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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:06:20 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

are a breath of reality and fresh air.  Thank you.............luci


You havent' been around him when  he farts have you???

but you are right.. he is one of the good ones!

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:16:06 AM   
Mercnbeth


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quote:

mmmm but what is Normal?


A moving target.

Folsom Street Fair: Naked, in bondage, lots of leather gear, people engaged in various sex acts, people being whipped and/or flogged, same sex and multi partner groups displaying all sorts of gratuitous forms of affection, kneeling on the curb holding a sign 'Human Urinal' - "NORMAL".

New Orleans: Walking down the street with an open alcohol container, responding to swinging beads by showing your breasts - "NORMAL".

Our House: beth in collar & cuffs, weather permitting - naked. - "NORMAL"

Why worry about it?

Hang out and/or participate in things that appeal to you, avoid things that don't. That seems to be a "normal" reaction.

As for the O.P. question - We enjoy "life" and we have our own "style". That's pretty "normal" for us.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:20:27 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth


As for the O.P. question - We enjoy "life" and we have our own "style". That's pretty "normal" for us.


and maybe that is what normal is... "living ones own individual lifestyle in a fullfilled manner" 

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:21:38 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It's so difficult to explain sometimes that I don't consider that I am a lifestyler.
There are so many facets to me, that to pick one 'specific lifestyle' that I live, would not allow me to shine and reflect.
Sometimes, if I was feeling facetious, I believe it is so much easier for an owned s-type to say nope, I don't consider I'm a lifestyler, because my life revolves around their Master/Mistress.
 
I get that people like to belong to a specific section of people and define who they are within that - but just as I have many facets, so does BDSM.  I don't relate to the majority, so suggesting I am a lifestyler, when the lifestyle really hasn't been defined and is purely subjective, seems misleading and bad communication.
 
I'm me.  Darcy loves me, owns me.  I love him and I am his property.  Nuff said.
 
Regards to you and yours.
the.dark.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:22:50 AM   
chellekitty


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Joined: 3/27/2005
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disclaimer: this is for me and only me, i don't know about anyone else because no one has let me take their brain out to play with...

when i use the phrase "in the lifestyle" or "lifestyler" (more often the former or some close variation, rather than the latter) i am using a code to talk about kinky shit in front of people who don't know i am talking about kinky shit with other kinky people...examples: "is that a lifestyle party" "are they new to the lifestyle" or "is that going to be lifestyle friends only or mixed with family"....i don't use it to be exclusive or inclusive, i use it to be covert...because i don't need people walking by going "hey she's going to a bdsm party" or "hey, mom, what is bdsm"...also, when i am with lifestyle friends, it is one word that generically covers the kinky people for us and if we don't have a common definition we will clarify - it doesn't negate conversation, it just keeps us from being redundant...

btw, i have been known on ocassion to call those people who dress up like barbie dolls (men as well as women) and come to leather events, pleather...but they are still lifestyle...

chelle


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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:25:01 AM   
GreedyTop


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From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		~hijack~ lol love the sigline, chelle!

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:25:04 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

 so suggesting I am a lifestyler, when the lifestyle really hasn't been defined and is purely subjective, seems misleading and bad communication.
 

 
I agree... 

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:26:20 AM   
NorthernGent


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

"living ones own individual lifestyle in a fullfilled manner" 



I suppose you could argue lifestyle reflects personal values, but the term is widely associated with a system of social classification and the associated group standards.





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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:30:00 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

I suppose you could argue lifestyle reflects personal values, but the term is widely associated with a system of social classification and the associated group standards.



Nods.. I agree  but... do we not become apart of groups that share our personal standards in the first place.  That when we express lifestyle as a reflection of social classification and/or the associate group standards that it is also reflecting to some degree the personal values of the individuals within that group. 

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:30:17 AM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
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Status: offline 		It's the BDSM equivalent of "cool".

I'm cool.
Your cool.
Oh dude, I've been cool for 8 years while you've only been cool for 7 years.
We need to stay away from that guy. He's not cool at all.

