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have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 5:41:56 PM

teganlee

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2008
Status: offline

smiles and greets A/all , being new to posting on here , i posted a question on the ask sub/slaves about is there hope.. in doing so because my profile is new on here one of the first replies was more like a lecture than advice ,now being in the lifestyle for just ove r5 yrs i always believed Doms/Dommes should be seen as mentors/guides when a submissive/slave seeks answers or help ,have i been thinking the wrong thing? is that not what lifestyle is about to guide learn and grow? .......tegan

< Message edited by teganlee -- 4/28/2008 5:46:02 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 5:54:01 PM

bbwsubnnorcal

Posts: 104
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

Shouldn't that be in any relationship, be it in the lifestyle or not???

As I learned about the lifestyle, I got and listened to advise to those with real experience be they Dom/Domme/submissive/slave/switch. I also used my own common sense (*gasp* say it ain't so!).

But be warned, as the relationship "grows" and you gain more experience----the Dom doesn't have much to do with "guiding and mentoring". Make such that that isn't the ONLY thing running between the two of you.

Oh and another thing to consider:

LIFE is about learning and growing; not the lifestyle.

The lifestyle is simply what it is....

_____________________________

"i Have Nothing Against God, It's His Fanclub i Can't Stand!!!"

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 2

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 5:59:24 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

As with other facets of life you will find some quick to judge, others willing to give the benefit of the doubt and others more than willing to offer advice as requested. You have to keep in mind that many of us have seen the same comments about the frustration of finding our "one" over and over again. Unfortunately some don't take a deep breath or count to ten before responding, and let the poster have it with both barrels. Don't take if personally. In my opinion you have the correct view about dominants being mentors/guides ... there will always be some that don't fit in that niche.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 3

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:00:43 PM

LadyRainfire

Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline

tegan, do you think only dominants can help you? Are you going to ignore or deny some of the best advice and support from submissives/slaves? Yes, some dominants will help, some will not, some quite frankly don't give a damn. Same goes for submissives. Please be aware not that not everyone is going to help. It's up to them what they will do. I've been in the Lifestyle for almost 15 years as both a Domme and a submissive. I help when I can, if the person is willing to listen. Otherwise, I'm not going to waste my breath or time. The choice is theirs. But also, having worked in Customer Service for 18 years, something to keep in mind is the tone of your posts and how they are coming across. Perhaps they are sounding another way to readers than you mean them. If so, perhaps an apology and a clarification might help. I know, because I answered you on your "Is there hope" thread.

_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 4

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:00:47 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

Fast reply.

It is not my job to prepare any one for life. My younguns are growed up and I now have only my wants to answer for. Why is it that so many newbies EXPECT that all are here to personally hold their hand and guide them and protect them? And If in this world where we are all here to guide and educate, what would we be protecting these newbies from. after all, in this world ALL are here for the service of newbies?

Get a mentor get a clue get a life. YOU are not mine, and hence I have NO accountability for your well being.

(keeping in mind *you* is generic and does not always apply to all)

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 5

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:02:28 PM

HerLord

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Joined: 2/14/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

As with other facets of life you will find some quick to judge, others willing to give the benefit of the doubt and others more than willing to offer advice as requested. You have to keep in mind that many of us have seen the same comments about the frustration of finding our "one" over and over again. Unfortunately some don't take a deep breath or count to ten before responding, and let the poster have it with both barrels. Don't take if personally. In my opinion you have the correct view about dominants being mentors/guides ... there will always be some that don't fit in that niche.

Hey dammit! I was nice... this time! LOL

*edited cuz I felt like it*

< Message edited by HerLord -- 4/28/2008 6:03:08 PM >

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to MsLadySue)

Post #: 6

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:05:46 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I went to your post and I didn't see a lecture. If it is the post I think you are referring to then I'd have to say that it was a pretty standard response considering it appeared that you had been here only two days. As for viewing Doms and Dommes as mentors....if you are doing so based upon their "title" then I would say that is a foolish thing to do. I know a whole lot of Doms and Dommes that could get lost in a round room and I certainly don't view them as mentors. If you want to view someone as a mentor, make sure that it is someone you respect because of their character, their knowledge, their experience.....those kinds of things.....not because they call themselves a "fill in the blank". And don't count submissives and slaves out of the running either.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 7

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:10:24 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

Mentors can come in any orientation, and words of wisdom flow freely here amongst the insanity. Sometimes you just have to pay close attention to find them.... and I have found plenty of them.

But I'd advise against thinking that anyone here is going to hold your hand, unless they know you well....... and even then, they may be more likely to smack you upside the head if they think that's what you need at that moment.

You said you've been in the lifestyle for 5 years, but that doesn't really tell us anything because that could mean any number of things. My advise to you is, if you are looking to learn, read the threads that interest you, and even the ones that may not. Ask questions if you have them, but be prepared for anything and everything in the form of answers.

< Message edited by BRNaughtyAngel -- 4/28/2008 6:14:41 PM >

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 8

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:13:07 PM

teganlee

Posts: 6
Joined: 4/26/2008
Status: offline

newbie? smiles i do not expect anyone to hold my hand nor did i ask for that and some of us do have a clue and a life surprise surprise,Your response is typically what im speaking of ...tegan

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 9

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:13:24 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teganlee
smiles and greets A/all , being new to posting on here , i posted a question on the ask sub/slaves about is there hope..

I couldn't help but notice....in your "Is there hope?" post you said that you are not new to posting here....just a new name....but now in this post you say.......

