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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 8:51:57 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

so all people that identify as a lifestyler have destructive motivations? i really hope that's not what you're saying, but that would be what the progression of the discussion would show you are indicating...



I am not so sure how you would get to that conclusion.  I am saying that at times... it is very much full of destructive motivations... but at times doesn't equate to all the time.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:04:42 AM   
catize


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quote:

  I guess the question is... What do you think a lifestyler is in the first place....  


To me, the definition is determined by whether or not something is an enduring theme throughout one’s life or was just a passing fancy. 
How often we engage in something is irrelevant. 
There are many things that have kept me interested and involved.  There are also some things that were just a fad for me and I stopped being interested after awhile. 
As I age, I foresee that ‘kink’ and possibly sex will become less of an interest due to physical limitations.  But I believe that D/s will continue within my intimate relationships.    


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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:09:35 AM   
akisha


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My "lifestyle" involves my work, my partner/Dom, my kids, my family etc. The different aspects and faucets of my life make up my lifestyle.  Am I a lifestyler? lol yes, so is every one else on the planet.

A lifestyler is someone that follows their own beliefs and maintians them through out the normal day to day routines of life. Instead of doing what they think others think they should be doing. In regards to BDSM i think a lifestyler can be anyone that belives and lives with in the dynamic that works for thier relationship. They don't HAVE to attend munches or functions. They don't HAVE to wear leather or fet wear. They have to live up to their beliefs and maintain the dynamic they have chosen with in their house for themselves.

In the BDSM sense the only people I would classify as not a lifestyler? .... well probably just those that pretend online or at the clubs because they think they might have an easier time finding a plethera of partners to just use and abuse. But then again, to them that is their Lifestyle.

< Message edited by akisha -- 4/24/2008 9:27:36 AM >

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:20:34 AM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		I've been watching this thread since I saw it early this morning. I just cannot jump on any lifestyle bandwagon.

Like others have elluded to, it is too undefined for me to limit myself by other's definitions and misconceptions of what the term even means.

There are just so many things that make up my style of life. How I structure a relationship with a woman and some of the activities I enjoy with her are just a small part of the whole. For me, my style of life involves a whole huge list of other things like hanging out with family members, cooking great food, riding my horses, hiking, growing beautiful flowers, etc etc etc. And while, yes, the M/s facet of me never disappears and often pops up in the middle of other things (hmmm, this spatula would make really cool marks on a certain girls hiney), it does not define my entire life either. It is one of the many pieces of the puzzle that make up my lifestyle.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/24/2008 9:22:07 AM >

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:30:42 AM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

so all people that identify as a lifestyler have destructive motivations? i really hope that's not what you're saying, but that would be what the progression of the discussion would show you are indicating...

chelle



That's quite an extrapolation, chellekitty.

People drink wine for positive reasons (relaxation and to help fight heart disease) and people drink wine for negative reasons (self destruction, to be able to cope and deal with emotional issues), but still...drinking wine is drinking wine.

The common usage of the word "lifestyle" and the word "lifestyler" is a social identity. A label one takes on to identity with the social group known as the "scene". It's not good or bad. I'm simply calling a spade a spade.

If you like this label and take pride in it, go ahead and use it. People do it all the time with a variety of things ranging from football teams, cities, states, or regions of a country.

However, I do agree with KnightOfMist. If your motivation for being part of any group or taking on any identity is to find validation through other people and fill a hole created by your own lack of acceptance with yourself, then that motivation has a strong potential for destruction.



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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:38:51 AM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

It's the BDSM equivalent of "cool".


Yes...alot of insecure people find it important to be apart of the cool crowd.


Adult social group dynamics never really evolve much past high school level

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:47:22 AM   
subtee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Adult social group dynamics never really evolve much past high school level


Oh yeah? Well I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:48:44 AM   
lusciouslips19


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Adult social group dynamics never really evolve much past high school level


Oh yeah? Well I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.


Thats what I love about you. Always the intellectual argument!

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 9:56:23 AM   
subtee


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Status: offline 		Natch. Thass why I'm cool.

Snap-snap-snap

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 10:02:10 AM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Adult social group dynamics never really evolve much past high school level


Oh yeah? Well I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.


Thats what I love about you. Always the intellectual argument!


She got me. I choked on my comeback.

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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 10:08:54 AM   
LadyHugs


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Status: offline 		Dear KnightofMists, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I consider myself having a 'life' and I do it in 'style.'  Of course my 'style' might not fit everybody's version of what might be 'style.'  But, it is my life and my style to which makes me -- just me. 

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 11:15:38 AM   
chellekitty


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quote:


However, I do agree with KnightOfMist. If your motivation for being part of any group or taking on any identity is to find validation through other people and fill a hole created by your own lack of acceptance with yourself, then that motivation has a strong potential for destruction.


well...i tend to take things at face value and not look for deeper, hidden meanings than what were presented...and perhaps i read it wrong but the discussion went (in a shortened version) like this

lifestylers=cool equivalent of BDSM --> insecure people need to be a part of the cool crowd --> people that are insecure bring destructive motivations to a group --> groups are most often representative of the personal values of the individuals that are in common

i agree, finding your identity and validating it throug a group is an unhealthy thing to do, but finding a group of like minded individuals and gathering together can't be all that bad...i mean...if it is...why are we here???

chelle


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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 11:24:57 AM   
LaTigresse


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Status: offline 		I came here to learn more about parts of me and how I craved to structure a relationship. To learn more about the woman that was in my life at that time. Why she wanted some of the things she did.