I'm living the lifestyle.
Your living the lifestyle.
Oh dude, I've been living the lifestyle for 8 years while you've only been living it for 7 years.
We need to stay away from that guy. He doesn't live the lifestyle like we do.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:37:04 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

It's the BDSM equivalent of "cool".


Yes...alot of insecure people find it important to be apart of the cool crowd.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:46:31 AM   
MladyHathor


Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline 		I am a woman and will be for life.
I own horses and intend to for life.
I am a pagan and intend to be for life.
I am a Mother and will be for life.
I am a daughter and will be for life.
I am a Domina and will be for life.
I am a Minister and intend to be for life.
I wear tons of silver and will be for life.
I am a Civil War historian and will be for life.
 
It is the style of My life.  So yes I am a "life styler" as I choose the style.
 
 

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:50:33 AM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		When I get asked "How long have you 'been in the lifestyle'?" I tend to get startled. What lifestyle? I'm not aware of any particular lifestyle. I'm one of these rogue ones that doesn't belong.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:56:30 AM   
subtee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Definitions of ourselves speak to our identity as a person.  For many our identity of self is rather important.  [snip]


It seems to me self-knowledge is much more important than identity through self-definitions. If we can be continuously mining deeper and deeper for understanding, without judging or comparing that which we learn, then our self-knowledge unfolding lets us feel secure and to forge connections with others, be they very similar or very different than we are.



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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 7:56:51 AM   
CreativeDominant


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Status: offline 		I have a lifestyle.  What does it entail?  It involves being a doctor at all times...when someone calls me up at 2 in the morning and wants me to meet them down at the office so they don't have to go to the emergency room, I am being a doctor, even though I quit seeing patients at 7 that night.  It involves being a father...when my um calls me at midnight and tells me that she just got engaged and then calls me the next day to tell me that she just had a fight with her fiancee, I get to be Happy Dad and Concerned-Impartial-Patient Dad all within the space of 12 hours, even though she is an adult woman now.  It involves being a hot rodder...when I find a part that I have been searching for forever (anyone out there have a 17 inch Copper Metalflake Steering Wheel by Moon?), I make the time during my "doctor time" to call and get it ordered.  It involves being dominant in my interaction with my "kinky" friends, not necessarily towards them but as a part of who I am.  But there again, this dominance comes through in most of my interactions. 

I consider myself to fit into the alternative lifestyle definition as given here insofar as it relates to my BDSM involvement but the fact that I am a part of an alternative lifestyle does not mean that I involve myself in all the activities pertaining to that lifestyle...I live in Colorado but have been to Thunder only once, I go to the BDSM club in Commerce City when I am down in Denver but I don't make a special effort to go there, I am not a leader within the community but I do have a First Aid seminar that I can give and did so a few years ago when U.G. was still up and running and would give it again, if asked...but I don't go out of my way to promote it.  I do the same thing with all the other facets of my life...I am involved in things pertaining to each of those facets...I go to seminars and I teach seminars as a doctor, I am always a parent that is there for my children but I no longer go to parenting classes.

So...if someone were to ask specifically, I would state that I am in the "lifestyle".  How they take that and how they view that is on them, not on me.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 8:08:51 AM   
KatyLied


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From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I am not a lifestyler.  I do not live for events, munches, demos, etc that is how I would define a lifestyler, nothing wrong with being a lifestyler or living for those events, it's just not who I am. 

I do have a life though, and it is important to me and it consists of many things that give me an identity.  We are different things to different people, and kink and D/s is one part of that for me.  

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 8:14:55 AM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

It's the BDSM equivalent of "cool".


Yes...alot of insecure people find it important to be apart of the cool crowd.


there are also a lot of insecure people who are not a part (i am assuming that is a typo) of the cool crowd who make a group that is distinctly apart from the cool crowd to show how much better they are because they don't have to be cool....and the point is?

humans are social creatures, part of our social needs are to feel as though we are a part of something, involved in something...we don't exist in bubbles bouncing off one another until we invite someone into our bubble, we interact with people on a daily baisis, we affect others on a daily basis and they affect us, whether we want them to or not, whether we accept it or not.... and we have innate need to feel like we are not the only ones who do __________ because...jeeze, it would be a lonely place if we were...


chelle


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 8:24:54 AM   
FlamingRedhead


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

So... are you a Lifestyler?   Maybe it's yes ... Maybe it's no... Hell maybe you see some as lifestylers and others as players....

