavenMuse

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There are many different 'groupings', mind sets, methadologys within the umbrella of WIITWD.

The basic 'which side of the Dynamic' is one such... Is someone being devisive if they ask for a submissive perspective? Or a Dominant perspective? No, they are simply looking for a responce from a particular section within Our generic body of kink to which their question is aimed to be particularly relevant.

Yes I am a lifestyler, I don't have a BDSM 'hat' I put on at weekends, this is who I am 24/7/365. That doesn't imply 'better', it is simply 'different'... Do you consider yourself better than the age players? the CP roleplayers who's only kink activity is acting out being kids in a school every few weekends? Better than the sadists and Masochists who don't DO D/s Dynamic at all?... or are they simply different.

All these groups ARE different and some questions ARE more relevant to them that to others. Identifying them as different and acknowledging that isn't insecure... in fact trying to treat everyone as if there are no differences, I view as either insecure OR PC bullshit.

The fact that there ARE so many differences is something to be relished, that despite all our Myriad differences there are some things We have in common. Site such as this are so interesting BECAUSE of those differences, the different perspectives that you can get on One apparently simple question. You can't get that if folks are not acknoledging there ARE indeed differences.

YOU maybe insecure and when YOU make a comparison YOU make doing it to feel 'better' than someone else..... some compair what They do with others to examine those differences, learn a bit more about them and about the different perspectives they bring to things.Try not to tar everyone with the same brush!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 27

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 4:59:46 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I hope to God I'm not a lifestyler, it sounds so one dimensional. And I'm multi-faceted.

I don't declare myself a religious person anymore than a bdsm person. I do both. I read books, faithfully attend school sports and cheer on the team or person doing something I feel no need to understand. My son has given up on me ever figuring out what happens during the football game, but he knows I'm there, swathed in blankets applauding and consoling at every game.

I suppose the one most important facet is that of motherhood. Whether I get spanked or not today doesn't matter. Whether or not I'm there for my kids and his does matter enormously.

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 28

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 5:07:35 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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no i'm not a "lifestyler" since my life doesn't revolve around this 24/7.

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 29

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 5:17:45 AM

Lynnxz

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Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
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I don't "Tar everyone with the same brush" but at the same time, I don't feel the need to put down the people who indulge in BDSM on the weekends, or just not 24/7.

The references to "Those people who just play at BDSM" and "the BDSM hat I put on at weekends" still come off as insulting. Who really cares if someone chooses to put something over the whole bdsm thing? Dear lord, I've met a select few that take themselves and their dominance so seriously, it's boring, and aggravating to be around them. When people feel the need to remind everyone ALL the damn time that they are some kind of "24/7 lifestyle DOMINANT" it gives off a very insecure vibe... not to mention the vague idea that you have nothing else to do with yourself, what fun is that?

Are there differences between people? Obviously. No one is disputing that. Just put the ego back in your pants before you poke someones eye out.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 30

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 5:28:18 AM

colouredin

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I think its fascinating that people attach differant connotations to the word, I use the word lifestyler simply to mean that its an element of myself all the time. It differntiates for me between people who enjoy the kinky aspect of BDSM in a sexual way and those who enjoy it because its part of their mentality. But saying that as differant people use the word differantly it kinda becomes a bit pointless. I have come across a lot of people who say "I want the nilla bits too, im not a robot" or whatever and I really think that is missing the point. All people have to do certain things go shopping, have a wash etc most people have other interests like music or books or whatever saying that you want a 24/7 relationship or are a lifestyler doesnt mitigate that. It simply means that within the relationship the mentality of the dynamic is there all the time. For me it doesnt mean thatthe sub is constantly in a cage or on a lead or somehow sudenly has no personality it simply means that when push comes to shove the Dominant makes the final call its then a case of finding a Dominant who has views along similar lines, not differant to any relationship really.

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(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 31

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 5:30:56 AM

RavenMuse

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And I really coudn't give a monkeys how your insecuritys make you read it as. if you have a problem it is your problem. Put your insecuritys back in your knicker drawer where they belong. If you are 'threatened' by people who don't just do this at weekends, isn't anyones concern but you... Pointing out that some do and some don't simply defines which 'grouping' is being discussed, 'better' is totaly contextual.... for someone who 'just does it at weekends' then someone else who similarly 'just does it at weekends' is better... for them. Likewise a lifestyler is better for Me.... thats 'in context' but not a generic one is 'better' than the other.

