ShaktiSama
Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
1. Do you believe that children learn what they live?
Yes. But they do not learn what they are. Upbringing can have a formative influence on behavior and expectations, but it does not create personality and orientation. If it did, I would be a heterosexual submissive masochist--that was what the women in my family modeled for me as a child.
2. If so, do you think that those same children will grow up to be the type of adults that they lived with in their childhood?
Not necessarily. People can resist the models they were raised with very strongly. Most children only consciously choose to emulate the adults they grew up with if those adults are people they love, admire, respect, and/or want to be. The one caveat, of course, is the behavior that people tend to imitate subconsciously, usually because they have not taken a step back and analyzed their actions and feelings in a fully awake state of mind.
3. What if, as an adult, they attempted to go through therapy, long years of therapy? Would that break the cycle of what they learned as children?
Therapy can shape behavior, responses, and provide all sorts of coping mechanisms. It cannot "cure" someone's basic personality or desires, however, except by crushing the person's soul utterly. This is what I have seen proven over and over by "cures" for homosexuality, D/S, transsexuality, etc.
Just in general, I think it is better to seek therapy that helps you to be happy and fulfilled as the person you are, rather than seeking therapy to change who you are. But that is a personal opinion.
1. Do you have a burning hot sensation in the pit of your stomach when you think of something or someone?
Pit of the stomach? No. Head about eight inches south.  It's a natural response to powerful desire--sexual adrenaline.
2. Is it a painful feeling that you must have release of, or you feel like you will suffocate from it?
I wouldn't call the lust described above a painful feeling per se--although it sucks when I cannot immediately satiate myself by riding a boy like Kali on a hot date.
I do have other feelings that can be a bit frightening or alarming, though, when the need to dominate surges up suddenly. Normally things flow very nicely and pleasantly for me--even at my most tormentful/sadistic I am generally calm and composed, a la Dr. Jeckyll--but there are occasional surges of feral passion which sweep through me and bring up a truly inhuman beast. At that moment I can find my fingers hooked into talons with an almost uncontrollable lust to pounce and sink my claws into sweetly yielding flesh.
Mistress Hyde, at your service. *bows*
3. When you talk about hurting your sub or your sub talks about wanting- in fact - needing the release that only pain can accomplish, do you feel that burning hot sensation in your stomach? Or do you just feel it, when you have the need to play? Or not feel it at all?
Not always. The overwhelming "Mistress Hyde" sensation has never come over me when the object of the passion was NOT in my thoughts or my targeting reticule somehow; it is definitely focused on my lover and inspired by the intimacy between us.
4. If what we do is illegal in most states, if not all, how do you cope with your own kink, when there is no one around to help you put out the fire that lies in your belly? I would like to say, obviously you can not just go out and grab the nearest person that you feel can fulfill your need, but is it that obvious? If what we do is illegal, than what stops you from committing an act against someone who is unwilling and most certainly not consenting to your need?
I am very fortunate in that my tendencies have been easily recognized for all of my adult life by submissives both male and female. My first relationship at 18 was D/S, and every serious relationship I have had since then has had elements of it.
As to what "stops" me...again, I just happen to be lucky. The sexual or sadistic aspects of my dominance are very heavily contextual--they arise and are shaped by the person who triggers them, just like my other sexual behaviors and practices. Sadism in particular rises and flowers in response to a person expressing masochistic needs--that sadism may be a dark and thorny rose, but it still needs an energy source to bloom. My submissive is that sun.
This is why I am not all that interested in subs who are conflicted or shamed by their masochism or submissive tendencies--those inhibitions burden me as well. I get the most joy and mutual pleasure from someone who is happy to be herself/himself, and overjoyed to have found someone who can accept and fulfill the needs that drive a sub. As my boykin puts it, "Sometimes you have to search long and hard to find someone who loves you enough to beat the everloving crap out of you."
But..What if you feel you can't stop yourself? Truly dig into your soul for this answer. For it is this answer that I need the most, to be answered with up most honesty.
I "stop" myself constantly, if by "stop" you mean "control". This is simply a necessity and a fact of life. I am a big and physically powerful woman. My grip strength is such that if I dig my fingers into a human body at full power, I am easily capable of tearing muscle from bone. I have enough muscle in my shoulders and back that if I punch repeatedly at full power, I can fracture ribs, rupture internal organs, or shatter the delicate bones of a human face like glass. This is to say nothing of the harm I could do by kicking--I can leg press over 300 pounds.
The fact that I have physical power, however, is almost coincidental. All dominants, of any size and strength, have a great deal of power to harm. It doesn't matter if you weigh 90 pounds and can't heft your own purse--once you have a man or a woman tied up and a tool in hand, you hold the power of life and death. The question is, what are you going to do with that power? And why are you there at that moment?
The answer to this question that comforts me is: I am here for my lover. I have the ability to fulfill a potentially dangerous set of physical and emotional needs that my submissives have without doing permanent harm. Furthermore, I am capable of doing this while loving and respecting any submissive as a person. I am enjoying myself deeply, but I am also giving someone I care about an absolutely ecstatic experience which he or she would find it difficult or impossible to live without.
In short, I have no problem distinguishing myself from people who perform sadistic acts on unwilling victims. I am playing. I am capable of fulfilling a fantasy about being kidnapped and tormented; I have zero need or desire to kidnap and torture a complete stranger who would not enjoy it, and the idea makes me queasy. I am capable of fulfilling a need or a fantasy that my submissive has of being shamed, humiliated, beaten or interrogated--I am completely devoid of any real hatred or contempt for him, and anyone who harmed him or insulted him in earnest would find out very quickly what I'm like when I'm not playing.
Again, I may just be lucky in this regard--if I had to cope with random urges to rape or harm random people, I think life would be more difficult. On the other hand, maybe not...being in control is being in control, regardless of how and why you keep yourself in check.
Good questions, MoGa--never hurts to do a little soul-searching.
That's all I've got. Hope it helps.
< Message edited by ShaktiSama -- 4/27/2008 8:37:47 AM >
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"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
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RE: I'm alone (I think) - 
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