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1. Do you believe that children learn what they live?

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2. If so, do you think that those same children will grow up to be the type of adults that they lived with in their childhood?

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3. What if, as an adult, they attempted to go through therapy, long years of therapy? Would that break the cycle of what they learned as children?

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1. Do you have a burning hot sensation in the pit of your stomach when you think of something or someone?

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2. Is it a painful feeling that you must have release of, or you feel like you will suffocate from it?

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

How much information can one share on this site, without breaking TOS? I have something that I would love to share, but to be honest, it isn't the TOS, or Mod II that scares me. What scares me is that some folks on here would be so quick to judge my kink. I mean how honest are we really, when we post here? I remember it was either Katylied or Emerald that said that they wouldn't dream of posting any "real" problems here. "I wouldn't post any real problems here." was the exact words.

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I believe that children do learn how to live by the environment in which they are raised. The morals and standards that a child is taught follows over into their adult life. I do not believe that this is written in stone, because an individual can influence their own morals, standards, and way in which they are going to live their own life. It is hard to separate oneself from what they have learned, but it is possible.

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I believe that a person's childhood can influence the way in which they will make their decisions and in turn live their life. But because virtually everyone possesses a cognitive ability to judge what is right and wrong, the decision to follow either what you have been taught or what you feel is right are options people decide eventually.

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Therapy might provide the release from the cycle of what the person learned as a child. But the therapy alone will not break it, the therapy can identify what caused the problem and then the individual would have to work to either resolve the situation or confront the problem within their mind and settle their own thoughts and emotions. Police suffering from PTSD after a shootout with a criminal are instructed to look at their action of killing the suspect as a survival situation. If they had not shot and killed the suspect, they would have been the suspect’s next victims. The same applies to victims of abuse, they can never forget what happened, but due the complex nature of abuse, I am unable to respond at the moment.

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1. Do you believe that children learn what they live?

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2. If so, do you think that those same children will grow up to be the type of adults that they lived with in their childhood?

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3. What if, as an adult, they attempted to go through therapy, long years of therapy? Would that break the cycle of what they learned as children?

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

 Something happened the other day between pup and I that just caught me off guard, and the memory of the past event sent me into a tail spin. I had what is known as a "body memory", and I have been feeling the most excruciating pain all over my whole body. MoGa

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Hi everyone,
I have been very sick physically lately, and do not have a lot of strength to type a response to everyone who posted here. I do want to say thank you to all of you for your genuine support. Many of you hit the nail right on the head here and although you probably will never know it, you helped me so much and I am unable to say thank you enough.
 
I talked to a few of you on the phone, woke one up in the middle of the night, because I didn't have my watch on, I had no idea what time it was. My friend, I'm sorry, I hope you were able to get back to sleep, although you paid me back by waking me up later *smile*.
 
Without going to far into this, I wanted to at least tell you that during the course of my own therapy, *not now, but years ago* I had recovered some memories. Apparently due to the brain surgery I had last year, I had forgotten it all again. Something happened the other day between pup and I that just caught me off guard, and the memory of the past event sent me into a tail spin. I had what is known as a "body memory", and I have been feeling the most excruciating pain all over my whole body. But there is a part of me that says "Well, karma comes back and kicks you in the ass, now doesn't it?".  I never really believed in karma, because I never expect to get back what I have done that has been good for people. Not once did I think that I would (not to sound to dramatic but..) feel the fist of God come crashing down on me, both body and mind. 

Well, you can put your imaginations at work, and whatever the worst is, then you can just about guess what I am talking about without coming out and saying it.
 
I have been assured by most all of you that at one tiime or another you have done something that you are not proud of. I hope this is true, because I am feeling the pain of that now.
 
If you found it hard to believe that I do not have any r/t friends, it is true. But then again, I am a complete loner. My family laughs at me when I say I "don't neighbor" I don't.  Maybe because friends in my past have passed their judgements on me and moved on. Believe me, it is much better to sustain a wall around me than it is to sustain friendships around me.
 
I am exhausted now. I spent yesterday off and on all day in bed. How I wish I could have had Brian with me, but...as they say, can't always get what you want...
 
Hugs to you all. And my undying gratefullness for this forum and the people on it.
 
MoGa

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ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa



First I would like to ask some questions and they are pretty personal, but I need to know how y'all feel about certain topics. Not that you don't share with the world your personal views on things, but because this is a serious thread, and I want everyone's honest answers. 
 
I am coming into this late but still want to reply. 

1. Do you believe that children learn what they live?
 
Children most definitely learn what they live, but what they are taught by parents, grandparents and relatives is not all that they learn. They learn from teachers, peers, books, TV, Movies and more places than we think. If not for the Latter, I may never have survived the former without being hospitalized for life.
 
2. If so, do you think that those same children will grow up to be the type of adults that they lived with in their childhood?
 
That is a choice we all make, we can emulate the values our parents taught us and embrace them or we can consciously work to change. We see daily, young adults whose parents have tried to teach them to live good lives fall to drugs, crime, and gangs, and others who by no stretch of the imagination had parental guidance that was productive, who put themselves through college, work hard and achieve a life to be proud of. Life is about choices, we make them daily and one of the strengths of being human is we are not bound to act only within the confines of instinct but can move beyond the basics of food, sex and shelter to dream of more and achieve it.

 
3. What if, as an adult, they attempted to go through therapy, long years of therapy? Would that break the cycle of what they learned as children?
 