I don't want to belong or follow any rules outside of those I set for myself. (and the esteemed Madame Eleven of course) I don't need to join a group that just happens to have a similar interest in a few aspects of my life. Given much of the behaviour witnessed on the forums and spoke of by those that do belong in some local group, I would rather hang out with a bunch of old farmers down at the sale barn on feeder pig auction day.


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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 11:32:49 AM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i agree, finding your identity and validating it throug a group is an unhealthy thing to do, but finding a group of like minded individuals and gathering together can't be all that bad...i mean...if it is...why are we here???

chelle



I'm here to learn and find new approaches and ideas for my D/S relationships. Part of learning is discussing that. I go to munches to meet new people for friendships that develop based on our own unique personalities and interests. I attend events and seminars to learn new things which I can apply to my life.

The same reasons I participate in groups and forums for cooking and entrepreneurship.

I prefer my own circles of friends and relations that are forged on a more individual level. I am not a big fan of social group dynamics and tend to be rather cynical about them, simply because I find they really don't evolve far beyond high school level.

Power struggles, drama, social politics....it's all too much of a headache for me and once you start to identity as "part" of a group, it has a way of sucking you in.

You lock 30 people in a room for a few days and they will start splitting into factions, warring against each other, and creating religions. People as social creatures are justifiably insane.

I find it to be much the same case when you bring 30 people together who have nothing in common besides a shared interest in kink and attempt to get them to socialize and interact with each other.

That's just me and my reasons for keeping only one foot halfway in the door with the "scene".

If your someone who thrives and enjoys those kind of environments, then your experiences might be more positive. I'm just not one of those people, not just with BDSM, but with any kind of organized social group.

You'll see me there trying to meet new people and find new friends, but not trying to incorporate my identity with the group and immerse myself in the web of pointless social politics.



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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 11:38:46 AM   
CreativeDominant


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I am not a lifestyler.  I do not live for events, munches, demos, etc that is how I would define a lifestyler, nothing wrong with being a lifestyler or living for those events, it's just not who I am. 

I do have a life though, and it is important to me and it consists of many things that give me an identity.  We are different things to different people, and kink and D/s is one part of that for me.  


And this speaks to what I said about how people view the term "lifestyler".  The D/s is central to my life and thus, D/s...along with all the other things I noted in my original post...is my lifestyle.  I am one of those who defines myself as a lifestyler in the context of how it is defined in post 35, provided by Mercnbeth.  While the D/s is central to my life and I live it, just as I live being a doctor and a father and all those other things I live and therefore, that makes me a lifestyler, I am not the type of "lifestyler" that you note.  So then, would those of us who would answer affirmatively as being a "lifestyler" fit your definition or the definition provided by Merc from a dictionary?

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 12:08:47 PM   
azropedntied


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From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		I did love this car commercial that was on the TV the other day  touting  that it fits "your lifestyle " AWESOME  then it must come  with tie downs ,leather through out , spikes , flogger holder s , a rack and other devious thing along with getting 30 mpg right !!
After all it said lifestyle .. what a let down to find after running in from the other room  to just see  some econobox sedan  with NO bdsm options .then i saw an ambient commercial , followed by Viagra ,followed by allergy meds , then later  tampons for my busy lifestyle too , then turned off  the tv and thought not one of these products  are "my lifestyle "  just like all bdsm , S&M  D/s  should not all be grouped together as 1 lifestyle club .When everyone has to hold like styles ,ways of thinking and acting conforming to a universal "lifestyle "definition  i want no part of it .La T > well said .& M/R .

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 12:11:21 PM   
masterdstar


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Status: offline 		" I look at this and think to myself how silly this all seems.  So much invested for but a weekend of enjoyment.  I look at these things... and it doesn't make feel anymore connected to myself lifestyle than my pair of jeans.  They are things that I use to enjoy myself.  They are things that "We" use to enjoy ourselves. "

It’s what happens all too often when the fetish becomes the fetish but recognizing that is of great value.

Enjoy Y/your wonder-filled day AND Y/your trip

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 4:31:09 PM   
Prinsexx


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

It's the BDSM equivalent of "cool".


Yes...alot of insecure people find it important to be apart of the cool crowd.

Knight: you make an unsound judgement. A very unsafe, sweeping generalisation projected out as if it is sound sociological theory.



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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 4:40:41 PM   
metalmiss


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From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i consider myself to be a Lifestyler, i always have been and always will be.. i've tried other ways of living.. They didn't work for me.

However, i do not consider that any way of living is better or worse than another.. It's simply a case of 'whatever floats yer boat.'


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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 4:56:33 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		 The term Lifestyle is also a title of a book about Swinger's and has nothing to do with BDSM, Leather or S/m it's about their 'life-style.    It is such a broad term to describe how we choose to live our lives.  You can live in the Lifestyle and still be doing the everyday normal things that most people do. It is a balance, some beleive you can have  it other's don't. They see what they want to see.
My lifestyle is normal to me, but definatly not to everyone. 
I like to wear leather and dress up but I'm still living the same life when I'm in jeans and a t-shirt or my work uniform, it doesn't change.

It has a cost, like everything in life. Sometimes it's high.I beleive you have to be true to yourself first and foremost if you are going to be able to make anyone else happy. I live a lifestyle full of love,playfulness,learning, sometimes sadness and even sorrow, growth, change and an appreciation of the freedoms I have with those I love and share a life with.


Wolf's denika

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