The question you are asking here is not something that I would expect to see from someone who had been around this block a time or two or spent much time reading here.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 10

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:16:47 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: teganlee

smiles and greets A/all , being new to posting on here , i posted a question on the ask sub/slaves about is there hope.. in doing so because my profile is new on here one of the first replies was more like a lecture than advice ,now being in the lifestyle for just ove r5 yrs i always believed Doms/Dommes should be seen as mentors/guides when a submissive/slave seeks answers or help ,have i been thinking the wrong thing? is that not what lifestyle is about to guide learn and grow? .......tegan

Oh please. Grow up. Life sucks. Life is hard. Only the strong survive.

(smiley face added so that I don't look like a total bitch)

_____________________________

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 11

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:18:33 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Oh please. Grow up. Life sucks. Life is hard. Only the strong survive.
(smiley face added so that I don't look like a total bitch)

Sorry, I'm having a hard time seeing above your cleavage, Aileen... I've never noticed if you look like a bitch

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 12

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:20:21 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

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Post #: 13

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:20:50 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

tease ;)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 14

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:31:43 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

I wasn't going to say anything about the pic... but DAMN. Keep them coming aileen.

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 15

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:43:33 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

The only people i had a responsibility to were the ones i deliberately brought into the world, and that was to equip them with the basic tools they would need once out in the world, and to be here for them if they needed me.

To others, whose enquiries on sites like these spark an interest, i have the responsibility to answer their questions as honestly and frankly as is necessary and as far as possible from personal experience, even if the answers i give are not exactly what the questioner thought they would get by way of reply.

Nobody is responsible for anything in the great scheme of life of an anonymous individual, all you can hope is that those who notice your existence treat you fairly and honestly, with a modicum of respect.

There are a lot of folk who seem to want validation for their particular ideas or impressions of what kink or BDSM, or whatever you want to call it, is all about, and sometimes it is better that a person be disavowed of their take on things and be brought back into the real world with what could be seen as less than gentle treatment. It does not make what is said in reply any less valid, just that life has taught some that being to-the-point gets a message across.

You will find people answer your questions in differing ways, some whose approach you take to, others you don't, but most people only answer to help, even if the style does not suit you. The only responsibility here is that if you ask a question you take the answers you get with the good grace with which they were offered, for the most part.

You are responsible for yourself, we are responsible for the answers we give, and some take their answers more seriously than others, no matter how you feel about the way they phrase things.

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 16

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:47:26 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

OK... Since you are SOOOOO interested in a strict answer to what you asked... Yes. You have it wrong.
Is that better?
Or were you hoping to get an answer that better suited what you were looking for, as do MOST NEWBIES. New or not to the forums and or the "life", This type of expectation from one to another is rude. It is presumptuous at best to assume that just bewcause you have questions or curiosity that the experienced, and or appropriately titled (with or with out experience but solely based on a title as you proclaim) take time out of thier day to pissant around with people who may or may not be truly interested in furthering thier progression into "the Life".

Why the hell do SOOOO damn many of you have this misconception that My life is so much less important than yours to me that I would drop everything I am doing just to help you make a few bullshit definitions clearer? Or other assorted trivialities? Your wants of a mentor are NO ONE's responsibility. YOUR desires for whatthefuckever do not over ride ANY one elses priorities. If you want a mentor. Find one. If you want a guide, Find one. Do not expect the entire community to drop to thier knees just to welcome you. You are not that special. It is not written in some "Book of Rules" that we as a community be nice, helpful or in any other way do any damn thing that is not in our interest to do so.

Let my forwarning serve as a discouragement for all newbies who think that I have to do something to make them feel anything. It is not our job. It is not in my contract... not to mention the fact that I have no contract so how could it be in there? If you are searching for something, take your own accountability for your success or failure. Leave the rest of us out of it.

You are not the Queen of LALA Land so, leave us to our own individual responsibilities, wants, needs. and we will not barrage you with idiocentric nonsense about what an idiot you may or may not be!

*note; Not everything I say is applicable in all situations. Some of what I say may be of use to some, but all of what I say is NOT of use to all*

*Note for the mods; "you" is used here and elswhere as a generallity and not a direct insult or compliment to any one specific moron*

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 17

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 6:54:51 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

In that thread according to the time stamps you made the initial post, received several replies and then edited your original post. Were those first few folks who replied responding to the info that was available before you edited it to add more or clarify things? It appears that was the case.

(in reply to teganlee)

Post #: 18

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 7:03:09 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Well, once again I seem to be the oddball and see something different in the question than others. I know, I am odd enough being both a Domme and a slave.

I DO see it as my duty to help to mentor anyone that I can. Because I am currently both top and bottom I have a chance to see both sides - up close and personal. I am good at seeing questions that are as much a show of frustration as a true question. (Giveaways are the words "always" or "never".) Because I have come here for help I see most posts as a true cry for help - even if it is only just to feel like someone else understands.

However, I don't think that everyone is cut out to be a mentor. Most people aren't in the lifestyle to teach it or to give advice but simply to enjoy themselves with a like minded partner. My nickname used to be "Madre di tutti" - Mother of All. I can't help myself; I tend to mother everyone. My subs love it, and similar traits help me to spoil my Master rotten when He feels like being a big spoiled baby. I am, like I said, the odd one in the crowd, though.

_____________________________

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 19

RE: have i thought wrong? - 4/28/2008 7:07:52 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

Yeah, I don't get it either. You're new to posting, you're not new to posting. You've been "in the lifestyle" five years, but you expect people to be mentors/guides based on the fact that they wield a flogger. Seriously.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to HerLord)

Post #: 20

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