Therapy is only as good as the therapist and the effort you put into it. The best of them help you to ask the questions you are afraid to, and having asked them, let YOU answer them. The worst hand you a pill and say you'll feel better. Nothing however breaks the cycle save effort on your part or a lobotomy. If there is something that you feel is detrimental to you then you have the wherewithal to change it, maybe with help, but it is your effort. My children were never struck with anything other than my hand on their ample bottoms. I made the conscious effort to never do to them what was done to me. I changed what had been a cycle of abuse (yes I used that word) that had spanned several generations in both of my parents lives. It was not easy, it would have been easier to resort to their methods, but, observation of other families, parenting books and many other things gave me the input about other ways making it possible for me to break that cycle. Ironically my mother could advocate the breaking of such cycles for the Foster Kids she was Social Worker for but not break the cycle herself.

That however has nothing to do with my interactions between Master and I or any sub/slave I/we own. Consent is the demarcation line there with a healthy dosage of their needs, my needs being served.


 
This ends the first part of my questions. Now comes the second part, which I think is more important, because it involves the physical reactions when we do wiitwd.
 
1. Do you have a burning hot sensation in the pit of your stomach when you think of something or someone?
 
No. An unreasoning, feral fear that can explode me up out of sleep if someone tiptoes anywhere in the house placing me in full attack mode. That I get. Cold sweats from nightmares. That I get. Never reaching a deep REM sleep without help (Husband MUST be with me and between me and the door for that)..that I get. And Confession time, Shaking so badly that people thought I was shaking in grief as my then husband held onto me with all his strength to keep me from dragging my mother from her coffin at the funeral screaming why as people swore she was at the Pearly Gates getting the keys from St. Pete and being asked what took her so long, he was over due for vacation. (Sigh..I have a library.not just subscriptions or issues with my parents..sorry)

 
2. Is it a painful feeling that you must have release of, or you feel like you will suffocate from it?
 
Yes and I have developed ways to do so. They involve weeds, baking bread (no one will ever put in their mouth for the hate and rage filling it), clearing brush, painting, breaking dishes. A lot of different methods. Chopping wood is good as well or hitting the GYM.

3. When you talk about hurting your sub or your sub talks about wanting- in fact - needing the release that only pain can accomplish, do you feel that burning hot sensation in your stomach? Or do you just feel it, when you have the need to play? Or not feel it at all?
 
No, No and No. One when I am in such rages or moods, I will never touch someone or allow them to touch me. The needs for pain on either side are not tied into my past in that way. I have long since seperated my sexuality from my past and accepted the need for what it is, a need I have. Yes that was a long hard journey, but I am better than that and so are those I play with on either side of the fence. We deserve better than abuse. We deserve what we need, what makes us happy done with considered intent, deliberation, consideration and consent. Please don't get me wrong MoGa, when I need pain I NEED pain, it calms me, soothes me, takes me through some of the deepest orgasms I have ever had in my life and leaves me spent and happy. It is cathartic and endorphic at the same time. When I hunger for another's pain, that too places me in a good place, one where I can drink deeply of the satisfaction they are also recieving. Sometimes they are flavored with a tinge of fear and anticipation,k sometimes with euphoria, but it is never the pain of my past and hopefully not theirs either.
 
4. If what we do is illegal in most states, if not all, how do you cope with your own kink, when there is no one around to help you put out the fire that lies in your belly? I would like to say, obviously you can not just go out and grab the nearest person that you feel can fulfill your need, but is it that obvious? If what we do is illegal, than what stops you from committing an act against someone who is unwilling and most certainly not consenting to your need?
 
Remembering when I could not consent stops me from just hurting anyone around me or forcing them to hurt me. Yes a masochist can always find someone to hurt them, so can a sadist, but the masochist can also self-inflict. Sometimes you hunger to share that pain (either side) so much your teeth itch, you pace, you prowl like a cat confined to the house in heat. One friend who delivered a wardrobe to me and  a sadist, left , couldn't figure out WHY he was begining to bounce and hunger to deliver pain and got halfway home before he figured it out, turned around and came back and got me. Aparenlty I was putting out vibes and pheromones that said HURT me, enough that even my ex2b at the time who was also submissive was willing to try and hurt me. That is when it pays to hit a club even as a single, or to exand a circle of friends so you have someone you can call on if need be. There are always people who are not looking for ties, just opportunities and in times liek that they come in handy to know.

 
(You may say because I wouldn't do anything with anyone unless I have their consent)
 
But..What if you feel you can't stop yourself? Truly dig into your soul for this answer. For it is this answer that I need the most, to be answered with up most honesty.
 
The answer to this is never simple. It is the hardest answer you will ever seek, but sometimes you have to reach out. If I reach such a stage as a masochist and Master is out of town I can self inflict or I have his blessing to head for a club or a friend to answer that hunger. If I need to inflict pain on another, I have prospects who are willing to play and I can drive or they can. I know that it is harder for you with the vision problem, but I suspect there are more peoeple nearby willing to answer that need for you and them if you are willing to let them. It's not easy to do, but casual whippings can satisfy enough of the craving to hold you til who you wants is there with you. There is another alternative however..no killing da messenger please? Sculpting. Clay can be very satisfying to pound, mold, squish, cut and generally be as fully sadistic as you want to be and oddly enough it can feel like flesh when you are working it. Very firm flesh, think body builder, but oh so satifying if you can do without the grunts and squeals of pain.

 
This is all I can say for right now. I appreciate all the responses, both here and in my c-mail. You have no idea how much it helped me to think about what I really wanted to say and what I feel comfortable talking about.
 
You have my number if you want to talk..and warning... Master now has a companion pass for me on Southwest airlines. If he heads your way..I may be with him to say HI!