Strange how people like you are the only ones pushing that angle and trying to make out like lifestylers take this attitude when the only time such is raised is by someone insecure about what they have. But then there is oft an ellement of pot calling the kettle black... when some try to paint lifestylers that way so they can believe THEY are better because THEY are not 'elitist'..... even though the only elitist bullshit is in their own minds.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 32

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 6:13:00 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

For better or worse of other people's opinions, I do consider Myself a lifestyler. That definition to Me means it's woven into My life. It may sound elitist to some, but to Me, it's a simple definition. The word 'lifestyle' is based on the word life. That means the things that encompass a person's life are included in it. Who I am is reflected by that. How I live and what I do. Having this as a part of My life is what I have chosen.

How other people see Me and My definition, I can't say. If it isn't favorable, I'm afraid I can't help that. I have enough trouble defining Myself, rather than worry about other's opinions of Me. FWIW, I incorporate this into Myself each day. That's good enough for Me.

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(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 33

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 6:23:27 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

That's pretty much how I do it too. I find friends outside of the local "scene". Less bullshit, less ugliness. It seems to work for me, even though the group leader keeps shouting how that is just impossible!!!!!!

Same here or I make friends in the local scene while being disconnected to any particular group they might be part of.

I tried to have a relationship with a girl once that I met via a local lifestyle group that we were both "part" of.

You should have seen the size of the suitcase all that bullshit and drama came along in....

You gotta love it when people feel the need to inject themselves in your private interpersonal affairs to make sure that your doing a D/S relationship the "right" way....

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 34

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 6:38:42 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...What do you think a lifestyler is in the first place...

someone who participates in an "alternative lifestyle".

quote:

An alternative lifestyle is a lifestyle generally perceived to be outside the cultural norm. Usually, but not always, it implies an affinity or identification within some matching subculture (examples include Hippies, Goth and punk). Traditionally not all minority lifestyles are held to be "alternative"; the term tends to imply newer forms of lifestyle, often based upon enlarged freedoms (especially in the sphere of social styles) or a decision to substitute another approach or not enter the usual expected path in most societies.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alternative_lifestyle

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 35

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 6:48:26 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

An alternative lifestyle is a lifestyle generally perceived to be outside the cultural norm. Usually, but not always, it implies an affinity or identification within some matching subculture (examples include Hippies, Goth and punk). Traditionally not all minority lifestyles are held to be "alternative"; the term tends to imply newer forms of lifestyle, often based upon enlarged freedoms (especially in the sphere of social styles) or a decision to substitute another approach or not enter the usual expected path in most societies.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alternative_lifestyle

mmmm but what is Normal? I believe that is becoming harder and harder to determine... maybe because we as individuals are becoming so diverse in our interests and activities. seems like everything is becoming a Subculture. Seems like the culture norm is like a thin veneer and represents very little of the person at their core.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 36

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 6:50:15 AM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Hmmmmmm Yeah I'm gunna stay out of this Trap.

but you already fell in.... we all have.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 37

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 6:54:42 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
You gotta love it when people feel the need to inject themselves in your private interpersonal affairs to make sure that your doing a D/S relationship the "right" way....

MadRabbit,
I haven't said it lately but just a reminder....You are one witty, insightful, smart guy and your posts are a breath of reality and fresh air. Thank you.............luci

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(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 38

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 6:59:04 AM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
You gotta love it when people feel the need to inject themselves in your private interpersonal affairs to make sure that your doing a D/S relationship the "right" way....

MadRabbit,
I haven't said it lately but just a reminder....You are one witty, insightful, smart guy and your posts are a breath of reality and fresh air. Thank you.............luci

Thank you

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 39

RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:04:54 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

When people feel the need to remind everyone ALL the damn time that they are some kind of "24/7 lifestyle DOMINANT" it gives off a very insecure vibe... not to mention the vague idea that you have nothing else to do with yourself, what fun is that?

Definitions of ourselves speak to our identity as a person. For many our identity of self is rather important. Unfortuanately, for some, the only way they can identify themselves is at the expense of others by comparisons. It speaks of their own insecurity that they do this. A secure person need not make the comparison in expressing their indentity or lifestyle... the actual comparison is rather irrelevant. I have found for me that authority transfer dynamics touches my relationships on a continual basis. It affects me and I enjoy the affects. I find myself disjointed if it is not apart of the interactions. I enjoy alot of rituals and protocals in my dynamic for their reinforcing value they have within my authority dynamic. They also happen to provide alot of value in the emotional interaction between my girls and I. This is only one tiny window in my lifestyle. It is what I do that brings me alot of happiness and contentment. I suspect some are similiar and some are not. Regardless... I hope they are happy doing what they do... for I know that I am. And that is really what is important... Am I happy living my Lifestyle... What others do come a distant second to that.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 40

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