Yes, I consider myself a lifestyler.

I guess the question is... What do you think a lifestyler is in the first place.... and then what is everyone else that doesn't fit in your definition of a "Lifestyler"?

Lifestyle refers to people who view D/s as central to their erotic lives.  It's not a term meant to imply that anyone is one dimensional, as in not having room for other interests in his/her life.  My friend since high school describes herself as kinky because she and her husband like to role play D/s in the bedroom on occasion to spice up their sex life.  I also have a friend who describes herself and her husband as swingers.  I have many other friends who are vanilla, though they wouldn't call themselves that since they would assume I was referring to a flavor of ice cream.  I don't see labels as necessarily a bad thing.  A jar of peanut butter has a label to let you know what it is, and though there might be 10 brands on the shelf of the same product, they are all slightly different.

I happen to think everyone is a lifestyler of some sort... But their given lifestyle doesn't happen to be similiar or even close to mine.... but then there are some that are very similiar.  That religious person... happens to have a lifestyle... a lifestyle that is very much at odds with my given lifestyle.  I respect this person... even if they see me as a evil etc etc... for one reason... They are being true to the principles and values that is reflective of their lifestyle.  In fact, I would say that I have often have more respect for a person that is contrary to my lifestyle than someone who apparently shares my lifestyle.  It is that truth they have that I respect.

I try to accept people for who they are, whether they're different from me or similar.  I have or have had friends in many walks of life.

So.. I suppose the question "are you a Lifestyler?" is a rather pointless question to me.  I suppose I find more value in appreciating and understanding "What is your lifestyle?"  There is alot of things that I don't get... and a few that I do.

My lifestyle at the moment is fairly "vanilla" seeing as how I'm no longer in a D/s relationship.  I work.  I'm a mom.  I hang out with my friends.  I try to go the occasional lifestyle-oriented event when I can.  I peruse the forums and try to keep learning as well as connect with others.



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I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 8:36:42 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

....and the point is?


it's a destructive motivation

quote:



humans are social creatures, part of our social needs are to feel as though we are a part of something, involved in something...we don't exist in bubbles bouncing off one another until we invite someone into our bubble, we interact with people on a daily baisis, we affect others on a daily basis and they affect us, whether we want them to or not, whether we accept it or not.... and we have innate need to feel like we are not the only ones who do __________ because...jeeze, it would be a lonely place if we were...


chelle



I agree that we are social creatures... but sometimes the motivations to be apart of that group or not that group is actually destructive rather than positive.  A group that comes together for destructive motivations becomes an ugly group.  As stated earlier.... groups are most often represent the personal values of the individuals that are in common.   It's great when those motivation are constructive rather than destuctive... regardless of ones particular subculture they are apart of.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Are you a Lifestyler? - 4/24/2008 8:47:56 AM   
chellekitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

....and the point is?


it's a destructive motivation

quote:



humans are social creatures, part of our social needs are to feel as though we are a part of something, involved in something...we don't exist in bubbles bouncing off one another until we invite someone into our bubble, we interact with people on a daily baisis, we affect others on a daily basis and they affect us, whether we want them to or not, whether we accept it or not.... and we have innate need to feel like we are not the only ones who do __________ because...jeeze, it would be a lonely place if we were...


chelle



I agree that we are social creatures... but sometimes the motivations to be apart of that group or not that group is actually destructive rather than positive.  A group that comes together for destructive motivations becomes an ugly group.  As stated earlier.... groups are most often represent the personal values of the individuals that are in common.   It's great when those motivation are constructive rather than destuctive... regardless of ones particular subculture they are apart of.


so all people that identify as a lifestyler have destructive motivations? i really hope that's not what you're saying, but that would be what the progression of the discussion would show you are indicating...

chelle


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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Profile   Post #: 60
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