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How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 9:44:29 PM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

just thought i would toss this out there to see the varying ways people cope with a submissive that is depressed. i probably won't participate in this, as my participation only tends to spawn flaming.

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RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 9:46:29 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

just thought i would toss this out there to see the varying ways people cope with a submissive that is depressed. i probably won't participate in this, as my participation only tends to spawn flaming.

Hit them harder!
"Depressed? Oh, I'll show you "Depressed!"

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"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

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RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 9:53:37 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
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By "depressed" I assume you mean a medical diagnosis of being Clinicly or Chronicly Depressed by means of a chemical unbalance.

In such a case, I would realize that there will always be good and bad days with the sub. My number one rule with dealing with issue would be for my sub to visit the doctor and take the right medications/doses as scheduled.

I can only ask my sub to accept and to handle the diagnosis as best as possible. Effort to take on and tackle the issue is all I would expect as we take on every day with a new step.

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(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 9:54:41 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Beat them until morale improves?

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Post #: 4

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 10:01:52 PM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline

Real depression is a medical condition. It's not a personal failure on the part of the sufferer. Emotional support is important, but getting properly diagnosed and treated is life changing. Unfotunately, what we do and say with subs as a matter of "play" can help perpetuate the self doubts and lack of security that plague the depressed person. This is delicate territory. I try to err on the side of caution myself.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 10:21:33 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I would not willingly get involved again with someone who had such issues as chronic depression, sub or not.

(in reply to Racquelle)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 10:21:49 PM

Zensee

Posts: 1564
Joined: 9/4/2004
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Well the Russians have a novel and scene friendly approach - http://english.pravda.ru/main/18/90/360/15176_whipping.html

Z.

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Post #: 7

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 10:29:02 PM

slaveboyforyou

Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline

Anyone with an untreated mental disorder, emotional problem, and/or substance abuse issues doesn't need to be in a relationship like that until they've had a chance to deal with themselves. I am not saying I'd leave someone with those issues, but I'd put aside my desires for awhile while they got some help. People with issues like that don't know what they want a lot of the time. A lifestyle relationship may not be the best thing for them. They need to spend time with proper help working on themselves instead of relationships.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/14/2008 11:11:54 PM

cyberdude611

Posts: 2596
Joined: 5/7/2006
Status: offline

This is not something only a small number of people experience. You would be surprised how many people experience periods of mental illness. Every year, at least 20% of the US population has a mental illness. That is a HUGE number. We all experience depression at some point in our lives. 1 in 5 American women will struggle with an eating disorder at some point in their life. The amount of people who struggle with alcohol or drug addiction is enormous. Mental health is usually a forgotten and neglected part of the healthcare system. Since it is very difficult to get help, many dont ever get it. And any help you do get is extremely expensive.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 2:40:12 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

In my model of the mind depression is the ideal condition of the true sub. The life force and direction is then supplied by the dominant. The strength of the sub is in his or her ability to be in the world, to perform a task. So be. Take a ball and go outside to play ball. You may experience no joy doing so, but you will play ball excellently and that is its own reward.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 2:45:50 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

just thought i would toss this out there to see the varying ways people cope with a submissive that is depressed. i probably won't participate in this, as my participation only tends to spawn flaming.

Hit them harder!
"Depressed? Oh, I'll show you "Depressed!"

Lol.

(in reply to popeye1250)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 2:47:10 AM

HalloweenWhite

Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelOfGeorgia

just thought i would toss this out there to see the varying ways people cope with a submissive that is depressed. i probably won't participate in this, as my participation only tends to spawn flaming.

Well, first off I'd find out what was making her depressed, then I'd try to help her.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 2:50:27 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

In my model of the mind depression is the ideal condition of the true sub. The life force and direction is then supplied by the dominant. The strength of the sub is in his or her ability to be in the world, to perform a task. So be. Take a ball and go outside to play ball. You may experience no joy doing so, but you will play ball excellently and that is its own reward.

So Rule....i take it the only sub who would be with you is one who is mentally ill?

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Post #: 13

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 2:56:56 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

A lot of the people who frequent this site are mentally non average. I do not consider that an illness, merely the aspect that makes them special. Indeed, the other day some said to me: "You're insane". A couple of hours later I happened to read about some British scientist who had concluded that any genius by definition is insane. Well, I knew that already, being a supergenius myself.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 3:00:28 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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you are proving my point

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Post #: 15

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 3:19:48 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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if a person in real life is too depressed too often, I avoid them.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 3:25:16 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Different illness, but I have My sub take his meds every morning. I'd be doing the same thing if he suffered from depression.

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Post #: 17

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 3:46:09 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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Make her run behind my car, holding two signs; one with a frown face drawn on it, one with a smilie face. When she held up the smilie one, that would signify that I had fixed her.

Or, talking, and/or meds/pro help.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
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(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 4:04:59 AM

DomAviator

Posts: 1253
Joined: 4/22/2008
Status: offline

Marry her... Oh wait bad idea. Been there, done that, made me miserable too LOL On a serious note you cant fix a depressed person unless you happen to have an Rx pad. Get her to a doc, and get her on an SSRI like Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, etc... Dont fall for that herbal St Andrews Wort shit as all that does is delay real treatment and make them sunburn bad... (Been there tried that she was getting worse instead of better despite her helpful friend.)

On a serious note - I dont think DS play is at all appropriate for a depressed sub as feelings may tend to be magnified. Ie criticisms, or "bad behaviors" that are punished as part of the play scene may be taken WAY WAY WAY beyond the intended context. You may have been calling her a slut, and telling her what a bad girl she is, and spanking her in a playful way. Then you go to work and she comes to think about it, decides she REALLY is bad, she has no reason to live, shes worthless, blah blah blah and before you know it shes got her head in the oven... My ex-girlfriend was "normal" and if you made a totally appropiate comment in jest like "you are such an idiot" after she missed her mouth and threw the tequila shot in her face. she would laugh and say "yeah but Im a cute idiot with a great ass". By comparison I was once in the basement and I knocked a can of paint off a shelf. It popped opem splattering me and everything else within a 10 foot radius, and I yelled "Fuck! God damnit! Fucking Bitch! Shit!!!" and my ex-wife came flying down the stairs in tears wanting to know how I could say that to her, she didnt do anything to deserve it, why do I hate her, blah blah blah... Imagine involving someone with those kind of issues in D/s play.... Anyone who isnt a basket case would have seen me standing there wearing 1/2 gallon of coral colored paint in the middle of a disaster area and realized it wasnt an attack on them...

My advice would be get her depression taken care of by a doctor, get her emotionally stabilized, be supportive, and then resume the play, Otherwise, if its too bad - bail out before she makes you an emotional wreck too.

< Message edited by DomAviator -- 5/15/2008 4:08:13 AM >

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you cope with a depressed submissive - 5/15/2008 4:10:36 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Make her run behind my car, holding two signs; one with a frown face drawn on it, one with a smilie face. When she held up the smilie one, that would signify that I had fixed her.

only you would think of this, Level!!

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

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Post #: 20

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